What's the most bitter and twisted you've ever been?

[RJDiogenes]

^^ I'm glad you both made it through those dark times and that you are here to tell the tale.

PKTrekGirl, I'm not one to give advice on this, being somewhat retired myself, but you shouldn't give up on romance out of bitterness. There are definitely nice guys in the world. I'm living proof of that, right?

Probably there right now, waiting for a biopsy to come back.

I'm hoping the results come back quickly and with good news.

 

[Trippy]

I'm in a similar situation at PKTrekGirl, withouit going into too many details, I've chosen nothing but abusive long term relationships, and after the last one (from which I got my son-the only good thing to come from it) I too, 'gave up' and took myself out of the game, as I seemed to only make bad choices for myself. I haven't dated for over 10 years.

I was bitter about it for a while (I was only in my early 30s and it was hard to reconcile myself to a life alone with my son), but it's been a long time since it bothered me. I know it won't be long until my son is gone to live his own life and I'll really be alone, but I'll cross that bridge when I get there.

 

[Kemaiku]

I've been in exactly two long term relationships, both of which got to the point of engagement, only to be treated like shit then dumped, after both I spent weeks doing things I would really rather forget, I mean like cut them out of my head forget.

 

[propita]

PKTrekGirl and Trippy, I haven't been in your shoes, so I can really only sympathize. But I wish you both the best and that you heal yourselves first. You've both had a lot of pain. When the time is right, allow yourselves to try again, if that's what you wish. At least you have friends here, so you know that you aren't cutting off all personal connections with people, right?

Keep on being strong.

 

[The Boy Who Cried Worf]

The years 1984 through 1994 and about half the time since then.

 

[Cheapjack]

PtTrekGirl and Trippy;

Men only get away with what you let them get away with, I think. There are some laws and social conventions to help you. Even I could do some things in a relationship that could be overpowering after a bit, and I am one of the softies! I simple pointing out of what is unacceptable, should to the trick. You might have to but up with some things, but only to a limit, and for so long, then no more!

 

[Trippy]

^for me, it was more a cycle of abuse that I grew up with, and chose abusive relationships based on that. I've since decided I'm damaged for relationships, and therefore cannot choose a good one, so I don't.

Again, without a lot of personal details, it's best for me not to be in a relationship, based on the poor choices I make.

 

[AstroSmurf]

^ I am the same way these days. Being a child of abuse has changed me in ways that I know I won't ever be able to completely fix. So rather than keep screwing up my life by continuing the pattern, I tend to prefer leading a solitary life. I don't mind it. I do wish almost everyday to have a child though. I am even willing to raise them as a single parent.

But as for my most bitter and twisted I would choose three years ago when my design business was swallowed up by the beginning of the recession and I had to sell my beloved house. I worked and sacrificed so much and then had to watch it all fall apart around me. To be honest, I had a bit of a nervous breakdown after that. With a life in ruins and no way of putting it back together again, I folded. And after everything this life had put me through up until that point I guess it was the straw that broke the camel's back. But I now I am back on track and rebuilding. It has taken some time and a lot more sacrifices but I am getting there again.

But this is my philosophy with life: We have two choices when bad things happen. You can be a survivor and find the positive in something bad, learning and growing from the experience. Or you can be a victim and let the negative aspects of the situation change and burden you. I choose to be a survivor. I choose to be positive. I choose to let the shit slide right off. I choose to keep on going. I choose to learn. I choose to evolve. I choose to kick life's ass rather than it kicking mine. And all the things that have happened to me over the years, the physical and mental abuse, the drugs, the preacher father, my being gay, the death, the suicides, the financial ruin, has made me a better person and I am thankful for that.

 

[Trippy]

^Oh I choose to survive too! Instead of wallow in the 'poor single mother' stereotype, I went to university and became the teacher I'd always dreamed of being, even though I was called 'dumb' most of my childhood (by teachers too, not just my parents).

Instead of parenting through abuse, I parent with love and firmness (you can correct a behavior withouit corporal punishment!) even though I parent alone (he visits his dad, but his father doesn't 'parent' him).

I've just decided that a life alone is better than making those terrible decisions which led to even more abuse.

 

[AstroSmurf]

^ I to spent years being told that I wasn't good enough by parents, family and teachers. I was also told countless times that I would never amount to anything. But instead of giving in I have proved them all wrong. At least I think I have. At this point in my life, I just need to prove things to myself and I am perfectly happy with what I have done so far.

And I can't help but believe that everything that I went through will make me a decent parent. I know all the things not to do at least. But the one thing I do know is that I have a lot of love to give.

And Trippy... I think you are awesome. Always have actually. *big hug*

 

[Trippy]

^aww thanks, right back atcha! *hugs*

Yes, I learned how not to teach/parent by the poor examples I had

 

[Emher]

Gotta agree with AstroSmurf, you're awesome Trippy!

