DS9 Caption Contest #11: Starfleets Finest

[LeadHead]

Hell there ladies and gents, it's time for us to end one caption contest and start a new one.

But first, lets say hello to our winners, all of whom will get a free spin at the Dabo Wheel!

For reminding us that Quark would even try to cheat his best customer, our winner is:

Quark: "Look. Alcohol, antifreeze. They're just words. Running off to Odo and throwing about scandalous words like paralysis and blindness and photonic diarrhea aren't really the best ways to spend what are increasingly likely to be the last moments of your life, don't you agree? Now let's just keep this a secret between you and me and that poor, poor sap behind me."
Man in background: "Did you say something?"
Quark: "No refunds!"

For reminding us that there will always be cheapskates, our winner is:

Quark: "Why is it always Bashir who runs out when the check comes?"

For honoring the traditional way to start bar fights in Star Trek, our winner is:

JEM'HADAR: What I said was Cardassia should be hauled away as garbage!

For showing that not only Bajorans can be Prophetic, our winner is:

Jadzia: Awww...don't worry, Julian. Who knows? Maybe my next host will hit it off with you quite nicely!

Julian: Dear me, dear me...she ENJOYS driving stakes through my heart, doesn't she?

Jadzia: Maybe you'll find her--

Julian: Assuming it is a her--and that I'm still young enough to care about her feelings, by then...

Jadzia: Maybe you'll find her even more to your liking....

Julian: Hmph. Fat chance....

Jadzia: (smirks at audience) I try to cheer him up...

And for showing us that Worf could be an unhappy customer at Starbucks, our winner is:

WORF: "A Klingon Warrior sees no honor in decaf!"

Congratulations to all of our winners!

Time for some new captions!

 

[LeadHead]

Sisko: We've got to get into that runabout!

Kira: Explain again, why we didn't just beam in?

Sisko: Oh, whoops. Sisko to Ops...

Tosk: You did a Bang up job on the repairs. Thank you.

Ezri: Okay! I admit it, I was trying to sneak out before you woke up. Don't take it personally, I did the same thing to Worf last week.

Sisko: I'm not Picard. Although I have wondered if the bald look would work for me.

 

[Saga]

Ezri: Julian, where are your pants?!

Julian: Pants are oppressive. I'm starting the 'down with pants' movement.

 

[Rush Limborg]

^(Ooooooooooooooh...can't say I want that mental image in my mind....)



Thanks for the win, mate! I'll make sure to use that prize...wisely....

Okeydokey...let's do this!

Kira: Hoo, boy. I am so not going in there.

Sisko: Hold on--

Kira: I tell you, Commander, there's a monster in there.

Sisko: I don't hear a thing.

Kira: It's a secret commando monster--I dunno! I am not...going...in....

Sisko: Major?

Kira: What?

Sisko: Man up.

Tosk: "On the Rocky Road to Dublin/ One-two-three-four-five/ Hunt the Hare and Down the Rocky Road n all the ways t'--

O'Brien: Oooh, I'm going to KILL you, TOSK! Do you realize HOW MANY TIMES I've tried to get that song OUT of me head!

Tosk: Does it offend you?

O'Brien: I've just heard it so many times!

Tosk: I see. I hope it's not too--

O'Brien: Oh, now I'm going to get my revenge.....

Ezri: (distracted) Oh, Julian, I didn't expect--(double-take)--GREAT I'NORA!

Julian: (clears throat) I assure you, Counselor, I can provide a clear and concise explanation for this--

Ezri: What...are you doing...in the girl's wing...in that?

Julian: Counselor...I need you to remain calm and trust me. I am a trained professional.

Ezri: You're insane.

Julian: But believe it or not...I seem to have been beamed here.

Ezri: From your room!

Julian: With my fists and ankles cuffed, as you can see....

Ezri: Well!

Julian: Now...listen carefully. Attached to the inside of my left pant leg...rather high up, I might add...lies the key to my release--

Ezri: (running off in disgust) UGH--HE'S INSANE!!!

Julian: I don't think that came out right....

After Sisko spend his entire day off at the gym, he felt led to invoke Captain's Priveldge--and get feedback for his positive results.

 

[ares93]

^(Ooooooooooooooh...can't say I want that mental image in my mind....)

yours wasn't much better either

and i wont have a go at this contest. i'm afraid i'll write something even worse. i've been looking for jack if you catch my drift..

EDIT: i cant keep myself from posting this tale... (in case someone is offended, blame Jack.)

Inside:

O'Brien: AAAAAAAAAACCCCUUUHHHH. That hurt's!

Outside:

Sisko: Are you hearing what i'm hearing?
Kira: I'm not sure, but i think its Miles and that alien in there.

Two hours later:

Ezri: LALALALALALALALA! I'm not listening!
Julian: Its really funny. So, Miles and Tosk were in that damaged ship...
Ezri: Julian, i dont want to hear in detail what those two did in there!

At Quarks:

Sisko: So, i was trying to get the doors open when i heard these strange noises. At first, i though it was a faulty eps conduit. But then when Kira and I got the doors opened... It wasn't a conduit, it was Miles and Tosk doing something... Ah... Forget it, i finally managed to suppress the memory.

 

[Nerys Myk]

SISKO: Wow they're going at it like animals! Yeesh! That's a high pitch scream, even for a woman!

KIRA: That was Bashier.

 

[Kirby]

Kira: Commander, the runabout is a-rockin. I don't think we should go a-knockin.

Sisko: Shhh... I just want to hear how Dax's date is going.

 

[Kirby]

Tosk: You heard me human, make with the goatse!

