I Want to Get Married

[BolianAuthor]

Okay, as the thread title indicates, the BolianAuthor wants to get married. However, it has been quite a few years since I've been in the dating scene, and I fear that I may be out of touch. So, I am hoping some of you folks will share some advice for approaching women in a way that won't result in drinks being thrown in my face, or being slapped across the face, lol.

I have had two long-term relationships in my life, and quite frankly, I don't really remember what I did to approach those women, lol... it's been a while. So, I'd like to meet someone with the intent to establish a LTR leading to tying the knot.

So would anyone have any suggestions/advice/tips for the BolianAuthor on how to approach women for dates? If you have any questions for me that might help you in any answers, feel free to ask. Thanks.

 

[Amaris]

Okay, as the thread title indicates, the BolianAuthor wants to get married. However, it has been quite a few years since I've been in the dating scene, and I fear that I may be out of touch. So, I am hoping some of you folks will share some advice for approaching women in a way that won't result in drinks being thrown in my face, or being slapped across the face, lol.

I have had two long-term relationships in my life, and quite frankly, I don't really remember what I did to approach those women, lol... it's been a while. So, I'd like to meet someone with the intent to establish a LTR leading to tying the knot.

So would anyone have any suggestions/advice/tips for the BolianAuthor on how to approach women for dates? If you have any questions for me that might help you in any answers, feel free to ask. Thanks.

1] Be yourself and be honest. Don't make up stuff. She'll eventually find out. Plus, if you lie to a stranger without any cause, what's there to build trust?
2] Listen to her when she's talking and don't interrupt.
3] Be polite, but don't be overbearing [read: desperate].
4] Timing is everything. Don't immediately ask her out (in most settings). Build up to it. At the same time, don't wait until she's already leaving.
5] Don't tell stories that you wouldn't tell in polite company. What seems like a laugh riot to you may make her uncomfortable.
6] Have a sense of humor, but keep it low key, again, unless you're in a situation where silly/zany humor is the de facto for that setting.

Those are really basic, but it's a start.

 

[Gaith]

Always have a higher day-to-day purpose than meeting women.

 

[Saga]

my advice to you is to start drinking heavily.

 

[Jono]

^ And if American Sitcoms have taught us anything you should do that in Las Vegas as it always results in waking up the next day hung over and wed.

BolianAuthor, what are you doing about meeting women? Just bar hopping?

 

[BolianAuthor]

^

Well, no, and that's part of the reason I started this advice thread... because I'm afraid that the whole bar-hopping thing is just so cliche... I'm wondering if there's still even any chance of anything coming from bar-hopping, or if I'd just be wasting my time.

 

[Amaris]

^

Well, no, and that's part of the reason I started this advice thread... because I'm afraid that the whole bar-hopping thing is just so cliche... I'm wondering if there's still even any chance of anything coming from bar-hopping, or if I'd just be wasting my time.

Well, some good advice has already been given in that regard, that being, have a higher day to day purpose than meeting women (Gaith ftw). Go about your normal routine, but be willing to engage a woman in conversation. You never know where the simplest conversation can lead.

 

[Captain_Nick]

And .. um .. don't mention that you are searching for a wife straight away

 

[BolianAuthor]

^

Yeah, I wouldn't... but I just wanted the folks here to know that I'm looking for something beyond a booty call... I am ready at this point in my life to settle down, and I want to.

 

[Nowhere Man]

A wise man once said this about marriage, "You should enjoy yourself, because come Sunday you're gonna start dying...just a little bit...every day." I tend to follow this line of thought.

 

[BolianAuthor]

^

Hahaha... yeah, I know there are some who don't want to get hitched, but it's something I want more than anything... I want to go to bed and wake up in the morning with the same woman every day and night... someone to come home to after work.

 

[Mr Silver]

If its just marriage you are after, well theres plenty of lovely Russian women looking to get hitched, usually for a resonable sum of money...

