Need advice on introducing myself to a girl through facebook.

[Aldo]

So anyone who remembers my last thread knows I saw a picture of my buddies work crew, and one of the girls in the picture caught my eye. So after a bunch of flip flopping, he's decided on inviting her to the apartment (well, he kind of already did once, but she was busy that night). So here's the rub, I found her on facebook and thought I'd send her a friend invite and get to know her myself, seeing as I have no idea when she'd ever get over here, at the rate we're going.

So anyone who's going to tell me not to send her a friend invite and just wait to meet her in person, well I already did send out the invite, she hasn't added me because (and I presume) she has no idea who I am, but I just want to get to know her, not necessarily for "those" types of reasons, but just because she looks like someone I'd like to know.

 

[boobatuba]

So, what's the question?

 

[Kestra]

Yeah, I was going to say "Don't." But seeing as you already did, why do you need to help introducing yourself through Facebook? You already did it.

 

[RoJoHen]

If she asks who you are, you shouldn't probably avoid saying anything about how you've been stalking her for the last month or so.

 

[Aldo]

I realize I left off the question part...oops.

She hasn't added me because she doesn't know who I am. I would like to send a message but I am unsure of what to say that would not sound creepy and/or weird.

 

[RoJoHen]

I believe I covered that.

 

[boobatuba]

I realize I left off the question part...oops.

She hasn't added me because she doesn't know who I am. I would like to send a message but I am unsure of what to say that would not sound creepy and/or weird.

Thanks for clarifying.

Nothing. Anything you say in that scenario will sound creepy and/or weird.

 

[Aldo]

Ok, I'll take that advice and not send her a message. I don't want this thread to go to waste though so I shall pose this question:

Eventually my roommate is going to succeed in getting her to come over to the apartment to hang with us. Introductions will be made and I'm sure the question of "Are you the same Tony that send me a friend request?" Will come up. So how do I respond to that if/when I get posed that questions.

And yes, I realize I jumped the gun in sending a friend request

 

[RoJoHen]

Ok, I'll take that advice and not send her a message. I don't want this thread to go to waste though so I shall pose this question:

Eventually my roommate is going to succeed in getting her to come over to the apartment to hang with us. Introductions will be made and I'm sure the question of "Are you the same Tony that send me a friend request?" Will come up. So how do I respond to that if/when I get posed that questions.

And yes, I realize I jumped the gun in sending a friend request

I would respond with, "Did I? I must have been drunk." It's the only way to do so without seeming like a total creepshow.

Seriously, dude, she's a person. Talk to her like she's a person.

 

[Kelso]

Send friend requests to the other people in the picture.

You're just a friendly guy. Nothing creepy about that.

 

[Shatnertage]

Yeah, I was going to say "Don't."

My first reaction.

Anything you say in that scenario will sound creepy and/or weird.

Yes.

Send friend requests to the other people in the picture.

The only possible save that I can think of.

 

[sojourner]

Jayson?

 

[Spot's Meow]

You are thinking way too hard about all of this. Stop thinking of her as a potential date and just think of her as a human being...just talk to her like you would anyone else, it really isn't that scary or difficult. If I met a guy for the first time and later found out that for the month prior he had been plotting ways to inject himself into my life I would be a little creeped out.

 

[Canadave]

Yeah, I don't think there's any real way you can come off as not-creepy here. Facebook isn't a dating site, and unless you've been interacting with her on there (say, in the comments of your roommates statuses) it just looks odd.

Hell, I'm a guy and I occasionally get weirded out by random adds. Imagine how she would feel.

 

[Aldo]

Jayson?

Not quite

I'm just a guy who (as others have pointed out here) overthink things way too much. Especially when it comes to girls.

I certainly hope you're not implying I'm a troll by comparing me to Jayson...I've been here for about ten years for crying out loud!

 

[Darth Duck]

PlentyofFish, Match, eHarmony, JDate, Geek2Geek. These are but a few examples of the myriad of dating websites out there. Facebook isn't one of them. But at this point you're pretty much screwed no matter what, so man up and send her a message. Be funny, be sweet, do not ask her what she is wearing. The worst thing that can happen is a restraining order. The best thing that can happen is crazy/wild/kinky sex.

 

[sojourner]

I certainly hope you're not implying I'm a troll by comparing me to Jayson...I've been here for about ten years for crying out loud!

No, no trolling implied. But you do have to admit that your OP does read like one of his posts.

 

[RJDiogenes]

You should have mentioned that you had a mutual friend when you sent the original request. People add mutual friends all the time (sending requests to other people in the picture is probably a good idea, too).

There's nothing creepy about finding someone attractive and looking for ways to meet them. That's why pickup lines are invented. Of course, if she's a young girl raised in contemporary society, she's probably been programmed to think that attraction is creepy and interest is stalking, so you probably need to allow for that.

 

[Robert Maxwell]

You should have mentioned that you had a mutual friend when you sent the original request. People add mutual friends all the time (sending requests to other people in the picture is probably a good idea, too).

Yeah, this would be the way to go. You can just explain that you're trying to expand your circle of friends, and from what you've heard about your friend's work crew, you'd like to get to know some of them. You're just a friendly, gregarious kind of person.

Under no circumstances should you make it obvious that your initial interest in her is romantic. Most women don't appreciate that. Get to know her first, then decide if there's any "there" there.

 

[Shatnertage]

Of course, if she's a young girl raised in contemporary society, she's probably been programmed to think that attraction is creepy and interest is stalking, so you probably need to allow for that.

Huh?

I can't think of a situation where "hey, I saw your picture by chance so I sent you an add request and then I talked about how much I liked you on a message board and tried to get advice about how to approach you" wouldn't be a little creepy.

For whatever reason, Aldo just didn't handle this very well. He should have just waited until he could have tagged along on a workmates night out or until she came over to the apartment and then tried to strike up a conversation with her.

He doesn't even know if she's single or actively looking for romance. By his own admission, she already turned down one invite to the apartment.