Ok kids, time for another one of crazy Uncle Nick's stories.
Those of you who know me well know that I am keenly interested in people and what makes them tick. Well I was at work last week, busy not working (as is my wont) when I came up with a fine idea for an experiment.
See I am quite lucky in that I was born average. Physically I mean. I'm not a stunning athlete with sexy abs and a perfect hip to shoulder ratio.
So! Being an average male and not an attractive young female I have found that you have to work hard to get on in this world. But last week I thought to myself, what if there's a better way? Paying people for advice, goods or services is tiresome. Having to work hard to earn money is a pain in the arse. There must be a better way.
Then I remembered something I learned a long time ago. Apparently 'beautiful people' have it easy. Women with sexy hourglass figures and men with Fabio looks and Adonis's body don't have to worry about speeding tickets, or being able to afford expensive items, or finding a date for the weekend.
So! Why should they have it easy. I want some of this action.
Meet 'Lady Barcalow'
She is 23, studies at university, likes long walks on the beach and also enjoys pleasuring herself. She joined a large dating site in the hope that she can recover from a bad breakup.
poor thing
She joined a week ago and has been helping me understand the nature of the male mind including I guess my own.
She has been very popular with the lads.
Contradiction from xxx — Well it does say on my profile. What's your point?
xxx added you to his favorites list from xxx — what are you up to this weekend? have you ever met ...
hi from xxx — hiwhat to chat and see what happensim not shy,,
Wink from xxx — wat wrong with my city n country???that not might ...
The meaning of life.from xxx — Hahaha i guess when it comes down to it, arrogance ...
Wink from xxx — It's a difficult situation isn't it? if only there ...
Hey from xxx — hahaha I hear u that's why I changed it to more li ...
(No subject) from xxx — it's ok nice to meet u. what u up to?
Hello from xxx — Lol right so I was wrong you do have a sense of hu ...
(No subject) from xxx — god your fucked upgo et pregnant to some football ...
xxx added you to his favorites list from xxx — OkCupid user xxx added you to his favorites ...
How do you like Mondays? from xxx — Hi,Aren't Mondays fun! How are you?I wanted to say ...
Wink from xxx — Hey Marcus here you are an interesting lady!!
hey there from xxx — Hey there,welcome to a new week, at least its nice ...
Wink from xxx — I just winked at you! If you'd like to strike up ...
(Out of respect for this forum I will not post copies of the penis pictures she received. Anyone who wants to see them feel free to message me)
So!
On another forum I play on, I have recently been served a warning for 'defaming' some St Kilda players in a mock up rendition of my own club's team song.
GOOD OLD ST KILDA FOREVER
THE SAINTS CANNOT PLAY THE GAME
THEY TRY TRY TRY TO WIN THE GRANNIE
BUT THEY PUT THEMSELVES TO SHAME
SEE THEIR DRUNK PLAYERS A-RAPING
AS ALL SAINTS PLAYERS SHOULD
OH, THE PREMIERSHIPS'S A CAKEWALK
FOR THE GOOD OLD COLLINGWOOD!
(I have been warned here, and in other places, and the system here is definetly one of the better ones)
My well reasoned and sensibly argued protests came to nothing. I wonder if a beautiful person would have the same problem?
Stand out
Nov. 17, 2010 – 10:51pm Chances are you’re going to get a lot of messages, so I’m going to keep this short and sweet. My name is Dan, I’m 28, love all the usual stuff like going out with friends, etc. In summer I love to go camping, in winter I love to go snowboarding.
I excel at procrastination. Sometimes I’m find myself so tired that I can’t be bothered going to bed. I also love heading to bars on Friday nights, but I must be going to the wrong ones because I haven’t seen you about. Where do you usually head to?
Anyway, Lady Barcalow, we should definitely chat. So I look forward to hearing from you soon!
Nov. 18, 2010 – 9:09am i fail too see how procrastination is something to brag about
Nov. 18, 2010 – 7:09pm As opposed to most of the guys that will message you, I actually read your profile and thought it was something we have in common. Maybe I should have concluded the sentence with a "LOL".
Moving on, I also like to sing in the shower. It’s good practice for Karaoke. What do you like to sing?
There must have been something that tickled your fancy, otherwise you wouldn’t have bothered replying. Maybe we can meet up for some mutual procrastination, or alternatively we could hit a bar and talk some crap.
