To add, just a small bit of advice that might help - don't sound too confident or anything, that can be somewhat off putting.
I Want to Get Married
- Thread starter BolianAuthor
- Start date
Maybe it's just me, but isn't marriage, like, the result of a relationship, and not the reason for it?
To meet some folks, sometimes it's best left to the "Internet"...
http://www.plentyoffish.com/
I met Dear Wife on the above site..for free..and got to know her a bit over a month before I met her... It worked for me much better than the pay sites..
One simply has to be honest with themselves and others for it to work...
http://www.plentyoffish.com/
I met Dear Wife on the above site..for free..and got to know her a bit over a month before I met her... It worked for me much better than the pay sites..
One simply has to be honest with themselves and others for it to work...
^^Indeed. I grew up conservative Catholic and marriage is considered to be one of God's commandments, as well as having children. It is seen as a duty.
I agree with many of the above posts. You need to look for a partner 1st before looking to get married. Many of my friends have been with their partners for years without even considering marriage. It looks like you are looking for a stable relationship more than anything.
My advice: personal hygiene (very important), take pride in your appearance, trim and clean under your fingernails, don't try to be something you're not, use dating sites and be patient, you can't force it.
One major reason I'm still with my ladyfriend is the fact she didn't look at me like I was a mentalist when I told her I loved trek. She accepted it immediately. That's love. She has since started buying me trek memorabilia.
Either way, good luck man.
My advice: personal hygiene (very important), take pride in your appearance, trim and clean under your fingernails, don't try to be something you're not, use dating sites and be patient, you can't force it.
One major reason I'm still with my ladyfriend is the fact she didn't look at me like I was a mentalist when I told her I loved trek. She accepted it immediately. That's love. She has since started buying me trek memorabilia.
Either way, good luck man.
Well, kind of all three, really, if I'm to be honest. I mean, here's my situation... I'm almost 34 years old, and I don't really have too much to show for it... while other people much younger than me have married right out of high school, had kids, and live in a nice house in the suburbs and all that.
Now, I don't need ALL that, but it bugs me that I'm not that far from 40, and I have so little to show for it. I DO want to get married, because yes, I am lonely, yes, it would be an accomplishment, and yes, I think it would make me happier... not because I "won" something, but because if I can find a good woman, I would have someone who loves me, and wants to be with me... I think that's a pretty good thing, and a reason to want this in and of itself.
I'm not looking for a family, since I have no desire for kids at all, and I don't need a huge suburban McMansion... but I would like the wife. I seriously do NOT want to turn 35 and still be single. I mean, I look at the male friends around me, and most are just a couple years younger than I am, and have no chance of ever pursuing a woman, let alone getting married. One of them has admitted as much to me, because he is very socially awkward, has little self-confidence, and just wouldn't know how to talk to a woman, and these are his own words, not mine. Another is older than me, and literally has the mind of a child, and lives with his grandma... he has absolutely NO initiative to get a job, get an apartment, or pursue anything outside of action figures and Legos... and this is a 37 year-old man. No, I refuse to accept such a future for my life.
I am tired of spending my weekends hanging out with my guy friends, doing the same thing... I want to spend my time with a woman who I can really have fun with, and if I play my cards right, that will hopefully turn in to something more, as I hope it will. But I cannot remain stagnant like this... I want to build a real life.
I mean, yes, marriage is an end result, not the beginning, and I fully realize this. But as I said, it IS something I want, and I am looking for a woman who will be more than just a one-time date or casual fling... I am looking to get more out of any relationship I end up cultivating.
As a married woman--someone who did not get married until age 34--I would recommend dropping the idea of "pursuing" a woman. I was never, ever attracted to a man who I felt was "coming on" to me. Every time a guy used a "line" on me, it pissed me the hell off. I wanted someone to like ME, the person. But I never felt that way. I had completely given up on the idea of marriage, and then I met my hubby.
I think we were both just pursuing a friendship, a relationship, because we both loved the same types of things: science fiction, movies, books, board games. Neither one of us drank, smoked, or were religious. We were very alike in the most basic ways. It all came out due to having a simple conversation---I put myself out there (being social was never my strong suit) to strike up a conversation with a stranger and he responded in kind.
I had been one of those people with a "list" of what my potential mate should be, and he didn't fit all the criteria. For example, he wasn't educated at all. He barely managed a GED. I thought I could NEVER be attracted to someone who didn't have a degree. He had some severe dental problems (which he has since fixed). I told myself that I couldn't attracted to someone like that, but I really, really liked him. Above all, he was really nice and really enthusiastic about what he liked. He was very skilled--a self taught computer expert---and took great pride in his work. He loved what he did, and he did it well. That was extremely attractive to me.
I felt better about myself when I was around him, because he was just generally a good person.
We had a lot of compromising to do and it hasn't been easy AT ALL. We continue to work on it. But we're friends first, and if we never married, we would probably still be friends.
I think you should find a place---a group, a club, a convention, whatever--where you could meet like-minded people. Go out of your way to make friends--and try not be self-conscious. If they like you, they like you. If they don't, oh well. The one time in my life when I decided to toss my self-esteem issues out the window was the EXACT time I met someone.
