TNG Caption This! 283: Ready to roll!

[LeadHead]

Hello everyone, with this I conclude my "Apologies Tour." Very sorry about my tardiness recently in starting the contests. Massively busy, out of gas at the end of the day, craziness on the weekends. Not excuses, just the truth.

First up to the plate, we have the "Getting started" Award, going to:

Director (OS): "And...action!"
Stewart (thinking): "Here we go! First scene of the first episode of our new Star Trek series! I must remember, I'm the stalwart captain. I must project strength and confidence."
Frakes (thinking): "What's my motivation here? Right, I'm the gallant first officer. Totally loyal to my captain and ready to leap into action at a moment's notice."
Spiner (thinking): "I am an android. A machine, but also a thinking creature fascinated by humans. I must be careful not to show too much emotion on my face, but still to always present an air of wonder."
Burton (thinking): "I can't see a damned thing!"

Next, we have the "Hope you're okay with being the annoying comic relief" Award, going to:

Riker: What is that?

Data: Any chance of the Ferengi becoming a credible enemy blowing past.

Next, we have "The lighting really makes it look red!" Award, going to:

Data: "I enjoy having a red uniform."

Riker: "About that, the Captain thinks that a gold uniform would go better with your complexion."

Data: "But that's idiotic, I'm the second officer, he wants to change my uniform owing to my skin color?"

Next, we have the "A long, strange trip" Award, going to:

RIKER: Just how much LSD did you slip in the Captain's tea anyway?

Next, we have the "Hindsight is 20/20" Award, going to:

Data: "Perhaps it was fool-hardy to try the plomeek."

Our photoshop award, goes to:

PICARD: Warp 8, any heading. Engage!

DATA: Yes Commander. If my calculations are correct, the girls locker room should be directly behind this bulkhead.
RIKER: Good work Mr Data, very good work.

Many thanks to everyone who participated and congratulations to our winners!

Lets continue on with a new contest!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Data: Your art project is very interesting, Captain. But shouldn't we discuss the Romulan War Fleet instead?

Data: (thinking) Wow, I really am the cool one.

Worf: Fold.

Riker: The game hasn't started yet, Worf.

Worf: You are correct, Sir. This device appears to be monitoring how often you tug on your uniform.

There was confusion when Troi hit on Picard and Beverly hit on Riker.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Thanks for the win, LeadHead!

Data: Very impressive, Geordi. Incidentally, I just made a full-size one of these on the holodeck. Took about twelve seconds."

Worf: "Commander, I wasn't going to make an issue about having an empath in a poker game, but the fact that you fold every time she touches her left ear makes it even more troubling."

Picard: "No, I don't think it would be appropriate for you to wear a comfy velour sweater, too!"

 

[Nerys Myk]

DATA: I woke up this morning with a bad hangover
And my penis was missing again.
This happens all the time.
It's detachable.
[background singing begins: "detachable penis" over and over]

This comes in handy a lot of the time.
I can leave it home, when I think it's gonna get me in trouble,
or I can rent it out, when I don't need it.
But now and then I go to a party, get drunk,
and the next morning I can't for the life of me
remember what I did with it.
First I looked around my apartment, and I couldn't find it.
So I called up the place where the party was,
they hadn't seen it either.
I asked them to check the medicine cabinet
'cause for some reason I leave it there sometimes
But not this time.
So I told them if it pops up to let me know.
I called a few people who were at the party,
but they were no help either.
I was starting to get desperate.
I really don't like being without my penis for too long.
It makes me feel like less of a man,
and I really hate having to sit down every time I take a leak.
After a few hours of searching the house,
and calling everyone I could think of,
I was starting to get very depressed,
so I went to the Kiev, and ate breakfast.
Then, as I walked down Second Avenue towards St. Mark's Place,
where all those people sell used books and other junk on the street,
I saw my penis lying on a blanket
next to a broken toaster oven.
Some guy was selling it.
I had to buy it off him.
He wanted twenty-two bucks, but I talked him down to seventeen.
I took it home, washed it off,
and put it back on. I was happy again. Complete.
People sometimes tell me I should get it permanently attached,
but I don't know.
Even though sometimes it's a pain in the ass,
I like having a detachable penis.

[background voices continue to sing "detachable penis" for
a while, then out]

In case you were wondering

DATA: Then we delete the plank....

TROI: I am sensing a straight, aces high.

GEORDI: Fold

WORF: I'm out.

CRUSHER: Fold.

RIKER: Cut that out!!!!

PICARD: I wish I knew how to quit you!

 

[Valin]

Data: "Geordi, I see that you like to keep the engine room 'shipshape'. Get it? 'Shipshape'."

Geordi :"We should have never insisted that you learn about humor."

 

[Isis]

LeadHead, TFTW.

Data: "The kitchen sends their apologies; they're out of everything but raspberry sherbet."

Picard: "Merde. I was really in the mood for rainbow today."

Geordi: "This took me 48 hours. Now I just need to wait for the glue to dry. Don't move a muscle."

Data (to self): "I guess this was not a good time to activate my sneezing subroutine...especially since I forgot where the 'stifle' button is."

Crusher (sotto voce): "Deanna, what are you doing? The side of the cards that counts is the front."

 

[Finn]

Data: *thinking* I'd love to push someone off this ship.

 

[Mojochi]

Data: The arcade game said "Get a prize every time!" I did not know it would be the same prize every time.