Chat soon!
Nov. 18, 2010 – 9:25pm why is it that you guys feel the need to get stuck into each other when trying to chat up womem? 'unlike most other guys' my ass. you all use that line. are you so insecure that you have to try and make the opposition seem bad? it doesnt work pal
Nov. 18, 2010 – 10:18pm Ooh, you're feisty.
I'm not degrading the opposition. I'll happily go up against any guy who puts in the effort to correctly address someone.
Like you, I’m not here for a 'hook up'. I’m interested in getting to know you, but so far all I’ve gotten is cheek. :P
So what do you do with yourself? Do you have any plans for the weekend? I’m glad the weather is finally warming up so I can hit the beach and do some more camping.
Nov. 18, 2010 – 10:33pm feisty huh. condescending little prick. enjoy masturbating tonight... again ..
Nov. 18, 2010 – 10:37pm Ever heard of a site called TinEye?
Sorry, forgot to mention, I'm a moderator bitch.
Nov. 19, 2010 – 9:49am Hahahahahaaaa
omg, like that's something to be proud of.
I dont know how to attach pictures to these messages so click on this link
http://media.ebaumsworld.com/picture/estaab/MyAuthoritay.png
Lady Barcalow - 1, Rest of the World - 0
I hate alpha males with a passion. I go to the gym to bulk up my muscles so that I can beat them up when their backs are turned. There's two ways to the top - you can climb the ladder, or you can take out everybody that's above you.
Lady Barcalow on the other hand taught me that there are other ways to go about things.
(No subject)
Nov. 20, 2010 – 11:55pm hey
random question..
do you think you may be interested in me?
i really like your profile and kinda dont wanna do the whole hundred emails as i dont have time to wait around etc.
im never single for long and dont want to miss out on possible connections just because of internet slowness.
let me know
cheers
sam
Nov. 21, 2010 – 3:14pm hahaha, yeah pal you are so in demand arent you. knob
Nov. 21, 2010 – 5:05pm wow, your so nice. forget i ever wrote to you. what a bitch
Nov. 22, 2010 – 5:30pm i am sorry. sometimes i lash out for no reason. i had a troubled childhood
Nov. 23, 2010 – 12:45am right,,
fair enough..
well.. so did i..
anyway. i just hope you find the right guy who will help you deal with that at some stage.
goodluck
Nov. 23, 2010 – 9:59am just kidding. tool
Nov. 23, 2010 – 2:12pm god your fucked up
go get pregnant to some footballer you scrag
(with thanks to maddox for the original idea)
Oh, talking of alpha males, check out this guy
So,
Nov. 25, 2010 – 12:03pm I want to get into your pants/bed
Any tips on how to get there?
I guess that beats the 'respectful' guys that think I'm 'really beautiful' hahaaaa
This morning as I was driving to work I was enraged by the actions of selfish cyclist scum. Nick the average man would have tooted his horn, thrown some expletives out the window and maybe flashed a middle finger. It doesn't really make me feel better and it certainly doesnt help win friends and influence people. As usual though the beautiful people have it easy.
Nov. 26, 2010 – 1:03am I am probably kidding myself by messaging you, but you are stunning (and I mean that in the most respectful way) and you come across in your profile as a fun loving and genuine woman.
I know I am outside your age range, but Im a LOT younger looking and acting than my age would suggest and i usually date girls way younger than myslf for this very reason.
So check out my profile and if you are even the tiniest bit intrigued about me, agree to chat to me or meet for a drink. I am sure you would have a good laugh with me and go home with a smile on your face.
Go on, I dare you! ;-)
Cheers,
David
Nov. 26, 2010 – 9:37am Sorry Dave, nothing personal, but the only place I'd like to see a bicycle rider is squashed up underneath my car. Or in a mortuary.
Nov. 26, 2010 – 1:29pm You do know that a cyclist has every right to be on the roads don't you and that if every cyclist was to drive it would mean thousands more cars on the road.when was the last time you got stuck in traffic jam behind several hundred bicycles?? Cars make traffic jams, cyclist don't! Pretty limited and stupid thinking there... Real mature!
Nov. 26, 2010 – 1:33pm Save your propaganda for your greenie friends. You and I both know the only reason you ride bikes is to flout the road rules. Pray you never cross my path; I don't brake for cyclists.
