TNG Caption This #187: Holo-Addiction

[LeadHead]

Military log, with the Enterprise-C safely back in time to get blown up by Romulans, we can have our next caption contest.

Time for winners!

First the "Network" award goes to:

Picard: I am mad as hell and refuse to take it any longer!

Next, the "Aw c'mon, don't cut me off" Award goes to:

Worf: "Last call my bumpy Klingon ass."

Next, the "The Conspiracy against Wesley Crusher" Award goes to:

TASHA: Better remind LaForge to fix the inertial dampners in the turbolifts.

DATA: Perhaps we should have done that before calling Ensign Crusher to the bridge?

Tasha smiles.

Next: the "Lack of Service, but with a smile" Award goes to:

Geordi: Ah yes, thank you for delivering the empty platter I ordered... No tip for you...

Next: The "One track mind" Award goes to:

Tasha: "It's so hard to say goodbye! I can't believe how close I feel to you after knowing you for so short a time!"
Castillo: "You're not wearing a bra, are you."

Next: The "Picard isn't perfect" Award

Picard (to self): "I never realized this before, but..."

<pauses for a second>

Picard (continuing to self): "I have really ugly fingers."

And I went back and forth on the photoshop award for lets just say quite awhile, so it's a double photoshop award this week!

Worf: Is that...

Waitress: Yes Mr. LaForge, we know there's a Gundam outside the window. The dozens of people shouting "It's a Gundam!" should've made that obvious.

Congrats to our winners!

Now lets spend some time in the holodeck, shall we?

 

[LeadHead]

Riker: You'd be a big hit in London.

Worf Punches Riker

Worf: I'm a big hit everywhere.

Schultz: Get outta here Frakes! I'm the one who's gonna guest star on Voyager!

Picard: Can I go next?

La Forge: Look what I have drawn!

Paris: Captain Proton to the rescue!

Picard: COMPUTER FREEZE PROGRAM!

Blue Blob: Hi, it looks like you're trying to find people on the holodeck. Can I help?

Worf: I knew we shouldn't have installed Microsoft on the Holodecks.

 

[Finn]

Data: "Mr. Hyde, I presume"

First, you deleted my favorite dwarf hologram! Then you just went and kissed the holoT'Pol. Not to mention rewriting the ending. You are gonna.....

Picard: Bev....
Crusher: Deanna was right. He's delicous
Data: That reminds me of something Tasha...
Geordi: Shut up, Data
Data:Yes, Sss... Yes, Geordi.

Data: At least, you didn't draw blue nacelles

Beverly (OS): Jean-Luc... are you okay? Did you just hear what I told you?

Worf: I can't imagine anything more annoying than this blue ball.

Deanna: *sniff*

 

[Subcommander R.]

Worf: What do you mean 'blend in?'

Barclay's use of the dreaded sleeper hold wedgie made him a serious foe on the holodeck.

Picard: Absolutely amazing! I'd long surmised that Numbah One's head was filled with a large mai tai.

Geordi: All right Data, and what does this one look like?

Data: An ostrich.

Geordi: Riiiigghhttt.... I think we have some work to do.

Chris Hansen: Why don't you have a seat 'Captain' Picard...

Bubble: Greetings. I am a representative of the Bubblenoni people of Bubbelon Alpha VII. We come in peace and seek the free exchange of-

[Worf extends finger, pops Bubble]

Worf: There. Much better.

 

[Gary7]

Data: "Worf, you've managed to pick an appropriate outfit. But what about the ridges on your head?"
Worf: "Klingons do NOT wear hats, under any circumstances."
Riker: "I know, let's say he got his head caught in a mechanical rice picker!"

Picard whacks Riker with a glove

Guinan: "Barclay! What are you doing?!"
Barclay: "The Heimlich manuever!"

Ah, poor Riker... it had to be Barclay who was closest by.

Riker was a class act officer, highly regarded by the crew of the Enterprise. And when it came to birthday requests, they simply gave him what he wanted. This year, it was "5 minutes of blowing in the ear through a straw."

