Star Trek: A Rendezvous With Destiny--A Tale of Captain Ezri Dax

^And...here it comes.

Here we are, folks. Here is the big one, in which the remainder of Ezri's inner conflict is finally brought fully into the light. Note that it heavily refers to the events of the DS9 relaunch. So, without futher ado....


Star Trek: Aventine
A Rendezvous With Destiny
Scene 18

When Ezri awoke, the sun wasn’t even up. Must be the hard cot…or the temperature…or something.

She sat up. Spock was sitting on his own cot…strumming his lyre.

She smiled. “Good morning.”

Spock nodded in her direction. “Good morning.”

He was studying her again. She was not going to let him get away with it.

“All right, Spock. What is it?”

“Captain?”

“Don’t give me that. You keep staring at me. Am I really that…fascinating?”

“Ezri…I do not have to remind you of our previous conversation.”

Ezri frowned. “No…not at all.”

“Than you know that…the answer is ‘yes’.”

She chuckled, as she stood up. “Right…”

Spock watched her, as if studying her reaction. “Captain…you do realize that you are hurting yourself.”

Ezri blinked, fighting to keep from showing what she was feeling. “I…am?”

Spock nodded, as he set down his lyre. “You are. Each day you refuse to confront the pain within…makes it more difficult to face.”

Ezri frowned. I’m aware of that, Spock. I was a counselor…. Still,she remembered…something she got from the mindmeld…. “Is that something you learned from your brother?”

Spock looked off for a moment. “Perhaps. However…I am also speaking from experience. You recall your inquiries as to my…bond…which I had temporarily broken.”

Ezri nodded. “The bond with your mother.”

“Yes. And, Ezri…forgive my boldness…but you seem to have severed a bond yourself—”

Ezri shook her head. “Spock, please. I can’t talk about this.”

Spock said nothing…just stared.

Ezri tried to explain. “Understand…I want to, but…but I…”

Spock nodded. “You…are afraid that, regardless of my experiences…I could never fully understand.”

Ezri sighed, and turned away.

“Ezri…you always were too proud—”

Spock rose. “Ezri…you must allow me to help you. It is I who unveiled this conflict within you, and therefore, it is I who must assist you in your recovery.”

“Spock, you can’t understand—”

His voice turned firm. “Try me!”

Ezri whirled to face him. Her eyes narrowed in frustration. “All right, Spock. You know that speech of yours last night—all that talk about how great and noble I am?”

“Yes—I do.”

“Well…if you knew what it was, this ‘conflict’ of mine—the little thing I’ve been trying to talk to you about, but couldn’t—than maybe—”

“Ezri…I know what you have been trying to tell me.”

She froze. Her lip quivered. “You…do?”

“Logic…can offer no other conclusion.”

For a moment, Ezri considered telling him to drop it. She knew Spock would respect her wish. But…she also knew that, if she did…she would only be hurting herself.

You can do this, Ezri…you can go through this. It’s time.

She swallowed, and nodded for him to continue.

“Clearly…six years ago, you began a relationship—with Dr. Julian Bashir, of Deep Space Nine.”

Ezri’s heart skipped a beat, but she gathered her courage, and answered. “Yes.”

Spock paused, and his featured softened…as did his tone. “The two of you…were very much in love.”

Ezri nodded again. A tear came to her eye…and she spoke in a whisper. “Yes…”

“And…you came to sever that relationship, as the path you had chosen…led you apart.”

Ezri shook her head. “Spock…I…”

He frowned. “That is not…entirely accurate?”

Ezri turned away. “We’d…better sit down.”

They did so—right next to each other. She gathered her thoughts…willed herself to bring her feelings out…and began.

“Look…the trouble started a few months after the war ended. A rouge Jem’Hadar force attacked the station…and the Defiant was sent to stop them. I was forced to take command, and…I found myself relying on my memories of Dax’s past hosts. After it was all over, I began to…channel those memories, more and more. I came to realize that…I had within me…an opportunity—to do more than I had ever thought possible.”

