TNG Caption This #220: The Goddess of Empathy

[LeadHead]

Happy Friday, friends and neighbors, lets see what we've got here!

First up to the plate, we have the "Hoes before Bros" Award goes to:

Worf: "Geordi, remember when I said you could come on this double-date?"
Geordi: "Yeah..."
Worf: "I lied."

Next, the "Slow Staff Meeting" Award goes to:

Data: First word, Long word...

Next, the "The More, The Merrier" Award goes to:

Worf: "Commander, are you sure Doorbell Ditch will work with this large of a group?"

Next, the "Honorable Combat" Award goes to:

Worf: RELEASE THE TOY!
Spot: Mrrroowwwwwww!

Okay, you may have noticed that I've done the winners a little out of order this time around. That's because the Keiko giving birth photo got the World's Most Awesome Responses! Pure Hilarity! I decided that I can not just leave it with one victor. Even using one of the others for a Klingon Belly Laugh Award is inadequate. So there are 3 winners here and 2 Klingon Belly Laugh Awards this week! Amazing, Just Amazing People! I salute all of you!

First, the "Modern Medicine" Award goes to:

WORF: I find no reference to "epidural" in the database.

KEIKO: Keep. Looking!

Next, the "Thorough Screening" Award goes to:

Worf: "No hidden weapons. You are clear to go aboard the Enterprise."
Ambassador T'Pel: "Damn. And I heard airport security in the 21st Century was bad."

And, the "Beside Manner" Award goes to:

Worf: "Boy, does this bring back memories! I remember one time, K'Ehleyr and I were on Risa--"
Keiko: "Worf!"
Worf: "Right. Nevermind."

Here's the Photoshop that made me really hungry! Our winner is:

Worf: (sniff, sniff) "Something smells... meaty."
Picard: "It's the new 3-foot sub, and you can get one at the Subway that just opened up in Ten-forward. Of course, you'll have to get your own--this one's all mine."

And of course the promised double KBL awards...

Worf: You need to dilate by HOW much?

Kindly part your legs by two percent. No. That is too far. Back again...back...the other way... just a tiny bit more....there! Keep exactly like that. I know it is inconvenient Keiko, but it's the only way I can get a good cell phone signal.

Congratulations to all of our winners and many, many thanks to all of our contestants! This was a real tough one to judge, which means it was awesome! So many great captions! Loved it! Thanks Again!

Now, continuing our character centric contests, next crewmember: Deanna Troi. Have fun!

Off we go!

 

[LeadHead]

Troi: I'm going to kill Barclay!

Riker: Hmmm... you used to hate that position.

Frakes was actually not as optimistic as reported when he got the script for TATV.

Crusher soon regretted volunteering to personally record all of the crew's dreams.

Worf: Please don't follow me all lovey dovey. We're not supposed to be in a relationship until the end of the series.

Picard: Don't Shoot!

Troi: So you thought telepaths are only bad-ass in the Babylon 5 universe, did ya?

 

[Nerys Myk]

.

PICARD: Would you mind not transmitting sexually suggestive thoughts to your "Imzadi" during staff meetings, Counselor?

CRUSHER: Relax,Deanna. Just one more stray nose hair.

PICARD ( thinking ): I'm touching your breast.

TROI: I might only be a empath, but cut that the hell out now!!!!!!

 

[Isis]

Troi: "Captain, I sense you are confused. With a case of jazz hands, you need to go to Dr. Crusher, not me."

 

[Isis]

Very few could best Crusher in her ability to look grave at a patient's bedside.

It was a little known fact that Patrick Stewart never quite got the hang of the Vulcan salutation.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Thanks for the win, LeadHead!

Riker: "You like it? I've been working on it for months! I call it 'Deanna au Naturel with Ice Cream Cone'!"

Admiral Pressman: "Will, is this Deanna Troi? Oh, Deanna, Will has told me so much about you! And, Will, you're nuts, buddy! There is nothing wrong with those!"

Picard: "Alright, okay, I may have said that to your mother, but what I meant was..."

 

[Finn]

Very few could best Crusher in her ability to look grave at a patient's bedside.

Troi: Beverly...You look like crap. Computer, activate the emergency medical hologram!

 

[Nerys Myk]

RIKER: This is my latest modification to the NX-01 holoprogram.

