VOY Caption Contest 110; Iterative refinements

[Ln X]

As promised here is the next contest!

Tuvok: "Fascinating! I already tried 47 different algorithms to solve the problem. None of them were successful. How did you do it?"
Janeway: "See that little switch? I had Torres install it before your shift started. Press it 5 seconds, shut down, reboot..."

Seven: Computations are complete, Captain. It is mathematically impossible that Ensign Kim will ever make Lieutenant.

TOM: You can never tell Sam that Naomi broke into my liquor stash.
SEVEN: Where are you taking her?
TOM: To sickbay. After the Doctor cures her hangover I need you to erase his memory of it.
SEVEN: I'm not sure you've thought all this through.

Seven of 9: We are experiencing a malfunction in the Warp Core

B'Elanna: I have run every diagnostic and can not find the problem

Chakotay: Captain I believe if I go on a vision quest i can find out what is wrong let me get my..

Captain Janeway: Chakotay not every problem we encounter can be solved with a vision quest.

Paris: How do you make a Bajoran stew?
Kims: I don't know?
Paris: Tell her the Occupation was a myth.

And the special award...

Seven: "With all respect to the Commander, I don't see how getting high and trying to talk to an imaginary goat will solve anything."

Congratulations to the winners: old-timers, newcomers and captioning veterans!


I was high on oven-cleaner when I picked these pictures...

Have fun!

 

[Ln X]

Neelix: You know I came back to this store thinking of nothing but your beautiful-
Talli: Melons?

Tuvok: May I ask how we can trust the supposedly cartographic maps from a holographic projection of a man from the 16th century?

What really pissed off Chakotay was noticing that this alien was wearing his best uniform...

Doctor: How's your sex life?
Seven: No comment.

Da Vinci: What is that yellow stuff?
Janeway: Duct tape! One of the most practical things in the universe!

 

[NAHTMMM]

"And here is where I designed a warp sleigh capable of bringing your ship fifty tons of coal."

"You people let who become the ship's cook?!"

 

[JirinPanthosa]

Neelix: It's perfect. This fruit looks really healthy and really disgusting.
Talli: You really like messing with your crew don't you?

Tuvok: You made yourself an apprentice to Leonardo Davinci?
Janeway: He's a brilliant inventor.
Tuvok: Whatever you say, Mary Sue.

Alien: Thank you for the offer of this manservant, but he's a little dull. I can't keep him around the house.

;;'

Doctor: Your hormone levels suggest physical attraction to multiple male members of the crew.
Seven: That's none of your business.
Doctor: May I suggest you practice on an artificial male? I'd be happy to volunteer.

Davinci: There's something that's been bugging me. In the 15th century, women should not be educated enough to help me build a flying machine. I should not accept you as an assistant.
Janeway: It's my fantasy, I can make you act however I want.
Davinci: ...So you only like me as part of some wish fulfillment thing of yours.
Janeway: Just shut up and be Davinci.
Davinci: Yes maam.

 

[Triskelion]

TFTW Ln X!

Talli: Want me to teach you how tell a fresh melon just by squeezing it?

Neelix: No thanks, I have a tricorder.

Tuvok: Captain, it has been three days and he still has not said that he 'must draw you.' May I suggest you slut it up.

Alien: Sorry, the role of Chewy has already been filled.

Seven: Doctor if you try any harder not to look at my breasts you'll short circuit.

DaVinci: Yes yes, flying machine, blah blah blah. Come take a look at my next marvel of the modern age: the hydrostatic tight turning yard tractor with 46 inch cutting deck and optional mulcher.

 

[Nerys Myk]

TUVOK: Why is Gimli here?

 

[Triskelion]

Alien: No offense, but - what's the deal with your Captain's breath?
Chakotay: We do not speak of this.
Paris: We just surround her with holograms whenever possible.
Alien: This...coffee. Is it some kind of weaponized gas vapor?
Paris: No, but you might be interested in Neelix's La Fiesta Burrito Night.

 

[Tosk]

It was the first time she had ever been complemented on her beautiful
orange melons and realized he actually meant the fruit.