Spock nodded. “That was when you transferred to command track.”

Ezri smiled. “I don’t remember going that far in the meld…”

“I was…guessing.”

She chuckled. “All right.” She grew serious again, “Anyway…around that time…I was…alone with Julian. Without thinking…I channeled Jadzia…and, as you can imagine…he was shocked.”

“Naturally.”

Ezri shook her head. “I became…defensive…accused him of refusing to accept me as I was. He stormed out. For a short time, we were strained, but…then, when he was attacked, and almost died…I realized that, no matter what…I still loved him. And after he recovered…we reconciled, right away.”

Spock nodded. “However…”

“However…it didn’t really end there, did it? I still explored my past hosts…still looked for ways to integrate them into my life. One time…when the Defiant was out on a three-month mission in the Gamma Quadrant…I wanted to lead an away team on a diplomatic mission, to help end a civil war.”

Ezri smiled ironically. “I told myself, ‘Oh, it’ll be simple. Lela Dax was a politician—Curzon was a diplomat. Of course I could do this.’”

She felt her smile vanish, as the next memory came. “But, Julian…became worried, and tried to get me to reconsider…and to not put my life in danger. I…got angry at him, and accused him of not respecting me—and what I could do.”

She sighed. “But that wasn’t it. It never was. He was just…worried…afraid that I was letting those memories control me…and they were. He had…tried to warn me…and I…I hated it!”

Ezri stopped, blinking away a tear. She had, for so long, denied this simple fact. To face it now was so painful…but…she knew she had no choice.

Spock asked, “Did you…reconcile then, as well?”

“We did—after the mission cut me down to size a bit. But…finally…he and I went to Trill, later that year—shortly after the parasite crisis. There was…a terrorist group that was causing trouble….”

Spock nodded. “That was when the moratorium on joining was ordered.”

“Right. I wanted to…well, to make a long story short…I wanted to get to the bottom of things. Julian was worried that…the risk would be too great…for me, and for Trill.” Ezri stiffened. “Guess what happened.”

Spock nodded again. “You brushed his warnings aside….”

“Yes…I did—over and over. And when it was all done—as we returned to the station afterwards…Julian and I talked…and when I pressed him, again, he admitted that…he was worried that—that he was becoming less important to me.”

Her mother’s words came to Ezri once again. “Ezri…you always were—”

Spock frowned. “Was his reasoning…valid?”

“I didn’t bother to think about it—not really. I found myself changing the subject—to Jadzia…my previous host. I brought up…the feelings he’d had for her.”

Ezri swallowed. She fought down her feelings, and continued, “I led myself—and him—to believe that he didn’t really love me—that it was Jadzia that he’d loved—and that I was just the next best thing.”

“I assume…that was not the truth.”

Ezri shook her head. “No…it wasn’t. But it was so convenient. And so…we told ourselves that we’d grown…farther and farther apart…and that we just weren’t right for each other, any more.”

There, she mused, I’ve said it. It’s done, now…isn’t it?

Spock’s frown deepened. “Ezri…there is more to this…is there not?”

Ezri froze for a moment. Was there more?

And then…the answer came to her, as she suddenly remembered—that fateful conversation with Joran, not so long ago…his accusations, his gloating, her denial….

She nodded. She brought her knees close to her chest, resting her arms on them. “Spock, it wasn’t until…recently…that, looking back, I realized what was really going on. It was…”

She closed her eyes. Let it out, Ezri…let it out.

“I…I had been so sure…that with Dax inside of me—with all the experience…all the knowledge…that I could do anything. And…whenever he showed concern about that—I saw him as a wall. I thought he was holding me back, but at the same time…I knew he wasn’t…not really. I knew he did all that…because he…he truly cared about me.” She fought a tear, as her lip quivered. “…because…he loved me….”

Spock said nothing.

