Crying in Public

[iguana_tonante]

I will be the devil's advocate and point out that pissing is also a normal biological response, yet it's not something you would like to do in public. At least, I hope.

More seriously, I'm not comfortable with displays of emotion. So if someone is taken in some sort of emotional distress, I am not be the best person to approach them. I will probably end up making it worse. I think it will be best to let someone better suited deal with it.

On the other hand, I'm the guy you want to go if you need a calm, reasoned assessment of a situation and what the best course of action would be. Everybody has their own way of lending help to the vulnerable. Just don't ask me for emotional comfort.

 

[Udat]

Eh I had my emotions surgicallly removed YEARS ago.....

 

[Kestra]

For myself, the only times I have wanted someone to ask if I was okay where when I was suicidal.

I sincerely hope that in that case anyone would throw out their feeling of decency and try to help.

Oh, I wasn't actually exhibiting signs of being suicidal, I just looked like a person that was crying for no reason. Actually, I think this is one of the reasons that I would probably at least ask a person crying in public if he/she were okay.

When I was in high school and went through my first bouts of depression, I was suicidal and every day was kind of just a struggle to the next. I felt like crying all the time, for no reason in particular. There was one time where my PE teacher came across me crying in public and though he was visibly uncomfortable, he did approach me and talk to me. He was awkward with his words, and didn't know how to help me or what was wrong with me. But to this day I remember that he made me feel like I was a good person worth caring about and that I didn't deserve to be unhappy.

It was enough to keep me going to the next day. I'll always be grateful that he took the time to see if he could help.

 

[Deranged Nasat]

I will be the devil's advocate and point out that pissing is also a normal biological response, yet it's not something you would like to do in public. At least, I hope. .

.

Well I hope nothing I wrote came across as rude to all of you who are typically stoic. There's nothing wrong with that either, of course. Some people just aren't openly emotional, or have made a legitimate decision not to be so if they can help it. It's only a problem when the motivation for stoicism is fear of rejection or disgust at displays of genuine emotion.

It's the same with displays of affection. I loved being hugged, etc, as a child. My cousin on the other hand always hated it, not because he saw anything wrong with it but because he simply wasn't- and isn't- a very physically affectionate person.

 

[iguana_tonante]

Well I hope nothing I wrote came across as rude to all of you who are typically stoic.

Not at all. I understand that my behaviour can come across as callous. No offence taken.

It's the same with displays of affection. I loved being hugged, etc, as a child. My cousin on the other hand always hated it, not because he saw anything wrong with it but because he simply wasn't- and isn't- a very physically affectionate person.

I'm right there with him. I always hated being touched, I'm still like that. Trying to get a hug from me will be met with an icy stare. Touching for me is an extremely intimate act, and there are only an handful of people with whom I'm comfortable being touched, and even then it's rarely in public. Funny enough, I'm quite affectionate with my fiancée. Maybe because she's hot.

If I were distressed and some stranger attempted to touch me, I would probably bite their head off.

 

[K'Ehleyr]

After much thought, unless they were obviously distressed, I've come to the 'walk on by' decision. As previous posters have said ~ you don't know what situation you would get into and whether your 'help' would be welcome.

Well I hope nothing I wrote came across as rude to all of you who are typically stoic.

Not at all. I understand that my behaviour can come across as callous. No offence taken.

It's the same with displays of affection. I loved being hugged, etc, as a child. My cousin on the other hand always hated it, not because he saw anything wrong with it but because he simply wasn't- and isn't- a very physically affectionate person.

I'm right there with him. I always hated being touched, I'm still like that. Trying to get a hug from me will be met with an icy stare. Touching for me is an extremely intimate act, and there are only an handful of people with whom I'm comfortable being touched, and even then it's rarely in public. Funny enough, I'm quite affectionate with my fiancée. Maybe because she's hot.

If I were distressed and some stranger attempted to touch me, I would probably bite their head off.

I'm a very tactile person ~ Man is not. It took him a few years to stop jumping when I put my hand on his leg

I had some friends round last night that he had not met before (blaming the pills again) and we were all sitting around the table drinking and chatting. Man went off to sit on his own. I understand this ~ he is socially phobic, but one of the guys thought he'd try and be sociable, I nearly said to him 'Don't approach him ~ let him come to you', then realised I may as well have said 'hold out your hand and let him have a sniff'

As for crying ~ I prefer to do it on my own, at home with a good film ~ it really cheers me up

 

[Amaris]

Hey, nothing wrong with being tactile. The trick is to not do it to people you don't know. Seems easy enough, but, well, sometimes it happens automatically and comedy hijinx ensue.

 

[trampledamage]

It's the same with displays of affection. I loved being hugged, etc, as a child. My cousin on the other hand always hated it, not because he saw anything wrong with it but because he simply wasn't- and isn't- a very physically affectionate person.

I'm right there with him. I always hated being touched, I'm still like that. Trying to get a hug from me will be met with an icy stare. Touching for me is an extremely intimate act, and there are only an handful of people with whom I'm comfortable being touched, and even then it's rarely in public. Funny enough, I'm quite affectionate with my fiancée. Maybe because she's hot.

Me too. I can't abide people touching me. But mr trampledamage and my kids get all the hugs I can give (young master trampledamage is starting to refuse hugs and kisses now - so I say, that's okay just shout goodbye )

If I were distressed and some stranger attempted to touch me, I would probably bite their head off.

