Then she started crying...

[K'Ehleyr]

long story story short.... this female has been coming onto me heavily. From the first time I met her she's been throwing herself at me over the last month or so .. so I figured what the hell... go for it. Go over to her place and we're.. in thw throes of passion when she starts crying... I thought she was into it... then realized she was crying.... but since I was at that point I finish up...

Should I feel guilty? Every step of the way she threw herself at me... was all over me.. until that moment... It took others to point out she was throwing her self at me... I really don't feel one way or another for her other than a lay..... so here I am wondering did I do wring considering she's the one that threw herself at me. Afterwards I went home and slept without any problem.

Ed, your av and your sig give an example of how you think towards women.

If a confident and mature woman wanted a one-night stand with you then it would not take her a month to get you into bed and certainly not for others to have to point it out to you. She is obviously not as predatory as you're trying to excuse your actions with.

"and we're.. in thw throes of passion when she starts crying... I thought she was into it... then realized she was crying.... but since I was at that point I finish up..." You do realise this is not normal behaviour?

Be a man. Go to her, apologise with flowers, say you mis-read her and are sorry. Otherwise you may well find your name all over facebook etc with what she really thinks of you.

 

[Cakes488]

Men do it all the time..ALL THE TIME.

Yeah, but not all men.

Quite correct

But when there are those bad apples out there crowding out the ripe ones at the top..it's difficult and time consuming weeding through the assholes.

I imagine it is a vast forest of "weeds" -- sorry, Cakes

There really is...thank god I have a weed wacker though!

 

[Goliath]

Yeah, but not all men.

Quite correct

But when there are those bad apples out there crowding out the ripe ones at the top..it's difficult and time consuming weeding through the assholes.

I imagine it is a vast forest of "weeds" -- sorry, Cakes

There really is...thank god I have a weed wacker though!

Kinky!

 

[JustKate]

I'm sorry to say Kate but this happens ALL THE TIME. At least it looks like the guy wasn't intentionally trying to play her...because that's the worst when somebody deliberately manipulates you just so they can get laid. Men do it all the time..ALL THE TIME.

I have been out of the dating game a long time (thank you, Lord), but I remember those days, and I still don't think at least pretending to be a semi-decent human being is too much to ask, even of a one-night stand. And jeez, this is a girl he knew, right? How else could she have been "throwing herself" at him for a month? How could you know somebody a month or more and not give even the tiniest little shit about the fact that she was in enough pain to cry? How could you not at least care enough to pretend to give the tiniest little shit?

Nope. Don't get it. And I'm glad I don't get it, I think.

Men do it all the time..ALL THE TIME.

Yeah, but not all men.

You are absolutely right - it is most definitely not all men. (Thank you, Lord, for that, too. )

 

[hellsgate]

You shouldn't have "finished up". It sounds like she used you for "hot hate sex" & felt like crap about it as a result. Pull out, stop everything right there & be prepared for hours of holding her platonically and lots of pillow-talking. Run your fingers through her hair & give her lots of reassurance that she's attractive and give her morale support for whatever compelled her to get to this point.

Lay her head on your chest, rock her gently, kiss her scalp, and keep holding her tight and DON'T expect anymore sex from her. EVER.

Until whatever situation compelled this "rebellion" has been absolutely resolved, you're 'Just Friends.'

The fact you openly admit you don't think anything of her, other than a casual fling just makes ME think you're slime. I've been the one on the opposite end of this sort of thing...(the one used,) & it makes me immensely upset as it brings up some unpleasant memories of watching my ex's all get pregnant by other guys & set-up homes with the Daddy.

 

[TheLonelySquire]

dumbass.

Jenee (and anyone else), feel free to tear the OP's actions apart (if you post it, you have to own it) but no personal slurs.

Sorry.

This is why I need to stay in TNZ.

Say ..., ed629, you should post this question in TNZ. They love to give people advice in there.

