DS9 Caption Contest #12: Spy Games

[LeadHead]

Ordinarily the DS9 Contest goes for 2 weeks, but since we had such a high number of responses, I wanted to give you guys something new to go with! Not to mention, after it made the transition from Caption Contest to Discussion thread, no apologies needed guys. Honestly I don't mind a little bit of that but Last round was way overboard. A fresh start is a good idea all around!

Lets Dock the runabouts and say hello to some winners!

First up:

For barricading DS9 from a dangerous threat, our winner is:

Sisko: Keep pressure on the door. We can't let those vedeks through!
Kira: Wh-
Sisko: I'M TIRED OF BEING ASKED if I'VE HEARD THE GOOD NEWS.

Next up, a grim warning of things to come...

Keiko had just learned the secret of telepathic nagging.

For bringing awareness of the horrific condition that I witnessed at dance recitals in High School, our winner is:

Ezri: "Sorry to bother you in the middle of the night, Julian, but as you can see, I have a terrible case of jazz hands."

And finally for showing us that despite Sisko being a Badass during the entire series, there were some specific high points, our winner is:

If the Sisko of "Q-Less" were faced with the Dominion invasion of the Alpha Quadrant, it is safe to say we may have faced a much shorter occupation arc.

Off we go again!

 

[LeadHead]

Worf: I'm sorry, but you'll have to leave Doctor. Only Aliens are allowed here.

Siddig: You see this? I'm not in the publicity pictures this season!

Bashir: Do something Odo! You're a security officer!

Odo: Yeeeeeaaaaahhhhh... I'm outta here.

Sisko: So then I put in huge swords on the ceiling...

Swords fall and nearly hit Bashir

Sisko: Not the best idea when you life near the San Andreas Fault.

Sisko: We're going to test the Defiant's new Phaser system.

Bashir: Won't it kill us?

Sisko: You drew the low card, otherwise it would have been Quark.

 

[DS9 Gal AZ]

Garak: *proudly* I look good in my tux, don't I?
Bashir: *sotto voice* He really doesn't.
Worf and Kira: *sotto voice* We know.

Garak: Doctor, you're naked in that picture!
Bashir: I know, it's a horrible holosuite malfunction, now let's go find out what's wrong.
Garak: Um ... I really can't stand up right now...

Bashir: Don't shoot!
O'Brien: Fine, just take these. *hands over papers*
Bashir: What's this?
O'Brien: You're being sued by MGM for ripping off James Bond.

Avery Brooks: You think I can't get any hammier!? I will! I WILL OUT-HAM SHATNER, SO HELP ME GOD!

Garak: I swear captain, I didn't take your red peppers!

 

[Rat Boy]

Worf: "I've got to warn you; I really hate it when people run out on the check and I've got my eye on you, Bashir."

Garak: "A mutilated corpse after an interrogation?"

Bashir: "Strange, most people say a rabbit."

Odo: "Let's take a shortcut through Compton, he says. Great idea."

Noah: "...so then, the US and the Soviets will go to war!"

Bashir: "'You Only Live Twice,' 'The Spy Who Loved Me,' and 'Octopussy.'"

Noah: "All right, how about this? We use poison to kill the entire population of the Earth while my followers wait safely on a space station?"

Bashir: "'Moonraker.'"

Noah: "Fine, we steal a couple of nukes and ransom the world!"

Bashir: "'Thunderball' and 'Never Say Never Again.'"

Noah: "What about a satellite weapon that uses diamonds?"

Bashir: "'Diamonds are Forever' and 'Die Another Day.'"

Noah: "A weapon to knock out power so we can rob a couple of banks?"

Bashir: "'Goldeneye,' and a little bit from the 'Ocean's 11' remake."

Noah: "Wait, I've got it! A large dish to block out the sun."

Bashir: "Simpsons did it."

Noah: "Damn!"

Falcon: "You know, we could just shoot them."

Noah: "Where's the fun in that?"

 

[Quinton O'Connor]

Wow, two wins in a row! Thanks!

I'll post some entries later when I have the time. Great pics to work with this time!

 

[Nerys Myk]

BASHIR: When did she grow a tail?

GARAK: And you'll play this "Harry Callahan" fellow and I'm "Scorpio"? Sure, sounds like fun.

ODO: Sorry, Julian. Its just business.

SISKO: Ben Sisko, the greatest criminal mind of our time, fail? Ha!

SISKO: Yes, the basement is unfinished but I think you can see the possibilities.

 

[T'Girl]

Worf: "What's wrong with my jacket?"

Garak: "It's white."

Bashir: "My good man, (chuckles) it's after labor day."

Kira: "No one wears white after labor day."

With one mighty swing, Worf bitch slaps all three of them.

 

[Smellincoffee]

Garak: My word. Is that...
Bashir: The captain, yes.
Garak: But why is he --
Bashir: I don't know.
Garak: And who is the..er, rather voluptuous lady? Or do I see two here?
Bashir: That's what we've been hired to find out, Garak.

O'Brian: Awight, outta tha car or you's brain gets splattered all over these nice clean seats.
Odo deeply regretted making O'Brian think he enjoyed these silly Mike Hammer holovovels.

Bashir: Your...dark sinister plan is to write a novel?
Sisko: Mm, yes, inDEED! You can destroy an empire, smash it to teeny pieces....you defeat armies, lay them dead on the battlefield. But you can't destroy an IDEA!
Bashir, polite: Hmm.
Sisko: My empire is REAL! I CREATED IT! In MY MIND!
Bashir: Well, that's lovely, but I...oh, my, look at the time. I must be going.

Garak: After careful consideration, Captain, I think your concerns are justified. Perhaps in preparing your last suit I did accidentally use cloth that caused the waistline to shrink.