My most bitter and twisted is probably from the bullying years, and I can't really retell that since mercifully I've blocked most of it out.

The worst I can remember is about a year after I got rather hastily dumped by my ex. I made the mistake of getting back in touch with her and then found out more in detail about what had been going on. She'd been seeing another guy beghind my back for most of the relationship, didn't say anything, and even gave no indication when I fucking proposed and she said "yes", only to break up abruptly a month later.

So that means that she lead me on for a long time there. Basically at this point I was saying "goodbye, like, forever" and she tried saying "I'm sorry, I didn't say anything because I didn't want to hurt you". Yeah well if you didn't want to hurt you would've been honest to me. And she knew I had trust issuses since from when I was bullied.

After finding that out I reeeeaaaallllly got depressed, and with lots of other shit going on (no job, increasing debt to my parents, weight problems) it wasn't long until I wanted to kill myself. Luckily I was smart enough to tell my parents and they helped me.

Anyway, naturally I broke contact with my ex and found out later when she tried to be "friends" over Facebook that she'd married the guy and that she'd had a miscarriage. And I'm ashamed to admit it, but that felt like a bit of karmic revenge right there.

 

[Yeoman Randi]

Captain Ice, please let us know when you get your test results back. Sending positive vibes!

 

[Jetfire]

I am pretty bitter about my life this past year...I want things to change and get better...but they keep getting worse by the day.

 

[SicOne]

The years 1984 through 1994 and about half the time since then.

Slightly off-topic, but I gotta ask...who is your avatar? I'm happily married, but not blind!

 

[bigdaddy]

High school and community college, a waste of my time, and then a waste of y time and money.

 

[Destructor]

Hmm, I suppose I vaguely remember a time in highschool when I: was being bullied quite badly that I was on the verge of suicide, but I think I have blocked it out (and it was a long time ago).

On reading the OP I immediately thought of this time I found out my gf was cheating on me but, instead of confronting her about it I just started being really passive-aggressive. She eventually dumped me. But on thinking about it I don't think I was particularly bitter and twisted, I think I was actually restraining myself.

In terms of raw bitterness, I once left my flat for a month and let a friend sublet the room. When I came back after the month my flatmates (including my friend!) told me that I was out and my friend was in. I was so angry that I pointed out that my name was on the lease, kicked my (ex)friend out, and then I proceeded to make life miserable for absolutely everyone in the house (slamming doors, intentionally making messes, playing loud music at all hours just to spite them- pretty immature!) that was probably me at my worst- I don't look back on that period proudly!

 

[MANT!]

Most bitter...
When I came home from work one day and my first wife (of 22 years) informed me that she'd filed for divorce because she no longer loved me....(this 2 days before she received a sizeable settlement from a former employer)..as she could afford the attorney, and I couldn't ..the terms were most favorable to her...The paid for home, the brand-new minivan (also paid for)..the antique furniture, all that we had in savings..became hers.. All my friends (who had started out as HER friends) abandoned me.....

Part of this was my fault..I had started to take her for granted..I worked very hard very long hours...that was my biggest un-doing.. as she became a shop-a-holic so that she could feel better I guess.

I simply couldn't support my ex's ever increasing spending..and that made her even more unhappy...and after about 5 years of that..she'd had enough.

For about 6 months..I holed up and became the uber-online gamer..wallowing in bitterness and self pity... and killing as many online opponents as possible...

About the only thing I received was unlimited visitation rights for my sons....But as I had to move far away within a year after the divorce became final (another long sordid tale..involving a partial mental breakdown and other such assorted garbage)..that's meant nothing over the past few years.....

However, I wish my ex well... but she proved to me exactly what kind of a person she was inside...and that hurt VERY badly.. as I was convinced that she could never do me harm..


But success isn't measured by how high you are..it's measured by how high you bounce after hitting rock bottom...


After almost a year, I met my now dear wife.. And am now happier, far more secure both personally, spiritually and financially than I ever was with my ex..

And I gained a daughter..something I never had and always wished for...

 

[Hermiod]

^goldbug, yours is the kind of story I hear far too often. I'm glad you've found happiness in the end.

 

[Cheapjack]

My problem is that I say the wrong things to people, though not unprovoked and when under a lot of stress. I've had people pursue vendettas against me for decades, and they have learned from me, too. Apologising to these sorts does absolutely no good, it just gives them more pleasure. Human beings have a sort of sadism and cruelty about them, sometimes, that I feel difficult to understand. They seem to get some sort of pleasure from deliberately wrecking somebody's attempts to make the world a better place for everybody ?! It's just amazing how far some people will go, when they know they have done something wrong, and will twist and turn to cover it up. I wouldn't mind being rewarded for the work I have put in and some acknowledgment of my ideas and of this body I am in.

Goldbug; you should spend a lot of time with your daughter.