Might even make him a moderator!

 

[ed629]

Ok... so yeah, I was probably somewhat of an ass. But at the same time as some have said I got a pretty distinct feeling that all she wanted was a fling too. Nothing more, nothing less. This happened a few weeks ago. Since then I have talked to her, she hasn't mentioned it or anything. I don't think she wants to either...

Yeah, I know I look appear like scum at this point. It was probably a mistake on both our parts. Beyond that, I don't really think I did anything that she didn't want, I even avoided her for a while. The more I think about it... I feel like may have been using me to get over something, or someone... I don't know.

 

[Mr Awe]

I vote for "dissappointment." She was into you but you failed to deliver, which made her sad.

Mr Awe

 

[Mr Awe]

I'm amazed that anyone can use other people this casually. Maybe this is the norm for many of you guys, but I can't imagine treating others as disposable.

Should I feel guilty?

... Afterwards I went home and slept without any problem.

If the correct feelings weren't there to begin with, asking others how you should have felt after the fact is rather pointless. If you lack empathy for someone else, I doubt it can be genuinely added by consulting others.

She came on to him.

Well, that doesn't justify everything.

Mr Awe

 

[JustKate]

Ok... so yeah, I was probably somewhat of an ass. But at the same time as some have said I got a pretty distinct feeling that all she wanted was a fling too. Nothing more, nothing less. This happened a few weeks ago. Since then I have talked to her, she hasn't mentioned it or anything. I don't think she wants to either...

Yeah, I know I look appear like scum at this point. It was probably a mistake on both our parts. Beyond that, I don't really think I did anything that she didn't want, I even avoided her for a while. The more I think about it... I feel like may have been using me to get over something, or someone... I don't know.

Ed...ask her. Really. If she's somebody you care about at all as a friend or even merely as a fellow human being, you have to or you really will appear to be scum. Don't be intrusive or anything but say something that at least lets her know that you aren't a heartless jerk who thinks his own pleasure is more important than her pain.

I mean, you don't think that, right?

You don't have to be intrusive or anything, and you don't have to act like her psychologist, but say something. What? Well that's hard to say. Maybe something like, "I didn't know what to say the other night when you started crying, but I'm sorry if I did anything to upset you." You can even walk away right then if you feel like it. But say something. I mean, this is a perfect example of ignoring the elephant in the room...

 

[sidious618]

So lemme get this one straight...

You know her for about a month and she is consistently throwing herself at you and you make no reply. Then one day you're like, "Okay, get on the bed." So you start doing it but then she starts sobbing. You then "finish up" (and how long did this take? Was she crying for like five minutes before you finally, um, "finished?"), put your pants back on and zip outta there without a word.

I've met people who act in this way, both men and women. I like to think in your case that it was just some seriously bad judgment and you didn't just walk out because you couldn't give a shit but rather because you didn't know how to handle it. That said, if you didn't know how to handle it, you shouldn't be having sex.

 

[ed629]

Ok... so yeah, I was probably somewhat of an ass. But at the same time as some have said I got a pretty distinct feeling that all she wanted was a fling too. Nothing more, nothing less. This happened a few weeks ago. Since then I have talked to her, she hasn't mentioned it or anything. I don't think she wants to either...

Yeah, I know I look appear like scum at this point. It was probably a mistake on both our parts. Beyond that, I don't really think I did anything that she didn't want, I even avoided her for a while. The more I think about it... I feel like may have been using me to get over something, or someone... I don't know.

Ed...ask her. Really. If she's somebody you care about at all as a friend or even merely as a fellow human being, you have to or you really will appear to be scum. Don't be intrusive or anything but say something that at least lets her know that you aren't a heartless jerk who thinks his own pleasure is more important than her pain.

I mean, you don't think that, right?

