Another guy kissed my girlfriend.
- Thread starter Tiberius Jim
- Start date
I suppose - the only situations I've seen, the guy was a real problem.
Every "sexual harassment awareness" video I've ever been shown in the workplace is careful to include examples of women harassing men but I've not seen that actually happen. I did once have to deal with a gay manager harassing a male employee.
(My all time fav: chick in video walks up to man at coffee station with "Hey, ya big stud, how's it hangin'?"
Gotta love institutional video).I call it based upon considerable experience with such things - if the OP's second-hand account of the incident is at all accurate, the guy's behavior is almost stereotypically someone playing out a "script" rather than responding to the woman he's trying to attract (he has the "right", self-dramatizing answer whether she responds positively or negatively), and that kind of fantasized encounter is obsessive.
This guy goes so far as to reset the encounter the next day - not apologizing, not explaining but backtracking to "I'll be your friend" and suggesting that the girl's attractiveness is responsible for his behavior - in hopes of reenacting the scene later. Whether accepted or rejected he got a little narcissistic charge out of the attempt, and will try to play it out again.
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^^ Perhaps. Or perhaps the girlfriend was curious. Perhaps both. Perhaps neither. It's hard to say. For now I will take it at face value that the guy was honestly attracted to her but had nothing sinister in mind. The OP did not mention that this guy had repeatedly been a problem, or had a pattern of being obsessed.
But, if the 2nd hand account is true at all, it suggests other problems. Either the girl's decision-making isn't so good or she had other reasons for visiting and trusting the guy.
But, if the 2nd hand account is true at all, it suggests other problems. Either the girl's decision-making isn't so good or she had other reasons for visiting and trusting the guy.
I foresee a certain thread appearing in the next week or two -- "My girlfriend left me for that dweeb she works with" -- especially if he is better alpha male material than the original poster. Some women definitely are on the lookout for the best sperm for their eggs, whether consciously or not. Cynical, moi?
Boy, is this ever the truth.
There's not enough evidence to suggest the girl is making bad decisions or being dishonest either. There are plenty of reasons why agreeing to hang out with him might have seemed the best choice at that time which have nothing to do with either of those options.
So either we all get to speculate wildly, or we all have to stick to the OP's account.
Incidentally, OP, perhaps you should ask your girlfriend's opinion on you getting involved in this?
Except that nothing in the guy's behavior suggests anything other than manipulation. If this isn't an accurate account then either the OP's girlfriend or the OP himself has a remarkable intuition for constructing a pretty classic narcissistic encounter.
Some women (men too) are susceptible to flattery - and many narcissists excel at that, in order to obtain the supply of attention that they need - but nothing in this story really suggests that this guy is actually "better alpha male material" than anyone. On the contrary, he sounds like a severely handicapped ego, and while he might successfully woo someone the relationship will crash...in many cases pretty quickly. Once he's "won the girl" her usefulness as ego support is quickly devalued.
All we have to go on is the testimony of one interested party.
Your girlfriend was a bit silly going to his house in the first place, but that can't be helped now. Just support your girlfriend, it can't be pleasant for her to have this creep around.
As long as she has absolutely no contact with him on her own time, it shouldn't be a problem. If he gets desperate and starts harassing her on company time, she can complain to the management and nail his ass.
As long as she has absolutely no contact with him on her own time, it shouldn't be a problem. If he gets desperate and starts harassing her on company time, she can complain to the management and nail his ass.
This is true. Again, however, for him to have constructed this version of the story with such remarkable fidelity to a particular kind of narcissistic encounter is very unlikely - especially if in his "interest" he's trying to skew what he was told in order to elicit sympathy or support. I'd expect there to be more false notes, attempts to undercut the other guy in a more random fashion.
Nor would he be likely to construct a story like this out of details based on, say, his own experience or expectations in attempting to woo someone in this fashion - because if he were inclined to behave in this way he'd be largely incapable of recognizing that it's disordered behavior.