Ezri shook her head. “And I…I drove him away for it. I hurt him, Spock. I was so addicted to those memories…that I hurt him, for daring to remind me of reality. I got mad at him. I tried to guilt him. I shoved him aside. I hurt him…” and she opened her eyes, and looked off, into the distance, “…because I wasn’t thinking. Because…I’m a Dax. Sometimes, I don’t think. Sometimes…I just…I just…”

She lowered her head, resting her eyes on her arm…and let the tears come, moistening her sleeve. She heard Spock, in a tone of compassion, finish what she had begun.

“You just…do.”

Ezri did not respond. She just sat there, shaking her head…as the tears continued to fall. Oh, Julian…Julian…what have I done to you? How can I ever…make it up to you…after all this? How can you ever forgive me? How can I…forgive myself?

She heard Spock’s voice…in a tone that spoke of full understanding.

“Ezri…is that why you refuse to trust yourself?”

She looked up at this. His question filled her heart, and her mind. Yes…it is, Spock. How many times did that smug little ego of mine…clash with him like that? How many times did he express his worry about…about what I would become, if I wasn’t careful?

How many times…did he turn out to be right?

“Spock…” Ezri managed to whisper, “Understand…I’ve accepted how much the symbiont is a part of me. I’ve…reached the balance I needed to. But…the worst part is…looking back, I was reaching that balance, then…and if I had stayed with him…if I had been patient, for just a little longer…those problems would have been over, and we would have…recovered. But I panicked. I acted too soon—and now…I have to live with that mistake.”

“Ezri…you are not infallible, any more than I am. Perhaps…in a sense, that unfortunate train of events assisted you…in rediscovering that fact. And indeed…perhaps that experience assisted in shaping you…into what you are, today.”

Ezri said nothing. Somehow…his words reminded her…of something she had once said. “Worf…we’re not gods…or prophets. We’re people. We make mistakes….”

Spock continued, “You know…that you cannot change the past. However…you can use your experience, and the lessons you have learned from it, to better prepare for the future. Perhaps…your loss has taught you to never take for granted…the things you have been given.”

Ezri nodded. “Yes…it did.”

“Then let me ask you this: Do you still believe…that you must ‘do the best you can’?”

She nodded again. “I do.”

She heard Spock lean forward. “And…Ezri…do you still love him?”

Ezri looked up. She had found herself silently asking that question many times, whenever her gaze fell on that little blue sculpture. And…the answer was always the same.

Another tear came to her eye, but it came with a smile. “Yes. And…I always will.”

And with that admission…Ezri Dax felt as if the last of her burden had been lifted off her shoulders. She felt as if…as if the confidence she had lost when the meld had broken…had now been restored within her.

She heard Spock’s reply. “Then…perhaps this is yet another opportunity…to ‘do the best you can’.”

Ezri sighed, and turned to him. “Spock…I know. And…when I finally realized what I had done, I made a promise to myself: that somehow…I would find a way to make it up to him.”

“Indeed. I assume, then, that you intend to fulfill that promise.”

She nodded. “I do. But…I just don’t know how.”

Spock looked off. “Perhaps, not, Captain. However…I feel confident that you will find a way.”

Ezri grinned. “You…‘feel’…?

Spock turned to her, and raised an eyebrow. “Yes.”

Ezri laughed, and turned to see the sunrise.

* * *​

 

Well, that certainly lived up to the promise of the preceeding chapters - it's nice to see that Ezri has begun to move forwards by being able to admit her feelings to Spock and, hopefully, find a resolution to them.

 

I really like the way you portray both Ezri and Spock. The conversation about the meaning of their names was fascinating (such topics always interest me), and as others have mentioned it was very convincing both as a genuine conversation and as an exploration of their characters. Spock's analysis of Ezri's new "celebrity" status was also really engaging- in fact, I hope the upcoming Aventine novel explores something like this. I love how you're turning the possible criticisms and weaknesses of the Dax promotion into strengths, by highlighting her youth and related traits as part of the reason she has captured the imagination of the people she saved. As others have pointed out upthread, it's nice to see the fanciful aspect of her character again, alongside her new "commanding" aspects rather than having been replaced by them. It makes her convincing both as the Ezri we remember and as a complex character.

