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Blue Warp Nacelles?

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star said:
71 pages... I just read through 71 pages...

and pee'd my pants! :guffaw:

Keep up the hilarity, folks. :techman:
Click to expand...

Then you MUST join the madness...

star2.jpg


:vulcan:

-Rabittooth
 
Carpe Occasio said:
Almost no feedback on this? You must have something to say, even if it's criticism. I can take it.
Click to expand...
Okay, here goes:

While there were bits I liked about it, particularly the black/white divisions on the sombreros matching up with those on Bele and Lokai's faces, the main impression I get is that it tried to put in too much. It would have benefited, I think, from being a lot shorter and from getting by on far less textual and visual content.

If you look at Star Trek: The Sombrero, six feature-length films, plus opening and closing credits and framing, clock in at a total running time of 5:21, while yours does a single episode in only about 30 seconds less.

What you need to do, perhaps, is to work out what is the essence of the story you want to tell -- not the episode itself, because that already exists, but your condensed parody version of it -- and figure out what you need at a bare minimum to get it across, both in pictures and in words. You could possibly take what you have already and try to trim it down --some of the music, nearly all of the text, and a lot of the extra bits like the Red Alert flasher would need to go -- but I suspect it would be better to start at the beginning and cherry-pick only those most important, basic, essential bits you need. Rather than re-tell the whole story, convey a sense of it, as simply and in as stripped-down a fashion as you can. Boom-boom-boom, and out.

Some of these may give clues in how to reduce scenes to a few lines, (or even to omit them entirely) and then remember that the use of pictures and audio will squeeze out most of even your reduced text.

Difficult? Oh, yeah. But it can be done.

"Less is more," "Brevity is the soul of wit," and all that jazz.
 
Rat Boy said:
I really wish my Google and Yahoo searches could come up with the kind of sombreros that everyone else has been using. I guess I'm just stuck with foisting Carl Spock and Diamond Jim Kirk on the world to no avail.
Click to expand...

It's a fiesta of sombreros...

Enjoy:

images_92011copy.png


Sombrerocopy.png


SOMBREROHATcopy.png


Please make good use of them, sir.

Pssst... I found all mine on google -- I just had to get rid of the other stuff in the pictures.

Ole!
 
Rat Boy said:
I really wish my Google and Yahoo searches could come up with the kind of sombreros that everyone else has been using. I guess I'm just stuck with foisting Carl Spock and Diamond Jim Kirk on the world to no avail.
Click to expand...
Most of the sombreros being used (and there actually aren't that many) show up on the first couple of pages in a Google Image search (Moderate) for "sombrero", and the ones which don't seem to be mainly from screenshots of The Three Amigos. The rest, you already know how to do.
 
I've just gotten them off of Google Image. I skipped forward several pages to get a few new ones for my Generations clip. I don't think I've seen the Sombreros I used for Riker, Worf, and the Enterprise-D's saucer around here yet.
 
M'Sharak said:
Carpe Occasio said:
Almost no feedback on this? You must have something to say, even if it's criticism. I can take it.
Click to expand...
Okay, here goes:

While there were bits I liked about it, particularly the black/white divisions on the sombreros matching up with those on Bele and Lokai's faces, the main impression I get is that it tried to put in too much. It would have benefited, I think, from being a lot shorter and from getting by on far less textual and visual content.

If you look at Star Trek: The Sombrero, six feature-length films, plus opening and closing credits and framing, clock in at a total running time of 5:21, while yours does a single episode in only about 30 seconds less.

What you need to do, perhaps, is to work out what is the essence of the story you want to tell -- not the episode itself, because that already exists, but your condensed parody version of it -- and figure out what you need at a bare minimum to get it across, both in pictures and in words. You could possibly take what you have already and try to trim it down --some of the music, nearly all of the text, and a lot of the extra bits like the Red Alert flasher would need to go -- but I suspect it would be better to start at the beginning and cherry-pick only those most important, basic, essential bits you need. Rather than re-tell the whole story, convey a sense of it, as simply and in as stripped-down a fashion as you can. Boom-boom-boom, and out.

Some of these may give clues in how to reduce scenes to a few lines, (or even to omit them entirely) and then remember that the use of pictures and audio will squeeze out most of even your reduced text.

Difficult? Oh, yeah. But it can be done.

"Less is more," "Brevity is the soul of wit," and all that jazz.
Click to expand...


i'd reduce it to showing Bele and Lokai with their sombreros and Kirk's line about sombreros white on one side and black on the other...
 
M'Sharak said:
Carpe Occasio said:
Almost no feedback on this? You must have something to say, even if it's criticism. I can take it.
Click to expand...
Okay, here goes:

While there were bits I liked about it, particularly the black/white divisions on the sombreros matching up with those on Bele and Lokai's faces, the main impression I get is that it tried to put in too much. It would have benefited, I think, from being a lot shorter and from getting by on far less textual and visual content.

If you look at Star Trek: The Sombrero, six feature-length films, plus opening and closing credits and framing, clock in at a total running time of 5:21, while yours does a single episode in only about 30 seconds less.

What you need to do, perhaps, is to work out what is the essence of the story you want to tell -- not the episode itself, because that already exists, but your condensed parody version of it -- and figure out what you need at a bare minimum to get it across, both in pictures and in words. You could possibly take what you have already and try to trim it down --some of the music, nearly all of the text, and a lot of the extra bits like the Red Alert flasher would need to go -- but I suspect it would be better to start at the beginning and cherry-pick only those most important, basic, essential bits you need. Rather than re-tell the whole story, convey a sense of it, as simply and in as stripped-down a fashion as you can. Boom-boom-boom, and out.

Some of these may give clues in how to reduce scenes to a few lines, (or even to omit them entirely) and then remember that the use of pictures and audio will squeeze out most of even your reduced text.

Difficult? Oh, yeah. But it can be done.

"Less is more," "Brevity is the soul of wit," and all that jazz.
Click to expand...

I appreciate the response. I thought about it being too long (that's why I kept it under 5 minutes). I wasn't making my story however. My goal was to make a parody of the existing episode. I did leave most of it out. The entire subplot about decontaminating the planet Ariannus, the sequence when Lokai and Kirk argue in sick bay, all of Lokai's efforts to win over the crew, and more. But I wanted to keep the conflict between Bele and Lokai intact. And I thought the little touches like the shuttlebay and the red alert added "production value". I was trying to give it the feel of a Star Trek episode but still a parody. Anyway, those were my thoughts, but apparenty you're right because it didn't go over very well. Thanks again for the input.
 
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