This sounds like an attempt to accurately recount what he was told by his girlfriend, as far as the sequence of events was concerned. He also has a good ear for the kind of annoyance and confusion that this kind of behavior would cause in a woman subjected to it.
When the OP gets to the part of his story in which he describes his frustrated response...
...it's a kind of generalized, reactive response of the kind you guys have been describing as possessive or territorial - in short, the guy who'd respond this way is someone different from the guy who's observant enough to make up or successfully embellish the details of the encounter as told to him.
There's an astounding amount of supposition going on here. Everyone has lapses in judgment from time to time and to extrapolate outwards from a single event to decide that the person in question has poor decision making skills or clandestine reasoning is really hard to justify.
At the very least, it's interesting that we haven't heard from the OP.
Mr Awe
I stand by my original assessment. If she *really* thought he was creepy, why would she go over to his apartment *alone* and do the whole eye closed thing? Really.
That was either a bad decision, or else she's not being entirely honest about the events.
Maybe it is as simple as she didn't listen to her inner voice. I'm not saying there's necessarily a big lie here. But, there's a lesson to be learned even if it was just that she didn't trust her instincts.
Mr Awe
It probably was a bad decision, but you can't jump up from that to saying that there are large problems going on. Like I said, everyone makes bad decisions sometimes and you can't say it's indicative of an actual problem without more examples to extrapolate from. There is no justification for saying that her decision-making is overall poor based solely on this account.
Please tell me I'm not the only one who thought, "Mad Baggins Round Two!"
Edit: In all seriousness, do nothing. If he continues harass the girl go to HR.
Edit: In all seriousness, do nothing. If he continues harass the girl go to HR.
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I don't know, if she really thought he was creepy, I'd say it's a big problem that she went over to his place. There's the immediate danger she was placing herself in. Additionally, there's the fact that she was essentially egging a creep on! That's just begging for more.
Yeah, I think that's a big problem, just from the safety standpoint alone!
Mr Awe
And again, my point is that everyone has occasional lapses in judgment. This is not indicative of a consistent, long term problem or necessarily representative of generally poor decision making. You would need far more information to justify such a claim. Any analysis on why this happened is complete folly in the lack of any first hand information... and after all, hindsight is of course 20/20.
My supposition stems from the fact that I was royally screwed (or stopped being royally screwed
) in a very similar situation. Your mileage may vary, of course.
You haven't heard from me yet because A. I do need to sleep at some point, and B. I got a call this morning to come in for a job interview, thus why I am writing this from the BlackBerry in my car waiting to go in. I'll post a reply what what's been said when I get home. I must say there have been a lot of interesting points brought up (especially the conspiracy theory that I don't even exist...I like that one) and I honestly didn't expect this many replies. Anyway, have no fear, I'm real, so is she and I'll be posting about this later.
Hey Flux, I'm with Mr. Laser Beam. I'm pretty sure he said something about the guy thinking he's a threat if you react. If that's wrong then the brain spiders have got me again, call the authorities! 
It's your girlfriend's prerogative to tell him to get bent. I can't understand either why she would close her eyes in that situation if the guy creeps her out, but it's spilled milk. I'd be willing to bet this fellow thinks he can worm his way back in if they're 'friends' again, she just needs to be wary of him. And if he tries anything at work, she can nail him for that as others have said.
The most effective thing you can do is not alter anything for this guy's benefit. Don't let him think he's getting to you.
I hope everything's good and you and she are alright. And if he tries anything again, I'll send someone to poop in his bathtub
It's your girlfriend's prerogative to tell him to get bent. I can't understand either why she would close her eyes in that situation if the guy creeps her out, but it's spilled milk. I'd be willing to bet this fellow thinks he can worm his way back in if they're 'friends' again, she just needs to be wary of him. And if he tries anything at work, she can nail him for that as others have said.
The most effective thing you can do is not alter anything for this guy's benefit. Don't let him think he's getting to you.
I hope everything's good and you and she are alright. And if he tries anything again, I'll send someone to poop in his bathtub
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