Contest: ENTER Voyager Caption Contest #245: The One With a Sentient Jellyfish In It
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Kirk: "Give me that back penisrock, and give it to me NOW!"
Spock: "Ah, Captain, might I suggest that is not the best phrasing..."
Kirk: "Wait, you're the ships morgue officer. So, you're saying that wasn't a dream, but what will happen, that the three of us would have been in a shuttle, it suddenly exploded and we would habe been all killed, but because I stopped that, Death is coming around and is going to kill all of us in the order we would have originally died?"
Officer William Bludworth: "Correct, Captain."
Kirk: "Huh. So, I saw an explosion indicating an explosion from the back from probably a faulty nacelle. I wonder who died first..."
Red Shirt Ensign: "Oh, crap."
A bit later than usual, but it's story time again!
SEVEN: "I do not have to follow the orders of a hypocritical, murdering captain. Especially one who has old lady fingers."
JANEWAY: "The lousy Borg wench was insubordinate and insulting. So I ripped her brains and spine out with my bare hands."
CHAKOTAY: "Can you put Seven's brain and spine back in her head, Doctor?"
EMH: "I figured out how to separate two beings who were mixed on a molecular level. I think I can handle this."
JANEWAY: "OK, I admit. I went a little far with Seven. But you know I hate it when people say I have old lady fingers. Look at my fingers. Do these look like old lady fingers to you?"
CHAKOTAY: "Well... a little."
HARRY: "Wow. The captain ripped out Seven's entire central nervous system, then she wrenched off one of Commander Chakotay's arms and threw the rest of him out an airlock. Do you think she might come after us?"
TUVOK: "If you refrain from saying anything about her fingers, you should be fine."
SEVEN: "I do not have to follow the orders of a hypocritical, murdering captain. Especially one who has old lady fingers."
JANEWAY: "The lousy Borg wench was insubordinate and insulting. So I ripped her brains and spine out with my bare hands."
CHAKOTAY: "Can you put Seven's brain and spine back in her head, Doctor?"
EMH: "I figured out how to separate two beings who were mixed on a molecular level. I think I can handle this."
JANEWAY: "OK, I admit. I went a little far with Seven. But you know I hate it when people say I have old lady fingers. Look at my fingers. Do these look like old lady fingers to you?"
CHAKOTAY: "Well... a little."
HARRY: "Wow. The captain ripped out Seven's entire central nervous system, then she wrenched off one of Commander Chakotay's arms and threw the rest of him out an airlock. Do you think she might come after us?"
TUVOK: "If you refrain from saying anything about her fingers, you should be fine."
Tuvok: "Oh, and she promoted Seven's brain and spine."
Harry: "The fuck?!"
Harry: "The fuck?!"
Technically, she'd have to commission them first. Just sayin'.
Still 7 of 9. ;-)
But I hear she also promoted the spinless corpse.
But I hear she also promoted the spinless corpse.
Given that Chakotay's frozen, one-armed corpse is floating in space and Janeway's in the brig for putting it there, maybe Tuvok will decide that Harry's a logical choice for a promotion to lieutenant.
You guys wanna take this somewhere else? I got work to do.
Janeway: "Just the person I was hoping to see! Think your Borg implants can help me crack the combination to my coffee safe?"
...wouldn't that be 3/20ths of 9?
Assuming a typical ratio of brain & spine mass to body mass...times 7 of course and rounding up a tad.
Janeway: SSSHHH -- not while I'm cubing. I swear to Zod if I lost track..."
Janeway: "Ordinarily, I'd tell you to stay out of my wardrobe, but that outfit actually looks better on you than it ever did on me, so if you'll excuse me, I think I'll just curl up in a corner and cry."
"Okay, Captain, we've skinned, turned inside out, and allowed the insides to fluff up with water, just as you ordered us to do with Picard's fish."
Mistress Janneway: "Very good. That'll teach him to lecture me about screwing over innocent alien races just to get home faster."
Or maybe...
TOM: "Okay, Captain, we've skinned, turned inside out, and allowed the insides to fluff up with water, just as you ordered us to do with Picard's fish."
JANEWAY: "You idiot! That wasn't the fish! That was Picard himself!"
TOM: "Oops... sorry."
JANEWAY: "You’re demoted to ensign again, this time for good! I'm giving Harry your rank pip!"
HARRY (fist-pumps): "YESSSS!"
TOM: "Okay, Captain, we've skinned, turned inside out, and allowed the insides to fluff up with water, just as you ordered us to do with Picard's fish."
JANEWAY: "You idiot! That wasn't the fish! That was Picard himself!"
TOM: "Oops... sorry."
JANEWAY: "You’re demoted to ensign again, this time for good! I'm giving Harry your rank pip!"
HARRY (fist-pumps): "YESSSS!"
Mistress Janeway: "And I just lost it down a tiny black hole."
Well, he still makes Admiral later on, so 
Threw no fault of Janeway. ;-)
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