Nov. 26, 2010 – 1:46pm Every time you type a response to me you only show you stupidity. I follow the road rules tithe letter of the law, sadly the same can not be said for all car drivers. Idiots are everywhere, driving cars, riding bicycles, walking, etc. I think you need to learn the road rules your elf- I know full well the rules with a brother in the police force. You want to knock down a cyclist- see you in jail! I've been hit and run for doing nothing but ride along the road at 5.30am and the driver would have had to go out of his way to hit me, so don't go telling me that cyclists are the bad news! Btw I drive a car also so I know both sides of the story, sadly the same can not be said for you.
Nov. 26, 2010 – 2:06pm So you are a liar as well as a cyclist. Well done old boy. It takes a special sort of asshole to hold up traffic, run red lights, ride the wrong way down one way streets, and then when the road becomes inconvenient jump up onto the pavement and pretend to be a pedestrian - and then have the nerve to wonder why decent motorists hate you so! The sooner your sort are segregated from the rest of the road traffic, the better
(Mind you this 'fun loving and genuine woman' clearly has written in her profile 'message me and I will reveal to you that I am a man'. Go figure)
I have wanted to become a cook for a long time now but there's some information that I need to know. How much money do they get paid? Is it cash? Is it a hard industry to get into? I have an average mortgage and average bills to pay, and a fine office job where I earn average scads of money to sit on my ass and compose posts like this one.
I do not know any chefs and doorknocking has kind of proved fruitless. Fortunately, when one door closes, another opens.
I'd like to talk to you and get to know you a bit better. "Show me why I should talk to you".... Read my profile and then decide.
Thanks,
Warren.
Nov. 24, 2010 – 11:36am Your username is problematic. I can't figure out how it is supposed to be pronounced.
Seriously though and if I ca be honest with you, working in a restarutant has been a dream of mine, so much so that I am doing a comm cookery course at William Angliss. (it is AWESOME!)
But I have never worked in a kitchen before. Can you tell me a bit about what it is like? How long are your shifts? Is it pressure cooker hard? Can I ask what sort of pay you get? I mean, is it enough to live off? I work in an office and while the work is akin to licking excrement out of a toilet bowl, the pay is fantastic.
Nov. 25, 2010 – 12:20am Thanks a heap for responding. Really? That's pretty awesome. I did my apprenticeship at William Angliss but started out as a non-apprentice. What teachers have you got? Tell xxxxxx I said hi and remember to bag him out a heap about Carlton.
Working in a commercial kitchen can be really tough. It's pretty warm and there needs to be a lot of respect shown to seniors. The pay will depend on your level of qualification and where you work. Could be anything from $10/h to $40/h. The hours also depend on where you work. Hotels and such don't like their staff to do over 38hours. At the moment where I am I am doing anywhere between 40 and 60 hours depending on how busy it is and whatever. So if you working at a place where you may not get paid a lot there is always the option of just doing more hours.
There's a lot of pressure in the kitchen but it's just about thinking about it as work and not taking anything personally. The work (if you really do like food) is always going to be interesting because it's the kind of profession/industry where you will always be learning because there is nobody out there who know everything despite how they act or what they say.
I hope this has answered your question and I'd really like to hear back from you.
Nov. 25, 2010 – 9:50am I'll respond in more depth later when I have more time - but my god there are so many Bluebaggers at William Angliss! I haven't stopped giving them shit since we won the grand final
Nov. 25, 2010 – 11:40am I'm not being a stickybeak please excuse the question but what does your weekly take home pay look like? I get about $900/week for sitting around in an office chatting to people on facebook and okcupid. But I have a mortgage you see. What would you expect in a kitchen? Especially for someone like me that is jst starting out? How does this message violate our terms of service?
Nov. 26, 2010 – 12:55am Nah it's cool, I'm rather open and I tend to talk about anything. At the moment I'm taking home between $650 and $1000 depending how much I work and how busy we are. I'd expect anywhere between $10 and $20/h depending on where you work.
Maybe seeing the conversation fits you would like to talk it over dinner sometime somewhere?
Looking forward to hearing from you.
