VOY Caption Contest 103; A Hard Time

[Ln X]

The weekend begins here, and after being distracted by that Russian meteor and some fan fic writing, I finally got my lazy ass into gear to start the next contest even if it is a day late.

With that said here are the winners...

Janeway: "Made in China"? Well, that explains a lot.

EMH: Captain, as your father confessor, I really must protest your choice of recreational proclivities.

Janeway: Sorry Doctor, it was dark and the hayloft was crowded. I'll try to work you in tonight.

EMH: I'm a hologram too, s'all I'm saying.

Chakotay: "Blah blah blah... spirit guide... blah blah blah Akoochimoya... blah blah blah ancestors..."

Tuvok thinking: "Vulcan telepathy is a scientifically quantifiable process. You think that gives us a point of familiarity? You think I enjoy wasting time that could be spent on security drills, listening to your superstitions. Next you'll be telling me about that human two and half thousand years ago that walked on water. Bunch of primitives."

JANEWAY: I can't believe everything we have to go through just to blow off a little "steam".
CHAKOTAY: Loved your idea of a incurable disease. How long do you think it will take them to find a cure for it?
JANEWAY: Oh... I'm guessing anywhere from 6-12 weeks, sooner if B'Elanna thinks to look in my personal logs and finds the antidote.

Janeway: Hmmm... maybe it was overkill to just abandon him on that planet when we broke up. Oh, well. Warp Factor 8, Mister Paris.

And now the special award.

CHAKOTAY: You know Catherine, when you think about it, we're really the perfect match.
JANEWAY: I agree. One dominating woman, and one total pushover.
Chakotay: ...I'll take it.

The photoshop award goes to:

Doctor: I take it you plan to simply sweep all of this under the rug.

Janeway: So long as nobody got hurt.

Distant Redshirt: Help...me!

Janeway: (Louder) Just walk away calmly...

Redshirt: Arrrgh!!

Janway: (Louder still)...and pretend this never happened.

///

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This contest's theme is about 'a hard time', mental, physical, spiritual whatever... The pictures up for captioning this week are:

The next caption contest will start on the 22nd of February.

Have fun!

 

[Ln X]

Doctor: Mr Kim for the sake of your manly pride you cannot be beaten by this wimpy teenage girl!

Chakotay: Neelix if you want to live, DO NOT touch other men's groins!

Tuvok: Since the captain and first officer are... absent, I will be heading this meeting.
Tom: You mean they're still bonking away in the captain's quarters again?

Janeway: Harvest his organs at once doctor! Those tissue samples could make a good skin cream.

The reason why Janeway never dated Chakotay was because of his toddler style drawing, that or he had been taking to many shrooms...

 

[Triskelion]

TFTW Ln X!

Kim: I don't think it's working, Doc!
EMH: Trust me, this alternative treatment for constipation is fully endorsed by the Ferengi Laxative Council.
Kim: Who??

Neelix: I will hug him and squeeze him and call him "George."
Chakotay: Easy, Neelix, you don't want to frighten it.

Tuvok: Now that I'm in charge, there will be some new promotions. Now who wants to be in charge of my Vulcan neuropressure therapy? Kes?

Neelix: Well, I -

Tuvok: I will space you, Mister T's chihuahua.

Janeway: Check his underwear, Doctor. I'm making my official diplomatic report.

One of these days, the Captain will need to make assless chaps from an animal hide. And then I will just laugh and hand her some colored sand!

 

[Nerys Myk]

CHAKOTAY: You're supposed to use the doll!

 

[JirinPanthosa]

DOCTOR: Harry, you've lost ten matches in a row, you're going to permanently damage your arms.
KIM: NO! If I win, the fans will finally like me!

NEELIX: Lt Carey, watch out, an alien parasite is emerging from your abdomen!
CHAKOTAY: No, no Neelix. That's what happens to humans when they, you know...

TUVOK: Now that I'm in charge, my first order of business is to be obnoxiously callous about letting some die so the rest of us can survive, and then be smug about human emotion whenever anyone complains.

DOCTOR: I fail to understand why you asked me to make these cosmetic alterations to Chakotay.
JANEWAY: I've got a bet with Tuvok that noone will notice.

CHAKOTAY: I told B'elana, no way they'll believe me that this is a real Native American ritual. It's a freaking preschool arts and crafts project. They're actually going for it.

 

[Finn]

Harry: *strained* Let me win this time, Captain

or

Harry: *strained* Let me win this time, Naomi!

 

[Nerys Myk]

EMH: Not everyone keeps their genitals in the same place, Captain.

Few people recalled that Chakotay's family name was "Montana".

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Thanks for the win!

EMH: "Over the top Harry! Over the top!"