O'Brien: Wha? Ouch!

Ezri: Look, I understand the whole 'genetically enhanced' thing, but that was just too weird. A quart? seriously?

Sisko enjoyed other things than baseball. He was also a fan of the old Earth show Cops. Here he was planning to visit the holodeck ready to re-enact one of his favorite episodes.

Sisko: Quark, I need a bottle of Mad Dog 20/20, and you're sure that you re-programmed it so the trailers steps are broken, right?

 

[AdmiralGarak]

Kira: "Why do we have to push this broken down Runabout all the way back to Earth?"
Sisko: "I'm not paying for a tow! Last time those bastards charged me by the mile!"

Keiko had just learned the secret of telepathic nagging.

David Attenborough: Her prey now completely helpless, the rare spotted Ezri prepares to pounce...

 

[DS9 Gal AZ]

Kira: Why am I in this caption contest? I'm not even in starfleet!

Tosk: Why am I in this caption contest? I'm not even in starfleet!
O'Brien: Shut up Tosk, I have a headache.

*insert your own sex joke here*

Sisko: And this is why I'm more of a bad ass than Picard will ever be!

 

[Rush Limborg]

Okay...something less...insane:

Ezri: Oh--Julian! Look...did you wake up because...?

Julian: What's going on? I heard voices--they sound like they're coming from....

Ezri: Um, well...look, this isn't the best time....

Julian: Sounds like...Miles...Kira...Worf--

Ezri: Well...you see, it's a private meeting of a very...delicate matter and--

Julian: Does this have to do with tomorrow?

Ezri: Ah--tommorrow? I-I don't--

Julian: Well, tomorrow, I'm turning--

Ezri: Look--Julian--why don't...look, let's go inside your quarters...and we'll forget all this, and--

Julian: Of course...until tomorrow, I assume.

Ezri: Uh, whatever--let's just...get you back....

Sisko: I am Ben Sisko. And you are dead meat.

 

[Quinton O'Connor]

Thanks for the win!

It was a quiet day on Deep Space Nine, and Commander Sisko wanted desperately to spend some quality time with his First Officer. The two hadn't bonded much in this first few months, so he decided the best way to ease her concerns about Starfleet was to engage in an old Federation ritual: listening to the rhythmic hums of a runabout. Kira contemplated a transfer...

TOSK: "O'Brien, your species is involved in some unsafe work procedures."

O'BRIEN: "It was a bloody accent, is what it was. Oh, there's the blood to prove it... bloody hell."

BASHIR: "Ezri, listen to me. You aren't a Vorta. You can't simply change your race's capabilities from episode to episode. You have no telepathic powers and frankly, you look absurd."

EZRI: "I look absurd? Julian, where are your pants?"

If the Sisko of "Q-Less" were faced with the Dominion invasion of the Alpha Quadrant, it is safe to say we may have faced a much shorter occupation arc.

 

[DS9 Gal AZ]

BASHIR: "Ezri, listen to me. You aren't a Vorta. You can't simply change your race's capabilities from episode to episode. You have no telepathic powers and frankly, you look absurd."

EZRI: "I look absurd? Julian, where are your pants?"

Hah, I loved that one.

 

[Rush Limborg]

I don't understand what he's saying to her, though. When did Ezri think she could change capabilities...?

 

[Smellincoffee]

Dax: No! Absolutely not!
Bashir: But Jadzia said -- DAMMIT!

Sisko: Keep pressure on the door. We can't let those vedeks through!
Kira: Wh-
Sisko: I'M TIRED OF BEING ASKED if I'VE HEARD THE GOOD NEWS.

Tosk: O'Brian -
O'Brian: (bump) Bloody HELL!
Tosk: I was not aware the corridor ceiling needed pressure applied, O'Brian. Can I assist?

Sisko: Oh, I'm sorry. Did I break your concentration?

 

[Quinton O'Connor]

I don't understand what he's saying to her, though. When did Ezri think she could change capabilities...?

Never, but she looks like she's trying to use telekinesis or something in that pic.

 

[Mistral]

Kira (doubtfully): "Well, ok, Captain-you're in charge. But couldn't we just use regular pillows and beds like the rest of the crew?"

 

[Rat Boy]

Kira: "We could just try calling a tow truck."

Sisko: "Nonsense! It's only a hundred more kilometers, now keep pushing!"

Tosk: "Banging your head against the wall repeatedly isn't what I'd call dying with honor."

Bashir: "Ah crap, was I sleep walking without pants again?"

Ezri: "I guess they didn't genetically enhance that...*glances down*...or those."

Sisko: "King Kong ain't got shit on me!"

 

[Rush Limborg]

Aw, geez, why the heck are there so many cracks to the effect of Bashir being mediocre in regards to his manhood? (Not just here in this thread, but elsewhere....)

I would say, if anything, it's over-developed, consideing his way with the ladies (Jadzia being the exception, not the rule....).

 

[ares93]

Aw, geez, why the heck are there so many cracks to the effect of Bashir being mediocre in regards to his manhood? (Not just here in this thread, but elsewhere....)

I would say, if anything, it's over-developed, consideing his way with the ladies (Jadzia being the exception, not the rule....).

probably because the word "enhanced" sparks sexist jokes in peoples heads. well, i cant really blame them, except i'm one of those people who tends to keep those kinds of jokes to themselves.

and considering his way with ladies...-- well, Rush... it didn't exactly go so fantastically for him, i wouldn't call it overdeveloped either

EDIT: spelling... damn this american keyboard... the layout is all to hell...