I guess beautiful people do have things easier than the rest of us.
http://evilspeculator.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/spock_fascinating.jpg
Those of you who know me well know that I am keenly interested in people and what makes them tick. Well I was at work last week, busy not working (as is my wont) when I came up with a fine idea for an experiment.
See I am quite lucky in that I was born average. Physically I mean. I'm not a stunning athlete with sexy abs and a perfect hip to shoulder ratio.
So! Being an average male and not an attractive young female I have found that you have to work hard to get on in this world. But last week I thought to myself, what if there's a better way? Paying people for advice, goods or services is tiresome. Having to work hard to earn money is a pain in the arse. There must be a better way.
Then I remembered something I learned a long time ago. Apparently 'beautiful people' have it easy. Women with sexy hourglass figures and men with Fabio looks and Adonis's body don't have to worry about speeding tickets, or being able to afford expensive items, or finding a date for the weekend.
So! Why should they have it easy. I want some of this action.
Meet 'Lady Barcalow'
She is 23, studies at university, likes long walks on the beach and also enjoys pleasuring herself. She joined a large dating site in the hope that she can recover from a bad breakup.
poor thingShe joined a week ago and has been helping me understand the nature of the male mind including I guess my own.
She has been very popular with the lads.
Contradiction from xxx — Well it does say on my profile. What's your point?
xxx added you to his favorites list from xxx — what are you up to this weekend? have you ever met ...
hi from xxx — hiwhat to chat and see what happensim not shy,,
Wink from xxx — wat wrong with my city n country???that not might ...
The meaning of life.from xxx — Hahaha i guess when it comes down to it, arrogance ...
Wink from xxx — It's a difficult situation isn't it? if only there ...
Hey from xxx — hahaha I hear u that's why I changed it to more li ...
(No subject) from xxx — it's ok nice to meet u. what u up to?
Hello from xxx — Lol right so I was wrong you do have a sense of hu ...
(No subject) from xxx — god your fucked upgo et pregnant to some football ...
xxx added you to his favorites list from xxx — OkCupid user xxx added you to his favorites ...
How do you like Mondays? from xxx — Hi,Aren't Mondays fun! How are you?I wanted to say ...
Wink from xxx — Hey Marcus here you are an interesting lady!!
hey there from xxx — Hey there,welcome to a new week, at least its nice ...
Wink from xxx — I just winked at you! If you'd like to strike up ...
(Out of respect for this forum I will not post copies of the penis pictures she received. Anyone who wants to see them feel free to message me)
So!
On another forum I play on, I have recently been served a warning for 'defaming' some St Kilda players in a mock up rendition of my own club's team song.
GOOD OLD ST KILDA FOREVER
THE SAINTS CANNOT PLAY THE GAME
THEY TRY TRY TRY TO WIN THE GRANNIE
BUT THEY PUT THEMSELVES TO SHAME
SEE THEIR DRUNK PLAYERS A-RAPING
AS ALL SAINTS PLAYERS SHOULD
OH, THE PREMIERSHIPS'S A CAKEWALK
FOR THE GOOD OLD COLLINGWOOD!
(I have been warned here, and in other places, and the system here is definetly one of the better ones)
My well reasoned and sensibly argued protests came to nothing. I wonder if a beautiful person would have the same problem?
Stand out
Nov. 17, 2010 – 10:51pm Chances are you’re going to get a lot of messages, so I’m going to keep this short and sweet. My name is Dan, I’m 28, love all the usual stuff like going out with friends, etc. In summer I love to go camping, in winter I love to go snowboarding.
I excel at procrastination. Sometimes I’m find myself so tired that I can’t be bothered going to bed. I also love heading to bars on Friday nights, but I must be going to the wrong ones because I haven’t seen you about. Where do you usually head to?
Anyway, Lady Barcalow, we should definitely chat. So I look forward to hearing from you soon!
Nov. 18, 2010 – 9:09am i fail too see how procrastination is something to brag about
Nov. 18, 2010 – 7:09pm As opposed to most of the guys that will message you, I actually read your profile and thought it was something we have in common. Maybe I should have concluded the sentence with a "LOL".
Moving on, I also like to sing in the shower. It’s good practice for Karaoke. What do you like to sing?
There must have been something that tickled your fancy, otherwise you wouldn’t have bothered replying. Maybe we can meet up for some mutual procrastination, or alternatively we could hit a bar and talk some crap.
