VFWCC #11: Yes we CAPTIONS!

[scottydog]

Doctor: "Well, Captain, I have the results, and I'm very impressed."

Janeway: "I'm in good health?"

Doctor: "No, I'm very impressed with me. I'm in perfect holographic condition."

 

[TheHungarian]

Janeway: Doctor, we need to find a cure for these people NOW!

Doctor: Damn it Janeway! I'm a hologram! Not a doctor!

 

[Nerys Myk]

EMH: Sorry Captain, but I have to take this. I have a job prospect in the Pegasus Galaxy.

 

[scottydog]

Doctor: "I love these little pocket mirrors. Amazing how much prettier I am than you, Captain."

 

[Triskelion]

Thanks for the honorable mention KillerKoinek!

- Doctor they're all here to complain about you secretly probing their privates. Doctor? Doctor!
- Um, what Captain? Oh, well they're mistaken. By the way Captain I was wondering if I could requisition some drapes. You know, to match the carpet in here.

 

[Lucy of Nine]

Janeway : I'm afraid I'm going to have to stand you down, Dr, this obsession with Tetris is simply out of control.

 

[TheWabbit]

Doctor: Most fascinating.
Janeway : Doctor what is it?
Doctor: After installing the gaydar version 2.0 I just realized I'm in in love with Tuvok.

 

[Nebusj]

``Oh, who's the cutest widdle twicorder in the whole wide galaxy? Yes you are! Yes you are! Oh you're such a darling little bitty tricorder with the cutest widdle yellow eyes!''
``Doctor, the virus? Doctor?''

 

[Herkimer Jitty]

Doctor: "Don't worry Captain, I'm sure you'll get to guest star on *snicker* Stargate Universe."

Janeway: "Computer, delete EMH."

 

[Nerys Myk]

EMH: G2 LOOK BZY. BLOMS

 

[Triskelion]

Strange...how can it have found a stud when there's no wall - oh hello, Captain.

 

[jgdst]

Janeway: I'm only going to ask you once, and I want an answer. Just who the hell are all those people out there?
Doctor: You're joking, right? Think about how many people die on this ship and yet we've always got 150 people.
Janeway: So?
Doctor: My tricorder indicates that you're fertile... if you'd like to get on biobed 1 and I will begin.
Janeway: Begin what?!
Doctor: Please, no talking past this point.

 

[Toban Kal]

Janeway: You lied to me Doctor, those pictures were not part of the physical.
EMH: Well on the bright side captain it did raise crew morale for a while. Now why don't you go out there and give those people a live performance.

 

[Mistral]

EMH: "I'd like to help you, Captain, but as you can see I'm having my nails done, my shoes polished, my back rubbed and my head waxed. These tricorders are handy little things, aren't they?"

 

[Toban Kal]

Doctor will you get off that thing for two minutes and see to these patients. It's been days since you treated anyone.
I'm sorry captain but I'm on a role. I've never gotten onto this level of Tetris before.

 

[Toban Kal]

I don't understand doctor, how can I be pregnant?
Apparently captain, 7of9's Borg nanoprobes can exchange genetic material just like human sperm.
I knew I should have just sent her to the holodeck for sexual education.

 

[Toban Kal]

amazing what these new tricorder's detect captain. I had no idea you had a mole on your...
Say another word and I'll have your program deleated.

 

[Triskelion]

You do need urgent stress therapy, Captain.
Doctor I'll have you reprogrammed for this.
Tut tut, Doctor's orders. The train's ready Captain.
Ok, but these are too many people for my holodeck program Under Seige II.

 

[Lucy of Nine]

Janeway: "Prognosis, Doctor?"

The Doctor: "Well, going by previous data, this caption competition won't be judged for another 3 and half weeks."

Janeway : "Damn."

Janeway : An Update, Doctor?

Doctor : Well, according to these readings, we've lost him, Captain. I'm sorry... but Killer Koinek is dead.

Janeway : Damn. Means this caption contest is never going to be judged...

 

[Drob]

Trichorder: <beep beep> growler detected