So what's the next step?

[Trekker4747]

I join an IRL dating service.

I get my first "match" and call her and we talk for a good 90 minutes or so Saturday night. When we end the conversation the girl asks me if I want to talk with her again, I say yes, and there's some banter on what to prepare myself for on the next call -as for topics to discuss.

I called her last night, left her a message on her voice-mail, and here I am a full day later and no response. So now what?

The ball is in her court, right? I called HER, she wasn't with her phone, I leave a message, it's up to her to call me back. If I call her, again, isn't that being desperate? Maybe even pestering her?

Should I continue to wait for her return call? Give a couple more days and call her again?

WHAT DO I DO?!??!?

 

[Captain X]

Sit and wait, she's probably just busy. Relax, and let things come as they may.

 

[Squiggy]

Call her late, call her often. It'll show you're dedicated and chicks totally dig that.

 

[JonathonWally]

If you talked to her Saturday night, then called her yesterday, Monday, then that was too soon. You need to wait it out bro.

 

[Goji]

PANIC!!!!!!!!!

Someone had to say it. I wanted it to be me.

Seriously though, good luck Trekker. I wouldn't really know what to do either, but relaxing a bit would probably help.

 

[opali]

If you talked to her Saturday night, then called her yesterday, Monday, then that was too soon. You need to wait it out bro.

I agree. Wait. Ninety minutes sounds like a nice conversation and she did say she wanted you to call her back. She will probably call you back soon.

 

[RandyS]

Wait two more days, then call again. If necessary, leave another message. Whatever you do, don't sound needy. Women hate that. Trust me, I found out the hard way.

 

[Peacemaker]

Hmmmm

You're right - don't look desperate. That's not sexy.

On the other hand, one day isn't a big issue. People get busy. You don't know her schedule. Follow the 3 day rule.

My process works like this:

When you get a phone number - call. Assuming you "click" on the phone, exchange emails.

First email- play it cool. Bill it as a "test email" to be sure the email given is correct. (It's all about illusion, baby).

They should respond back.

Do emails for a few days.

Call again.

Email

Call

That's enough to screen the other person and enough contact to warrant a real life date/meeting.

If it's just coffee - cool.
If it's a date (eg. more expensive), even better.

If coffee, set up a date.
If a date, try to set up a second.

and so on.

Whatever you do, be cool. By the 2nd RL meeting, the other person should be asking you out too, not vice versa.

Works for me at least.

 

[Trekker4747]

If you talked to her Saturday night, then called her yesterday, Monday, then that was too soon. You need to wait it out bro.

I agree. Wait. Ninety minutes sounds like a nice conversation and she did say she wanted you to call her back. She will probably call you back soon.

She was fun and flirty and we seemed to have some similar interests and personality traits.

There's just one thing that kind of itches at me a bit.

She has a child. A one-year-old son.

I'm not sure how I'd feel about getting serious with someone with a kid. I just really don't want to raise someone else's kid and if I land into a permanet/long-term relationship with someone I want to have that "no kids" time before, well, having kids.

I mean, if this can and does get serious it'll be fine as (despite surface posting here) I like kids. I just... I dunno.

Sigh.

She sounded great though.

:ugh:

 

[Entcv65]

Since you have brought up the fact that she has a one year old, my question is always "So where is the father" If you get involved just remember you will most likely have to deal with him in some way for a very long time. Just something to think about.....

 

[Trekker4747]

Since you have brought up the fact that she has a one year old, my question is always "So where is the father" If you get involved just remember you will most likely have to deal with him in some way for a very long time. Just something to think about.....

She talked briefly about him but the impression I got from her is that it's a tense subject and she wasn't at the time open to discussing him much, she has full custody of the child and occasionaly arranges time for the kid with the father and he pays her child support.

 

[opali]

If you talked to her Saturday night, then called her yesterday, Monday, then that was too soon. You need to wait it out bro.

I agree. Wait. Ninety minutes sounds like a nice conversation and she did say she wanted you to call her back. She will probably call you back soon.

She was fun and flirty and we seemed to have some similar interests and personality traits.

There's just one thing that kind of itches at me a bit.

She has a child. A one-year-old son.

I'm not sure how I'd feel about getting serious with someone with a kid. I just really don't want to raise someone else's kid and if I land into a permanet/long-term relationship with someone I want to have that "no kids" time before, well, having kids.

I mean, if this can and does get serious it'll be fine as (despite surface posting here) I like kids. I just... I dunno.

Sigh.

She sounded great though.

:ugh:

Well, I think she sounds fun. And you definitely sound more cheerful than you did the other day... Good for you.

Having kids myself, I can tell you all kinds of stuff can crop up to prevent her calling you back...illness or just being busy and then exhausted.

So I wouldn't worry too much about the phone call then. I like Randy S's idea of waiting and then calling casually.

However, if you are feeling reticent about her baby, then I would suggest taking it very very slow to give yourself time to work out your feelings. She has a lot of responsibility, and this little guy is going to be two and then school age and then a teenager....etc. So whoever is in his mom's life is going to be a big factor in his/ her life as well. Just my two cents.

 

[Entcv65]

One other item you should consider is that if she is a responsible mom she will always put her child ahead of you. Question is can you deal with being "number 2" ?

 

[Ashu]

My advice? Calm your freaking hormones and breathe. It's called patience.

 

[ShamelessMcBundy]

My advice? Calm your freaking hormones and breathe. It's called patience.

How dare you use logic against a man.

 

[Ashu]

My advice? Calm your freaking hormones and breathe. It's called patience.

How dare you use logic against a man.

Against a man? Or in an attempt to make him see he's trying a bit too hard?

 

[ShamelessMcBundy]

My advice? Calm your freaking hormones and breathe. It's called patience.

How dare you use logic against a man.

Against a man? Or in an attempt to make him see he's trying a bit too hard?

Well both, really.

 

[Peacemaker]

Whatever you do buy her a diamond!

 

[ria 75]

Wait. If she doesn't get back to you, either give up or call her after a few days, in case it was a misunderstanding. (Technical problem.)
With dating services, people may come back to you after considering other people... One is not alone in the race.

And don't start worrying about the kid until it is certain you're dating her.

 

[Locutus of Bored]

Hack her account, get all her personal information, and then show up at her house by surprise with pics of her and her kid around town taken with a telephoto lens. Women like it when you go the extra mile like that, and pictures are the gift that keeps on giving.

You need something that says "I don't want to rush things, but I might just murder you if you don't share my love."