Need to vent, long read so don't click if you don't feel like it

[Kail]

How ever did you come to that wrongful conclusion?! I realize the gravity of the situation here more than people know it, but I think I've made myself very clear. This is a marital problem that KT and her husband need to sort out. I don't know about the rest of you, but it's not in my place to tell people what they ought to do about their marriage.

What is your problem? No one is ordering her to do anything, they're just opining on the situation which is obviously the point of the thread. Hell, that's the point of any thread. You've made your point repeatedly and we all get it so stop shitting on the thread.

At least he didn't say grain of salt again.

By his reasoning no one should talk about any serious personal issues. Or maybe I shouldn't talk about my employees because you are not all qualified union reps. That's what these forumns are for, to get opinions from the many, weigh the various opinions and then make my decision.

 

[DonIago]

Personally I think unless and until KT opts to speak further in this thread everything that there is to be said pretty much has been.

 

[Kail]

Personally I think unless and until KT opts to speak further in this thread everything that there is to be said pretty much has been.

We're just passing time till she comes back.

 

[DonIago]

I've got a deck of cards...

 

[Gryffindorian]

How ever did you come to that wrongful conclusion?! I realize the gravity of the situation here more than people know it, but I think I've made myself very clear. This is a marital problem that KT and her husband need to sort out. I don't know about the rest of you, but it's not in my place to tell people what they ought to do about their marriage.

What is your problem? No one is ordering her to do anything, they're just opining on the situation which is obviously the point of the thread. Hell, that's the point of any thread. You've made your point repeatedly and we all get it so stop shitting on the thread.

I don't have a problem, sir. Do you? I had managed to stay pretty quiet, enjoying a nice and peaceful Sunday, until people like you started GETTING ON MY ASS for expressing my opinion of trying to throw some caution into the wind. I've stated my reasons and justifications very well and have tried to be civil, but what's with the personal attacks? If you want to have a decent discussion, then let's discuss it like rational adults.

 

[DonIago]

You ask a great deal. (grin)

 

[Gryffindorian]

How ever did you come to that wrongful conclusion?! I realize the gravity of the situation here more than people know it, but I think I've made myself very clear. This is a marital problem that KT and her husband need to sort out. I don't know about the rest of you, but it's not in my place to tell people what they ought to do about their marriage.

What is your problem? No one is ordering her to do anything, they're just opining on the situation which is obviously the point of the thread. Hell, that's the point of any thread. You've made your point repeatedly and we all get it so stop shitting on the thread.

At least he didn't say grain of salt again.

By his reasoning no one should talk about any serious personal issues. Or maybe I shouldn't talk about my employees because you are not all qualified union reps. That's what these forumns are for, to get opinions from the many, weigh the various opinions and then make my decision.

Right, because it's your RIGHTful place to tell others how to run their lives and you have a MORAL OBLIGATION to do so, although they're not seeking anyone's advice, is that it? Forget the fact that KT is a mentally and morally competent 20something who can look out for herself. She'd probably be lost in life were it not for the wisdom and guidance of BBSers.

 

[sidious618]

You continuously repeat your point again and again and people are telling you that you're not coming across well yet you don't stop doing it. Are you seriously trying to tell me that everyone except for you is at fault?

Let's not forget that you started a thread about your problems and people gave you advice. Why do you think this is any different?

 

[TheBrew]

I sort of hope that this is a troll, because it is epic if it was.

 

[sidious618]

I sort of hope that this is a troll, because it is epic if it was.

No, KT has mentioned some problems before.

 

[Robert Maxwell]

Well, you know, that's the thing about friends. They try to give each other advice about their lives. In the end, the decision rests with the person getting the advice, but sometimes it helps to be reinforced in your decision or get an outside perspective on it.

Most of us here are decent people and just want to help one another. I certainly don't want to see KT or anyone else here suffer needlessly in a bad relationship, and if that's what I see happening, I won't be afraid to say so. I don't expect people to do what I say, just as I shouldn't be expected to do what anyone else says, but advice certainly has its place. Listening to any one person I would definitely say is a bad idea. Take the sum total of the input and figure out what to do yourself.

Drone, you act like she's retarded and can't decide anything for herself. There are certain people around here who do make threads about how their lives suck, we give them advice, and they utterly ignore it. Eventually, people get tired of putting forth the effort to help. But I have not seen anything like this from KT before, and I'm willing to give her the benefit of the doubt.

I can't imagine what kind of friend you must be in real life. "Hey, don't lay your problems at my feet, I don't want anything to do with them! I'm not qualified!" I'm sorry, I just don't respect that position very much. What kind of friend is unwilling to speak up when they see something very wrong happening to someone they supposedly care about?

 

[TheBrew]

I sort of hope that this is a troll, because it is epic if it was.

No, KT has mentioned some problems before.

That's what would make it epic. Plus I hate to see people go through this shit, so I hope that it is fake.

 

[DonIago]

"What kind of friend is unwilling to speak up when they see something very wrong happening to someone they supposedly care about?"

Funny you should bring that up, since in my LJ I just went off on situations where Person A is personally attacking Person B, but Person C doesn't want to get involved since they're friends with A and B. And then one of my friends sort of went off on me for suggesting that anyone should ever do anything other than be completely neutral in such circumstances.

 

[Robert Maxwell]

"What kind of friend is unwilling to speak up when they see something very wrong happening to someone they supposedly care about?"

Funny you should bring that up, since in my LJ I just went off on situations where Person A is personally attacking Person B, but Person C doesn't want to get involved since they're friends with A and B. And then one of my friends sort of went off on me for suggesting that anyone should ever do anything other than be completely neutral in such circumstances.