Testosterone: Some people can win a hand with it. Some people can't

Carpet cleaning required exact coordinates & a precise transporter signal lock

Picard: Have Data sent in here
Riker: Which data?
Picard: There's more than one?
Riker: I'd think there's tons
Picard: Well, send in the Data with the information
Riker: You want information from data?
Picard: Right
Riker: Well that's what it's there for
Picard: He!
Riker: I didn't think it was that funny
Picard: What?
Riker: The data
Picard: Which Data?
Riker: The data with the information
Picard: Well, of course Data isn't funny
Riker: Well, it can be
Picard: HE!
Riker: Exactly
Picard: I just need Data for the debriefing
Riker: Oh... you want the mission data
Picard: Data is on the mission?
Riker: I'd imagine
Picard: Well have Data brought back here, at once
Riker: Which data?
Picard: Merde

 

[Holdfast]

Not excuses, just the truth.

You don't need explain yourself to us! It must take ages to put these contests together for us to have fun in, and all for free.

DATA: I believe the pink organic substance in these globes may indeed be sentient.
PICARD: Extraordinary! Doctor, your opinion?
CRUSHER (thinking): Every time I try cooking, it ends up being mistaken for a new lifeform. I just don't get where I'm going wrong; I follow the recipe exactly...

DATA: Geordi, your approach to boosting the Enterprise's power output is certainly novel, but I think you may have overlooked the lack of a following wind in space.

RIKER: I raise you an awkward relationship arc with Deanna Troi.
WORF: Call.

WORF: I'm sorry Captain, I'm unable to detect any traces of giving a damn about your missing contact lens.

PICARD: Let me get this right; the pizza's free if it doesn't get here in 30 minutes?
RIKER: In deep space, we just can't lose.

 

[inflatabledalek]

Crusher: It's no good... after a HD contest I just can't get back into DVD screengrabs.

Data: Inquiry. What is the meaning of "We're on a mother fucking boat"?

Worf: With all due respect Sir, aren't the odds stacked against the men in this game of strip poker?

Worf: The good news is, Spot didn't soil your carpet.

Picard: Great. What's the bad news?

Worf: Geordi did.

Riker: You don't so much look "Ready to roll" as "Ready for your slippers and a cup of cocco".

 

[Xaios]

Picard: Mr. Data, I found your perormance on the Amorgosa observatory to be quite troubling, so I had Dr. Crusher and Mr. Laforge develop some bigger balls for you.
_______________________

Geordi: Now, if you had pushed her over the poop deck, THAT would have been funny!
_______________________

Riker: Dammit, Worf!
Worf: The point of this game is to win using psychological manipulation. Also, he who smelt it, dealt it sir.
_______________________

Picard: Lieutenant, what in the devil are you looking for?
Worf: An alien that I can beat in a fight...
_______________________

Picard: What happens on Risa, stays on Risa.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Data: "I see Doctor Crusher is culturing extra supplies of tri-penicillin. May I assume we are visiting Risa again?"

 

[NCC-1701-B]

Picard: Are we in an HD screencap yet?

Riker: I'm afraid not sir...

 

[grabthars hammer]

[

Data: And where would the crew reverse polarity?
Geordi: There was no such thing yet!
Data: Such unfortunate people.

Worf: How much longer must we play, Commander?
Riker: Just a couple more hours, until the Captain's violin interpretation of Wagner's Complete Ring Cycle.
Worf: I miss the Borg.

Worf: There are no traces of the alien microbe, however, there seem to be numerous traces of Commander Riker's DNA all over the table.
Picard: I should make a note to keep this room locked... and sprayed with penicillin.

Picard: You can be my wing-man anytime, Number One!
Riker: No, you can be mine!

 

[doubleohfive]

Abed's idea for role-playing Star Trek: The Next Generation was fun, even when it was just Shirley, Britta, Annie, Troy and Jeff.

Even though it was a great idea at the time, Ron Moore would have to wait another decade before finding an actor awesome enough to do "the Look" believably.

 

[shivkala]

Damn, doing my customary "lookover of the thread" before posting wasn't a great idea. Too many good ones already! I'll do my best to try, but there were a few, already, I'd bet money will win!

And Nerys Myk, love the King Missile reference!

Data: I do not understand. Commander Riker told me I needed to cock block you, so I developed a method for identifying and terminating roosters while they were still in the egg. I am afraid I must report my failure to the commander. He will be most displeased.

Data: Interesting Geordi, you've managed to cultivate a hobby that will never be mentioned again. Now you can add "model ship building" next to "successful lady's man" on your resume!

Worf: I am sorry, Commander, I had no idea that the "kronk" was not a traditional part of fizzbin.

Worf: Sir, I understand that the budget is tight now, but I request that Starfleet look into a better carrier plan for the tricorder. I am only able to get a signal when I am under your desk.

The HoYay is strong with these two.

 

[Sumghai]

Picard: Two hundred years of technological innovation after Archer, and they still haven't found a remedy for squeaking deck plating...

 

[Ln X]

Picard: Any look with the grow-your-hair spreads?
Data: Sadly no sir, it won't stick to anything.
Picard: (sighs) Continue your efforts, for twenty years I've endured this curse, so I suppose I can wait a couple more weeks.

Worf: How do we beat a man who can see the underside of our cards?
Riker: We hope he has the decency not to cheat.

 

[Mistral]

Riker: "If you are interested, sir."

Picard: "Oh, I am. I just didn't realize you swung that way."

 

[doubleohfive]

DATA: Then we delete the plank....

WINNER!