Chakotay: "I knew Leola Root was a euphemism!"

Paris: "I move that B'Elanna and Kes get naked and dance on the conference table."
Neelix: "I second that motion."
Tuvok: "All in favour raise your right hand..." pauses to count, "the ayes have it. Motion carried. Computer, play something funky."

EMH: "Please state the nature of the medi... Holy Shit is that ugly!"
Janeway: "I see that Tom has been reprogramming your bedside manner again, Doctor."

Chakotay: "It's at times like that that I begin to suspect that everything my dad taught me about my culture was stolen from cheap twentieth century cowboy and indian movies."

 

[Triskelion]

Chakotay: This means something. This is important.
Kathryn: Close Encounters, seen it. Try again, medicine man.

 

[Finn]

Chakotay: This means something. This is important.
Kathryn: Close Encounters, seen it. Try again, medicine man.

Chakotay: You should have seen Tom's holoprogram based on the movie. The aliens were Klingon.

 

[JanewayRulz!]

Thanks for the win!

EMH: Mr. Kim... if you ever want to get promoted, I suggest you let the Captain win this one.

Chakotay: That's enough, Neelix. I know you missed the Federation in service on sexual harrassment when you came on board, so let me be blunt. THIS is considered a "no-no".

PARIS: Okay, I have Tuvok down for the plomeek soup, B'Elanna down for the Klingon Blood wine, Neelix down for the jibalian Fudge cake, Kes down for decorations, and Harry down for... what is it you're going to do again Harry for The Captain and Chakotay's welcome home party?
KIM: I'm going to screw up the pre-fire chamber temperature on the phasers again, so they have to retire to their quarters and 'brainstorm' how to fix it after the party.

JANEWAY: When I asked Neelix for a taste of home, I was thinking something more like "Sushi", not lizard.

BELTRAN: Of all the things the writers could have me working on... SAND ART was the best they could come up with? Does this look like a summer camp for middleschoolers?

 

[hux]

Kim: I'm gonna kick your ass, Naomi

Chakotay: That's not how you do the Vulcan neck pinch Mr Neelix
Carey: I think we should let Neelix explore his own technique, commander

Paris: Who designed this room, it's just awful
Tuvok: Logic would suggest....
Paris: Oh shove your logic up your arse Tuvok
Neelix: Someone didn't get any last night
Paris: Fuck you Neelix! ok, just fuck you!

Janeway: Can you wake him doctor
Doctor: Has there ever been an episode where i couldn't

Chakotay: So if i roll a six, you'll take my advice on at least one occasion in the next seven years
Janeway: You bet

 

[Triskelion]

Chakotay: I'm going to wake the dragon in case he's a good dragon.

 

[Nerys Myk]

When staff meetings got boring, Torres would start conversations with an empty chair.

 

[Triskelion]

Harry: What if we just use Kirk's slingshot-around-the-sun method, go back in time to before the Caretaker was old, and ask him to beam us back to the Alpha Quadrant in exchange for telling him his future? Then slingshot to the present, and boom, we're drinking mai tais on a nudie beach.

All: Shut up, Harry!

 

[Triskelion]

Harry: I know our maps are in 2D, but we can move in 3D and avoid sectors with mean aliens.

All: Shut up, Harry!

 

[Triskelion]

Harry: What if we invited other lost ships and started our own fleet?

All: Shut up, Harry!

 

[LeadHead]

Thanks for the win!

Doctor: Excellent, Mister Kim! That's part 1 of the triathlon. Next segment: picking up women.

Kim: (thinking) Aw, Crap.

Neelix: No pulse, it's dead.

Tuvok: Captain Janeway has asked that I run today's Staff meeting. What is the first item on the agenda, Mister Paris.

Paris: Sexual Harassment complaints against Lieutenant Tuvok.

Janeway: Prognosis, Doctor?

The Doctor: Mister Neelix has already come by to see if he will go well in Leola Root Stew.

Tuvok: Commander, you are two hours late for your duty shift. Commander, is that incense I smell?

 

[Triskelion]

Neelix: We might be able to use these as tools or weapons. Gather them up, Mister Hogan. Is there a problem?
Hogan: No, sir. Do you want all of them?
Neelix: Waste nothing. That's one of the first rules of survival.

 

[Eydie Munroe]

Doctor: Mister Kim! I understand that expelling waste can sometimes be a trying event, but this is the tenth set of fingers that I'm going to have to fix because of you!

Neelix: I've heard you humans have these strange little things hanging between your legs-
Chakotay: Neelix!
Carey: It's definitely there, Neelix. And believe me, there's nothing little about it!
Nameless Crewman in the Background: That's what he thinks...

Chakotay: Yeah... this makes up for no sex... riiiiiight...