Chat soon!
Nov. 18, 2010 – 9:25pm why is it that you guys feel the need to get stuck into each other when trying to chat up womem? 'unlike most other guys' my ass. you all use that line. are you so insecure that you have to try and make the opposition seem bad? it doesnt work pal
Nov. 18, 2010 – 10:18pm Ooh, you're feisty.
I'm not degrading the opposition. I'll happily go up against any guy who puts in the effort to correctly address someone.
Like you, I’m not here for a 'hook up'. I’m interested in getting to know you, but so far all I’ve gotten is cheek. :P
So what do you do with yourself? Do you have any plans for the weekend? I’m glad the weather is finally warming up so I can hit the beach and do some more camping.
Nov. 18, 2010 – 10:33pm feisty huh. condescending little prick. enjoy masturbating tonight... again ..
Nov. 18, 2010 – 10:37pm Ever heard of a site called TinEye?
Sorry, forgot to mention, I'm a moderator bitch.
Nov. 19, 2010 – 9:49am Hahahahahaaaa
omg, like that's something to be proud of.
I dont know how to attach pictures to these messages so click on this link
http://media.ebaumsworld.com/picture/estaab/MyAuthoritay.png
Lady Barcalow - 1, Rest of the World - 0
I hate alpha males with a passion. I go to the gym to bulk up my muscles so that I can beat them up when their backs are turned. There's two ways to the top - you can climb the ladder, or you can take out everybody that's above you.
Lady Barcalow on the other hand taught me that there are other ways to go about things.
(No subject)
Nov. 20, 2010 – 11:55pm hey
random question..
do you think you may be interested in me?
i really like your profile and kinda dont wanna do the whole hundred emails as i dont have time to wait around etc.
im never single for long and dont want to miss out on possible connections just because of internet slowness.
let me know
cheers
sam
Nov. 21, 2010 – 3:14pm hahaha, yeah pal you are so in demand arent you. knob
Nov. 21, 2010 – 5:05pm wow, your so nice. forget i ever wrote to you. what a bitch
Nov. 22, 2010 – 5:30pm i am sorry. sometimes i lash out for no reason. i had a troubled childhood
Nov. 23, 2010 – 12:45am right,,
fair enough..
well.. so did i..
anyway. i just hope you find the right guy who will help you deal with that at some stage.
goodluck
Nov. 23, 2010 – 9:59am just kidding. tool
Nov. 23, 2010 – 2:12pm god your fucked up
go get pregnant to some footballer you scrag
(with thanks to maddox for the original idea)
Oh, talking of alpha males, check out this guy
So,
Nov. 25, 2010 – 12:03pm I want to get into your pants/bed
Any tips on how to get there?
I guess that beats the 'respectful' guys that think I'm 'really beautiful' hahaaaa
This morning as I was driving to work I was enraged by the actions of selfish cyclist scum. Nick the average man would have tooted his horn, thrown some expletives out the window and maybe flashed a middle finger. It doesn't really make me feel better and it certainly doesnt help win friends and influence people. As usual though the beautiful people have it easy.
Nov. 26, 2010 – 1:03am I am probably kidding myself by messaging you, but you are stunning (and I mean that in the most respectful way) and you come across in your profile as a fun loving and genuine woman.
I know I am outside your age range, but Im a LOT younger looking and acting than my age would suggest and i usually date girls way younger than myslf for this very reason.
So check out my profile and if you are even the tiniest bit intrigued about me, agree to chat to me or meet for a drink. I am sure you would have a good laugh with me and go home with a smile on your face.
Go on, I dare you! ;-)
Cheers,
David
Nov. 26, 2010 – 9:37am Sorry Dave, nothing personal, but the only place I'd like to see a bicycle rider is squashed up underneath my car. Or in a mortuary.
Nov. 26, 2010 – 1:29pm You do know that a cyclist has every right to be on the roads don't you and that if every cyclist was to drive it would mean thousands more cars on the road.when was the last time you got stuck in traffic jam behind several hundred bicycles?? Cars make traffic jams, cyclist don't! Pretty limited and stupid thinking there... Real mature!
Nov. 26, 2010 – 1:33pm Save your propaganda for your greenie friends. You and I both know the only reason you ride bikes is to flout the road rules. Pray you never cross my path; I don't brake for cyclists.
