TOS Caption Contest #187: Fine Living

[Rat Boy]

Bit of a slow week, but hopefully things will pick up now that we have a new caption contest. First, let's gawk at...

For a reference not so old that the young bucks won't get it, our winner is...

Noel: (thinking) "That's odd. Jim never asks for a second cup of coffee at home..."

For giving us the Shaft, our winner is...

Marlena: "We have a saying in my universe, Captain: 'It is my duty to serve the greater glory of the Empire!'"
Kirk: "We have a saying in my universe, too: 'It's my duty to hit that booty!'"

No, I can't believe I went there, either. And for not being too clear on the concept, our winner is...

Kirk (off-camera): I'm sorry, Miss Chapel, but Mr. Spock has gone black and he ain't coming back.
Chapel: He's had sex with Mr. Boma?!

And our Photoshop winner hits us with a favorite old standby...

Well we already tried cross-circuiting to B and that didn't work,
however there are plenty of letters left in the alphabet to try!

Congratulations to the winners. First up this week, Scotty is forced to lecture Kirk on why he canna change the laws of physics. Next, if Spock is smiling, you know something's up. And finally, Floor Scotty is watching you masturbate. Have at:

 

[Rat Boy]

Scotty: "Remember when I said there'd be no tribble a'tall?"

Kirk: "Yeah."

Scotty: "Well, guess what KPS just dropped off."

Spock: "Hello ladies."

Scotty: "Is it safe to come out yet?"

Sulu: "Not yet."

Scotty: "Borgas frat! Last time I ever comment on Uhura's weight."

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Scotty: "Now are ye sure the haircut makes me look manly?"

Spock: "I concede that the Captain's emotional control is greater than mine. The next time you ask me if your haircut adds to your masculinity, please do not do so with hands on hips, man boobs jutting out, and whilst wearing a kilt."
Scott: "Sasenach!"

Sulu: "Come on Scotty! You can't hide there forever."

Scotty: "It's nae forever, it's just till I get rid of ma moobs."

 

[jep]

Spock: "Hello ladies."

Sulu: "Why hello yourself, Mr. Spock!"



.

 

[jep]

Kirk, (OS): "Kirk to Scotty.... is it true? Report!"

Scotty: "Aye Cap'n, 'tis true... Sulu be wearing... assless chaps."



.

 

[Nerys Myk]

SCOTTY: And then Sulu goes "Fabulous! Love it!"

Spock: Ponn Farr anyone?

SCOTT: Damn, Sulu and his boyfriend are still mad about the "Fabulous, Love it!" thing.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Scotty: "The 'March Madness' officers' mixer? I'm flattered, Cap'n, but Mr. Sulu already beat ye to the punch. But I'll try to save one dance for you."

 

[jep]

Spock: "Do you have any Vulcan in you, Lt. Uhura?"

Uhura, (OS): "No, Mr. Spock, I don't."

Spock: "Would you like to have some Vulcan in you, lieutenant?"




.

 

[Maurice]

SCOTTY: And that's how you do Riverdance!
KIRK: Wait...aren't you supposed to be a Scot?

SPOCK: *sigh* Just look at the ample data banks on that computer.

SCOTTY: Ach! Sulu's arse is flat as a board.
SULU: Did you hear something?

 

[TeaKirk]

Spock: "Do you have any Vulcan in you, Lt. Uhura?"

Uhura, (OS): "No, Mr. Spock, I don't."

Spock: "Would you like to have some Vulcan in you, lieutenant?"




.

Sulu(OS): *Grins real big* I would like some vulcan! oh my!

 

[Rat Boy]

Scotty: "Jim, the Enterprise is twenty years old."

Kirk: "So?"

Scotty (shrugging): "Just making conversation."

 

[jep]

Spock: "Hi kids, I'm back from my "quantum physics conference". Miss me?"




.

 

[Rat Boy]

Normally I leave the Photoshopping to you people, but this time I couldn't help myself...

Kirk and Scotty (singing): "Sister Christian
Oh, the time has come
And you know
That you're the only one to say
Okay
Where you going
What you looking for
You know those boys
Don't want to play no more
With you
It's true

You're motoring
What's your price for flight
In finding mister right
You'll be all right tonight
Babe, you know
You're growing up so fast
Mommy's worrying
That you won't last to say
Let's play
Sister Christian
There's so much in life
Don't you give it up
Before your time is due
It's true
Motoring
What's your price for flight
You've got him in your sights
And driving through the night
Motoring
What's your price for flight
In finding mister right
You'll be all right tonight
Sister Christian
Oh, the time has come
And you know
That you're the only one to say
Okay
But you're motoring
You're motoring"

 

[jep]

Kirk: "What the.... ??? Scotty, where did you get THOSE?

Scotty: "At the astrophysics conference I went to with Mr. Spock.

Kirk: "I thought it was a quantum physics conference."

Scotty: "Whatever. Sooooo... be honest... do you like them?"




.

 

[T'Mar]

Scotty: Now Captain, if you have sex in a Jeffrey's tube, you're going to get stuck! I'm not going to rescue you again.

Spock: Heh, I didn't get stuck.

Scotty: Dammit, I'm stuck! Maybe Sulu won't notice. Kirk will never let me live it down.



...Be gentle, this was my first try.

 

[Rat Boy]

Scotty: "Hey, Captain, do you know how to make antifreeze?"

Kirk: "Yeah. Hide her nightgown!"

 

[ItsGreen]

"Old Spice means quality, said the Captain to the Bosun,
so ask for the package with the ship that sails the ocean."

Sulu: Do you smell that? Old Spice! Smells like a man, man!

 

[MANT!]

So..Sulu's the bastard who stole my Claymore....

 

[jep]

That's the Engineer you could be saving by switching to Geico.




.

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Thanks for the win, Rat Boy!

Scotty: Quick...who am I?
Kirk: An annoying Canadian with a fake Scottish accent?
Scotty: Ack...George Reeves as Superman...ye'r not really that bright are yah, laddie.

Spock: As you can see, Miss Chapel, my bifurcated penis is quite real and spectacular.

Scotty: Ack! The party on this deck is nothing but a haggis fest.