TOS Caption Contest #160: Overkill

[Rat Boy]

Hi again. With Shatmandu apparently needing some more time to sort through his bag of cats, I've decided to step in once more and give him a hand keeping the contest going. So, without further ado, let's honor...

For unfortunately going with plan B, our winner is...

Kirk: "Bones, maybe putting Spock in the microwave wasn't the best way to get that flying flapjack off his back."

Bones: "You think?"

For referencing another show involving robots that's not BSG or Lost in Space, our space-irific winner is...

Nomad: <pop> Spacely's a stoop! <pop> Stoop! <pop> Stoop! <pop> Time for fun! <click> Time for fun! <click> Fun! <click> Fun! <click> Name your game! <click> Name your game! <pop> <click> Jupiter Gin! Jupiter Gin! <click> <click> <click> Planet Poker! Planer Poker! <click> <click> Five Card Satellite! <click> Five Card Satellite! <click> <click> <clop> <pop>

Spock: You've still got the wrong show dumbass.

Nomad: You've got to be shitting me! Oh, fuck it!

[Nomad disintegrates Spock]

Unfortunately, Imageshack ate the bonus picture, but our winner for it nonetheless is...

When market research showed the Shat slogan wasn't working, Shatner came up with, "Once you go Shat, you never go back."

Two Photoshop winners this week, the first being something captain crow would appreciate...

MCCOY: Spock hates people who talk during the movie.

And the second one...

I had an idea for a visual, but I'm stumped for a caption.
I'll leave it to you ladies and gentlemen.

Sincerely,

Bill

And we certainly obliged and the winner for the best caption for this one is...

Kirk: "Is it just going to stand there, or will it do something?"
Dalek Khan: "PROCRASTINATE! PROCRASTINATE!"

Congratulations to all of our winners and here's hoping that like how washing your car invariably summons a rainstorm, these jokes will draw Joe back from the cold. This week, we examine a couple episodes from the third season, where subtly seemed to go out the window. Then again, the preceding season had a planet of gangsters and a planet of Nazis, so perhaps being subtle wasn't a strong point of TOS. Enjoy:

 

[Rat Boy]

Bele: "Yes, it's true. Every time I look in the mirror, I want to punch myself."

Lincoln: "I haven't four-scored in seven years."

Spock: "I have."

*Kirk turns*

 

[Mysterion]

SHATNER: Hey, Lenard. Who is writing this stuff!? I mean Lincoln? Really? I was finally getting used to all the cardboard rocks and stuff, but this...I can't hang any more, I'm outta here.

NIMOY: Quiet, you idiot! here comes roddenberry!

LINCOLN: Look, guys, I just need this paycheck. I mean I REALLY need it, so don't screw this up for me, okay?

 

[Rat Boy]

Kirk's solution of playing Michael Jackson's "Black or White" didn't go over well.

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Bele (to viewing audience): GET IT! THIS IS A RACIAL ALLEGORY!

 

[Captain Crow]

Thankyou for the win Rat Boy.

Bele: Why do people always giggle whenever I ask for "Half-and-Half" in my coffee?

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Bele: "Of course we didn't evolve to look like this, you idiot! It's just that our planet has the most godawfully-designed tanning beds in the galaxy!"

Spock: "It's no use, Captain. The Orions refuse to even listen to us. For some inexplicable reason, they are convinced we are here to free their green slave girls."

 

[Nerys Myk]

KIRK: "How was the play Mister. Lincoln?" What kind of question is that?

SPOCK: Doctor McCoy assured me it would get a laugh.






too soon?

 

[T'Girl]

BELE: "I like like the right side of my face black ... just like my men."

Kirk: "Don't you kill this guy with a phaser in 1963?"

Spock: "That was Kennedy sir."

Kirk: "Oh yeah."

.

 

[Nerys Myk]

BELE: As you can see, I have bling on my collar and he doesn't!!!