You don't have to be intrusive or anything, and you don't have to act like her psychologist, but say something. What? Well that's hard to say. Maybe something like, "I didn't know what to say the other night when you started crying, but I'm sorry if I did anything to upset you." You can even walk away right then if you feel like it. But say something. I mean, this is a perfect example of ignoring the elephant in the room...

I did... she didn't say anything. I tried to ask her and she wouldn't say anything at all. It was weird too, the very first time I met her, she literally threw herself at me, she was all over me, coming on to me, touching me, the best way to describe it would be to say she was molesting me.

I could of gone home with her that first time, but I didn't. Then when I do this happened. I know I should feel some empathy or sympathy or something, but there's that feeling that she was using me for something. So as much as some people think or say I used her, I feel I was used in the same way.

 

[Hermiod]

She came on to him.

I've had lots of women make advances towards me... it doesn't change who I was at my core. If I had no feelings for them, it never proceeded any further.

Of course the dilemma for me is that I can't make love to a woman I don't love. Sex without caring seems like it would be an empty experience (at least for me).

Fortunately it isn't an issue I've had to worry about in the last 23 years... but if I ever found myself single again, I doubt I'd be willing to engage in meaningless relationships after knowing the joys of meaningful ones.

But that is me... like I said, I'm sure that using others for sex is most likely the norm for many. And sadly taking advantage of someone who is vulnerable quite common.

I don't necessarily disagree with you, it's just that it sounds like they were using each other (until one of them backed out) which I don't really have a problem with. They're both grown ups.

 

[ed629]

So lemme get this one straight...

You know her for about a month and she is consistently throwing herself at you and you make no reply. Then one day you're like, "Okay, get on the bed." So you start doing it but then she starts sobbing. You then "finish up" (and how long did this take? Was she crying for like five minutes before you finally, um, "finished?"), put your pants back on and zip outta there without a word.

I've met people who act in this way, both men and women. I like to think in your case that it was just some seriously bad judgment and you didn't just walk out because you couldn't give a shit but rather because you didn't know how to handle it. That said, if you didn't know how to handle it, you shouldn't be having sex.

It was more her than me... like 80% her. Not sobbing, more of a quiet crying and only for 20-30 seconds. And I was pretty much there.. so it wasn't like I went on for several minutes, it was right at the... point of no return. I didn't zip up and leave. I did try to ask, she didn't say anything, nothing, not a word. Almost like I wasn't there.

 

[sidious618]

It was more her than me... like 80% her. Not sobbing, more of a quiet crying and only for 20-30 seconds. And I was pretty much there.. so it was like I went on for several minutes, it was right at the... point of no return. I didn't zip up and leave. I did try to ask, she didn't say anything, nothing, not a word. Almost like I wasn't there.

You went on for several minutes while she was crying?

 

[ed629]

It was more her than me... like 80% her. Not sobbing, more of a quiet crying and only for 20-30 seconds. And I was pretty much there.. so it was like I went on for several minutes, it was right at the... point of no return. I didn't zip up and leave. I did try to ask, she didn't say anything, nothing, not a word. Almost like I wasn't there.

You went on for several minutes while she was crying?

no.. typo.. it should of been "so it wasn't like I went on"

 

[sidious618]

Ah, okay. Well, this whole situation seems to be very weird.

 

[TheBrew]

Jenee (and anyone else), feel free to tear the OP's actions apart (if you post it, you have to own it) but no personal slurs.

Sorry.

This is why I need to stay in TNZ.

Say ..., ed629, you should post this question in TNZ. They love to give people advice in there.

Might even make him a moderator!

Hey even we have standards.

 

[Cakes488]

This is the reason that if you can't even talk about sex with the person than why the hell are you having sex with them??? I'm sure you're young and that has a lot to do with it but chalk this up as a learning experience and everything needs to be laid out on the table..the "parameters" of the relationship. So if it's a one night stand or a fuck buddy thing...or more...it needs to be voiced so there are no misunderstandings and you can avoid this bullshit.

 

[ed629]

oops