Nov. 26, 2010 – 1:46pm Every time you type a response to me you only show you stupidity. I follow the road rules tithe letter of the law, sadly the same can not be said for all car drivers. Idiots are everywhere, driving cars, riding bicycles, walking, etc. I think you need to learn the road rules your elf- I know full well the rules with a brother in the police force. You want to knock down a cyclist- see you in jail! I've been hit and run for doing nothing but ride along the road at 5.30am and the driver would have had to go out of his way to hit me, so don't go telling me that cyclists are the bad news! Btw I drive a car also so I know both sides of the story, sadly the same can not be said for you.
Nov. 26, 2010 – 2:06pm So you are a liar as well as a cyclist. Well done old boy. It takes a special sort of asshole to hold up traffic, run red lights, ride the wrong way down one way streets, and then when the road becomes inconvenient jump up onto the pavement and pretend to be a pedestrian - and then have the nerve to wonder why decent motorists hate you so! The sooner your sort are segregated from the rest of the road traffic, the better
(Mind you this 'fun loving and genuine woman' clearly has written in her profile 'message me and I will reveal to you that I am a man'. Go figure)
I have wanted to become a cook for a long time now but there's some information that I need to know. How much money do they get paid? Is it cash? Is it a hard industry to get into? I have an average mortgage and average bills to pay, and a fine office job where I earn average scads of money to sit on my ass and compose posts like this one.
I do not know any chefs and doorknocking has kind of proved fruitless. Fortunately, when one door closes, another opens.
I'd like to talk to you and get to know you a bit better. "Show me why I should talk to you".... Read my profile and then decide.
Thanks,
Warren.
Nov. 24, 2010 – 11:36am Your username is problematic. I can't figure out how it is supposed to be pronounced.
Seriously though and if I ca be honest with you, working in a restarutant has been a dream of mine, so much so that I am doing a comm cookery course at William Angliss. (it is AWESOME!)
But I have never worked in a kitchen before. Can you tell me a bit about what it is like? How long are your shifts? Is it pressure cooker hard? Can I ask what sort of pay you get? I mean, is it enough to live off? I work in an office and while the work is akin to licking excrement out of a toilet bowl, the pay is fantastic.
Nov. 25, 2010 – 12:20am Thanks a heap for responding. Really? That's pretty awesome. I did my apprenticeship at William Angliss but started out as a non-apprentice. What teachers have you got? Tell xxxxxx I said hi and remember to bag him out a heap about Carlton.
Working in a commercial kitchen can be really tough. It's pretty warm and there needs to be a lot of respect shown to seniors. The pay will depend on your level of qualification and where you work. Could be anything from $10/h to $40/h. The hours also depend on where you work. Hotels and such don't like their staff to do over 38hours. At the moment where I am I am doing anywhere between 40 and 60 hours depending on how busy it is and whatever. So if you working at a place where you may not get paid a lot there is always the option of just doing more hours.
There's a lot of pressure in the kitchen but it's just about thinking about it as work and not taking anything personally. The work (if you really do like food) is always going to be interesting because it's the kind of profession/industry where you will always be learning because there is nobody out there who know everything despite how they act or what they say.
I hope this has answered your question and I'd really like to hear back from you.
Nov. 25, 2010 – 9:50am I'll respond in more depth later when I have more time - but my god there are so many Bluebaggers at William Angliss! I haven't stopped giving them shit since we won the grand final
Nov. 25, 2010 – 11:40am I'm not being a stickybeak please excuse the question but what does your weekly take home pay look like? I get about $900/week for sitting around in an office chatting to people on facebook and okcupid. But I have a mortgage you see. What would you expect in a kitchen? Especially for someone like me that is jst starting out? How does this message violate our terms of service?
Nov. 26, 2010 – 12:55am Nah it's cool, I'm rather open and I tend to talk about anything. At the moment I'm taking home between $650 and $1000 depending how much I work and how busy we are. I'd expect anywhere between $10 and $20/h depending on where you work.
Maybe seeing the conversation fits you would like to talk it over dinner sometime somewhere?
Looking forward to hearing from you.
I guess beautiful people do have things easier than the rest of us.
http://evilspeculator.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/spock_fascinating.jpg
Last edited by a moderator:
