Funniest quotes
- Thread starter Captain Ryan
- Start date
Oh man, how could I have forgotten that one? Or Quark and Garak's root beer conversation from the same episode.
"It's so cloying, and bubbly, and happy."
"Just like the Federation."
Marian
Kirk, in A Piece of the Action: "Spock, what are the odds of getting a Royal Fizzbin?"
Spock: "I have never computed them, Captain."
Spock, later on in A Piece of the Action: "I'd advise yas ta keep dialin', Oxmyx."
Spock: "I have never computed them, Captain."
Spock, later on in A Piece of the Action: "I'd advise yas ta keep dialin', Oxmyx."
I don't think I'd count that as funny, but more of an interesting outside insight into the Federation. We're natural disposed to thinking of them as the good guys and that all they do is great because humanity seems to be the driving force, but that little conversation just opens your eyes into thinking about whether the Federation really is all that great.
"Mr. WOOF!"
Doctor nad Mark II:
"What are you waiting for? Shoot! Shoot!"
"There are so many controls..."
"Find the one that says 'fire' and push it!"
"It's not working. It says here the phasers are off-line."
"Well, then fire a torpedo! (the Prometheus fires a torpedo that hits a Defiant-class ship) You hit the wrong ship!"
"It wasn't my fault!"
"Well then whose fault was it, the torpedo's? You're supposed to tell it what to do!"
Worf and Data:
Data: "May I ask a personal favor?"
Worf: "Yes."
Data: "Will you take care of Spot for me?"
...
Worf: "Of course. Spot, come here."
Data: "He will need to be fed once a day. He prefers feline supplement number 25."
Worf: "I understand."
Data: "And he will require water, and you must provide him with a sand box. And you must talk to him. Tell him he is a pretty cat ... and a good cat."
Worf: "I will feed him."
Data: "Perhaps that will be enough."
"What are you waiting for? Shoot! Shoot!"
"There are so many controls..."
"Find the one that says 'fire' and push it!"
"It's not working. It says here the phasers are off-line."
"Well, then fire a torpedo! (the Prometheus fires a torpedo that hits a Defiant-class ship) You hit the wrong ship!"
"It wasn't my fault!"
"Well then whose fault was it, the torpedo's? You're supposed to tell it what to do!"
Worf and Data:
Data: "May I ask a personal favor?"
Worf: "Yes."
Data: "Will you take care of Spot for me?"
...
Worf: "Of course. Spot, come here."
Data: "He will need to be fed once a day. He prefers feline supplement number 25."
Worf: "I understand."
Data: "And he will require water, and you must provide him with a sand box. And you must talk to him. Tell him he is a pretty cat ... and a good cat."
Worf: "I will feed him."
Data: "Perhaps that will be enough."
Hee. That's kind of like the conversation I have with my Dad when he's going to be cat-sitting for me!
Oh, Take Me Out to the Holosuite is a hum-dinger:
O'Brien: I'm not eating, I'm chewing.
Bashir: Chewing what?
O'Brien: Gum. It's traditional. I had the replicator create some.
Bashir: And they just... chewed it?
O'Brien: They infused the gum with flavor.
Bashir: What flavor did you infuse it with?
O'Brien: Scotch.
Also...
Sisko: All right, Niners! Let's hear some chatter!
Kasidy: Hey batter, batter, batter!!!
Leeta: Hey batter, batter, batter!!!
Worf: Death to the Opposition!
And...
O'Brien: Nog! He didn't touch the base!
Nog: What do I do?!
Worf: Find him and kill him!!
Oh, Worf. I love you so!
O'Brien: I'm not eating, I'm chewing.
Bashir: Chewing what?
O'Brien: Gum. It's traditional. I had the replicator create some.
Bashir: And they just... chewed it?
O'Brien: They infused the gum with flavor.
Bashir: What flavor did you infuse it with?
O'Brien: Scotch.
Also...
Sisko: All right, Niners! Let's hear some chatter!
Kasidy: Hey batter, batter, batter!!!
Leeta: Hey batter, batter, batter!!!
Worf: Death to the Opposition!
And...
O'Brien: Nog! He didn't touch the base!
Nog: What do I do?!
Worf: Find him and kill him!!
Oh, Worf. I love you so!
(examining the twins' science project at the first annual Voyager Science Fair)
JANEWAY: Why potatoes?
SEVEN: Their first idea was to clone Naomi, but I suggested they start with something... smaller.
------------------------------
BASHIR: I can't believe you're not pressing charges.
GARAK: Constable Odo and Captain Sisko expressed similar concern, but really, Doctor, there was no harm done.
BASHIR: They broke seven of your transverse ribs and fractured your clavicle.
GARAK: But I got off several cutting remarks that no doubt did serious damage to their egos.
BASHIR: Garak, it's not funny.
GARAK: I'm serious, Doctor. Thanks to your ministrations, I'm almost completely healed. The damage I did to them will last a lifetime.
JANEWAY: Why potatoes?
SEVEN: Their first idea was to clone Naomi, but I suggested they start with something... smaller.