GEORDI: Daaaaammmnnn.

TROI: You really must hate Trip Tucker.

RIKER: He knows what he did.

 

[Gary7]

Thanks for the Photoshop selection, Leadhead.

Riker: "You like it?"
Deanna: "That's the biggest..."
LaForge: "... hot fudge sundae I've ever seen. Must be over 3,000 calories!"

 

[Gary7]

Crusher: "This is just great. Just--great. So Deanna can't sleep... and I have to stay up all night blocking her damned nightmares with this friggin' tricorder."

 

[Gary7]

Troi: "I'm sorry Captain, but I simply won't do it. You'll never get me to do 'the hokey pokey'!"

Picard: (acting like Al Jolson) "Mammy! What's wrong with ya, Mammy? Don't ya love me, Mammy? Tell me what ta do, Mammy!"
Riker: "I don't think it's working... she's definitely not amused."

Troi: "Oh no... no, no. There's definitely nothing more to be said."
Picard: "But counselor--"
Troi: "I can read your minds! Dirty old perverts, the lot of you!"
Riker: "Deanna, c'mon, can't you--"
Troi: "And, YOU! Just because you were my Imzadi once, doesn't give you any carte blanche to even think of such things."
Picard: (to Riker) "Will, you assured me that she's an empath, not a telepath!"

 

[BlobVanDam]

Geordi: Ok Deanna, I believe you now. Virtual Troi can open her mouth wider.

Crusher: Nope, the tricorder can't figure it out either. Betazoid, British, Greek, it can't figure out where the hell she's from.

Picard: It wasn't my idea, Deanna. Starfleet has a new security measure enabling the Captain to pat down any crew member without suspicion. I've seen anti-matter bombs that fit into an A cup. I've even heard a rumour that the crew of the Enterprise 1701 once made a bomb so inconspicuous, you couldn't even see it!

 

[Skywalker]

Woohoo, thanks for the win!

Crusher: "I'm sensing some brain activity. Oh, wait, that's the tricorder..."

Geordi: "What the hell am I looking at?"
Troi: "Data's holographic reenactment of The Full Monty."
Riker: "I like it!"

Picard: "Numbah One, did you realize that from this angle, it looks like I'm grabbing Counselor Troi's breast?"
Riker: "I did indeed, sir."
Picard: "Wonderful! We should film from this angle more often!"

 

[inflatabledalek]

Riker: I've missed that face you pull...

Riker: The curls really aren't working for you...

Crusher: Act damn it!

Worf: Would you mind just walking a little in front of me? It's all part of a noble Klingon tradition about letting ladies go first, and not about me watching your hypnotic ass swagger from side to side.

Picard: You know what they say about men with big hands?

 

[Skywalker]

Riker: "So, Deanna, how's your day been?"
Troi: "I'm the counselor here, Will. Shouldn't I be asking you that?"
Riker: *facepalms* "Aw, geez..."
Troi: "I'm sensing some frustration."
Riker: "No kidding."

 

[CorporalCaptain]

Riker: Careful, Captain, she's on her annual cycle.

Picard: Counselor Troi, we mean you no harm!

 

[Gary7]

Crusher: Nope, the tricorder can't figure it out either. Betazoid, British, Greek, it can't figure out where the hell she's from.

Lwaxana (OS): "She's Betazoid! I know, I could never figure out why she persists on doing that... well... phony accent."

 

[Finn]

Crusher: I wonder if this would work with Picard. This way, he wouldn't be able to cut me off....unless a Romulan warbird decloaks off starboard like the last time.

 

[Nerys Myk]

Crusher: Nope, the tricorder can't figure it out either. Betazoid, British, Greek, it can't figure out where the hell she's from.

PICARD: Scan me and get a base reading.

CRUSHER (Raises eyebrow): You're kidding, right?

 

[Mojochi]

Riker: Oh yeah, I remember that move

Laforge: I'll be in my quarters

Little did everyone know Deanna's telepathy with Will didn't end at the Farpoint mission, and occassionally for fun, she liked to telepathically push images of her naked mother

Deanna: Uhhh... Jean-Luc

Crusher: I knew it! You bitch!

Deanna: Mot uses that relaxer on my hair too. Smells pretty doesn't it?

Picard: If I have to break up another lover's quarrel between you two, I'm seriously going to kick you both in the crotch