Contest: ENTER Voyager Caption Contest #247: The One Where Neelix Corrupts an Alien Ambassador

[Ghost of Christmas Future]

Welcome to the all new Star Trek Voyager Caption Contest!

This contest will feature pictures from the 5th season episode of Star Trek Voyager: Someone to Watch Over Me

But first here're the winners of the last contest..

The highly prestigious Best Fart Joke goes to @tharpdevenport with:

Tuvok: "Captain, we have entered the gaseous anomaly, and it appears it has leaked into the Bridge, accounting for the smell, obviously."

Janeway (inner monologue): Riiiiiiiiiigggggggggghhhhhhhhhhtttttttttt.....


@Santa Kang wins the Captain's Choice Award with:

Tuvok: I'm detecting an anaphasic alien on board
Janeway: Where?
Tuvok: Lt. Torres' quarters

@The Hanuk Kai gets Third Prize with:

Picardo: Let me guess: you didn't learn your lines again?
Beltran: No, I didn't.
Picardo: Was it Kate?
Beltran: No.
Picardo: Jeri?
Beltran: No.
Picardo: Roxann?
Beltran: No.
Picardo: Who did this to you?
Beltran: Garrett.
Picardo: You let Garrett Wang beat the crap out of you?
Beltran: Yes.
Picardo: You're luck they let Jennifer go, or else we wouldn't be having this conversation.


@Eagan wins Second Prize with:

How many times do I have to tell you, Captain? You can't do a mind-meld on yourself!


And the winner is @Adventerprise with:

"Oh look, there's the boot from the Star Trek reboot...wait a minute..."


Congratulations to the winners!


Here're the new pictures:

Bonus Picture:

 

[Crazy 4 Xmas Lights]

Scenes from the premiere of
DELTA DISSONANCE: A Voyager Musical

The Emergency Medical Hologram laments about his unfortunate lack of a sobriquet in his touching ballad "If I Only Had a Name"

Prima Donna Seven of Nine wows the audience with her intense rendition of "Lament of the Assimilated"

The EMH and Seven duet "Holographic Dreams", a song of hope for a future where even Borg and holograms have their place in galactic society.

Antagonists Xuxuxia, Gzrrrrrt of Melancholia, and Bulgalorix laughingly taunt the Doctor in the acclaimed villain song "Photons Will Never Be Free".

Captain Janeway gives a speech to the audience following the premiere, thanking them for their patronage and urging them to be generous in their donations, preferably of dilithium, photon torpedoes, or fresh coffee.

After drinking a quart of Romulan ale, Tuvok lets his Vulcan reserve slip long enough to belt out his version of "I am the Very Model of a Vulcan Major General" at the late night after-party.

 

[Adventerprise]

Doctor: "Want to take a selfie with me?"
Seven: "That would be acceptable. Am I to provide the camera?"
Doctor: "Blast. I knew I forgot something."

Janeway: "We'll be home soon. Keep those chins up."
Neelix: "All of them?"
Tuvok: "My neck is beginning to ache."

 

[The Hanuk Kai]

@Spirit of Christmas Futur , thanks for the win!

Tim Russ, singing: Please allow me to introduce myself
Ethan Philliips, thinking: The Stones! I love them.
Tim Russ, singing:I’m a man with a ferret’s face
Ethan Philliips, thinking: Ferret face? Who can that be? Robbie’s growing a beard, but that will fill in.
Tim Russ, singing:I was reborn when Janeway/Ripped me from Tuvok’s headspace
Ethan Philliips, thinking: Maybe this was a show reference, that one where Suder possesses Tuvok.
Tim Russ, singing:I got my broth/from the blood bank
Ethan Philliips, thinking: Oof! I don’t think Meld was that bloody.
Tim Russ, singing:as the water boiled/and the hair pasta stank
Ethan Philliips, thinking: Of course, it was just prop food that sat around all day. Everyone hated working with that stuff.
Tim Russ, singing:Please to me you/I hope you guess my name
Ethan Philliips, thinking: OK, not one of Tim’s better parody songs
Jeri Ryan, thinking: Ethan doesn’t realize it’s about him. What a shmoe!

 

[tharpdevenport]

"But why is your cook greeting me?"

Janeway: "I'm weird that way."

"You dressed up, your security officer dressed up, the cook dressed up, but what -- the transporter operator is too good for me?"

Janeway: "Aaahhh ... initiate: James T. Kirk Transporter Operation Failure sequence!"



And since I win nearly all the Fart Joke awards, I might as well strive to win again with this entry:

Doctor: "...and as you can see, the shock wave and gasses from Mr. Tuvok's flatulence are so powerful, it's rendering nearby crew members impotent."

7 of 69: "I'm practicing the 'oral technique' from the Doctor's second lesson."

Doctor (imitating Groucho Marx): "Oh yeah, I want a second opinion! And the doctor says: And you're ugly, too!"

PAUSE AFTER NO REACTION

Doctor: "What?"

7 of 9: "I am still waiting for the humorous punchline. Given this amount of delay, I don't believe this will be comedic timing."

The threesome video you NEVER WANT TO SEE.

