VOY Caption Contest 109; A Small Ship

[Ln X]

Apologies for the delays, exams and revision got in the way but they're by the by! So onto our next contest!

Very few crewmembers on Voyager knew it, but Captain Janeway paid for her replacement photon torpedos with her part time job as a Delta Quadrant chiropracter

PARIS: Do we really have to completely forgive him by the next episode?
CHAKOTAY: That's the rules.

Torres: Damn. Looks like the Infinite Improbability Drive has gone offline again.
Tuvok: Impossible.
Torres: No, just very, very improbable.

You know we would have had Paris and Torres as zombies if Voyager was on the air today

Janeway: It's my flesh eating piranha tank. Bring Harry down here, we'll test how well this works out.

And the special award...

Torres: Now that I'm your Pon Farr booty call, we can reset your relationship status on Spacebook.

Tuvok: Is there any way to see that Vorik gets the message?

Torres: Yeah. I'll poke him. With a mek'leth.

Congratulations to the winners, and also nice to see some new faces to!

The next pictures up for captioning are...

Have fun!

 

[Ln X]

Janeway: -so I've fallen in love with this ship's first officer and I don't know whether to be aloof like a good captain should be, or ask him out for a date. What do I do Tuvok?
Tuvok: Logic would suggest revealing to Commander Chakotay how you feel, however under the circumstances that is not possible.
Janeway: Why?
Tuvok: He's behind you captain.

A long silence follows...

Seven: You improved astrometrics sensor range by precisely 3.141- Exactly pi percent, impressive captain.
Janeway: Consider it a birthday present Seven!

Seven: May I ask why you are babysitting?
Tom: B'Elanna kicked me out of our quarters, she said I wasn't mature enough to be a parent. So now I've got to spend the next month with Naomi and Flotter...

Seven: A Romulan could do a better job organising this junk.
Torres: You-
Seven: A joke to lighten the situation.

Harry: Ugh bad day today...
Tom: Cheer up Harry, Neelix is sick so...

 

[JirinPanthosa]

JANEWAY: Look. This planet has a drink almost identical to coffee, but even richer and darker!
TUVOK: That may be so, but it would be illogical to trade all our dilithium for...
JANEWAY: Too late.

CHAKOTAY: I'm glad Seven has become a member of the crew, but why did you put her in that outfit?
JANEWAY: To torture Kim.
KIM: Uhhh....

TOM: You can never tell Sam that Naomi broke into my liquor stash.
SEVEN: Where are you taking her?
TOM: To sickbay. After the Doctor cures her hangover I need you to erase his memory of it.
SEVEN: I'm not sure you've thought all this through.

B'ELANA: And then I found the two of them in the cargo bay.
JANEWAY: Can someone please find a time anomaly so we can reset this romance?

Tom and Harry in the moooorning!

 

[R. Star]

Thanks for the win!

Janeway: So... I hear your pon farr is coming up... (get it?).. next month.
Tuvok: We do not discuss it withoutsiders.
Janeway: Nothing to discuss. I'll see to alllllll your needs. For the good of your health... totally for that.
Chakotay: (cries)

Chakotay: (thinking) I'd tap that.
Janeway: (thinking) I'd tap that.
Kim: (thinking) I just had an accident.
Seven: (thinking) Why is everyone staring at me?

Tom: I thought I'd be happy when Neelix left the ship.

Seven: I want a uniform. I'm tired of the lustful looks from Ensign Kim, the Doctor, your first officer... you. I'm also tired of the jealous looks of hatred from Lieutenant Torres.
Torres: Don't worry, I'll still hate you if you get a uniform.

Paris: Behold! I who am an expert pilot, a field medic, can design and build a ship that goes infinite, commando, fighter, lover, history expert... have now taken up art. Look at my first masterpiece, a more lifelike version of Harry Kim carved from the most dense alien wood in the Delta Quadrant!

 

[Triskelion]

TFTW Ln X!

Janes: This one time, at band camp.....

Chaks: Now program the crew's recreational hologram with your physical attributes, Seven.
Janes: But make her...warm for our forms.
Kims: No! Keep her cold as ice.
Seven: And a riding crop?
All: Yes!

Paris: After we put Naomi to bed I'll show you my holoprogram, "How Treevis Got His Wood Back."

Chaks: Can I be frank with you?
Seven: Yes.
Chaks: ♪ ♫ Fly me to the moon, let me play....♪ ♫ ♩ ♬
B'Elanna: Oh just buy her a lobster, she'll put out.

Paris: How do you make a Bajoran stew?
Kims: I don't know?
Paris: Tell her the Occupation was a myth.

