I'm only in it for the money. And the massive amounts of private information.
Dating
- Thread starter Sean Aaron
- Start date
Don't forget the women!
Whose private information do you think I was talking about?!
That name is even worse than "Geek2Geek". 
I know it sounds nitpicky, but people do care about what things are called.
I know it sounds nitpicky, but people do care about what things are called.
Point taken, though, Robert. 
I'm beginning to think it's my town that's the problem and not the dating sites. So many stoners. So many self-absorbed political activists (no, this isn't a contradiction).
^Nah, it's internet dating. I live in a big city and it's still full of self-absorbed stoners (they usually call themselves "creative types" but their generic tattoos say otherwise). Not as many political types as there used to be, but then again, it's not an election year. However, the main thing are people saying they want to "meet someone", but in reality are not searching so much as shopping. Anyone not immediately meeting 100% of their criteria doesn't get a 2nd look. Since people aren't houses, this really doesn't work all that well.
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Very good points.
Yeah, I doubt most people really go about it that way. I don't have some checklist I go down. I have a few dealbreakers, but that's it. I much prefer to find something unusual or surprising in a person's description--that's more likely to spark my interest than finding out they're exactly what I have on some mental checklist.
True. I don't have many dealbreakers either; funny thing is if the person I'm currently seeing had been more revealing in her description I might have passed her by and what a mistake that would have been. I'm happy to be off the dating train now after only a few stops; if I had months of that I think I would have gotten depressed...
I have to say, even with all the ups and downs, dating in itself can be pretty fun.
I'm struggling with this myself. I'm not sure how I'm going to keep this up until 40 (the time frame I set) but if I stop now, I may as well say that I've given up on love and any hope of ever dating again. It really does hurt though to care and to not have any outlet.
I keep having thoughts like ... if it's impossible for me to find love for some reason, either because of my personality or my looks or because of the fear that I feel towards other people, and if love is an essential part of life, then it's like I've been called to serve but not really to live, which makes me something less than human. A homunculus, if you will. Or maybe golem is the more appropriate word.
When I think about how alone I am, I feel a kind of pain, or even a sensation like I'm falling.
I'm probably completely bonkers.
Absolutely not, I had the same feelings at times.
It's why I try to take people at face value and not read too much into non-communication or why I try not to over-analyse my feelings about the person I'm seeing right now and just go with it.
Just knowing the other person is on the same wavelength means a lot without trying to quantify whether that feeling is "love" or not.
As long as you're getting some kind of contact: messages, chat, actual dates there's hope there. Try not to dwell on the worst case scenario and think about what your good qualities are and what your negatives are. Even if you cannot fix your negative qualities, just being aware of them and trying to compensate for them can minimise them. It's being delusional that is more destructive. I'm confident if you have love to give, there's someone out there who will want to receive it and return it in kind.
Anyway that's my self-help quotient for now!
Of course, it's stupid and unrealistic. And yes, not everyone does that. Unfortunately there's so many shoppers that it makes it very hard for the realistic people to find each other. But what I'm talking about isn't "ticking the boxes", it's comparison shopping.
Example: (simplified for the sake of brevity, yes most people would message both, but there aren't just two possible 'matches' for a person on a huge site, so replace "2" with whatever number is beyond your ability to manage at one time):
An attractive woman gets two messages in her inbox. Both are funny, intelligent, and are at similar points in their life to the woman. One is a bit more attractive than the other. Who do think gets the reply? For men, you see a similar situation. Two women have good personality, but one is hotter. Which one are you going to message first?
It's not just looks either, you have two alternatives, and they're never 100% alike, so you pick based on the differentiations. One has a better job, a house, or a really cute dog, has a screen name you like better. None of which is particularly relevant as to whether you're going to like this person face to face.
Dating sites are a great idea in principle. The economist in me sees the dating landscape and sees a horribly inefficient market: (millions of people looking for something very important to them, but it takes years for them to find it. What century does THAT kind of struggle belong in? Not the 21st). Dating sites seem like a logical answer. Too bad human nature screwed it up.
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Thanks. I think this is all pretty good advice, and it's nice to know that I'm not the only person to have gloomy thoughts about the whole thing.
I can see what you're saying and I was almost in a similar situation: messaging someone on one site on-and-off who was "better looking," but then progressing more quickly through chatting to dating with someone else.
I could have put the latter woman off to see what might be with the former, but that would have been my loss ultimately because the first woman was actually chatting and moving towards dating someone else and our chatting - though pleasant - was sporadic. Instead I decided to go with what was real and happening. If I waited for some "ideal" then I'd likely still be alone and angsty.
I think finding someone and having them reconsider quickly and then going on a date with someone who I found a bit boring was a downer. Doing online singles chatting really helped take the edge off. Having a social life outside dating is also a good thing. As long as you have some form of human contact I think that can help keep the darker, lonelier thoughts at bay.
I did struggle a little with thoughts that this could be the situation for years, but I refused to let myself be brought down by that because I've let a pretty fortunate life. Naturally I have no control over my current partner, so this may not be forever, but I feel like it could be; time will tell!
So I'm riding the elevator in my building yesterday and this girl in a bikini from the floor above me starts talking to me. I think that I managed to choke out a couple of cogent responses.
Seriously it was a pleasant conversation but didn't really lead anywhere, being an elevator ride and all. Maybe I'll run into her again.
Hope springs eternal, and all that.
Seriously it was a pleasant conversation but didn't really lead anywhere, being an elevator ride and all. Maybe I'll run into her again.
Hope springs eternal, and all that.
I had what I think is called an epiphany on Friday. I hit a really low point, just feeling gloom and doom and that things would never work out, and then I had this thought that I was going about things exactly opposite. I was letting the situation get the best of me, when in fact I should be trying to make the best of the situation. Corny stuff but basically it means acting instead of being acted upon. Since then I've felt about %100 better. I'm not sure how I had gotten locked into such a passive mindset to begin with but I am sure that this was a great deal of the problem.
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