------------------------------
BASHIR: I can't believe you're not pressing charges.
GARAK: Constable Odo and Captain Sisko expressed similar concern, but really, Doctor, there was no harm done.
BASHIR: They broke seven of your transverse ribs and fractured your clavicle.
GARAK: But I got off several cutting remarks that no doubt did serious damage to their egos.
BASHIR: Garak, it's not funny.
GARAK: I'm serious, Doctor. Thanks to your ministrations, I'm almost completely healed. The damage I did to them will last a lifetime.
Fantastic quotes, especially the Worf ones that make the game a bit more "lethal".
"Who's watching Tolar?"
"I've locked him in his quarters. I've also left him with the distinct impression that if he attempts to force the door open, it may explode."
"I hope that's just an impression."
"It's best not to dwell on such minutiae."
Garak and Sisko In the Pale Moonlight
"I've locked him in his quarters. I've also left him with the distinct impression that if he attempts to force the door open, it may explode."
"I hope that's just an impression."
"It's best not to dwell on such minutiae."
Garak and Sisko In the Pale Moonlight
Pretty much everything Odo says when he's umpiring the baseball game. 
BASHIR: Miles?
O'BRIEN: (weary) Yeah?
BASHIR: It's working. I'm having a vision... about
the future... I can see it so clearly...
O'BRIEN: What is it?
BASHIR: (smiles) I'm going to kill Worf. That's what
I'm going to do. I'm going to kill Worf. It's all so
clear to me now. Kill Worf... kill Worf...
O'BRIEN: (weary) Yeah?
BASHIR: It's working. I'm having a vision... about
the future... I can see it so clearly...
O'BRIEN: What is it?
BASHIR: (smiles) I'm going to kill Worf. That's what
I'm going to do. I'm going to kill Worf. It's all so
clear to me now. Kill Worf... kill Worf...
That's right! Chekov was off looking for the nuclear wessels.
Odo: "Come on, Quark, you should be at the emergency shelter by now."
Quark: "I'm not going to any emergency shelter. This is my bar, and I'm going to defend it!"
Odo: "Oh? And how are you going to do that?"
Quark: "With this!" (he holds up a small box)
Odo: "You're going to hit the Klingons with a box."
Quark: "No, this is my disruptor pistol. The one I used to carry when I served on that Ferengi freighter."
Odo: "I thought you were the ship's cook...?"
Quark: "I was. Every member of that crew thought he was a food critic. If the Klingons try to get in here, they're going to have to get by me!" (he flips the box open)
Odo: (picks up a note inside) "Dear Quark, I used parts of your disruptor to fix the replicators, will return them soon. Rom."
Quark: "Give me that---! I will kill him!"
Odo: "With what?"
From memory. Can't do that with many exchanges (anymore), but that one....
Quark: "I'm not going to any emergency shelter. This is my bar, and I'm going to defend it!"
Odo: "Oh? And how are you going to do that?"
Quark: "With this!" (he holds up a small box)
Odo: "You're going to hit the Klingons with a box."
Quark: "No, this is my disruptor pistol. The one I used to carry when I served on that Ferengi freighter."
Odo: "I thought you were the ship's cook...?"
Quark: "I was. Every member of that crew thought he was a food critic. If the Klingons try to get in here, they're going to have to get by me!" (he flips the box open)
Odo: (picks up a note inside) "Dear Quark, I used parts of your disruptor to fix the replicators, will return them soon. Rom."
Quark: "Give me that---! I will kill him!"
Odo: "With what?"
From memory. Can't do that with many exchanges (anymore), but that one....
I am not familiar with this quote, which series is it from?
TOS - "A Piece of the Action", if I'm not mistaken.I am not familiar with this quote, which series is it from?
http://tos.trekcore.com/gallery/albums/2x17/pieceoftheaction_342.jpg
From The Voyage Home:
Gillian: "You guys like Italian?"
Spock: "No."
Kirk: "Yes."
Spock: "No."
Kirk: "Yes."
Spock: "No."
Kirk: "I... love Italian---and so do you."
Spock: "Yes."
From First Contact:
Zefram Cochrane: "I'm gonna go take a leak."
Geordi: (looks around) "Leak? I'm not detecting any leak."
Zefram Cochrane: "Don't you people in the 24th century ever pee?"
Geordi: "Ohhhhh...Leak."
From Disaster:
Worf: "The computer simulation was not like this! That birth was very orderly!"
Keiko: "Well, I'm sorry!"
Gillian: "You guys like Italian?"
Spock: "No."
Kirk: "Yes."
Spock: "No."
Kirk: "Yes."
Spock: "No."
Kirk: "I... love Italian---and so do you."
Spock: "Yes."
From First Contact:
Zefram Cochrane: "I'm gonna go take a leak."
Geordi: (looks around) "Leak? I'm not detecting any leak."
Zefram Cochrane: "Don't you people in the 24th century ever pee?"
Geordi: "Ohhhhh...Leak."
From Disaster:
Worf: "The computer simulation was not like this! That birth was very orderly!"
Keiko: "Well, I'm sorry!"
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