TNG Caption This! 245: A Picture from All Seasons!

[LeadHead]

Merry Whatever you celebrate everyone! Thanks for being patient with me, I really wanted to start the new contest on December 25th, (Might not still be December 25th in your timezone, and it barely still is in mine) But, the holiday was quite a busy one for me. Lets get moving!

First up to the plate, we have the "The right officer for the job" Award, going to:

Picard: "Picard to Riker. Number One, I've almost reached the bottom of the page. Send for the Captain's page turner."
Riker: "Wesley Crusher to the Captain's ready room"

Next, we have the "That's GOTTA hurt" Award, going to:

Q: Condolences for the injury you sustained from your tragic trouser zip accident.

Next, we have the "Potential Spin-off" Award, going to:

Awkward Moment: The Next Generation.

Next, we have the "Knowledge is Power" Award, going to:

Dr. Crusher: What on Earth has made you ask me about Commander Riker and auto-erotic asphyxiation?

Next up, we have the "Pun that made my head explode" Award, going to:

Riker: "So, Geordi, why did I remove your visor?"

LaForge: "Because I'm about to go on a blind date."

Our Photoshop Award goes to:

Q: "These are fresh Terran roses! And this is all you give me as a tip, Jean-Luc?"

Crusher: "Here you go. Fifty dollars, as agreed. And give me a call if you get any more. I can use as many as you can catch."

There we are! Thanks for everyone who participated in this contest and congrats to our winners! And now, to close out 2011, an image from the Season Premiere of each Season of TNG!

In case I haven't said it to ya, Happy Holidays!

 

[LeadHead]

Picard: Hello Computer!

Wesley: Wait... we just went to warp... aren't I supposed to be driving?

Picard was shocked to see the Beverly had the most "Merry Christmas" posts on her Spacebook page of the entire crew.

Picard: Wait, I'm not Locutus anymore...

Crusher: That's for letting them ship me off to Starfleet Medical!

Picard: Are they all looking at us?

Worf: Don't mind them, they throught you were General Chang for a minute.

Riker: (thinking) Man I wish I knew how to use a tricorder right now.

Riker: Crap! If I had missed, I'd be Captain now!

 

[inflatabledalek]

thanks ftw.

Riker tries desperately to distract Picard so he won't notice Worf has fallen asleep after a hard night on the blood wine.

Wesley: They say you knew Captain Picard on the Stargazer.

Guinan: Funny story actually, we really first met when a few years from now he gets sent back in time to 19th century San Francisco and Mark Twain and I have to help him stop evil brain sucking chronically displaced aliens with only Data's disembodied head to assist us.

Wesley: What the hell?

Guinan: Oh yeah, really should stop mentioning that. I must remember to just go "I never met the Captain before coming aboard", otherwise things will get confusing. Still, at least I didn't mention what I let him do to me and your mom at the same time on the bar back there to get this job.

Riker: People posting on a Trek message board over Christmas?

Picard: Don't these people have lives?

Crusher: There you go Captain, I just do up this zip and you're ready to play Travis in our production of Blake's 7.

The smoking ban had yet to reach Kronos...

Picard: Whatever it is it's really made your hair look stupid number One.

Picard: FFS! You know you're a crap Star Trek villain when you can't even hit the red shirt.

 

[Vassa]

Picard: Commander Data, third shift bridge crew! Pink and Grey carpet?!? ...What the fuck?

Data: See Captain? Twice the stain resistance and 4 times less need to clean. Huge discount due to the color. I will get Geordi and Wesley to invent something to change the colors at the sub-atomic level.
Worf (growling): Have them finish quickly! A Pink Bridge?!?
Picard: ..and 1/3rd the cost! Good Job, Commander!

Riker: Hey Data what kind of shag carpet they got?

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Thanks for the win!

Wesley: "Damn! That's one hell of a bugsmear."
Guinan: "Don't swear, kid. Besides, you're the acting ensign on this tub. Get your sponge and spacesuit."

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD: Interesting ceremony.

WORF: Yes, and now we have the honeymoon.

PICARD: Wait...what???

 

[Holdfast]

Thanks for the pick; I'll consider it an extra Christmas present!

COMPUTER: Access... Granted.
PICARD: Tasha, route the feed to all shipboard viewscreens.
RIKER: Risan Sonic Showers Online, Captain? Never knew you had it in you.

WESLEY: It's true. Everything does start to look like Goatse.

PICARD: Beverly's a man?!

CRUSHER: Let me get that; your earring fell off again. Honestly Jean-Luc, you get all these cybernetic implants and you still won't get your ears pierced?

The Klingon High Council forget to pay their electricity bill.