 

[Rush Limborg]

Okay...here we go!

Dr. Worf: Behold, 009 and 008...our latest invention. You are looking at a genetically engineered woman, designed to be perfect in every way.

Bashir: I'd say so.

Dr. Worf: She has an IQ to surpass even our greatest scientists. She speaks every known language fluently. She is also highly trained in the martial arts.

Garak: It would seem, however, that there is one issue in which she decidedly fails.

Dr. Worf, Bashir, and Anastasia: What?

Garak: (proudly) The ability to avoid being noticed....

Anastasia: You know...he is right, Dr. Vorf. Perhaps...if I vere to change in some-sing more...descreet--

Dr. Worf, Bashir, and Garak: No.

Bashir: All, right, Mr. Garak.... How do you explain...this?

Garak: Why! That was a total misunderstanding, Doctor--I had no idea she was a woman!

Bashir: You...you expect me to TALK?

Nigel Dunlap (Odo): (sigh) No, Mr. Bashir. He expects you to die--

Falcon: SHUT UP, Smoothy. That was my line!

Dunlap: Sorry.

Falcon: (grins) No, Mr. Bashir.... I expect you to die!

Bashir: (swallows) Right....

Dr. Noah: AH, Mr. Bashir! You're just in time--just in time to see me destroy ALL other men--IN THE TRI-STATE AREA!!!

Bashir: I beg your pardon?

Dr. Noah: You see--when I was a lad...I was decidedly unable to gain a date with any of the beautiful women my age. NO MORE--for ALL my competition will be DESTROYED!!!

Bashir: Am I on one of those bloody awful caption contests, or something?

Anastasia: I...think he is stuck in the wrong universe....

Garak: This is probably the most absurdly constructed contraption I have ever seen!

Dr. Noah: AH...on the contrary! It is the absurdly constructed contraption which shall be you DOOM!

Bashir: Garak...be nice.

 

[Smellincoffee]

Dr. Noah: AH, Mr. Bashir! You're just in time--just in time to see me destroy ALL other men--IN THE TRI-STATE AREA!!!

Bashir: I beg your pardon?

Dr. Noah: You see--when I was a lad...I was decidedly unable to gain a date with any of the beautiful women my age. NO MORE--for ALL my competition will be DESTROYED!!!

Bashir: Am I on one of those bloody awful caption contests, or something?

Anastasia: I...think he is stuck in the wrong universe....

No one gets the better of Dr. HEINZ DOOFENSCHMIRTZ!

 

[Rush Limborg]

I was wondering how the heck you spell that idio--uh, I mean evil genius's--name....

 

[Gil T.Azell]

Garak: "Oh boy"
Bashir: "So Garak, can I tell everyone you'll behave?"
Garak: "Um yes absolutely"
Bashir: "Good I'd hate for these to get out, now where did you put the goat?"

 

[ares93]

Julian: What the hell is this?
Garak: No, No, No! That's not me! I would never be unfaithful to you!

Garak: You know... when I said I wanted to try that tied up thing with you. This wasn't what i had in mind...

(*avoids rotten tomatoes*)

Julian: (stares at Kira's breasts)
Kira (Seductive smile): Hmm... Doctor... Exactly what do you have in mind?
Garak (Evil grin): Don't even think about it. He's mine...

Sisko: Ah, Mr. Bashir! So you've come to steal my secrets, eh? Well go ahead and try!
Julian: Hrm.... Aaaaaall... right. Too much brandy, eh?...
Sisko: You wont get my secrets. They're in here! (points at head) With the best encryption in the world. The human mind!
(injects him with alcohol inhibitor)
Sisko: Where am I?

Bashir: This is bloody ridiculous! I've been in New york for ten minutes and this is the third guys that mugs me. Odo, do something will you?
Odo: Oh well... Sir. Station regulation clearly states that carrying firearms...
Julian: Odo!

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Worf: "Group hug. I insist. You may join Garak in exempting yourself from the group hug, Doctor."

Bashir: "Next time your clear out the mini bar and spend all night watching porn, do it in your own hotel room."

Bashir: "Not again! We've already been served by the Broccoli family."

O'Brien: "No, these papers are from the Man From U.N.C.L.E."

Sisko: "It's a Betazoid technique to relieve stress. It's called plexing."

Bashir: "How's that working for you?"

Sisko: "SHUT UP! I'm plexing."

Sisko: "I don't see any Cardassian Voles with frickin' phaser beams on their heads."
O'Brien: "They were all out."
Sisko: "I wanted Cardassian Voles with frickin' phaser beams on their heads. Is that too much to ask?"

Bashir: "Another lawsuit?"

O'Brien: "Austin Powers."

Odo: "For the love of..."

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Garak: "Here's another fine mess you've gotten me into, Doctor."
Bashir: "Me! I'm not the one who introduced myself as Garak Obama."
Garak: "I was blending in."
Bashir: "Congratulations, you're about to be blended."
Dr Noah: "Actually this is a human mincing machine, the blending machine is in the next cave over."

 

[LeadHead]

Sisko: Maybe this season I will begin to like my role as the Emissary!

Kira: God help us all.

 

[Mistral]

Sisko: Maybe this season I will begin to like my role as the Emissary!

Kira: God help us all.

Bashir: "Maybe this season we'll finally get around to shooting you."

 

[Mistral]

Garak: "You Humans really do that?"

Bashir: "Yes. It's called golf."

Garak: "But how do you stay awake?"

 

[Mistral]

Worf: "If you'll step this way, Major??"

Kira: "So this 'orgy' thing, it's a Human sport -like golf?"

Bashir: "Oh, yes, quite. There's a shaft and balls and-well, you'll see."

 

[AdmiralGarak]

BASHIR: When did she grow a tail?