This is a strong character piece, and you're really making good use of the Ezri Dax/Spock concept.

Oh, and Ihs'ree does sound like a Trill word- it fits into their established language nicely.

 

Despite not being familiar with the DS9 relaunch novels I easily picked up what I needed to know from this. So, good work on plot exposition there!

(I assume though that it was a rogue group of Jem'Hadar that attacked, not a rouge group. Unless they've started wearing make up )

Once again, I can hear the actors speaking as I read this. Great work.

 

Thank you, tenmei.

Thanks, Badger!

BTW, the events she talks about come, respectively, from Avatar, Mission Gamma: This Grey Spirit, and of course, Trill: Unjoined, from volume 2 of Worlds of DS9.

As you may know, Ezri's "realization" is from my own tale, "Of Power and Passion".

Oops. My bad.

Thanks! Actually, when I was writing it, I was afraid that that scene would deteriorate into a dull "philosophy piece". I actually had to go back and tweak it a lot before I posted it to have Ezri react more to what Spock says, to make sure no one would get bogged down in his "speech".

So do I--but I'm not exactly counting on it. Would be nice, though.

Thanks! Hmm...I wonder what "Jadzia" means, BTW. I'm toying with "firey gem" or something....

Thanks--a lot.

Again...it was my concious effort to restore what I loved about her from the show--and what I felt she'd lost in the relaunch. The writers seemed determined to give her a "harder edge", as it were, and thus take away her qualities of vulnerability, meekness, and yes, innocence.

Yes, give her confidence--yes, make her less nervous, but please don't take away all the traits that made her so endearing.

Kudos to KRAD for restoring some of that in Singular Destiny...but I felt there needed to be more.

And yes...in this last scene, I intended to imply that that irritating "edge" in the relaunch was due to her throwing herself into her symbiont's memories--as Noel/Nerys brought up. Hence, Ezri's lines to Spock about reaching her balance....

 

You've done a terrific job with Ezri. Thank you, Rush. And thanks for the long, loving, luxurious exploration of the fully evolved Spock. You have delivered what I think is the very arete of Spock, my all time favorite fictional character.

Rock on, Rush, and have a fantastic New Year.

 

^Thank you, Diogenes.

Hold on, though. This week, I'm gonna finish the tale. Hold on!

 

All right, folks. First off, thank you all for your faithful following of this tale. Now...this week, I'm gonna wrap it up.

One scene per night, as before. The first two are pretty short--pure plot transitions. The third is an emotional wrap-up. The very last part--the epilogue--will be, of all nights, on New Year's Eve.

Now, ladies and gentlemen...I'd say they've been stranded long enough, wouldn't you say? So, therefore...


Star Trek: Aventine
A Rendezvous With Destiny
Scene 19

It was the afternoon of the following day, when the emergency com unit sounded off.

“Captain Dax…Ambassador Spock…respond.”

Ezri turned to Spock. He simply stared at the unit, showing no reaction.

“Captain Dax…this is the Warbird Valdore. Do you read? Ambassador Spock…respond.”

Ezri’s eyes widened. The Valdore…that’s….

She rushed for the unit, mentally praying that it really was the Valdore, and not the pirates, faking it all. She had not sent out any signals, for that reason—only the distress call Spock had sent before they’d crashed. But…still…

She gathered up her courage, and hit the control. “Valdore, this is Captain Ezri Dax.”

A new voice came—the voice of Empress Donatra. “Captain! We feared we had lost you.”

Ezri smiled with relief. “Don’t worry, Empress. We’re both here…and we’re all right.”

“We have successfully traced your signal. We will arrive at approximately…one of your hours from now.”

Ezri nodded. “Thank you, Empress.”

“Valdore out.”

Ezri turned to Spock, unable to keep the grin from breaking out on her face. “Spock…we’re getting out of here.”

Spock nodded. “Obviously.”

