Sexy or Creepy?

[doubleohfive]

ETA: I'm also wondering more and more if gender is not coming into this, if only subconsciously. As mentioned earlier, I doubt very much that if I were a man, and I posted this exact story, but with a sexy woman approaching me instead of a man, flirting for 5 minutes, and then stealing a french kiss, that anyone would be saying I'd been molested!

It would, however be more interesting to see what the French guy would have said, and how his retelling of the story would be perceived had he been the one posting it here. Would he be a scuzzy cad? A braggart? Or would he be viewed as a romantic?

 

[{ Emilia }]

You got his phone number, TSQ. Call him and ask him to post his version on tbbs. That'd be so much fun.

 

[iguana_tonante]

I don't feel taken advantage of...it was a fun kiss and I could have stopped it as soon as it started had I wanted to... but I'm still not sure what to think of the whole thing!

That's your answer then. If you don't feel taken advantage of and you know you had the chance to stop it as soon as it started then I see absolutely no issue with this.

None of us was there with you (unless 005 can pull off an awesome fake French accent) and only you know if there was some flirty, sexy tension between you two. If there was, where's the issue?

I mean, damn... do something crazy once in a while. You obviously both found each other attractive, you both enjoyed the kiss, and it was one of those crazy moments in life. Enjoy it, it's a fun memory.

Don't think about it too much.


ETA: I see some people said you were vulnerable. What a load of nonsense. It was a safe place and you said you felt safe and could've stopped the kiss or stepped away at any time. You weren't vulnerable. You were just being a confident woman. You decided that you were okay with it.

Listen to Emilia. Emilia is wise and is blessed with quite a bit of common sense.

That would've freaked me out BIG time, and I'm sure I would've screamed and fought if a strange man did that to me uninvited. Hell, as soon as he started coming onto me like that, I probably would've run away even before the touching started. A stranger who does not know me has no foist himself on me that way.

Thankfully, there is no risk of that.

The part that scares me the worst about this is that you gave him your contact information. If I were you, TSQ, I'd be changing my phone number immediately.

O noes, an handsome man approached you, with sexual interest! That should not be allowed! You should change your name! And city! And state, just to be sure!

 

[Mr Awe]

Yes, based on TSQ's reactions this was clearly worth the NYPD's time. Who knows, he might've had poisoned chapstick or summat.

Yes. He kissed her on a bridge, in broad (setting) daylight, with lots of people around. Clearly he's a psychotic rapist murderer!

Kestra, this is a rare case where I disagree with you. He grabbed her breast and Frenched her! Clearly, TSQ is feeling some cognitive dissonance over this and is trying to justify why she didn't react more strongly to it. Yes, that's my interpretation of it.

I do understand to some extent those who say that, she's ok with it so it's fine. But, on the other hand, a part of her is not ok with and for good reason. The French kissing and particularly the breast grab was an invasion. He abused the permission to kiss and took advantage of it.

That's not OK behavior. Even though she didn't react to it, it doesn't make it OK. If you agree to a simple kiss but instead got a tongue in your mouth and a hand on your breast, is that OK? I'm talking about respecting boundaries here.

Mr Awe

 

[{ Emilia }]

Yes, based on TSQ's reactions this was clearly worth the NYPD's time. Who knows, he might've had poisoned chapstick or summat.

Yes. He kissed her on a bridge, in broad (setting) daylight, with lots of people around. Clearly he's a psychotic rapist murderer!

Kestra, this is a rare case where I disagree with you

That was Kestrel by the way, not Kestra.

Kestrel is her sweet transvestite brother. (He asked me to use the term "evil twin" instead, though)

 

[Thestral]

I dunno, I'm not nearly as cool as Tim Curry though.

 

[sojourner]

Don't go for second best baby, put your love to the test. You've got to make him respect how you feel, then you'll know the love is real.

 

[SPOCKED]

Or perhaps by the endless number of news stories about missing women - those who are later "found" in the most horrific circumstances. And we wonder... HOW - how in the world did this happen??? Sometimes it happens with a stranger who stalks and molests, which is undeniably what happened here.

Bad things happens.

As in this instance where there was molestation.

Should we avoid any human contact except by the barrel of a gun because of that?

We should use good judgement. I think that what happened to TSQ was criminal and dangerous. That's not to say that settings don't exist where romance happens and can naturally be acted upon - of course there are. This setting is not one of those. And his rude sexual advance crossed EVERY line of decency, in my opinion.

No, wait, don't answer.

yeah, whatever

Or perhaps your "shotgun daddy" approach is nothing but your deep-seated fear of sex and paternalistic attitude towards women because you know what's best for them, which is undeniably what is happening here.

There's the gun reference, again
Have to be honest... I'm not really sure what you are getting at, here. My "deep-seated fear of sex..?" Do I have that?? I think you are trying to diagnose me as a prude. Well, if you're accusing me of having spoken to my daughters as they grew up about situations like this - what to do and what not to do... GUILTY AS CHARGED a thousand times over. This incident isn't about romance or even sex.. it is about crime and safety.