 

[Triskelion]

EMH: Ah here's your problem. Your cortical node is full of porn algorithms.

 

[Captain Kathryn]

Triskelion, I love your captions.

 

[Triskelion]

Very glad to hear it Captain Kathryn!

 

[Nerys Myk]

SEVEN: Are you going to complete the scan?

EMH: Sorry, I was distracted by my reflection on the tricorder screen.

 

[Finn]

Robbie: You are gonna be the redshirt of the episode..

Nobody: But you both are wearing red too

Beltran: Cute, isn't he. I love those guest actors, Robbie

 

[bbjeg]

DaVinci: Essatto Catarina!
Janeway: Maraviglioso!
Tuvok: Good work Captain.
DaVinci: Noob.

Paris: ...then he drank B'elanna hidden bottle of bloodwine.
Alien: I'm your captain and I order you to PISS OFF!

Doctor: So Kes says, 'It's me or the Borg.'
Seven: What did you do?
Doctor: I destabilized her at the subatomic level.

Janeway: I just can't understand how someone of your era can come up with the things you do.
DaVinci: I don't expect you to, you're a woman.

 

[Captain Kathryn]

Neelix: May I squeeze your melons?
Talli: Sorry, I'm not into furries.
Neelix: Dammit.

Tuvok: Is this bearded hologram what humans call a "Santa Claus"?
Da Vinci: I can hear you, ear-boy!
Janeway: Tuvok! This is Leonardo Da Vinci, a great artist and inventor from the 15th Century.
Tuvok: Then it is logical to assume that his knowledge is extremely outdated.
Da Vinci: I know someone who's getting coal this Christmas...
Tuvok: Computer, delete the Santa.

Alien: Ok, ok...you can have the uniform back on one condition. I get to keep this man as my personal slave.
Chakotay: Errrr...I don't think...
Tom: It's a deal!

Seven: Doctor, how is staring at my breasts relevant to conducting your scans?
EMH: Your breasts are always relevant.

Janeway: My security officer thinks you're a Santa.
Da Vinci: Ho, ho, ho! I mean...no...that's absurd.
Janeway: This plane sucks.
Da Vinci: Have no fear, Caterina! My magical flying reindeer will arrive within the hour.

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

The last thing Neelix recalled before losing consciousness was commenting on the plumpness of the stallkeeper's melons.

Janeway: "What does God need with a starship?"
Leonardo: "I suppose you think you're being original..."

Chakotay: "You're a Bolian with a bad make-up job, wearing a Klingon sash, not a new alien species."
Paris: "I hacked the computer and added that bit to the First Contact procedures, the bit about sex with Seven, just to see what people would do. You're not even original. Harry has already tried that one."

Seven: "My implants have started to resonate and pulse, whenever the ship exceeds warp 9."
EMH: "Let me take a quick look at your cranial port."
Seven: "Um... not my Borg implants."

Janeway: "Some inventor! This won't even keep out the rain."
Leonardo: "It's a glider, not a tent."

 

[Triskelion]

Neelix: Our Doctor is putting on an opera performance later.

Talli: Then you'll want our special hurling canteloupes.

Janes: Look. Da Vinci's famous "Grateful Dead" logo.

Alien: Is your card the Jack of Clubs?
Chakotay: No, the Viscount of Hedges.
Paris: He doesn't get out much.

EMH: Lollipop Bling by Mariah Carey?
Seven: I will beat you to death with your own arm.

Da Vinci: I must get these calculations exactly right. How much did you say you weigh?

Janeway: 100 pounds.

Da Vinci: Passenger: 100 pounds. Staple gun, 86 pounds.

 

[Nerys Myk]

ALIEN: Never met your Captain. Like I said, I found it at a thrift store. Maybe she donated it or something?

CHAKOTAY: How did you know the Captain was a woman?

ALIEN: Ah, gotta go!

 

[Ln X]

The next contest will be up this Friday.

 

[LeadHead]

Leonardo: Katarina, I must find camels.

Janeway: No camels!

Seven: Why is this scan taking so long?

The Doctor: Hmm? Oh, sorry, just catching up on my comics. Oh, Marmaduke.