But in all seriousness, I can't really give you that much advice. I'm a young guy myself and I don't really think that much about marriage. If you are looking to get married, it may be prudent to look for a meaningful relationship first. Perhaps, maybe try online dating, places like EHarmony are apparently full of people who want more than just a 'Casual Relationship' and this may help you if, like you said, you aren't as confident when approaching women. Asides from that, just be yourself

 

[Saga]

in all seriousness i never had much success with bar hopping, at least nothing that lead to a serious and stable relationship. i'm not the best to give advice on the subject anyway, i'm a bit jaded and don't recommend marriage. didn't work out so well for me.

 

[JoeZhang]

This all seems back to front to me - shouldn't you meet someone first and then see if they want to get married? What if you meet someone and they are the love of your life and they aren't fussed about getting married.

 

[F. King Daniel]

I Want to Get Married

I think we should just stay friends.

 

[iguana_tonante]

And .. um .. don't mention that you are searching for a wife straight away

Yeah, for once I agree with Nick. Wanting to get married should be a natural consequence of meeting the right woman, not the other way around.

Yeah, I wouldn't... but I just wanted the folks here to know that I'm looking for something beyond a booty call... I am ready at this point in my life to settle down, and I want to.

Seems like you are more enamoured with the idea of marriage than really looking for the right woman to settle down with. Personally, I don't think it's a wise attitude, because it usually leads to poor judgements and rushed decisions. Beware of what you are asking, for you could get that... and nothing more.

Beside, I have nothing against bar-hopping, but the idea that you need to go to specific places to "meet women" seems absurd to me. Also, for what I've seen, going out with the specific intent of hooking up with a girl (instead of simply having fun and enjoying yourself) is a sure way to get frustrated. Keep your eyes open, but don't be too eager: it reeks of desperation, and that's not an attractive feature. Think about this: except if you live under a rock in the middle of nowhere, about half of the people you meet are bound to be women. Start with that. Try to meet people, instead of just looking for a wife, and someone nice will come along naturally.

 

[Agony_Boothb]

Work on yourself first, figure out what might be hindering you in your attempts to approach women and work on them. Buy books, read stuff on line, do a course, or some type of activity that makes you challenge your shortcomings. Doing stuff to improve yourself and actually seeing and feeling those improvements, will lead to a confident BolianAuthor. Confident and self-assured people are generally good people to be around, at least from my own experience.

Also i would start small, stop looking for the future Mrs. BolianAuthor and focus on just meeting good people. Sure you may not hit it off romantically with every woman that you meet, but you may make friends which may lead you to the lady of your dreams. Take it easy, take it chilled and just let it happen naturally.

 

[Mary Ann]

I Want to Get Married

I think we should just stay friends.

Spoilsport.

Seriously, BA, apart from the good advice already given regarding settling for a relationship before settling for marriage, I'm concerned that you're also in danger of rushing into marriage and ending up with someone with whom you'd rather not spend the rest of your life. Marriage is not the be-all and end-all of a happy life (and I've been [mostly happily] married for over 15 years). If you're not happy with yourself then marriage won't make you happy either in the long run.

 

[Jadzia]

And .. um .. don't mention that you are searching for a wife straight away

1] Be yourself and be honest.

These two pieces of advice are in conflict.

Okay, as the thread title indicates, the BolianAuthor wants to get married.

Considering you don't have a partner at the moment, what is it about marriage that you find so desirable? Do you feel lonely? Is it for esteem in the sense of "having made it"? Do you want to be married because you believe it will make you happier?

 

[Tora Ziyal]

I would suggest getting involved in activities you enjoy and make friends, rather than specifically looking for women to date/marry. Do some volunteer work; attend Star Trek conventions; if you're religious join a group at your church or synagogue or whatever; take a class. Anyone you meet there, you will already have something in common with. Some female friend may turn into more than a friend. Some male friend may introduce you to his sister, friend or coworker. And if nothing comes of it romantically, at least you'll be spending your time doing something more worthwhile than hanging out in bars.

And consider trying one of the serious on-line dating sites, like eHarmony.