TOS Caption Contest #176: LOST in Translation

[Rat Boy]

Y'all been running around like crazy for a week, so it's time for another caption contest. First, let's lament the poor bairns of...

For dispelling another Trek legend, our winner is...

Martin Luther King, Jr. (off-camera): I've never seen this woman in my life.

For demonstrating that Kirk can be as subtle as a sledge hammer to a big toe, our winner is...

Kirk: "Thank you for the update ... so Yeoman Rand, what color panties are you wearing ."

For what Scotty does when Chekov's taking a vacation in Leningrad, our winner is...

Kirk (filtered): "Updates, Mister Scott?"

Scotty: "Were gonna hafta take the outer loop, Capt'n. There's a terrible bottleneck downtown and traffic is backed up to the upper West Side."

And for finally answering the question as to what would make a Vulcan run in the most ridiculous way imaginable, our winner is...

Crewman (OS): "Your mother? Last I saw her, she was showing Dr. McCoy some of your old baby pictures. Mr. Spock...Mr. Spock?"

Finally, we have a couple of Photoshop winners since this past contest lent itself to Photoshopping so well. First, we have a new take on an old Running Spock idea I had years ago...

McCoy, off screen: "Run, you green blooded hob-goblin, I've got $500 credits riding on you!!! RUNNNN!!!!!"




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And a 'Shop that likely channeled the mind of J.J. Abrams...

Congratulations to the winners. Speaking of the director of the latest Trek movie, this week we salute what's perhaps his most talked-about TV series: LOST. First, we discover why it pays to be the only doctor when you're stranded out in the middle of nowhere. Second, while the Companion's no smoke monster, at least she didn't have a whiny brother. And finally, Kirk and McCoy wouldn't mind if they had found a mysterious hatch housed by a deranged Scotsman. Namaste:

 

[Rat Boy]

Kirk (off screen): "My God, Bones! What happened to her?!"

McCoy: "You think that's bad, you should see the fingernail marks on my back!"

Companion: "I said look, don't touch!"

*ZAP*

Kirk (mumbling): "Get your hand off my crotch, asshole."

 

[jep]

Kirk: "Jesus, Bones, what climbed up inside you and died?"



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[jep]

Kirk: "I know you're staring at my crotch, Bones."



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[jep]

Kirk: "I've got a rock under my ass and it's hurting me."

McCoy: "I told you the assless chaps weren't a good idea Jim."

Kirk: "Just dig it out from under me, Bones."



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[Rat Boy]

Barrows: "So, do you think this dress makes my butt look big?"

*Later*

Kirk: "You told her the truth, didn't you?"

McCoy: "Shut up, Jim."

 

[jep]

Tony: "Would ya just watch the hair. Ya know, I work on my hair a long time and you hit it!"



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[Rat Boy]

Spock: "Wait a minute, this is just a shower curtain!"

 

[jep]

Kirk (off screen): "My God, Bones! What happened to her?!"

McCoy: "THE RABBIT'S DEAD JIM!!! THE RABBIT'S DEAD!!!"



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[jep]

Spock: "Jello!!! And enough for the entire away team!!!"



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[Jonas Grumby]

Thanks for the win, Rat Boy!

McCoy: "I gotta say, Jim, seein' you in a torn shirt just ain't gonna be all that impressive any more!"

Spock: "You said fifty bucks, right?"
McCoy (OS): "Right. I'll give you fifty bucks if you'll just stick your hand in there."
Spock: "Okay... Wait, let me see the cash first!"

McCoy: "Well...that was a lot quicker than I expected."
Kirk: "I've...um...I've been under a lot of stress lately..."

On the Amusement Park Planet, Yeoman Barrows makes the mistake of momentarily thinking about her father:
McCoy: "Whoa, no need for the shotgun, Colonel Barrows! Tonia and I were just takin' a little stroll through the magnolia groves, that's all!"

McCoy: "Mind if I sleep over here by you? Sulu tried to spoon me!"

 

[jep]

The Universe's Wildest & Wackiest Transporter Malfunctions, Volume 3126
​

Spock: "What the... "

Dalek: "Exterminate!!!"



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[LeadHead]

Viewers: I hope we see her in more than just this one episode!

Elzar: I am Elzar! Keeper of the Tapes! Knower of the Episodes! Tremble in Fear at My Encyclopedic Knowledge of Star Trek!

Spock: Wouldn't they have made it on to DVD by now?

Elzar: Be Silent!

Elzar Zaps Welchie

McCoy: So we're stranded here?

Kirk: Yup.

McCoy: For maybe years?

Kirk: Yup.

McCoy: No food, no water, no shelter.

Kirk: Yup.

McCoy: Why in Gods Name do we never beam down with at least a Friggin Water Bottle?!

 

[jep]

Kirk: "So what happened Bones? I thought you and Barrows were hitting it off."

McCoy: "So did I... but it seems she didn't like "the move"."

Kirk: "The mo--??? For god's sake Bones, how many times do I have to tell you that the Donkey Punch isn't a real move"?



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[ItsGreen]

Jim, I've discovered a great new amusement ride on this planet,
it's called the motorboat!

 

[milo bloom]

Spock, thinking: "If Ensign Halpert does not cease hiding my supplies in Jello molds, I shall become very angry..."

 

[ItsGreen]

 

[jep]

Kirk: "(Sigh)... I wish I could just drop and fall asleep anywhere, like Jenkins over there."



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[jep]

McCoy: "I still don't know how you convinced Spock this was a barely habitable world with no resources of interest."

Kirk: "I'm the Captain, Bones, he's supposed to believe me... plus, I Kobayashi Maru'd the ship's sensors before we entered orbit."



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[LeadHead]

Great Photoshop Jep!

Kirk: Okay, lets go through the checklist, make sure we've got everything. Amazing Planet?

McCoy: Check.

Kirk: Brews?

McCoy: Check and Scotty's bringing more.

Kirk: BBQ?

McCoy: Check.

Kirk: Women?

McCoy: Aw %#@*!