CapCon 81: Is this Thing On?

[Nerys Myk]

But first the WINNERS

Trouty Mouth Award

Subcommander, I think you've got something on your mouth.

Oh.

Wait. Never mind, those are your lips.

X-tra Credit Award

T'Pol: Interesting, so Senator Kelly was dead by the end of X-Men 1, but in X-Men 2, Mystique appears as Senator Kelly.

Mister Who? Award

Archer: Well, that's the whole planet. Still no sign of poor Mr. Merriwether...

Mogwai Award

Exposure to Earth's sunlight was dangerous for a Vulcan.

Also...do not get them wet with Terran water. Or feed them any human food after midnight.

Two for One Coupon Award

Archer: "Incidentally, what's the proper designation for that hairstyle? We've all just been calling it the 'Moe Howard,' but that was from back when we still didn't like you very much."

T'pol "There is a Vulcan proverb which states: Only Pete Rose could go to Great Clips.

Valentines From the Fans Awards

"Valentine? I'm not sure if Mr. Berman really knows the meaning of that word."

T'POL: "Curious.

My will to continue living seems to have left me."

For T'Pol it was the straw that broke the sehlat's back.

T'POL: "The Captain needs to know about this.

This is not going to go down well."

TRIP: Whacha watchin' Sub-Commander?

T'POL: It's probably better that you don't know.

T'POL: "I'm not familiar with this production, but it would appear to be an early 21st century program on how to anger an entertainment franchise's fanbase."

Riker: "Computer, end program."

T'pol: "Computer, end program."

T'POL: Hmmmm.

So THE NEXT GENERATION was a holographic simulation all along. Perhaps this means "Sub Rosa" was never really canon.

Good.

T'POL: Highly illogical.

Suicide would have been far easier and exerted less physical effort than running that holoprogram.

T'POL: I sat in the shuttlepod for hours and waited...for THIS?!

Your prize: a rare still from Star Trek the Motion Home

 

[Nerys Myk]

And now this months pics:

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Phlox os: "How did the make up appliances work out?"
Archer: "We blended in a treat."
Reed: "They taste quite splendid too."
Phlox: "They're not edible, you moron!"

Commandant: "You've been charged with two hundred crimes against canon, how do you plead?"

Trip: "Aim... the phase pistol... away... from the... genitals!"

Phlox: "You are quite fortunate. They are only stunned. Although I'm almost afraid to ask how..."
Trip: mumbling: "Stupid Vulcan, can't shoot for shit."

 

[LeadHead]

Thanks for the win!

Phlox: (over comm) Your skin is peeling off. Guess you're gonna die. Nice knowing you!

Doctor House: We're still at least 5-6 more wrong diagnosis' away from figuring out what's wrong with you.

Phlox: So how's your sex life?

...

Phlox: Don't you have anything to say about that.

Trip: You can't see it, but I'm gesturing my response.

Trip: Watch out for the explosive barrels!

T'Pol: Why would they leave those things out here?!

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Thanks for the win, Nerys Myk!

Phlox: "Just another second. Let me set the focus, then I'll snap the picture."
Trip: "Hurry up, Doc. I think I feel the little glasses-and-beard thingie slipping!"

Trip: "No!! I meant shoot that prick!! That guy over there!!"

 

[Herkimer Jitty]

Commandant: "You will tell me what the little colored blinking squares are for, or I will have you both executed."

 

[CorporalCaptain]

Phlox: OK, the unit is calibrated. Please take off your uniform.

Trip: Take off my uniform? I said I have an upset stomach.

Phlox: Yes, and I need to insert this device to get a really good look at the problem.

 

[boco]

Phlox: I told you not to stick you fingers where they don't belong, especially when it comes to vulcan physiology

Trip: I gave corporal Cole one neuropression lesson, this is not a reason the sterilize me!

Reed: I can't believe your beagle did it again! If these guys don't kills us for revenge, you should teach him some english manners when we'll be back on the ship!

Reed: I believe you should see the doctor for this earwax,captain.. is a bit too much in my opinion

 

[Kirby]

Phlox: Well I suppose it is a bit large, but Bolian Suppositories are quite effective. Please remove your uniform and bend over Commander.

Trip: But, it's my arm Doc...

Phlox: Yes, I know.

Commandant: You have been detained because your clothing is not tan enough. Explain yourselves!

 

[boco]

Officer: You are not from this planet. And, according to these scans, your friend is not even male!
Malcolm:

T'Pol: Don't move! There's a spider... right...
Trip: NO! I'll get it! I'll get it!
T'Pol: ...I hate spiders.
*ZAP!*

Trip: The captain obviously takes control of the remote very seriously when it comes to his water polo games.

 

[Unimatrix Zero]

One Vulcan vasectomy, coming right up!

 

[LeadHead]

Trip: You've gotta fix this Phlox! Malcolm won't hang out with me anymore!

Phlox: Why?

Trip: He doesn't let his friends go out unarmed.

 

[CorporalCaptain]

T'Pol: If our relationship is to proceed, I prefer that you be bifurcated.

 

[Bob Karo]

Hoshi: Wow, these makeup appliances really worked out well.

Archer: Fore head was a little itchy...

Reed: You have to admit, Plox out did himself with the ears!

Archer: What ears?

...

...

Reed: Uh oh...

 

[Ln X]

Reed: Captain I'm no doctor but isn't it bad if you can peel large chunks of ones skin off?

Archer: I don't know why but you bastards remind me of Nazis!

Trip: Are you sure that's not the only bit which is missing doc?
Phlox: Don't worry I won't say a word to T'Pol.
Trip: It's not that, I am supposed to explain to her that my weiner is invisible?

Trip: Dam it woman! Don't aim so close to my balls!

 

[boco]

Officer: You've been charged for being the hottest guys in the quadrant,prepare to strip for our women!

 

[CorporalCaptain]

General Gosis: As you can see, our immigration and customs services are overstaffed. Despite having scanned your bodies using radiation of theoretically every type and wavelength - and found nothing - it will be necessary to perform deep cavity searches. Searching by hand for contraband this thoroughly is good for the morale of the men. Afterwards, we would be happy to discuss the possibility of trade with your planet.

 

[Mistral]

Phlox: "This is a good news/bad news kind of thing. The good news is, you don't have testicular cancer. The bad news is you don't have testicles either."

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Phlox: "This is a good news/bad news kind of thing. The good news is, you don't have testicular cancer. The bad news is you don't have testicles either."

Trip: "Oh, T'Pol has them on a shelf. You want I should ask her for them?"

 

[boco]

T'Pol: It is custom for a vulcan female to keep her male's testicles on a shelf for 7 years,till pon farr,so..