Ending a friendship

[RoJoHen]

Preface:

I feel like an ass even bringing this up.


Situation:

There is a girl that was my best friend in high school. Through college, even though we were living about 2 hours apart, we still remained very close. We visited each other at least once a month, and we spoke almost every day online (it was the dawn of Facebook, and AIM was at its peak!).

Since college, we have grown apart. This doesn't bother me. She got engaged, moved half way across the country, and made absolutely no effort to keep in touch. The only reason I even know she's engaged is because I saw that her "Relationship Status" on Facebook changed about a year ago...she still hasn't mentioned it to me once in conversation.

I was annoyed by her lack of effort for a little while, but then I came to terms with the fact that we just weren't friends anymore. I haven't seen her in person in nearly 2 years, and we never talk. I accepted this and moved on.

Now, in the last month or so, she has popped back into my life, leaving random messages on Facebook...and I just don't care. I don't have any interest in re-kindling our former friendship. I don't miss her, and I just don't care anymore what she's doing with her life.

I want to tell her, but I don't want to be rude. She hasn't really done anything wrong...hell, it's been years since she's done anything at all (that was the problem). She's still one of the nicest people I've ever known; I just have no interest in her being in my life any more.

So...I don't really know what I'm expecting from this thread, but I needed to blab about this. Advice? Thoughts? Can you relate?

 

[sidious618]

I can relate, it's happened to me, too. Just don't engage her unless she engages you. And even then, don't engage back too often. She'll get the hint soon enough.

 

[RoJoHen]

I can relate, it's happened to me, too. Just don't engage her unless she engages you. And even then, don't engage back too often. She'll get the hint soon enough.

That's pretty much what I'm doing. Unless she asks me a specific question, I'm not responding to any of her messages. And even then, my answers are short and indifferent.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Don't break it off. You may think you want to, but you don't. Friendships should never be broken.

 

[RoJoHen]

This friendship doesn't exist. We haven't spoken in nearly 2 years, and I very much doubt I'm going to see her again (outside maybe our high school reunion). I just don't care about her anymore.

 

[ThankQ]

Forgive me for not reading the story, I just read the title... but we've seen this here before.

You don't have to break up with friends. You just stop. That simple.

 

[RoJoHen]

Forgive me for not reading the story, I just read the title... but we've seen this here before.

You don't have to break up with friends. You just stop. That simple.

I have stopped. She has started up again, and honestly, she's coming across as desperate.

I have a feeling her behavior has alienated her from a lot of her old friends. She moved away and basically fell off the face of the planet. None of us really care about her anymore, and it's kind of sad.

 

[ThankQ]

Forgive me for not reading the story, I just read the title... but we've seen this here before.

You don't have to break up with friends. You just stop. That simple.

I have stopped. She has started up again, and honestly, she's coming across as desperate.

I have a feeling her behavior has alienated her from a lot of her old friends. She moved away and basically fell off the face of the planet. None of us really care about her anymore, and it's kind of sad.

Screw me. The one time I don't read the actual damn post...

 

[Finn]

Don't break it off. You may think you want to, but you don't. Friendships should never be broken.

Unless it's a toxic one... The guy who introduced me to my wife was the type that enables toxic individuals and alienates decent people (including both of us well before I dated my wife or even before we met).

 

[sidious618]

Don't break it off. You may think you want to, but you don't. Friendships should never be broken.

Friendships, like relationships, can go south and might need to be terminated.

 

[RoJoHen]

Really, from my perspective, this friendship ended a while ago. It's only recently that she's tried to start it up again, and the problem is that it's been too long for me to care. She is not my friend anymore, but she still seems to think that I am hers.

 

[Kelso]

I would just be friends with her. It's not like a facebook friendship requires a lot of effort. Maybe she needs a friend right now. Or maybe she's just bored.

How hot is she?

 

[RoJoHen]

I would just be friends with her. It's not like a facebook friendship requires a lot of effort.

I don't want to string her along with a fake friendship that I don't give a shit about.

Maybe she needs a friend right now.

She should have thought of that two years ago when she stopped talking to everyone.

Or maybe she's just bored.

If that's the case, then I care even less.

How hot is she?

 

[Goji]

If you really, seriously don't want to talk to her... then yeah, just don't. She'll either get the hint and stop trying, or get the hint and call you on it, in which case you can ignore her or explain your reasoning as you've done here. Clearly there's no way someone can force you to interact with them, especially online where there is such a thing as an ignore feature built in most everywhere.

But... personally, speaking from experience, I think if someone wants to rebuild a relationship with you, you should let them and see where it leads. Maybe you feel that the relationship is over *now*, but if you actually give it a chance and talk to her, maybe you'll remember why you were friends in the first place. Again, not saying that *will* happen or that you *should* do this. But on the other hand, my current girlfriend was someone with whom I had a huge falling out and didn't speak to for three years. Now, we're quite happy together. Stuff happens, people change. Sometimes they just change their minds and realize a decision they made led them to a place they'd rather not be. And in that kind of situation, my inclination is to forgive, forget, and see where the future leads.

 

[sidious618]

How hot is she?

Oh, c'mon, it's a legitimate question. Even I thought of it.

 

[RoJoHen]

How hot is she?

Oh, c'mon, it's a legitimate question. Even I thought of it.

Our friendship was always 100% platonic, and her hotness is irrelevant.

 

[sidious618]

Our friendship was always 100% platonic, and her hotness is irrelevant.

If she's hot, keeps wanting to chat and I previously had a good relationship with her then I'd keep the lines of communication open.

I have to say, she doesn't seem like a horrible person. She just went quiet for a while. Who knows what happened during that time period? Maybe she was having a depressive episode and crawled out of it. Since you were quite fond of her in the past I'd see what happened. You can confront her about it and if she has no reasoning then, yeah, maybe she's not worth it. You have to hear her side, though.

 

[Finn]

Our friendship was always 100% platonic, and her hotness is irrelevant.

If she's hot, keeps wanting to chat and I previously had a good relationship with her then I'd keep the lines of communication open.

. So if she was ugly, you'd ignore her even if she was a sweet and cool person to be with?

I have to say, she doesn't seem like a horrible person. She just went quiet for a while. Who knows what happened during that time period? Maybe she was having a depressive episode and crawled out of it. Since you were quite fond of her in the past I'd see what happened. You can confront her about it and if she has no reasoning then, yeah, maybe she's not worth it. You have to hear her side, though.

Good point. There might be a good reason why. She might have been in a situation where she was afraid to keep in touch until now.

 

[Maestro]

Just ignore her. Or, if it's that bad, unfriend her. It's not that hard.

 

[FPAlpha]

2 things to do basically

Ignore her until she gets it or confront her and tell her she's out due to her behaviour and there's likely no comeback