 

[M'Sharak]

"Yes, it's black on the right side and white on the left, too -- what did you think?"

 

[Amaris]

W/B: NmmmNmmm.
Kirk: Hmmm....
B/W: Baaaaah.

Lincoln: Rummmumum.
Kirk: Thom?
Spock: Huhhhhhhhh.

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

"Yes, it's black on the right side and white on the left, too -- what did you think?"

"It's longer on one side than the other too. And no, no one's been able to figure that out."

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Thanks for the 'shop win!

Bele: "The war began when someone wrote white-black black-white slash fic. It devastated our world."

Uhura: "Yeah, well, sorry about that."

Spock: "Trapped on a lava planet, where inexplicably a habitable zone suddenly appears. Rock monsters recreate villains of the past to test us, and all we get are the heroes in our subconscious."
Kirk: "What are you trying to say Spock?"
Spock: "Why couldn't your hero be Chuck Norris?"
Kirk: "Could be worse, could have been Jonathan Archer."
Spock: "Gnngh... Gazelles..."

 

[Nerys Myk]

Spock: "Trapped on a lava planet, where inexplicably a habitable zone suddenly appears. Rock monsters recreate villains of the past to test us, and all we get are the heroes in our subconscious."
Kirk: "What are you trying to say Spock?"
Spock: "Why couldn't your hero be Chuck Norris?"
Kirk: "Could be worse, could have been Jonathan Archer."
Spock: "Gnngh... Gazelles..."

Kirk: "True, but he could take a punch..."

"...Or twenty."

 

[Rat Boy]

Spock: "Trapped on a lava planet, where inexplicably a habitable zone suddenly appears. Rock monsters recreate villains of the past to test us, and all we get are the heroes in our subconscious."
Kirk: "What are you trying to say Spock?"
Spock: "Why couldn't your hero be Chuck Norris?"
Kirk: "Could be worse, could have been Jonathan Archer."
Spock: "Gnngh... Gazelles..."

Kirk: "True, but he could take a punch..."

"...Or twenty."

Spock: "Yes, unlike you."

 

[The Squire of Gothos]

Bele: "Riddle me this Captain, what is white, black and red all over?
Kirk: "Well..."
Bele: "Give me five minutes with him and I'll show you!"
<Lokai runs>

Spock: "Given the chance to go back through time and take the warrior of your choosing, to pick someone whose command ability was strong, but physical prowess was lacking, is illogical. Especially when you didn't know that you could actually go back and choose him in particular."
Kirk: "A message Spock?"
Spock: "None intended Captain."

<Unless Spock has seen Generations and has the same gripe as I do >

 

[Maurice]

BELE: They call my right half "Mister Tibbs"!

KIRK: What should we do?
LINCOLN: Why don’t you take the night off and go to the theater?

BELE: If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

 

[The Squire of Gothos]

Kirk; "Good point Lincoln, you were shot at in the theatre, I was poisoned in a club, what did you have to suffer Spock?"
Spock; "Much Jim, you remember the incident with the nurse? And you, twice? Also, did Lincoln not in fact survive and return fire?"
Kirk; "You're right. Abe, get out there and get tortured to death or something, you've a lot to make up for."

<Yeah I Googled, but at least I remembered what to Google for >

 

[T'Girl]

Spock: "Trapped on a lava planet, where inexplicably a habitable zone suddenly appears. Rock monsters recreate villains of the past to test us, and all we get are the heroes in our subconscious."
Kirk: "What are you trying to say Spock?"
Spock: "Why couldn't your hero be Chuck Norris?"

Lincoln: "Obviously gentlemen you haven't seen my 'beard fist'."

Brian Griffin (os): "I have, and it's devastating."

Bele: "We won the war, we have your kind penned up in little district nines and blah blah blah ... "
Lokai: "Who's he talking to?"
Kirk: "There's no one on that part of the bridge."
Uhura: "HEY ... we're over here."