TOS Caption Contest #149: Frog March

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Spock: You are in command now, CAPTAIN Henson. Pray you do not fail me like Captain Sulu.
Henson: Yes, my lord.

 

[Tribble]

Spock's plan to play an old Vulcan prank on the lieutenant by sneaking up behind him and spooking him was ruined by the whoosh of the transporter doors.

Lieutenant: ... 98 ... 99 ... 100. Ready or not, here I come!
Spock, thinking: Damn!

 

[Rat Boy]

Formation crop dusting.

Spock: "Good news, Lieutenant: you did not leave the iron on."

Hansen: "Thank you, sir. I knew that would bug me all day."

Kirk (thinking): If she makes one more crack about me only lasting a split second, I'm shoving her out an airlock.

One wonders what's holding the sign up.

 

[Tribble]

Kirk, thinking: Gee, am I that drunk or have we hit an ion storm?

Kirk, thinking: When Chekov drives they should hand out barf bags.

 

[Nerys Myk]

HANSEN: Am I helm or navigation? What's the bloody difference anyway?

KIRK: What the hell? Who's driving this ship?

 

[EnsignHarper]

Kirk, humming, to himself: Another day, another piece of alien ass.....

 

[EnsignHarper]

Kirk, to himself: Why did that condom have Bugs Bunny on it?

 

[Shatmandu]

Spock, telepathically: "You ... need to go ... to my quarters ... and defecate."

Kirk: "Never seen ankles crossed behind the head before."
S'Kank: "Did it hurt?"

The crew learned to ignore it when Spock's erect penises pried open the turbolift doors.

 

[Mysterion]

Yellow Shirt: Ahhh...finally in command...

Spock: Out. Of. The. Chair.

 

[Shatmandu]

Spock, yearning, in voice-over: "One day, oh-so stotic Lt. Doug, you'll no longer just be the song in my heart, but also the light of my day, the jam on my jelly roll, the ache in my rectum ..."

 

[Maurice]

SPOCK: Hello Mrs. Premise.
LT. DOUG: Oh, hello Mrs. Conclusion!
SPOCK: Busy day?
LT. DOUG: Busy! I've just spent four hours burying the cat.
SPOCK: Four hours to bury the cat?
LT. DOUG: Yes, it wouldn't keep still; wrigglin about...howlin'...

 

[The Badger]

Seeing as scottydog used my photomanip, can I claim half a win?

Lt.Doug: Spit and polish, Yeoman Rand. It's the making of any navy.

Yeoman Rand : Ahl try oo emember vat zur.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Kirk: "Take a note for Lieutenant Sulu, Mr. Spock. Tell him he's free to decorate his personal quarters any way he likes, but I want these lavender lights out of the corridor!"

Hijinks on the night watch...

Kevin Riley (OS): "Great one, Hansen! Perfect Kirk impression!" *sees turbo lift doors opening behind Hansen* "Now do Spock!"

Kirk: "And now, my dear, by the power vested in me as captain of the Enterprise, I un-marry us!"

Shatner: "You know, Leonard, I think I'm finally beginning to understand how you must have felt when they made you wear that IDIC trinket to plug Gene and Majel's mail order company."

 

[Isis]

Kirk (to himself): "Chekov is off the entertainment committee. This scavenger hunt is really lame."

Kirk: "Mr. Sulu, I'll have to admit...I never knew what I was missing."

 

[Nerys Myk]

SPOCK: Reports indicate the intruder is a purple energy creature. Do not cross its path.

KIRK: What??!!!

 

[Shatmandu]

Leslie: "If you're married to your ship, then your wife wears too much rouge."

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Kirk (mumbling): "Sorry...been...under a...lot of...stress lately...you know how it is..."

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Deela: "Well, did you enjoy my little 'surprise,' Captain?"

Kirk (thinking): "Don't panic. Don't panic. Nobody has to ever find out about this. After all, there's no reason why any of my crew should ever see her without her clothes...his clothes...whatever..."

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Leslie (singing): I do my little walk on the catwalk, baby. On the catwalk, yeah! (beat) I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy by far.
Kirk: All right, Leslie. That's enough.

McCoy (whispering): Spock, is it me or is that captain's ass getting kinda flabby?
Spock (whispering): Indeed, doctor. The captain is beginning to sag in his posterior.
Kirk: I can hear you gentlemen!

Kirk: Next time, see if you can get at least two fingers up there. Oh, and all the way to the knuckle. I like that.

 

[Captain Crow]