Ezri chuckled, and shook her head. “Looks like we’ll make it in time after all.”

“Probably. We have two-point-eight-seven days remaining.”

Ezri raised an eyebrow. “Two-point-eight-six-nine days…to be precise.”

Spock’s own eyebrow shot up. “Indeed.”

And then…Ezri laughed.

Spock, being Spock, did not return the laugh—but the look in his eyes, and the little smile on his face…was, for Ezri, the next best thing.

* * *​

 

A nice little transition scene there, Rush! Looking forward to seeing how this one closes up.

 

What Tenmei said!

Really, Rush, I'm enjoying this so much. I think I recall reading somewhere in Destiny that Donatra seemed opposed to Spock's notion of the reuinification of the Vulcan and Romulan people(s). I still think that Spock could eventually change her mind, especially since the Imperial Romulan State will be interacting more and more closely with the Federation through the newly expanded Khitomer Accords. Either way, I think we would all enjoy seeing that meeting between Donatra and Spock; I know I will, and I think you'll do your usual great job at portraying that event.

It also makes sense to me that Spock would be interested in Donatra. He has displayed a fatherly/mentor's interest in the potential of several interesting, distinctive, somewhat conflicted women in the Trek universe: Saavik, Velaris, Soleta (all three, Vulcan/Rumulan hybrids). Now, you have him performing a similar service for Ezri, whose very (Trill) nature reflects Spock's dedication to the notion of unification. Ezri's process of acknowledging, reconciling, and synthesizing a stronger, unified identity from the disparate facets/memories/experiences of Dax's pervious hosts and her own individuality, is, as you have shown us, another version of Spock's lifelong effort to integrate his human and Vulcan hertitages.

Moreover, this dynamic of reconciliation, (re)unification, and synthesis is, I think, representative of the very ethos of the Federation. It is why, with warriors/philosophers/diplomats like Spock, Ezri, even Worf, the malevolent powers of the Galaxy, ultimately, will lose to the Federation. Several cases in point: The Founders---their Great Link, is, I think, something of a dark and twisted version of unification, but the totalitarian Dominion was defeated because the Federation succeeded in uniting the greatest of the Alpha Quadrant powers against them. The Borg would seem the ultimate actualization of unification, but rather were a twisted exemplar of the potential for tyranny when unification comes at the expense of individuality; the Borg failed in the face of a better synthesis with the Caeliar, brought about through the influence of the original impetus of Starfleet and the Federation espoused by Captain Hernandez, honored and perpetuated by, among others, Captains Picard, Riker, AND Ezri Dax. Even the Tholians, whose psionic caste-moot represents a unified community has balked time and again before the Federation; even in their opposition to the Federation and it's allies, the Tholians have joined with several other nations to form the Typhon Pact, an imitation of the Federation by their own admission.

hmmm, I've rambled a bit, but good Trek tends to do that to me. I really love what you have done here, Rush. Without him having to say it directly, you've illumined for us two microcosms of the great potential of galactic unity, demonstrations of the fact that the Federation's ethos of unification and cultural synthesis that respects freedom and individuality, championed and represented by the likes of Spock AND Ezri is... logical.

Much obliged, Rush. Rock on.
'Los

 

A tiny little scene, but I liked it--especially since it seemed Spock was really enjoying seeing Ezri laugh, even if he didn't indulge in it himself.

 

You know...I actually didn't know about Donatra's reluctance, I must admit. But still...you are right about the potential.

Unfortunately, though, I don't really intend to show the conference in this tale, per se. The simple reason, of course, is that the tale's focus is such that the meeting would detract from it, a bit.

(They do interact, though. There'll be some hints as to the outcome, too.)

Sorry, though.

Don't worry, though. I just might show the meeting in a future tale.

Thank you, Diogenes--very much!

And may I say, you've given me a lot of food for thought with that.

 

Technically, he was enjoying the irony of Ezri outdoing him, detail-wise, but...I guess it was that, too.

After all...I must admit, Ezri's moments of laughter on the show get to me in a good way, too.