Laforge: "Data, how do you like my drawing of the Enterprise?"
Data: "It looks like you traced over a computer panel. There is no detail other than an outline. No colors. I think it is... awful."
Laforge: "Gee, thanks. Do you always have to be so honest?"

Dr. Crusher: "Crusher to the bridge. We've finally found him."
Riker: "What's his condition?"
Dr. Crusher: "He's dressed like Dixon Hill and completely smashed."
Riker: "Oh, God... not again."

Worf: "Deanna, what is that?"
Troi: "It's a smartness bubble."
Worf: "I never heard of such a thing. What does it do?"
Troi: "It shows the relative intelligence of whoever stands near it. Red is brilliant, blue is.. the opposite."

Worf promptly pops the bubble with a nasty growl

 

[Flashover]

TROI: Who the fuck invited the Shame Orb from Questionable Content?

WORF: Where is Yelling Bird? I specifically requested Yelling Bird!

 

[GeorgeKirk]

"That's no hologram . . . it's a space station!"

 

[Itisnotlogical]

Picard: "Wait... Number One, if you didn't bring a pimp costume, then you must want to be..."

Beverly: "I've looked all around inside the skull and I still haven't found anything... totally empty. But when you blow in through the ear, it sounds like the ocean!"

LaForge: "E is for Enterprise, kiddies!"

Data: "Mr. LaForge, this is not Quxartl Rainbow."

Worf: "What is that, counselor?"

Troi: "A plot device. We keep it in here with all the others."

Worf: "... You should change the color to red. THEN it might be convincing."

 

[Gary7]

Data: "Geordi, it would be a most impressive rendition... if I were Sylvester Stallone."

 

[Captain Crow]

Riker: Beverly Crusher really sucks.

 

[Gary7]

Laforge: "Data... you call this a status report? W-T-F?"

 

[milo bloom]

Laforge: "Data... you call this a status report? W-T-F?"

LaForge: "And, you forgot to use a cover sheet!"

 

[Nerys Myk]

WORF: I still say we should have gone with the Moffat version.

REG: Who's Troi's Imzadi now, bitch!!!!

PICARD: I still don't understand why we need a Riker Blow up doll.

DATA: Elementary,my dear Geordi.

GEORDI: The solution?

DATA: No, your drawing skills.

Picard was taken aback by the realism of the Christina Hendricks simulacrum in the Mad Men holoprogram.

WORF: Looks like we wont be leaving the Village.

 

[Mr. Adventure]

While everyone agreed that Barclay's clue for "Michael Shanks" was clever he was never allowed to play charades again.

"What do you make of this, Holmes?"
"Enterprise, my dear Watson."

Riker could not understand the 21st Century's obsession with blow jobs.

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Riker: "You look like an undertaker!"
Worf: "And it's your funeral, bitch!"

And that was the last time Riker thought it was funny to sneak into Barclay's stress relief holoprograms."

"In the 24th Century, we have evolved past ear-wax."

Data: "Curious, how did the paper leave the holodeck?"
LaForge: "Like anyone on a BBS is ever going to be that anal to care..."

And that was the last time that Picard thought it was funny to sneak into one of Barclay's bi-curious holoprograms.

Worf: "Klingons do not play Bubble Bobble!"

 

[Yeoman Randi]

Data: At least, you didn't draw blue nacelles

SCORE!!!!!

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Thanks for the win, LeadHead!

Barclay: "You're not listening to me, Commander! I have a date with Alyssa Ogawa at 1700 hours! It's the first date I've had in five years! It's probably the last date I'll have for another five years! So you can realign the damn antimatter injectors youself!"

Troi: "You know, in classic dream analysis, big blue balls are often symbolic of sexual frustration."
Worf: "How subtle."

 

[Gary7]

Data: "I have a feeling that this is the making of a very controversial plot device."

 

[Isis]

In Beverly Crusher's quest to get into the Guinness Book of World Records, she created the most intricate Easter egg ever.

 

[Captain Crow]

Picard found out why Beverly's nickname from her Academy days was "The Hoover".