Tim Russ: Singing, "Last Christmas, I gave you my fart, but the very next day, you blew it away. This year to save you some tears, I'll give it to somebody spcial..."

 

[Leviathan]

Admiral Ackbar: It's a trap!

 

[The Hanuk Kai]

EMH: ... and when the sperm inserts itself into the egg, what to we get? (singing) "Lifeforms, you little lifeforms, ..."
Seven of Nine: Are you using Data to train your AI?

 

[Santa Kang]

Seven: This method seems inefficient and a waste of resources.

Once again Janeway found herself falling asleep in church as the sermon droned on and one.

 

[The Hanuk Kai]

Seven of Nine: The one who came before me was named Kes.
EMH: Y-y-yes.
Seven: She was four years old, but had the mind of a mature woman.
EMH: Y-y-es.
Seven: She even experienced marriage and childbirth in another reality.
EMH: Y-y-es.
Seven: And you were sexually aroused by her.
EMH: Uhm, uh, y-y-yes.
Seven: I am a physically mature woman, but because I was taken at a young age by the Borg, I have the mental maturity of a child.
EMH: Y-y-yes.
Seven: And sometimes I lash out at people.
EMH: Y-y-yes.
Seven: And you are sexually around by me.
EMH: Uh, in a manner of speaking.
Seven: You even used my body to get sexually aroused, did you not?
EMH: Circumstances could not be helped.
Seven: You have a thing for immature blonds, don't you?
EMH: Well, I wouldn't go that far.
Seven: You taught me the facts of life.
EMH: A lesson you needed with my guidance.
Seven: Couldn't that be considered, ethically if not legally, grooming?
EMH: I'm regretting splitting Tuvix. He'd have my back.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Doctor: "My scans indicate a glow-in-the-dark vibrating Penisrock is stuck up there. Should I ask?"

7 of 69: "You should not."




(EDIT: By the way, Goddamn buttfucking communist Google AdSense is keeping us from enjoying the use of the Penisrock like we used to be free to do, yet TWICE yesterday two ads coming threw Google AdSense, features CGI renderings of women sucking cocks. Go figure!)

 

[The Hanuk Kai]

Janeway, under her breath: Tuvok, you look terrible!
Tuvok, under his breath: Captain?
Janeway: Look at that ponch! And are you developing man-boobs?
Tuvok: Sorry, Captain, the cuisine on the ship is getting fattier.
Janeway: Neelix, have you been tinkering with the recipes?
Neelix, under his breath: Captain, I had to. The Windows 25H2 update changed the texture of foods in the replicator. And I couldn’t access any more unless I was willing to grant AI access to my files.
Janeway: Files? I shouldn’t ask.
Neelix: I wouldn’t.
Janeway: Then what happened to the food?
Neelix: The starchy vegetable that makes Plomeek soup so rich isn’t available any more. I had to find a substitute fat.
Janeway: What did you use?
Neelix: Normally, I would use something Kelpian, but I found a better source.
Tuvok: Did you use animal fat?
Neelix: Don’t worry, Mr. Vulcan, the source was genetically modified and produced in the lab. It will be no tribble at all.
Ambassador: Thank you for having me aboard, Captain Janeway.
Tuvok: I request asylum.
Janeway: Me too.

 

[tharpdevenport]

That moment after entering threw a secret Jeffries tube into the Holodeck 2 when the doors malfunction and you find Ensign Kim making our with a holographic cow...

 

[Crazy 4 Xmas Lights]

^ Mooooooo!

 

[Adventerprise]

The Doctor: "This isn't a "try-corder", it's a "do-corder"."
Seven: "I see your motivational seminar subroutine has been reactivated...*groan*"

Paris: "All right, who re-skinned my Three Stooges holograms?"

The Doctor (offscreen): "Open up the cube and let's assimilate some oatmeal! See, it works."

 

[Ghost of Christmas Future]

Blocked in your Region


FYI - I replaced the imgur image links in the OP with imgbb image links so people in the UK can see them. At least until the next block. Feel free to edit your own posts by copy + pasting the new images into them.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Doctor: "All right, 7, today you lear: Lesson One: Procreation. Any questions so far?"

7 of 9: "Have you in fact ever procreated?"

Doctor: "No, but--"

7 of 9: "So, then you are teaching something you know nothing about."

Doctor: "Correct"

7 of 9: "You do not even have a penis, do you?"

Doctor: "Well, no, but--"

7 of 9: "Insufficient."

Doctor: "I'll have you know I am programmed in multiple techniques, though. And I can generate a holopenis like you've never seen before!"

7 of 9: "Shall I program you a holovagina then?"

 

[Leviathan]

Boimler: (sigh) I'll get my holodeck filter cleaning gloves....again....

 

[Santa Kang]

ALIEN: I'll be in my dressing room. Call me when it's showtime.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Meatloaf desperately hoping his make-up and prosthetics job holds long enough to score with two alien chicks.

 

[Leviathan]

Seven: I could have just read this, we don't need a holodeck.
Doctor: We'll need it for 28 chapters i've prepared on the holodick.