Blue Warp Nacelles?

[pookha]

And, speaking of Nemesis. (Thanks for the segue.)

oh no cough cough cough

you know those dress uniforms do make them look like crew on a cruise ship.

 

[Bak_and_Blue]

And, speaking of Nemesis. (Thanks for the segue.)

9 movies down. 1 to go.

I honestly thought this thread couldn't get any better.

 

[Swarles Barkley]

And, speaking of Nemesis. (Thanks for the segue.)

9 movies down. 1 to go.

Bravo to you, Admiral! Bravo!

 

[Rat Boy]

The Guinan and Worf ones were the best.

 

[captcalhoun]

which movie is left to do?

 

[AdmiralGarak]

First Contact.

We had a great still image from it on the previous page, but no animated scenes yet.

 

[Rabittooth]

which movie is left to do?

Hey Cap...

-Rabittooth

 

[Rowan Sjet]

The Guinan and Worf ones were the best.

I also quite liked Wesley's sombrero "evolving to a higher plane of existence".

 

[captcalhoun]

First Contact.

We had a great still image from it on the previous page, but no animated scenes yet.

i thought it was VI...

 

[Jon1701]

Almost no feedback on this? You must have something to say, even if it's criticism. I can take it.

Okay, here goes:

While there were bits I liked about it, particularly the black/white divisions on the sombreros matching up with those on Bele and Lokai's faces, the main impression I get is that it tried to put in too much. It would have benefited, I think, from being a lot shorter and from getting by on far less textual and visual content.

If you look at Star Trek: The Sombrero, six feature-length films, plus opening and closing credits and framing, clock in at a total running time of 5:21, while yours does a single episode in only about 30 seconds less.

What you need to do, perhaps, is to work out what is the essence of the story you want to tell -- not the episode itself, because that already exists, but your condensed parody version of it -- and figure out what you need at a bare minimum to get it across, both in pictures and in words. You could possibly take what you have already and try to trim it down --some of the music, nearly all of the text, and a lot of the extra bits like the Red Alert flasher would need to go -- but I suspect it would be better to start at the beginning and cherry-pick only those most important, basic, essential bits you need. Rather than re-tell the whole story, convey a sense of it, as simply and in as stripped-down a fashion as you can. Boom-boom-boom, and out.

Some of these may give clues in how to reduce scenes to a few lines, (or even to omit them entirely) and then remember that the use of pictures and audio will squeeze out most of even your reduced text.

Difficult? Oh, yeah. But it can be done.

"Less is more," "Brevity is the soul of wit," and all that jazz.

I appreciate the response. I thought about it being too long (that's why I kept it under 5 minutes). I wasn't making my story however. My goal was to make a parody of the existing episode. I did leave most of it out. The entire subplot about decontaminating the planet Ariannus, the sequence when Lokai and Kirk argue in sick bay, all of Lokai's efforts to win over the crew, and more. But I wanted to keep the conflict between Bele and Lokai intact. And I thought the little touches like the shuttlebay and the red alert added "production value". I was trying to give it the feel of a Star Trek episode but still a parody. Anyway, those were my thoughts, but apparenty you're right because it didn't go over very well. Thanks again for the input.

Carpe, don't beat yourself up. You put in a fantastic amount of work there. Must have taken you a while. I know how long these things can take.

I liked it, but I think M'sharak was right - it ran a little long. I particulary enjoyed the "I'm a doctor not a haberdasher" and "This ship is not a fashion runway" lines. There are some great gags in there, just trim off some of the fat.

See if you can get it down to 2 minutes.

 

[Jon1701]

And, speaking of Nemesis. (Thanks for the segue.)

oh no cough cough cough

you know those dress uniforms do make them look like crew on a cruise ship.

Time to pass the torch to the next generation...

Indeed. And so, I give you a tribute to TighsEye, TheLonleySquire, and all the others who can't wait for this whole thing to be over:

Brilliant work there folks... I go away for the weekend and this????

Can't believe this thread is still going...

 

[AdmiralGarak]

First Contact.

We had a great still image from it on the previous page, but no animated scenes yet.

i thought it was VI...

The final battle from ST6 was sombrerofied for the Youtube movie.

 

[26138]

And, speaking of Nemesis. (Thanks for the segue.)

9 movies down. 1 to go.

Wow, I think this thread has just gotten better, if that was possible!

 

[Hopeful Romantic]

Indeed. And so, I give you a tribute to TighsEye, TheLonleySquire, and all the others who can't wait for this whole thing to be over:

And, speaking of Nemesis. (Thanks for the segue.)

9 movies down. 1 to go.

Ohhhh, my sides hurt from laughing too much...

More, please.

 

[Gepard]

More, please.

What's that you say? More?

 

[Jon1701]

More, please.

What's that you say? More?

Even a holographic toblerone can kill...

 

[AdmiralGarak]

Brilliant!


I love that "¡Oh, mierda!" made it into all of the TNG parodies.

 

[AdmiralGarak]

Even a holographic toblerone can kill...

Now you see why Sombrerofleet scrapped their inferior PEZ-based weaponry.

 

[Gepard]

Even a holographic toblerone can kill...

"Aren't you dead?"

 

[Carpe Occasio]

Okay, here goes:

While there were bits I liked about it, particularly the black/white divisions on the sombreros matching up with those on Bele and Lokai's faces, the main impression I get is that it tried to put in too much. It would have benefited, I think, from being a lot shorter and from getting by on far less textual and visual content.

If you look at Star Trek: The Sombrero, six feature-length films, plus opening and closing credits and framing, clock in at a total running time of 5:21, while yours does a single episode in only about 30 seconds less.

What you need to do, perhaps, is to work out what is the essence of the story you want to tell -- not the episode itself, because that already exists, but your condensed parody version of it -- and figure out what you need at a bare minimum to get it across, both in pictures and in words. You could possibly take what you have already and try to trim it down --some of the music, nearly all of the text, and a lot of the extra bits like the Red Alert flasher would need to go -- but I suspect it would be better to start at the beginning and cherry-pick only those most important, basic, essential bits you need. Rather than re-tell the whole story, convey a sense of it, as simply and in as stripped-down a fashion as you can. Boom-boom-boom, and out.

Some of these may give clues in how to reduce scenes to a few lines, (or even to omit them entirely) and then remember that the use of pictures and audio will squeeze out most of even your reduced text.

Difficult? Oh, yeah. But it can be done.

"Less is more," "Brevity is the soul of wit," and all that jazz.

I appreciate the response. I thought about it being too long (that's why I kept it under 5 minutes). I wasn't making my story however. My goal was to make a parody of the existing episode. I did leave most of it out. The entire subplot about decontaminating the planet Ariannus, the sequence when Lokai and Kirk argue in sick bay, all of Lokai's efforts to win over the crew, and more. But I wanted to keep the conflict between Bele and Lokai intact. And I thought the little touches like the shuttlebay and the red alert added "production value". I was trying to give it the feel of a Star Trek episode but still a parody. Anyway, those were my thoughts, but apparenty you're right because it didn't go over very well. Thanks again for the input.

Carpe, don't beat yourself up. You put in a fantastic amount of work there. Must have taken you a while. I know how long these things can take.

I liked it, but I think M'sharak was right - it ran a little long. I particulary enjoyed the "I'm a doctor not a haberdasher" and "This ship is not a fashion runway" lines. There are some great gags in there, just trim off some of the fat.

See if you can get it down to 2 minutes.

No worries. I'll probably get around to cutting it down, but I think the moment is lost. Glad you liked some of it. Thanks.