RIKER: Readings confirmed Captain; our future career prospects are indeed this bright.
DATA (whispering to CRUSHER): Tricorder must be broken again.

PICARD: Can you shoot me with a blue phaser instead? That orange will clash awfully with my uniform.

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD: I seem to have misplaced my comm badge, Number One. Have you seen it?

RIKER: Not exactly a priority right now, Captain!!!

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Thanks for the win!

Yar: "Bridge temperature set to 72 degrees, Captain."
Picard: "Bridge temperature set back to 76 degrees."
Yar (giggles): "Bridge temperature set back to 72 degrees!"
Picard: "Ha! And set back to 76 degrees!"
Worf (thinking): "God, please, just kill me now!"

Riker: "It's an ancient Earth movie called 'The Wicked Lady.' Check out the topless lady with the whip."
Picard: "My God! The resemblance is remarkable!"
*turbo-lift doors swish open*
Troi: Hi! What are you all looking at?"
Riker, Picard, Worf and Data: "Nothing!!"

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD: Good lord, Ops is so simple even an idiot ensign could run it!

 

[NathanielM]

YAR: You know sir, you have a nice ass.

Riker: Yeah now that you mention it.

Crusher takes a hit on his bong and exclaims WOO WEE as the ship enters warp.

Jean Luc: What the devil is that?

Riker: It looks like you when you had hair sir.

Beverly hums a tango beat as she works on Jean Luc.

Twenty fourth century doobie brothers concert, klingon style.

Geordi unzips fly and shows off that he is certainly gifted.

Woman: OH IT's so big..... and so bright!

Jean Luc: ALRIGHT who did that?

 

[Gary7]

Thanks for the Photoshop pick, Leadhead! Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays.

Picard: "Oooo, and this flashy button--what does it do? Let's press it and see."
Tasha: "Riker, stop him quick!!"
Riker: "It's OK, Tasha. I put the console in PlaySkool mode."

Wesley: "Cool, we've gone to warp. We should be there in under 2 solar days!"
Guinan: "I can't believe we're going back... just because you left your iPad behind."

Picard: "What... what does that caption say?!"
Data: "You've apparently been given assless chaps once again, captain."

Beverly: "Just a little pin prick..."
*ding*
Data: "That'll keep you going for the show."
Riker: "C'mon, it's time to go."

The annual Enterprise snake dance in retro clothing festival was about to begin...

Picard: "We did it, didn't we?"
Worf: "Indeed, it was a first. The Klingons had never before seen a Klingon and human male dance the tango, together."

 

[Gary7]

"Staying Alive" played for the 10th time was just too much for Worf and Picard

 

[Gary7]

Unfortunately, Geordi's seance experiment went horribly wrong...

 

[NathanielM]

Picard: I said make it so...

Riker: Wesley you need to resume your station.

<Wesley off camera between Worf's legs.> I am on station Captain!

Worf <gruffly> Did I tell you to stop Ensign?

Wesley:Pass the LDS Guinan...
Guinan silently passes him the crack pipe and Wesley inhales deeply.
Wesley: Fuck this is good shit.
Guinan: <thinking> and I thought I was the junkie...

Picard: "What... what the devil did Wesley say?
Data: Tell ol cueball head I am on my way to the bridge
<stunned silence to follow>

Beverly: I wonder if they changed...that with implants too.
Data: Let me check Doctor. <reaching for Jean Luc's black trunks>

Geordi: Get ready everyone to cue for a cool special effect!

The new twenty-fourth century Bee-gees group! And their groupies!

 

[Nerys Myk]

WESLEY: I love the credits on Superman: The Movie

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Crusher: "That's enough! This has gotten entirely out of hand! I'm sedating him! Then we're sending all this paraphernalia back to 'Hair Club for Men'! Then we'll get him working with Troi to just learn to accept it!"

 

[Nerys Myk]

DATA: I think you'll he requires D batteries.

 

[Ln X]

Picard: This is absolutely fascinating... In fact, where is Data?
Riker: He's currently indisposed sir.
Picard: (angrily) Not good enough damn it! Not good enough!

Wesley: Where on Earth is Picard taking us now?
Guinan: (sighs) I keep telling you Wesley to get off this ship, it's a madhouse. Any other captain would fly away from shit like this!

Everybody stared in fascination at the live feed from sickbay showing Beverly performing a physical on one of her male patients. It made for gripping viewing...

Beverly: Assimulate this!

Worf and Picard were so badass they made Gowron look like a pussy in front of the entire Klingon High Council.

Rule of exploration no 23: DON'T stare into the light!

Picard: (thinking) Missed me, you Borg bugger!

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD: An interesting choice, Number One. But I don't think "Two Girls, One Cup" is the film we want for Captain DeSoto's bachelor's party.