TOS Caption Contest #272: The Caption of Gothos

[LeadHead]

Hello everyone! Thanks for your patience with my delays! Lets get to it!

First up to the plate, we have the "Dangerous Hairpieces" Award, going to:

BONES: I told you that wig was generating more heat than Chekov's brain could handle!

Next, we have the "If we're all here..." Award, going to:

"Psst...Uhura. Is there *anyone* on the Bridge?"

Next, we have the "Proper Attention" Award, going to:

Kirk: Bones, Spock. Since you are playing this tape, we will assume that-- HEY! I'M TALKING TO YOU!

Next, we have the "Hope McCoy has a great Malpractice Lawyer" Award, going to:

<off screen> McCoy: "Nurse, is Mr. Chekov here for a tonsillectomy or a vasectomy? Aw, screw it. We'll just do both."

Next, we have the "Take only as directed by your Doctor or Bartender" Award, going to:

McCoy: "If it's in a beaker, it's medicinal."

Spock: "Indeed."

Our Photoshop award goes to:

MCCOY: And one for my homies.

Scotty: Screwdriver?
Bones: No, some nurse.

Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to our winners!

So here's the story, LeadHead is busy, busy, busy, the next month. Here's hoping for punctual contests, but can't guarantee it. I apologize in advance for delays that may/will occur. Just too much going on at the moment. Thanks for your patience.

And now...

Enjoy!

 

[Nerys Myk]

SPOCK: I frakking hate that font.

 

[LeadHead]

http://s183.photobucket.com/user/TrueX-Ray/media/TOS Caption Contest/TOS4a.jpg.html
Spock: Texting is quite unusual in this sector. Mister Sulu, go to warp 6.

McCoy: You're dead, Jim.

Yeoman Ross: (thinking) Why does she get the kiss on the hand and I barely got a hello?

Kirk: I'm ready for combat.

Spock: This is a peace conference, Captain.

Trelane: The charges are overacting. What is your plea?

Kirk: Not...... Guilty....

 

[EnsignHarper]

McCoy: Well, Jaeger, a couple of centuries ago, there was a show biz act that was in Old Las Vegas called The Blue Man Group ya see....

 

[Nerys Myk]

A blast from the SD past:

MCCOY: Freebird!!!!!!

 

[Jonas Grumby]

DeSalle: "Well, the rank braids look right...but I'd still swear they were wearing each other's tunics."

 

[Nerys Myk]

MCCOY: Good lord, they're doing the robot!

 

[Maurice]

SPOCK: You do indeed exhibit "mad skillz at desktop publishing," Lieutenant.

BONES: My tricorder readout says "ham".

UHURA: And, no, you're still not getting a 3-way.

KIRK: Party? That's a croc!
SPOCK: I believe it's an alligator.

TRELANE: I sentence you to watching me act out a Monty Python skit about the drag-wearing judges!
KIRK: We humans prefer...death...to such tourture!

 

[Triskelion]

Thanks for the Tribbles' Choice Leadhead!

Spock: Looks like you'll be more useful on the bridge for this mission, Uhura.
Uhura: Mm-Hmm. Tally Ho mutha-spocka.

Bones: Three frames a minute. Just as I thought. They've gone anime.

Trelane: Wanna hear my Al Pacino impression? U-HOO-rah!

Kirk: And this one is called "arms akimbo." Note the way it accentuates the pectoralis muscles.

Trelane: And I thought I was high maintenance.

Trelane: With a brilliant mind like yours, Spock, you could have been something other than a Starfleet officer.
Spock: Yes.
Trelane: What?
Spock: If I were not in the UFP something else I'd like to be. If I were not in the UFP, a window cleaner me!
With a rub-a-dub-dub and a scrub-a-dub-dub and a rub-a-dub all day long!
With a rub-a-dub-dub and a scrub-a-dub-dub I'd sing this merry song!

 

[Nerys Myk]

UHURA: I ran it through every translation matrix we have, but I still can't parse its meaning.

 

[T'Girl]

Spock: "I hate these tweets from Stonn."

Captain Kirk: "Is this some kind of bust?"
Police Officer: "On a man, yes they're quite impressive."

 

[CrazyMatt]

Tally-ho? Is Harry Mudd peddling those girls from that farm planet again?

Maybe Variety was right when they said that Shatner's acting was wooden...

So that's where the lambswool seat for my exercise bike is!

 

[T'Girl]

Kirk (os): "Let me read it, what does it say?"

Trelane: "I'm afraid Captain, you'll have to vote it into law, to find out what it says."

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Spock: "Who bugged my quarters?! I demand to know."
Uhura: "Um, Sir..."
Spock: "How dare they listen in and then transcribe our intimate moments together!"
Uhura: "Mr Spock!"
Spock: "How dare they spread the vicious, but accurate rumour, that making love to you is like riding a bucking bronco!"
Uhura: "SIR! This is a transmission from a planet 34 light years away."
Spock: "Oh. Well. Yes, of course it is. Carry on Lieutenant."

DeSalle: "What do you think, Doctor?"
McCoy: "I think we should take off their pants and leave them in a compromising position."
DeSalle: "Their condition Doctor?"
McCoy: "Haven't the slightest. I was just checking to see if they were faking it, and no, Sulu didn't smirk."

Uhura: "Well this is a first."
Ensign Blondie: "Never been greeted by a gentleman before?"
Uhura: "Not with a French kiss to the knuckles."

Alligator: "Well, I've been used as a surfboard by Ace Rimmer in Red Dwarf, starred in Eraser, Live and Let Die, and I've made my cameo in Star Trek. Now to figure out a way into the Matrix movies..."

Trelane: "You stand charged with being a dangerously savage race. How plead you... oops, got this mixed up with my Uncle Q's...."

 

[Isis]

LeadHead, TFTW.

Spock: "I am familiar with the expression 'Hip-Hip-Hoorah,' but what is this 'Tallyho?'"

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Spock: "Beats me. Maybe it's what a tallywhacker actually whacks."

 

[Dale Sams]

"My acting...is stiffer...than a crocodile. I don't get it. Spock?"

 

[Garrovick]

Lieutenant, I received this text from T'Pring's subspace phone, but it was from someone named Stonn...

RED LIGHT!

Yeoman: Wow, he REALLY needs to wash his hair. Yuck!

Kirk: What's with the crappy service? McCoy got his wine, where's mine???

Kirk: WHAT is that on your desk??
Trelane: It's a gavel - why, what does it look like to you?

 

[Triskelion]

Trelane: Tell me, how does your species do such remarkable work removing adam's apples?
Uhura: Oh no he di'in't!

 

[Gil T.Azell]

Trelane: "Captain, This Dear Penthouse letter of yours, I must say I'm impressed very impressed indeed. Can you set me up with these two?"

Kirk: "Why thank you, and no you could't handle them"