Definitely if someone touched me - even a polite hand on my shoulder I'd either hit them or the ceiling when I jumped!

I think a polite enquiry from a distance of about four feet would be the most I'd attempt - but then I don't like talking to people, so actually I'd probably talk myself out of it and not do anything.

Unless is was a little kid. Now I'm a parent, I can't help myself, little kids get my assistance

 

[sidious618]

If they don't look crazy I'd ask. If they want to be left alone then they'll just tell me to "Go fuck myself!" and I'll be on my way.

 

[Holdfast]

As an English gentleman, I know that only foreign people, practising homosexualists and children should cry in public. If it turned out that it was another man, I would look pained and offer him some shag and tell him to pull himself together.

Sir,

I salute you. May your upper lip stay firmly rigid for all time. I would merely add that is also acceptable for the fairer sex to permit themselves a glistening of the eye occasionally. However if taken to excess, a firm shaking by the shoulders followed if necessary by a light slap across the cheek, should stop the problem becoming embarrassingly overdemonstrative.

Your eternal servant,
Sir Bufton Tufton,
Tonbridge Wells

 

[Eyes]

In that situation, I'd not sure I'd really know what to do, I'm not the sort of person who can just walk up to a person I don't know and ask if they're alright.

I do know that if I was in that situation, I would appreciate someone having the confidence and kind heart to do that sort of thing, so I think that if I had more confidence, I would stop and at least ask.

It's probably the sort of thing that comes with age. I hope, that when I get into adulthood proper I would be the sort of person who can just walk up to a stranger and make their day feel better. And then, if I get told that I'm not welcome, I can just walk on and no harm done.

 

[Deranged Nasat]

Man went off to sit on his own. I understand this ~ he is socially phobic, but one of the guys thought he'd try and be sociable, I nearly said to him 'Don't approach him ~ let him come to you', then realised I may as well have said 'hold out your hand and let him have a sniff'

Funny enough, I'm quite affectionate with my fiancée. Maybe because she's hot.

As an English gentleman, I know that only foreign people, practising homosexualists and children should cry in public. If it turned out that it was another man, I would look pained and offer him some shag and tell him to pull himself together.

Sir,

I salute you. May your upper lip stay firmly rigid for all time. I would merely add that is also acceptable for the fairer sex to permit themselves a glistening of the eye occasionally. However if taken to excess, a firm shaking by the shoulders followed if necessary by a light slap across the cheek, should stop the problem becoming embarrassingly overdemonstrative.

Your eternal servant,
Sir Bufton Tufton,
Tonbridge Wells

That's all put me in a cheerful mood. Good work, everyone. Particularly you, Squire Tufton.

 

[MetalPants]

I'd probably approach the person crying and ask them what was wrong/happening.

They could be in pain and need medical attening, and I'd call an ambulance. Or they might have just gotten a call from the doctor telling them they are in full remission from cancer and are crying from joy.

Crying doesn't always mean pain or misery.

 

[Me-Ike]

Interesting responses so far, thanks everyone.

Of course there are always things to take into consideration, like age or level of distress, but it appears to me that - apart from a few exceptions (iguana, shameless copying from Me-Ike's Thoughts on Me-Ike there) - most would at least tentatively reach out to someone who is crying or would want to be approached themselves.

Makes me wonder whether the Tuftons from yesterday are reversing themselves and one day crying in public will be done more openly and reaching out be considered more natural than not.

 

[sidious618]

As an English gentleman, I know that only foreign people, practising homosexualists and children should cry in public. If it turned out that it was another man, I would look pained and offer him some shag and tell him to pull himself together.

Sir,

I salute you. May your upper lip stay firmly rigid for all time. I would merely add that is also acceptable for the fairer sex to permit themselves a glistening of the eye occasionally. However if taken to excess, a firm shaking by the shoulders followed if necessary by a light slap across the cheek, should stop the problem becoming embarrassingly overdemonstrative.

Your eternal servant,
Sir Bufton Tufton,
Tonbridge Wells

 

[iguana_tonante]

That's all put me in a cheerful mood. Good work, everyone. Particularly you, Squire Tufton.

That's why I love this place.

iguana, shameless copying from Me-Ike's Thoughts on Me-Ike there

Heh, try being a cold-blooded lizard who intensely dislikes physical contact in a country stoked full of tactile people who can't wait to put their sweaty hands on you. At family reunions I have to fend off my relatives with a broomstick.

 

[trampledamage]

Heh, try being a cold-blooded lizard who intensely dislikes physical contact in a country stoked full of tactile people who can't wait to put their sweaty hands on you. At family reunions I have to fend off my relatives with a broomstick.

I keep telling you, move to England. (Although as a cold-blooded lizard you'd better make sure you get central heating!)

 

[iguana_tonante]

You know, once I run out of my current post-doc fellowship, I might end up doing exactly that. Research funding is at an all-time minimum around here.

 

[trampledamage]

I'm sure Holdfast would be happy to put in a good word for a man of your arrogance and good dress sense

 

[iguana_tonante]

I'm already applying to play the Jean Passepartout to his Phileas Fogg.

Also, I'm kind of trying to woo FlyingLemons with my manly, ruggedly handsome cosmological simulations.