Or perhaps by the endless number of news stories about missing women - those who are later "found" in the most horrific circumstances. And we wonder... HOW - how in the world did this happen???

Yes. He kissed her on a bridge, in broad (setting) daylight, with lots of people around. Clearly he's a psychotic rapist murderer!

^ You left out the sexual groping part. But yeah, you got me there. No one was ever physically or emotionally harmed in a situation like this ever before.

 

[TheBrew]

Kiss was sexy, breast grab not so cool IMO. Still, it's really subjective. I say ignore his calls and enjoy the moment.

Sometimes to get the attention of a bold woman you need to make a bold move.

Or something.

 

[Kelthaz]

People have different standards on what is appropriate behaviour and what isn't acceptable. From Quark's story it sounds like his intentions were to be romantic and sweep her off her feet. And, well, it sounds like it worked pretty well. I don't think it was creepy at all.

 

[Trekker4747]

I don't know how to make it more clear that I was in control of this situation. I could have stopped it whenever I wanted to. I could have prevented the kiss from happening by not even allowing a bijou bijou goodbye. I could have prevented any of it happening by refusing when he first asked if he could walk with me. There was no danger to me, there was no power play involved. I allowed this to happen.

Pardon my ignorance or presumption here... But I would suspect the most "skilled" "molesters" know how to play the angles to let their mark think they are in charge and "allowed" something to happen when reality is very different.

I agree that when a guy cops a feel of your butt and breast that's not quite "molestation", however. In my mind to be "molested" much more private areas need to be felt-up.

From your story I think this guy played some angles with an attractive young Brooklynite with the hopes of making a score. He's probably not brazen or criminal enough to violently force himself on someone but to rather just use his charming good looks and romantic accent to get as far as he can and to do it in a way to make the woman think it was all her idea.

A fly to one of those bug-zapper things is the analogy I can think of. The fly thinks it wants to go to the light but in reality the light is intentionally designed to draw a fly to it to the point of being irresistible.

TSQ, whatever the real circumstances were here who was "really" in control or not in control is irrelevant it was mostly a harmless thing that happened. The way you dressed it up in your prose above is a bit touchingly romantic and shows that whatever happened here you obviously enjoyed it and you came out of this okay and I'd guess you're over-analyzing it here probably due to previous experiences.

Keep safe out there, though.

BTW? Did you ever get your groceries in the fridge?

 

[Tora Ziyal]

^huh?
Perhaps I was a little swept off my feet. Maybe all the doubters could take some tips. Then again, maybe I'm acting a giddy schoolgirl...either way, I've not made up my mind yet what to say should he call for coffee. Though I've decided as he's already stolen a kiss, I'm not going to make it so easy as to be the one who calls him.

You apparently gave him your phone number. And you're sounding a bit defensive towards the people who are voting for "creepy". It sounds to me like you're clearly on the side of "sexy".

 

[Satyrquaze]

I voted 'creepy' only because if had been a me being hit on and groped by a Frenchman, I'd be a bit put off by the situation. But, that's me speaking from a heterosexual male POV. I'd be flattered on some level, but your Frenchman was a bit too forward. He was in it for the thrill and maybe just to see how easy Americans really are.

I get flirted with/accosted on the street somewhat rarely. But, when I do it either involves prostitution or waiting for a bus within a block of a gay bar. I personally don't feel that the street is not a place to start a relationship with a stranger... unless money is exchanged.

 

[SmoothieX]

Creepy is that lecher saying all that stuff to you, sexual assault by frenching and groping sounds more like it to me.

I assume you were in a very busy place and could have screamed for help, or at least snapped off his balls.

 

[ares93]

People have jumped into bed after less, luv'. I wouldn't say it was creepy. Personally i rather think it was romantic. A kiss on a bridge is a classic.

I will however say that the bloke needs to learn to keep his hands for himself. That was rather presumptuous of him. Call me old fashioned, but you don't go copping a feel after knowing someone for five minutes. Then again, I don't do one night stands either. I suppose its a matter of opinion.

 

[RoJoHen]

Don't grab boobs in public.

 

[{ Emilia }]

Don't grab boobs in public.

That is such a generalization.

{ Emilia } does not approve.

 

[RoJoHen]

Don't assume you can grab boobs in public. Always check first to see if it's okay.

Better?

 

[{ Emilia }]

Don't assume you can grab boobs in public. Always check first to see if it's okay.

Better?

 

[Kestra]

Pardon my ignorance or presumption here... But I would suspect the most "skilled" "molesters" know how to play the angles to let their mark think they are in charge and "allowed" something to happen when reality is very different.

I don't think it works like that. Why would they let them think they're in charge? People who sexually assault others probably do it for the power thing.

And really, if someone feels that they are in charge of the situation and can give consent, how could reality be different? The guy might be guilty of being extremely persuasive, but that's about it.