What's the most bitter and twisted you've ever been?

[K'Ehleyr]

When I was in my teens I found out my Dad wasn't my father. He'd abandoned my Mum before I was born. I tracked my father down and it was not a success. He is very rich and I regularly check the local paper for death notifications. That is a Will that I will contest
Yes, I'm bitter and twisted about that.

 

[SeerSGB]

In the year of so following my car accident: I had gotten ground down by "well meaning" people that only wanted to "talk about what happened"-- which usually meant them saying "It's a miracle you're alive...you should have been killed...your cousin was killed in a wreck just like yours, how'd you survive...you really need to talk this out". I was just trying move on, get my life back together, figure out things my own way. And it was just 24/7 in my fucking face; every fucking conversation.

I reached a point where I hated everything and everyone, got suicidal. Had the pills lined up, ready to do it, picked up the first bottle and something snapped-- I'd say stayed snapped.

A voice started screaming in my head "make those fuckers pay, they want you dead, so you kick and scream and fight, and you stay in their faces till their in the ground!". Flushed the pills, got my shoulders squared, and basically became the biggest asshole in the family. Got most of the "well wishers" that stayed in my face together, told to shut up or fuck off cause I was moving on with my life.

I've got a bit more control over the rage these days. I can redirect the fire into other channels. Most of the family thinks I'm one bad day away from killing 'em all cause I'm so calm compared to when I 'snapped'

 

[TheBrew]

When shit happens. Then I realize that it was shit and it happened.

 

[Cheapjack]

You can get so bitter and twisted it can affect the way you look.

i'm starting to untwist a bit.

 

[SicOne]

I know it's gonna sound lame by some of the miserable standards some of you are used to, and yes, my adult life is and has actually been quite pleasant, all things considered, but here's my tale of woe and lament...

Several years back, after we were given instructions by our bosses to stay where we were, a coworker cheated me out of an extra day's pay by waiting until I was on the crapper to re-call the boss and persuade said boss to let him go do the quick work that entitled him to the extra pay.

He deliberately waited until I was defenseless on the dumper to do it, knowing he'd be gone and paid (union rules) by the time I discovered what had occured, and not only would it be too late to join him, but it had also cheated me out of the same opportunity.

I found out where he lived and cased his house while he was at work, thinking about how to suitably demonstrate my displeasure. A gallon can of gasoline with a quarter-stick of dynamite duct-taped to the side of it, thrown through his picture window during the late night news, might be in order, I thought. But I think he would have missed the subtlety of the message. And from accounts from other coworkers, his wife was a nice lady. While I had no qualms about picturing the guy writhing in tormented pain in the burn ward, pity about the nice wife being potential collateral damage stayed my vengeful hand.

Lest you think I was just bullshitting, let me tell you I was not. I was so irrationally incensed at this situation that I was not thinking clearly beyond to the logical consequences of my actions. If I thought I could get away with it and could time it when the wife was out, I'd have vaporized the clown. I shit you not. Fortunately, after a fashion cooler heads prevailed.

Ironically, several years later he abused some admittedly flexible union work rules and was terminated. The union worked to get his job back, but not as hard as they probably would have had he not developed a pattern of hosing his coworkers as he did.

There's probably a lesson about karma in there, or "All good things come to those who wait", but we had a mini-celebration when he lost his law board and we knew we were rid of him forever. And there was much rejoicing in the land, and the cake was delicious.

 

[Cheapjack]

I don't think you should have burned him.

You should just have got somebody to hold him, while you punched him, or told him what a creep he was, even if he hit you. You should have taken it out on him. Got him the sack. That's healthy. Just tell everybody what he is. They hate that.

I've been told:'You shouldn't accuse people without proof'. Even if you get proof with some people, they make out you are vindictive, if you hold it against them, and do it all over again. And if you don't speak to them, you're unsociable, cos they're the 'salt of the earth', rather than rats in human clothing. Rats can be very presentable and amiable, sometimes.

Anyway, it's all over now. It's healthy to find other people have it bad, too.

 

[ed629]

Around 13-14 years ago worked for a District Manager that would regularly go off on me for anything, even things that happened when I wasn't at work, for example one of the other managers gad the same first name I do. The other one had someone call the district office about him, he came in the next time I was at work and bitched at me for what the other guy did, after I pointed out I wasn't there that day, but the other guy was he still bitched at me for it and didn't even attempt to apologize, but never said a thing to other guy. This type of thing was a regular event. But at the same time he was messing around with young girls that worked there, and other locations, he liked to take them to local motels for "work" related sessions.

So one day, I took my camera which I have a nice 300mm lens for, took several photos of him entering the motel along with one of the female employees, made several prints and sent them to his wife. She divorced him, has the kids, his home, pretty got everything.

 

[Deckerd]

Never, really. I'm not made that way. The worst grudge I ever held was against my M-i-l and F-i-l who refused to come to our wedding because they disapproved of me (single mother, not good enough for their precious boy, etc). It wasn't even them not turning up but sending my parents a really shitty letter; two of the kindest, most decent people you can imagine. It took me a while to get over that but I was never bitter or twisted - just pissed off.

The worst thing I ever did was slapping one of my sisters and knocking her specs off, when we were teenagers. I think she's forgiven me though. I don't think I'll ever forgive myself.

 

[Pingfah]

A girl broke up with me after a year long relationship at 7pm on Christmas Eve, half an hour before the party I was throwing was about to start, after i'd cancelled going to my family christmas 250 miles away to be with her, and we'd just a few weeks earlier (quite happily and with no indication that this was to come) booked and paid for a 2 week skiiing holiday to begin just after the New Year.

I spenty Christmas day alone because my family was too far away to get to and had to go on the skiing holiday on my own as well since most of it was not refundable, I was pretty pissed off.

 

[thumbtack]

Coffee makes everything better.

So very true. There is no need to be bitter and twisted as long as there is coffee in the world.

 

[TremblingBluStar]

A girl broke up with me after a year long relationship at 7pm on Christmas Eve, half an hour before the party I was throwing was about to start

Awwww!

I can say probably 4 years ago, when the girl I was seeing ended a year-long relationship, telling me that even though we were intimate and she had me watching her kid, she didn't consider us a "serious" couple and was shocked I didn't want her dating other guys!

Seriously. I date some messed up people!

 

[RJDiogenes]

Never bitter, always twisted.

Put the pain behind you, people. If you torture yourself, you're just doing somebody else's work for them.

I don't know that I will this time. A lot is changing and not for the better.

Good luck with whatever's going on. I hope things work out for you.

 

[PKTrekGirl]

I don't know if I'd call it 'bitter' but I no longer trust men in relationships, nor do I trust my own ability to pick well in relationships. Therefore, out of sheer frustration, disappointment, and hurt, I have decided I am pretty much done with them. Which is really odd, because my profession (and the industry I work in) is largely male, and I get along fine in the workplace. Thank goodness I am able to compartmentalize, or I'd be in real trouble!

I'm sure some jerk around here will make a cruel comment from the peanut gallery about what follows. But I do feel the need to show that this is not the 'hurt feelings' of a girl who didn't get her way once or twice..but a series of really terrifying/hurtful events that left me with some understandable trust issues.

Anyway, the bottom line is that I've just been burned too many times. In addition to my share of more 'normal' relationships that ended in pain, I have been:

* sexually assaulted once (by my best girlfriend's boyfriend, while I was drunk - the ONE occasion in my life I drank to the point of being sick - never got that drunk again ever, for fear of something similar happening again),
* outright stalked by one guy over the course of 8 months (I was terrified to leave my home for 8 solid months),
*harassed (though it wasn't quite stalking) by another ex-boyfriend (calls in the night, but this one didn't follow me around and drive by my home at all hours, etc like crazy guy #1),
*flashed twice (one of these guys followed me for a while after flashing me as well, and scared the crap out of me)
*cheated on by my husband who, as an added bonus, got the girl he was cheating with pregnant (all the while, he was endlessly accusing me of cheating on him with the guys I worked with - something I never did, despite ample opportunity), and
*cheated on by a boyfriend another time - a fact he related to me when he was breaking up with me OVER THE PHONE (not even in person)
*In both of these last two cases, the guys involved screwed me over financially as well as emotionally. In fact, if I had all the money back that I have given to guys I was in a relationship with but who later screwed me over without a second thought, I'd probably be able to retire.

In addition to all of these situations, I had one other guy really let me down in a HUGE way when it really counted. This is a very private issue for me - but trust me - it was by no means a frivolous situation - it REALLY counted. And it directly involved him. But he just completely bailed on me when any decent human being would have manned up.

For many years, I tried to remain positive and believe that 'there were decent ones out there', and that I just needed to remain kind-hearted, decent, generous and a general Good Person despite what I'd been through...and it would turn out okay. Karma would find me and I'd some day find a good one. But that never happened. All that ever happened was more pain and betrayal.

