The crowd thing is a good point. If he'd intended creepiness, he most likely wouldn't have done it in front of all those people, any of whom could quickly identify him to the police, or even separated key limbs.
Sexy or Creepy?
- Thread starter thestrangequark
- Start date
Hmmm...here I think I may have come across unclearly--I'm certainly not vulnerable. I was never out of control of the situation...like I said, I could have said no to the bijou bijou, I could have stopped the kiss, I could have given him a piece of my mind had I felt so inclined. At that moment, though, I didn't. I was surprised, not overtaken.
The confliction I think isn't a sign of vulnerability. It's a sign of contemplation and strength.
At the very least, it's a fun story that you can tell people about the mad romantic Parisian that kissed you on top of a bridge. At the most, who knows, that act of boldness may lead to greater things, eh?
Though I've decided as he's already stolen a kiss, I'm not going to make it so easy as to be the one who calls him.
Sorry to burst your bubble, but you were vulnerable, far more than you realize. The fact that he kissed you without your consent proves it beyond a shadow of a doubt.
Well I don't know if I'd go that far. Plenty of first dates end with a kiss that isn't expected (and thus does not count as "consent"). Of course this thing here was not even close to a date, but still. Isn't tsq herself the best judge of whether she was vulnerable? Only she knows how she felt at that time. If she says she didn't feel vulnerable, why not take her at her word? She'd know, wouldn't she?
OK, well, my opinion is offered "as-is". I said I wasn't going to go on and on about it, and I meant it. Take it or leave it, k? I entertained some brief elaboration and clarification, but that's really all. If the standard to comment is that we must be tsq, then none of us have anything to say, and the whole exercise is pointless. So, there ya are: my two cents.
^Not pointless. At least not for me. I think it's interesting to hear what others think and it's a fun story to share either way. That's not pointless. If you think it's pointless, why bother joining in?
I let a stranger steal a kiss...this means that I consciously put myself in a situation where he could do so. Though it came as a surprise, and I'm still ambivalent about what to think of him, there is a difference between being taken advantage of and consciously (and safely, again, think of the time and place where this occurred) putting oneself in the position where a man can make moves on you.
If at any moment I'd felt vulnerable or out of control, I would've ended it. Believe me, I've lived in big cities all my life, and on my own in NYC since I was a teenager...I know how to take care of myself when it comes to unsavory men on the streets.
I completely disagree. And as I'm the one whose vulnerability is in question, I'm the most qualified to make that statement. Perhaps the subtleties of such an interaction simply cannot be appropriately conveyed over the internet, or perhaps you've just never had the experience of a sort of uncertain flirtation. Or perhaps it's a gender thing. But saying that I'm vulnerable because I let someone steal a kiss is a bit insulting.
I let a stranger steal a kiss...this means that I consciously put myself in a situation where he could do so. Though it came as a surprise, and I'm still ambivalent about what to think of him, there is a difference between being taken advantage of and consciously (and safely, again, think of the time and place where this occurred) putting oneself in the position where a man can make moves on you.
If at any moment I'd felt vulnerable or out of control, I would've ended it. Believe me, I've lived in big cities all my life, and on my own in NYC since I was a teenager...I know how to take care of myself when it comes to unsavory men on the streets.
as far as i'm concerned you were sexually assaulted and i would've kicked him inna fork and screamed loud enough to wake LA.
^Whoa, hold your horses there, partner. That's an overreaction if ever I've heard one!
I vote creepy. It's a bit difficult because I wouldn't have consented to the kiss in the first place. But even that being given, I think he went too far, especially given you had shown some hesitation.
Ultimately I'm not sure it really matters, as these things are usually labelled based on our feelings for the other person, and not any sort of objective standard.
Ultimately I'm not sure it really matters, as these things are usually labelled based on our feelings for the other person, and not any sort of objective standard.
^You're right, of course, which is why it sucks that I feel so ambiguous about it! Though I have realized, in having to defend against the ridiculous notion that this amounts to an assault, I'm leaning more toward the romantic/sexy end of the spectrum than when I first posted this thread.
Suddenly copping a feel of your breast after knowing you for only five minutes is molestation at best. Stay away from this person.
TSQ, if Pepé Le Pew had been from Jersey instead of France, would it even be a question whether it was creepy or not?
Try not to be too reactionary though. Sleep on it, and you'll know how you feel in time. No reason to sort it all out right this minute.
^A voice of reason. While I am leaning toward the romantic end, I'm also feeling I'd like to end the story there. I think it's nice...sharing a strange and sexy kiss with a stranger on a bridge whom I'm never going to see again. Yes, I think I am definitely feeling more that it was a sexy fun thing, rather than a creepy weird thing.
No. This is an insult to those who have actually been molested. People need to get some perspective, here!
I'm not one to swoon for a French accent, honestly, it was mostly other aspects of his appearance/behavior, that temporarily swept me off my feet.
If he'd been Scottish, on the other hand....
While I am leaning toward the romantic end, I'm also feeling I'd like to end the story there. I think it's nice...sharing a strange and sexy kiss with a stranger on a bridge whom I'm never going to see again. Yes, I think I am definitely feeling more that it was a sexy fun thing, rather than a creepy weird thing.
No. This is an insult to those who have actually been molested. People need to get some perspective, here!
Fair question. The accent just added to his charm, but ultimately his nationality didn't make much of a difference, except to add to the romance of the story.
I'm not one to swoon for a French accent, honestly, it was mostly other aspects of his appearance/behavior, that temporarily swept me off my feet.
If he'd been Scottish, on the other hand....
It's not an insult. Someone you've only just met touching your breasts without asking is a form of molestation. The fact that this is in question is baffling to me.
As someone who has been molested, I find it insulting. So yes, it is an insult to those who have actually been molested.
I don't know how to make it more clear that I was in control of this situation. I could have stopped it whenever I wanted to. I could have prevented the kiss from happening by not even allowing a bijou bijou goodbye. I could have prevented any of it happening by refusing when he first asked if he could walk with me. There was no danger to me, there was no power play involved. I allowed this to happen.
I've also been in situations where things have happened that I did not allow. Believe me, I know the difference.
I dunno, molestation is something that is unwanted, which isn't the case here. It may not have been wanted, but that doesn't make it unwanted, if that makes any sense.
I'm a bit wary to go down the path of requiring that physical advances always have advance permission, because a lot of the time you just don't know what's too much until you see it. I agree that this particular situation is creepy, but I don't see it as outright sexual assault, either.
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