Yeah, that's definitely not my style. I try to assess the situation and see if there's anything I can do. I am a born mediator. I don't really care who's right or wrong--most of the time, that's a matter of degree. If people want to salvage their friendship, they have to do the work themselves, but sometimes they need a push to make that decision. Is this friendship worth saving to you? Why or why not? It's entirely possible to be involved without serving your own ends or unduly influencing the decision.

 

[sidious618]

It's entirely possible to be involved without serving your own ends or unduly influencing the decision.

Unless you're Darth Sidious.

Wait a minute...

 

[Gryffindorian]

You continuously repeat your point again and again and people are telling you that you're not coming across well yet you don't stop doing it. Are you seriously trying to tell me that everyone except for you is at fault?

Let's not forget that you started a thread about your problems and people gave you advice. Why do you think this is any different?

Yes, I may have gotten carried away posting my "grain of salt" advice. That much, I'm guilty of. But I had stayed quiet after that until some people started bringing it to my attention like I was some broken record.

And you haven't been paying attention if you claim that I think only professionals are allowed to dispense advice. When it comes to health, marriage, and other delicate issues, my personal approach is to be cautious about it. It's diferent when I'm talking to friends and family because I know them in person. We can all say, "KT's our friend and we all love her," but you wouldn't be liable if anything unpleasant were to happen if she were hypothetically to take someone's advice. The truth is, most of us don't know each other! Surprise! We like to create the illusion that we're all a part of a koombayah great community and extended family. While soliciting or offering advice can be good and well intentioned, both sides must consider that there's more to the situation than what we see online.

I hate to see people get hurt, and hopefully KT will do everything in her being to correct or resolve the problem.

 

[Australis]

Hope she comes back soon and gives us an update or some thoughts on what we've said.

 

[pookha]

I think I'm starting to rub off on some people. As long as I'm not rubbing anyone the wrong way, I guess it's all right.

well as a woman it rubs me the wrong way how you dont see just how nasty and serious this situation is.

sometimes this level of verbal abuse escaltes into physical.

one of several reasons why i said she needs to get him out now.
and then perhaps go to counseling.

How ever did you come to that wrongful conclusion?! I realize the gravity of the situation here more than people know it, but I think I've made myself very clear. This is a marital problem that KT and her husband need to sort out. I don't know about the rest of you, but it's not in my place to tell people what they ought to do about their marriage.

you are going on about how nothing should be done until she can get him into counseling.,,

i am saying the situation could get a whole lot worse fast and he has to be out now.
if he wants to prove himself to her then let them go through counseling.

only after that and a probation period should be be allowed back in.

look at all the stuff..

so he starts calling me a 'stupid fucking slut' (which is ironic because he's the only man I have ever been with .. (this is also bad because of the signs of nasty case of jealousy seems to lurking .. more on that later..)

He then throws the usual hissy fit of calling me every name he can think of and generally talking down to me,

ah the control freak arises..

He's also big at judging. "Pink hair? OMG YOU'RE A PUNK."

and the jealous thing..

He even gets mad if some random guy looks at me. It's always WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT GUY STARING AT???

why he might be cheating and part of the jealous thing might be guilt or guilt and just craziness..

who decided last year to hop on to Craig's List and send two emails to two girls, one even had my name, but failed because I found his emails).

 

[Tiberius Jim]

I'm going to join the "this guy sounds like a douche" chorus. He actually sounds a lot like my girlfriend's ex. He basically showed a complete lack of respect for her, calling her names and treating her like less than human. He also physically abused her, which I hope is not the case for you, KT. At the time, I was nothing but a platonic friend to her, merely a coworker and he too would get mad if I "stared" at her and claimed to dislike me, after speaking maybe 4 words to me. Your guy sounds like a less dangerous and less abusive but altogether just as disrespectful version of him.

As has been said before, a loving relationship is a two way street and from the sounds of it, traffic is only flowing down your side of it. There's definitely an issue here, especially if he hasn't always been like this. I'd say give some sort of counseling a try but if that doesn't help, you really should get yourself out of that situation. Nobody deserves to be treated like that by someone who claims to love them.

 

[Gryffindorian]

Well, you know, that's the thing about friends. They try to give each other advice about their lives. In the end, the decision rests with the person getting the advice, but sometimes it helps to be reinforced in your decision or get an outside perspective on it.

Most of us here are decent people and just want to help one another. I certainly don't want to see KT or anyone else here suffer needlessly in a bad relationship, and if that's what I see happening, I won't be afraid to say so. I don't expect people to do what I say, just as I shouldn't be expected to do what anyone else says, but advice certainly has its place. Listening to any one person I would definitely say is a bad idea. Take the sum total of the input and figure out what to do yourself.

Drone, you act like she's retarded and can't decide anything for herself. There are certain people around here who do make threads about how their lives suck, we give them advice, and they utterly ignore it. Eventually, people get tired of putting forth the effort to help. But I have not seen anything like this from KT before, and I'm willing to give her the benefit of the doubt.

I can't imagine what kind of friend you must be in real life. "Hey, don't lay your problems at my feet, I don't want anything to do with them! I'm not qualified!" I'm sorry, I just don't respect that position very much. What kind of friend is unwilling to speak up when they see something very wrong happening to someone they supposedly care about?

*Sigh* Some people just can't get past through my "Grain of Salt" comments and pretty much disregard everything else I've said. Did you at least skim through some of my posts? If not, can you please read my latest reply to Sidious? Please don't try to demonize me as the person looking down on KT; my only advice to her is to be cautious. I'm certainly not the one giving her unsolicited advice urging her which course of action to take.

One other thing: You don't know anything about me or my friends at all, and you can't begin to make false and inaccurate assumptions about me. Perhaps my biggest problem is that sense of ARROGANCE, the all-knowing, cant-go-wrong presumptuous attitude evidenced by so many posters in this thread.