So finally, I simply decided to just stop. Stop hoping, stop trying. It has been very hard to give up on what I thought was a very modest dream of a husband and family. But I was to the point where I no longer had a choice. I gave up not out of bitterness, but out of self-preservation. Because I simply could not go through another ghastly situation like the ones I'd been though. The last one about did me in - it was extremely painful and took me a couple of years to get past. And I just can't go through that again - I ended up in a very dark place, and I can't risk going there again.

I can't say I'm not lonely and sad about how things turned out...and I confess being angry - at God more than anything, because I had always tried to be a good, kind and generous soul, and got used big-time for my trouble. And I am angry at myself, because I was apparently never 'good enough' for someone nice. And no one likes feeling like a failure like that. Especially people like me, who did very well in school, always knew their stuff at work and are considered go-to people, etc.

But it's done now. And even though it's lonely, I'm at least not ever going to end up in a place where I can't stop crying for a week ever again. I hope to some day get past being angry at God and at myself...but so far, I'm still stuck in this regard. I just keep trying to tell myself that you can't be good at everything. And "love" just happened to be the thing I was destined to totally suck at.

 

[Cheapjack]

I think Spock would say it is illogical to hate the other sex, as they were created for a purpose. But then, Spock is a Vulcan, and you're not him.

Some physical relief might do some good, like MA or something. Can you get cheap therapists?

 

[Deckerd]

You'll get through it, i'm sure.

You could be bisted and twitter!

I don't know that I will this time. A lot is changing and not for the better.

I don't know if you're in the same boat as me (paid for by taxpayers) but I'm staring no job in the face when my contract runs out next year and it's scarey in this employment climate. I really worry for this country when the hammer falls next year.

 

[SicOne]

PKTrekGirl, I would advise you to not just wall off your heart...it's when you're not looking that good things happen. I wasn't looking when I met Mrs. SicOne; in fact, as a child of multiple marriages/divorces/remarriages, I was pretty dead-set and decidedly cynical against getting married and having children. But when I was with her, it felt like the most natural thing in the world. Still does.

Twenty years later she still puts up with my dumb ass, and I am no summer vacation, believe you me. Lord, the stories she could tell.

Yes, have some defenses, be able to look at situations and circumstances objectively, protect yourself emotionally (and financially)...but don't just write it all off because some guys have MADE THEIR CHOICES to be shitty to you. If you do that, you will certainly put out this "unapproachable" vibe...and some nice guy, whether he'd like to be with you for an evening, a weekend, or a lifetime, will pick up on that and decide it's not worth the hassle. If you can go through what you've gone through and still remain sweet and good-natured, at some point some good guy's gonna see that you're worth the extra effort it will probably take.

Sometimes it is the bad experiences that make you able to appreciate the good experiences. And sometimes the risk you take is worth the love you make.

You take care, girl, and think about what I've said.

 

[Cheapjack]

PTrekGirl,

From what I've seen, I think you should reward men for appropriate behaviour and discourage them from inappropriate behaviour, rather than just putting up with it for months and/or kicking them out. Even the biggest dog has some decency in him. i think it's called laying boundaries. You're not going to get Mr Perfect at the end of it, but maybe a happier man.

Take care.

 

[Captain Ice]

Probably there right now, waiting for a biopsy to come back.

 

[MetalPants]

While I am not going to share the details of the incident, there was something in my life that caused me to think that there was no such thing as an honest, honorable, or trustworth woman. It took me five years to get to the point where I believed that not all women were just lying bags of meat, and probably another 3 to be where I could be in a relationship again.
That was probably the most bitter.

The second worst... Well after failing horribly in my first semester of college, and at the time I thought failing horribly at life, I was sitting on my brother's sofa with a gun in my mouth, debating on if I should pull the trigger or not.

 

[NickInABox]

Well after failing horribly in my first semester of college, and at the time I thought failing horribly at life, I was sitting on my brother's sofa with a gun in my mouth, debating on if I should pull the trigger or not.

You know, I failed first semester of college too, and I was in the same boat. My school managed to retain me into second semester that I, once again, failed. I was kicked out of my program as a result.

I was close to offing myself, too. But, and at the risk of sounding cliche, I remembered the spirit of Star Trek, which is the hope of something better for the future. I mean, I didn't think of Trek at the time, just the hope bit.

That's why I can't say enough times, whatever love you can get and give, whatever happiness you can filch or provide, every temporary measure of grace, whatever works.