Funniest quotes

[Krieg1981]

If you prick me, do I not......leak?
Data, TNG episode "The Naked Now"(an otherwise crappy episode)

 

[opali]

So many good quotes so far!

"The Man Trap" 1966

Mr. Spock: Miss Uhura, your last sub-space log contained an error in the frequencies column.
Uhura: Mr Spock, sometimes I think if I hear that word frequency once more I'll cry.
Spock: Cry?
Uhura: I was just trying to start a conversation.
Spock: Well, since it is illogical for a communications officer to resent the word 'frequency', I have no answer.
Uhura: No, you have an answer. I'm an illogical women whose beginning to feel too much part of that communications consul. Why don't you tell me I'm an attractive young lady or ask me if I've ever been in love? Tell me how your planet Vulcan looks on a lazy evening when the moon is full.
Spock: Vulcan has no moon, Ms Uhuru.
Uhura: I'm not surprised, Mr Spock.

 

[Amasov]

Qpid

Worf: I protest. I am NOT a merry man!

The Outrageous Okana

Guinan: Data, you spoiled the joke. Now, it could've been your timing.
Data: My timing is digital.

The Corbomite Maneuver

McCoy: What am I, a doctor, or a moon shuttle conductor?! If I jumped everytime a light came on around here, I'll end up talking to myself. (Which of course he is.)

Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home

McCoy: You mean I have to die to discuss your insights on death?
Spock: Forgive me, doctor. I am receiving a number of distress calls.
McCoy: I don't doubt it.

Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country

Chang: To Be or Not To Be - that is the question which preoccupies our people, Captain Kirk. We need breathing room.
Kirk: Earth, Hitler, 1938.
Chang: I beg your pardon?

I always get a huge laugh out of this. I love how the entire table is at a deadpan stare directly at Kirk after he says that.

Spock: There is an old Vulcan proverb; "Only Nixon could go to China."

 

[Elder Knight]

I apoligize for not reading the entire folder, but when Dr. McCoy suggests that tribbles are "bisexual," I suspect he means "asexual."

 

[drasche]

TNG's Half a life began with this:

Counselor Deanna Troi, personal log, stardate 44805.3. My mother is on board.

 

[Tasha Yar]

Worf to Data (regarding Spot): "I will feed him."

 

[sojourner]

awwww c'mon! no one has said "Get this cheese to sickbay"? perhaps the funniest and worst line at the same time?

 

[Dale]

It was unintentional, but Kurn is addressing Worf in a bar and says "Is there nothing in your heart but doody?!" Obviously, it was "duty," but I always choose to hear it my way.

"Are you out of your Vulcan mind?!" puts my little brother on the floor every time.

 

[Krieg1981]

"McCoy: It's a song, you green-blooded...Vulcan. You sing it. The words aren't important. What's important is that you have a good time singing it.
Spock: Oh, I am sorry, Doctor. Were we having a good time?
McCoy: God, I liked him better before he died."

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Picard (with Lwaxana sitting on his lap): Take us to Betazed...WARP NINE!

 

[CDP]

Damar: Sir! 200 enemy ships have just broken through our lines! They're heading this way!
Weyoun: Time to start packing!

& one of my personal favourites:

20 INT. DOMINION BRIEFING ROOM

Damar is sitting at a console with his feet up and having a glass of kanar when WEYOUN EIGHT ENTERS. At the sight of the new Weyoun, Damar bursts out laughing, much to Weyoun's displeasure.

Two N.D. Cardassians are working consoles in the b.g.

DAMAR

Well. Hello.

WEYOUN

I'm glad you find the death of my predecessor so amusing.

DAMAR

You misjudge me. I miss him deeply.

(lifts bottle)
Here -- let's drink to Weyoun Seven.

Weyoun makes no move to take him up on his offer.

WEYOUN

When will the prisoners be executed?

DAMAR

When their trial is completed. The legal protocols must be observed.

WEYOUN

When?

DAMAR

The execution is scheduled for tomorrow afternoon. Fourteen hundred hours.

WEYOUN

Have they signed the confessions?

DAMAR

No.
(beat)
Maybe you should talk to Worf again.

Damar laughs again, and Weyoun simmers.

 

[S'kai]

Maybe too silly and obvious, but someone reminded me of it yesterday:

GENERATIONS:

As the crippled Enterprise careens through the atmosphere of Veridian, at the helm:

Data: oh S-H-I-T ! ! !