 

Another transition scene. This one, curiously enough, is from Donatra's POV. Perhaps it's a little hint as to how the off-camera conference will go, I don't know. Personally, I just thought it would be an interesting moment....

Ezri and Donatra's "moment" here is, of course, a reference to their charming interaction in A Singular Destiny. They'll continue a joke they'd started in KRAD's book.


Star Trek: Aventine
A Rendezvous With Destiny
Scene 20

“Captain…Ambassador,” said Empress Donatra, of the Imperial Romulan State, as she stepped forward to greet them in the transporter room of the Valdore, “I wish to welcome you aboard the flagship of my domain—as well as to offer my gratitude for your assistance to us.”

Captain Dax shook her head in confusion. “…‘Assistance’…?”

Donatra smirked. “Your distress call assisted in our security fleet successfully locating one of the more…troublesome marauders. Apparently, it had sustained damage in its skirmish with your vessel….”

Dax stared at her for a moment…and chuckled. “Well…I’m honored to have offered this service, Empress.”

“As am I. However…I must also offer my sincere apologies for not being able to assist you sooner. Had we been, none of this would have had to happen.”

The ambassador spoke up. “But then, Empress…we would not have encountered the marauder…and therefore, you would not have had one less problem to face.”

Was that a tone of…amusement? Unusual, coming from a Vulcan.

Donatra nodded. “As you say, Ambassador. Now…I will leave an engineering team to repair your ship. It should be ready for you by the time the conference is over.”

Dax returned the nod. “Thank you, Empress.”

“And on that subject…I shall order a course set to return to Achernar Prime, maximum warp. The two of you will be given our finest guest quarters. And…would you do us the honor of dining with us, tonight?”

Dax smiled. “We would be delighted, Empress.”

“Excellent. And…Captain?”

“Empress?”

Donatra beckoned her over, to a corner of the room, where they could speak without being overheard. “I must admit…I was impressed by the amount of damage the pirates had sustained. Did you…lure them into the planet’s atmosphere, by any chance?”

Dax shrugged. “For a little bit…but they quickly changed their minds. But…honestly, I had no idea how much damage I’d caused.”

“Well…I suppose we can exchange stories over Romulan Ale tonight. And…” Donatra’s next thought came with a smile, “Perhaps you can educate me…on your vessel’s…slipstream dive…?”

Dax shook her head slowly, returning the smile, as if to say, You never give up…. “Empress…I still have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Donatra laughed. “I didn’t think so.” She nodded to her chief of security on her way out. “Escort them to their quarters.”

The man acknowledged. Donatra headed for the bridge, confident that this was, all in all, a good day.

* * *​

 

Donatra's definitely charming! And speaking of "charm," I wonder if Spock's charm will give her a new impression of what Vulcans can be?

 

Yuppers! I liked her from the moment I realized she was going to help Picard in Nemesis.

"Romulan Ale, Captain--now let's get to work!"

Probably.

 

Another excellent installment - can't wait for tommorow's exciting conclusion (it is the conclusion tommorow, isn't it - or is that the day after?).

 

^Two more intallments to go, mate.

 

Sorry I have not commented recently. Christmas activities have eaten up some of my time. I am glad to see things progressing nicely. In the discussion earlier you talked about how Ezri was portrayed with a harder edge in ST: Destiny. I rather liked that, it also made some sense in the context of the story. Ezri has just gone through the loss of her Captain and XO whom she had served with for an indeterminate amount of time and the federation was being invaded. I would liek to see a balance between the new harder Ezri and her lighter old self.

As for the latest scene I like the continuation of the quantum slipstream drive joke. I am also wondering what decision Ezri is going to come to in regard to Julian. At this point it feels like the direction their careers have taken them is the biggest obstetrical after the personal is dealt with. I can't seen ether of them giving up their assignment for the other.

One little continuity issue that I noticed is that you have started calling the runabout a shuttle yet in DS9 the two types were always distinct from one another.

 

Can't wait for both of 'em then