How Would You Change Nemesis?
- Thread starter Pegasus
- Start date
Rewrite it.
Boom! You've been ShamelessMcBundied!
Personally I'd drop B4 from the script as it's a cheap way to kill Data but keep Data. If you are going to kill Data kill him and be done with him! So no B4, no visit to planet, no Argo and no Federation armed SUV.
Next with Shinzon, his motives and actions are really just inane and stupid. If he needs blood so badly why not just make another Picard clone without the temporal juices? In DS9, Bashir grew a Bajoran clone in a couple of days. If he can get the resources to build the Scimitar and create a magic ultimate weapon he can afford a chemistry set.
I'd also remove the threat to Earth plot and make it Shinzon and the Remans really wanting to destroy the Romulans. They are the ones that did a crap job creating him, they are the ones that decided that killing him was too much effort and they needed more child labour in the mines, they are the ones who have enslaved the Remans for generations. Shouldn't everyone be pissed at the Romulans and not helping them take done the Federation? They should have gone Hobus on Romulus's ass. If you really have to have Earth mentioned as under threat make it so that Shinzon just wants to destroy Earth so that the Feds and Roms. The Romulans already have serious issues with losing a war to Earth, imagine losing a second war, this time to the Federation!
Visually the movie is pretty. I thought that at some points the movie was just unnecessarily dark, as in poorly lit.
Oh, and the wedding at the start would be on Betazed so it would be naked. Maybe replace all male guests with Orion slave girls and have Riker stand behind a strategically placed fern.
After writing all that I'm not sure how much is actually serious and what is just rambling rant.
Personally I'd say screw everyone else and make the movie I wanted but that's because I'm selfish.
Why don't you list out what you plan to change and we can say if we agree with your plans, add suggestions, etc.
make Pat Stewart play Shinzon for a start...
I think that Shinzon hated the Federation like most Romulans do. His anger was basically with the politicians who sent him to the mines, one of the reasons for wiping out the senate, deep dpwn he probably loves Romulus and the Romulan Star Empire, he is just using the Remans, (except his Vicreoy) as a quick availale army and to make it look like he was fighting for the Reman's rights. A subplot involving him being more froendly to Donatra almost being a couple would have added a good dimenson to his character. The strength of movie is that he is a Picard clone, we get Picard questionning whether or not thats how he would act in Shinzon's place, and Data, (finally showing his understanding of humanity) asking the crew to retrieve and help him maximise B4's potiential.
More information obn the plans to replace Picard with Shinzon would have been good aswell.
More information obn the plans to replace Picard with Shinzon would have been good aswell.
Damn right. How can we believe he his Picard's clone if he doesn't look like him? Makeup to make him look just a bit younger is cheaper and more efficient. And forget the sickness crap and the plot to lure Picard, it's a major plot hole. I pretty much agree with Rofeta for the rest. Drop B4, really kill Data...
The Federation should get involved purely for the quadrant-wide political crisis a Romulan revolution would represent. I would also remove the scimitar and it's super weapon altogether. We don't need doomsday machines. Just give him a large fleet instead.
While we're at it, I would have made the Remans look like Romulan but just but badass ones like Nero with no air, tattoos and scars and really explore the Romulan elements like their senate and add creepy Tal'Shiar characters.
And as far as visuals are concerned, cloaking devices suck. The overall idea is cool but it just doesn't work on screen. I'm not paying 10$ to watch a black screen. So ok at the slow pace begining but it has to break early in the fighting scenes.
To Trek Movies
Remove the whole thing about Shinzon being created out of Picard's DNA or what it was. He was scary enough without that rubbish. In fact, he was a good villain, one of the few good things with the movie
Make it look more like a TNG movie or episode. Everything in the episode looked like some leftover from the "Alien" movies.
Data should have survived or at least been brought back to life with the help of that other android they found.
Make it look more like a TNG movie or episode. Everything in the episode looked like some leftover from the "Alien" movies.
Data should have survived or at least been brought back to life with the help of that other android they found.
I like these suggestions. It would cut out about say 20 minutes of bla...
Hey for sfx it would have been nice to have the Starfleet task force come in to help Picard since I assume the Enterprise was late @ the rendevous? 
Sorry I am a sfx junkie...
Hey for sfx it would have been nice to have the Starfleet task force come in to help Picard since I assume the Enterprise was late @ the rendevous? Sorry I am a sfx junkie...
The whole thing, it wasn't that bad but it did made the series ran out of steam for a whole.
The sad thing about Nemesis is that with a little work it could have been a fantastic movie.
First - jettison the whole ridiculous B-4 story line. If you're going to kill off Data have the backbone to actually kill off Data. No offense to Mr. Spiner or his fans, but we've already seen him do multiple roles several times in TNG; Datalore, Brothers, and Descent I and II. In the movie as they picked up pieces of B-4 what Trek fan didn't sit in the audience asking themselves, "Lore? Why isn't Worf, or anyone else for that matter, mentioning Lore?" I'm sure it was supposed to be some sort of dramatic parallel to Picard's relationship with his own clone, but it tanked.
Second - in the film Mr. Stewart should have been the one with multiple roles. If you're going to do a story about Picard facing an evil clone of himself have Picard facing an evil clone of himself. I'm sure the reason the Paramount executives decided to use Tom Hardy as Shinzon was to bring in all the screaming, Orlando Bloom loving, teenybopper girls. However, if Stewart had played both Picard and the clone Shinzon you would have had a movie on par with TOS's episode Mirror, Mirror. It also would have added a very intensely compelling dynamic to Shinzon's obsession with Troi. Granted, that would have probably sent the more rabid P/C shippers over the edge of the proverbial cliff.
Speaking of Shinzon, why the hell would the oppressed Remans install a human (or human clone) as a Praetor instead of one of their own. Wouldn't a Reman as Praetor make more sense? It seems as if they are trading one oppressor for another.
Finally in the movie's climactic scene, Picard's excessive reaction to Shinzon's death doesn't make sense. The Picard character is supposed to be a battle-hardened, high-ranking military field commander who has seen death and destruction on a massive scale. If whoever was writing this film had bothered to do a little research, they would have found that Picard remembered laughing at the odd sensation after he was stabbed through the back piercing his heart during the barroom brawl on Starbase Earhart. If Shinzon had laughed while collapsing after being stabbed in the back it would have explained Picard startled reaction. It also would have given the movie a brilliant sci-fi twist about nature versus nurture and how close is the clone to the original.
I look forward to seeing your results.
Last year I wrote a fan fiction story for one of my Picard/Vash timelines called "Mithras" which was loosely based on some of the events in the movie Nemesis.http://www.trekbbs.com/showthread.php?t=56045
Warmest Wishes,
Whoa Nellie
Fan edit of Nemesis, close to completion
Not mine, but it sounds like he's making the film more like what it wanted to be before Rick and the Bermanettes wimped out.
Not mine, but it sounds like he's making the film more like what it wanted to be before Rick and the Bermanettes wimped out.
Cancel it.