In other words, self confidence that is well-mannered and friendly, goes a long, long way.
I think we were both just pursuing a friendship, a relationship, because we both loved the same types of things: science fiction, movies, books, board games. Neither one of us drank, smoked, or were religious. We were very alike in the most basic ways. It all came out due to having a simple conversation---I put myself out there (being social was never my strong suit) to strike up a conversation with a stranger and he responded in kind.
I had been one of those people with a "list" of what my potential mate should be, and he didn't fit all the criteria. For example, he wasn't educated at all. He barely managed a GED. I thought I could NEVER be attracted to someone who didn't have a degree. He had some severe dental problems (which he has since fixed). I told myself that I couldn't attracted to someone like that, but I really, really liked him. Above all, he was really nice and really enthusiastic about what he liked. He was very skilled--a self taught computer expert---and took great pride in his work. He loved what he did, and he did it well. That was extremely attractive to me.
I felt better about myself when I was around him, because he was just generally a good person.
We had a lot of compromising to do and it hasn't been easy AT ALL. We continue to work on it. But we're friends first, and if we never married, we would probably still be friends.
I think you should find a place---a group, a club, a convention, whatever--where you could meet like-minded people. Go out of your way to make friends--and try not be self-conscious. If they like you, they like you. If they don't, oh well. The one time in my life when I decided to toss my self-esteem issues out the window was the EXACT time I met someone.
In other words, self confidence that is well-mannered and friendly, goes a long, long way.
In fairness, I would like to get married too, but I don't see it coming for me. Never even had a Valentine's Day date. Oh sure, I've done my fair share of asking women out, but obviously no one finds me attractive enough to date me. So I don't even think about it anymore, but good luck to you!
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Such is the difference between passion and love.
Passion is what you think you want, like a hunger.
Whereas love is something that exists and grows between two people, that ends up making both of their lives richer.
Also meet people who aren't like minded ~ meet people who are completely not what you think you want. Like I said in the above paragraph, going after what you think you want is pursuing a passion only.
Okay... this right here... this is very interesting, and I'm glad you brought this up, because I kind of wanted to comment on this issue...
You see... I prefer the woman to always make the first move, and initiate conversation, precisely because of the fact that if SHE comes to ME, then I know for sure I am "welcome" to her time and attention, and would not be imposing myself on her in an unwelcome way.
On the other side of what you said though... yes, I totally agree, the man should want to get to know YOU, the person. But... we can't even get to that point if our initial act of approaching you is so unwelcome that it pisses you off. I mean, from my own perspective as a man, which is all I can offer, we approached you, yes, because we liked either how you look, or something about you, but in doing so, we are hoping to get to that next level where you will allow us to get to know you as a person on those additional levels.
See, this is why I'm so afraid now... because I can see and fully understand how a woman might be pissed off by a "Larry from Three's Company" type of guy, who just throws out innuendo-laced one-liners at the bar, but if you get so pissed off as a woman by the mere act of my approaching you on my own, then in my view, you've already made up your mind that anything I say will be a wasted effort, so I'm shot down before even leaving the runway.
It's because of that very attitude that I'm kind of afraid of approaching women now, because I know that other women feel the same as you, because I've asked them. So that's why I kind of prefer that a woman makes the first move... because then I'll know at least she wants me to talk.
Well, I work retail as a "day job" in addition to my writing, so work is as good as it'll get, lol, since I can't really find anything better in this economy at the moment.
My hobbies, again, aside from writing and messing with Adobe Illustrator, are taking evening walks and also just taking nice little drives and road trips. I just love going out to eat and to movies and such, and like I said, I'd like to start doing that with a woman, and not just my guy friends.
Okay, so join some kind of walking or hiking club. Check out meetup.com -- they have groups of people who are interested in just about everything, everywhere. If you're serious about your writing, join a writers group -- it may improve your writing AND your social life. I see on your profile that you like Irish folk music; maybe there's some Irish dancing that you could take part in in your area.
Translation: you don't really exercise. Start. Tora Ziyal is quoted for total truth here.
Nearly everyone, male or female, gay, straight or whatever, would "prefer the woman to always make the first move, and initiate conversation." However, as you so correctly point out, that doesn't often happen, especially for straight guys, unless you're really handsome, rich, and love what you do.
As you so adequately observed, auntiehill's above-described attitude is toxic when it comes to guys meeting women - it makes you afraid to even approach women, and that's messed-up.
Now, in life, there will be people like her, who hate the mere thought of guys wanting a chance with them. But that's tough beans for them, because it is both your right and duty as a guy to be friendly to women you find attractive. This doesn't mean throwing out "innuendo-laced one-liners at the bar", but rather saying hello, looking them in the eye, smiling, and trying to get a conversation going, whether at a hiking group meet, a writer's group session, or yes, sometimes in a bar. And those that react negatively to such inoffensive good-naturedness aren't the sort of women you want in your life anyway.
Bottom line: be polite, don't be a douche, but don't be ruled by fear.
If you want to have sex, don't get married.
That ring on your finger doesn't just choke your circulation.
That ring on your finger doesn't just choke your circulation.
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