• Welcome! The TrekBBS is the number one place to chat about Star Trek with like-minded fans.
    If you are not already a member then please register an account and join in the discussion!

Things I've learned from watching TV and films...

If something of value is falling, say a vase. A person will jump and completely lay out and catch it inches before it hits the ground.
 
If something of value is falling, say a vase. A person will jump and completely lay out and catch it inches before it hits the ground.

Related to that, impact with anything other than the ground won't harm objects or people - hands on the ground, mattresses, dumpsters, cars, etc all perfectly break falls. The rapid decrease in speed is irrelevant.
 
I heard this one somewhere else:

In a sci-fi show set in the future, whenever they mention historical figures two will be ones the audience knows and the third will be one from after our time but still before the characters in the show.
" Captain, you'll be remembered as one of the greatest tacticians of all time! They'll speak of you along with Alexander,Nelson and Xrtlox of Deneb VII!"
 
I heard this one somewhere else:

In a sci-fi show set in the future, whenever they mention historical figures two will be ones the audience knows and the third will be one from after our time but still before the characters in the show.
" Captain, you'll be remembered as one of the greatest tacticians of all time! They'll speak of you along with Alexander,Nelson and Xrtlox of Deneb VII!"

Isn't that just a Trek thing?
 
I heard this one somewhere else:

In a sci-fi show set in the future, whenever they mention historical figures two will be ones the audience knows and the third will be one from after our time but still before the characters in the show.
" Captain, you'll be remembered as one of the greatest tacticians of all time! They'll speak of you along with Alexander,Nelson and Xrtlox of Deneb VII!"

Isn't that just a Trek thing?
Yeah, probably.
 
- Pizza never looks good or fresh and it's always floppy.

- When a car or a store front is about to explode, you're supposed to run for a bit, then leap through the air and land face-down on the ground.
 
Oh, if you're calling somebody, the phone will only need to ring once and the other guy will pick up....but if we're seeing a phone ring it may ring many times while the person looks for the phone or finishes arguing with whoever is the room with them or finds a place to put down the groceries.
 
- When a car or a store front is about to explode, you're supposed to run for a bit, then leap through the air and land face-down on the ground.

If this part wasn't always in slow motion, it would look utterly ridiculous. Even 24, supposedly in 'real time', had to slow-mo this shot to make it look anything other than stupid.
 
I heard this one somewhere else:

In a sci-fi show set in the future, whenever they mention historical figures two will be ones the audience knows and the third will be one from after our time but still before the characters in the show.
“Captain, you'll be remembered as one of the greatest tacticians of all time! They'll speak of you along with Alexander,Nelson and Xrtlox of Deneb VII!”

Isn't that just a Trek thing?
Ah, yes, the Laundry List.

“The Bible, the Code of Hammurabi and of Justinian, Magna Carta, the Constitution of the United States, Fundamental Declarations of the Martian Colonies, the Statutes of Alpha Three.”

“All the others before me have failed. Alexander, Caesar, Napoleon, Hitler, Lee Kuan, Krotus!”


A cheap way for a writer to say, “Hey, folks, this is the FUTURE!”
 
I heard this one somewhere else:

In a sci-fi show set in the future, whenever they mention historical figures two will be ones the audience knows and the third will be one from after our time but still before the characters in the show.
“Captain, you'll be remembered as one of the greatest tacticians of all time! They'll speak of you along with Alexander,Nelson and Xrtlox of Deneb VII!”

Isn't that just a Trek thing?
Ah, yes, the Laundry List.

“The Bible, the Code of Hammurabi and of Justinian, Magna Carta, the Constitution of the United States, Fundamental Declarations of the Martian Colonies, the Statutes of Alpha Three.”

“All the others before me have failed. Alexander, Caesar, Napoleon, Hitler, Lee Kuan, Krotus!”

A cheap way for a writer to say, “Hey, folks, this is the FUTURE!”


In this bit's defense (and, yeah, I've done it too), what's the alternative? If you don't throw in "Krotus," it sounds way too Earth-centric and contemporary. Viewers are bound to wonder, "What? This is the future. How come all of Kirk's references are three hundred years old? Nothing important happened after the twentieth century? And aren't there any famous aliens? Kirk has no respect for alien cultures!"
 
You can have bullets that will go through walls, yet you will be safe if you hide behind a sofa,

Based on some recent stuff I've seen, the flimsier the furniture the better its ability to repel firepower. I guess that lightweight comes from being constructed of Kevlar-like composites.

Also, if a house is *completely* ventilated by bullets the protagonists will nonetheless emerge unscathed.
 
I learned the "Laws of Newton Was an Idiot!"

First Law of Newton Was an Idiot: Objects have a natural tendency to stop when nothing's pushing on them. As mentioned previously, spaceships. This tendency is so strong the only time brakes don't successfully stop a car is when they're "out."

Second Law of Newton Was an Idiot: It doesn't matter how much force something is pushed with, it's acceleration is never too fast that people can't get a good, long look at it. Giant meteors, the gianter tsunamis they make, doesn't matter. Explosions accelerate particles so slowly the observer has time to walk around to another viewpoint and see it again! This has been known to happen several times in a single explosion.

Third Law of Newton Was an Idiot: The bullet can knock a man twenty feet but the recall on the shooter's hand is barely noticeable.

And don't forget the Law of Newton Wasn't Just an Idiot but a Heavyweight Idiot! Not only is gravity as simple to create as carpeting, like carpeting it always right beneath your feet (never at an inconvenient direction,) always flat (never curved in a sphere, no matter how small the spaceship,) and either it's there, all of it, or there's none of it, and you are out of it with a single step (no fighter ship ever uses its artificial gravity to overload the framework of the giant motherships.)
 
- If someone's going to kill you with a gun, don't worry, they'll shoot you in the chest, not the head. Just make sure to wear a bullet-proof vest. You'll go down unconscious, but you'll wake up a few seconds later and you'll be fine (and don't forget to rip open your shirt or jacket to reveal the vest). If you can't find a vest to wear for the occasion, just stuff something under your shirt or jacket that you think will stop bullets. And don't worry about how big it is or how much it'll cover. The bullets will hit it.

- If you work on a Federation starship, be careful. Your computer console is dangerous and can explode, sometimes throwing you 10 - 15 feet or more.
 
I have learned the fat people like myself must either be comedians or a talk to people in diners about painful gas and bloating. Religious people, such as myself, must all be fanatical zealots, without compassion or mercy, until we completely lose our faith in said religion.

Realizing this, I must now start posting frequently in Misc about my painful gas, and how it was written about in the Bible. If anyone objects to this, I will either use my comedic powers to drive them away, or I will undergo some spirtual quest to rid the world of your evil.
 
If you are not already a member then please register an account and join in the discussion!

Sign up / Register


Back
Top