 

[BirdInJetstream]

Tuvok: "Fascinating! I already tried 47 different algorithms to solve the problem. None of them were successful. How did you do it?"
Janeway: "See that little switch? I had Torres install it before your shift started. Press it 5 seconds, shut down, reboot..."

 

[ncc71877]

Seven: "With all respect to the Commander, I don't see how getting high and trying to talk to an imaginary goat will solve anything."

ncc71877

 

[Ln X]

Tom: So bypassing the gel packs would be a shortcut to-
Kim: Mushrooms!

 

[LeadHead]

Janeway: Just do me a favor, let Chakotay work out of here for awhile. I need the command area to myself for awhile. (under her breath) Jerk keeps using MY side of the console.

Seven: Computations are complete, Captain. It is mathematically impossible that Ensign Kim will ever make Lieutenant.

Paris: Why did you make her cry? She looks up to you.

Seven: I simply informed her that her Flotter holoprograms are infantile and that they will inevitably lead to her becoming an individual with less intelligence and reduced chances of a prosperous future.

Naomi: (tears)

Paris: Note to self: Never let Seven Babysit when B'Elanna and I have a baby.

Seven: ... And then I told Lieutenant Torres that it was "A good day to finally become a competent Engineer."

Paris: Ah, man. Now the service here is worse than the food!

Kim: Impossible.

 

[Triskelion]

Toms: After we put Naomi to bed I can show you my holoprogram "Fast & Furious 6 volume 392."
Sevs: Is that the one with the Vulcan Rock?
Toms: No you're thinking of 6 volume 287. This one has the original Rock.

Tommy: How do you make a Talaxian ale?
Kimmy: I don't know?
Tommy: Get his Ocampan girlfriend to dump him.

 

[Bry_Sinclair]

Janeway: We've got to find a way to get around these AOTW!
Tuvok: I am running a full tactical analysis, Captain. It will take some time though.
Chakotay: I have an idea--
Janeway: Quiet you! You know what happens when you make fun of my latest hair do. Now stand in the corner and think about what you said!

Janeway: It's so nice to have this place to ourselves, Seven.
Chakotay: Um, hello.
Janeway: Oh, Commander. I never noticed you.
Chakotay: I'm standing right next to Seven!
Janeway: You were in her shadow.
Kim: Hi.
Janeway: What was that?

Paris: See I told you I was the resident ladies man. See how easily I pick up chicks.

Chakotay: So ladies, why don't you slip out of those restrictive outfits and rub each other down with this baby oil.
Janeway: Chakotay, we're in the cargo bay not the holodeck.
Chakotay: I know.

Paris: Quick Harry, for once Seven isn't hogging the scene, it's your turn to shine!
Kim: Umm...huh? Do what now?
Paris: [groans] Well I tried.

 

[Nerys Myk]

SEVEN: I wont be going to the ship's dance with either of you!

...or you Harry!!!

PARIS: If I ever find out who covered my uniform with superglue!!

 

[Triskelion]

Tom-Ass: How do you make a Vulcan meatloaf?
Harr: I don't know?
Tom-Ass: Don't bother. It's already loafing.

 

[FFunctionalData]

Seven of 9: We are experiencing a malfunction in the Warp Core

B'Elanna: I have run every diagnostic and can not find the problem

Chakotay: Captain I believe if I go on a vision quest i can find out what is wrong let me get my..

Captain Janeway: Chakotay not every problem we encounter can be solved with a vision quest.

 

[Finn]

Harry: ...and I made it to second base with the Skarri girl we met at the pub last night!

Tom: Handshakes aren't second base

Harry: Damn it!

 

[TommyR01D]

Chakotay: Seven, you really used to do this for a live-urrggh!

Harry: What the hell even is that?!

Chakotay: Are you going to-

Harry: Oh my god! It's going a ove-gaaah!

Chakotay: How did you get him to volunteer for that?!

Both: No, no [cringe and look away].

Janeway: Meet me in the Ready Room at 0200 hours, I need to, erm, discuss this in greater detail [runs off].

 

[Triskelion]

Chak: Snake your drain?
Har: Clean your pipes?
Jane: Fix your screen door?
...
Jane: What are you guys talking about anyway?

 

[Ln X]

A new contest will be up by tomorrow.

 

[Ln X]

Right yesterday was rather busy what with a day out and all, plus since I'm running two caption contests at the same time, I'm going to put up the DS9 contest today and the next VOY contest tomorrow.

I have a thing for DS9 you see and though I could do put up both contests today it is time-consuming and I would spend some of that time fan-fic writing.

 

[Ln X]

A new contest is up!