I finally have enough material for the next installment of my parody series.
"Modern Trekkies If The Next Generation Was New"
- by
Lord Garth
During the drought of the 1970s, if you ever told me I wouldn't want Star Trek back on the TV with new episodes, I never would've believed you. But now, 10 years later, here we are. If this if what bringing Star Trek back to television means, they should've just stuck with reruns. Where do I even begin?
First of all, I don't mind new characters, but these new characters are so boring! Especially the Captain who has to be Always Right and always has to give a speech.
One point down right off the bat!
While we're at it, the very first episode, and Captain Picard surrenders the ship!
That's two points down so far!
Then there's Q! What a rip-off! I liked him better when he was Trelane! Come up with something original!
Three points down!
"To boldly go where no ONE has gone before"?! They've made Star Trek too PC. It's supposed to be "Where no MAN has gone before"! Man as in MANkind!
Four points down!
What's with this Wesley Crusher? Star Trek is supposed to be about adults! And worse, he makes all the adults look like idiots who can't do their job! Picard even makes him an Acting Ensign! They've obviously aimed this show at children! In my day, kids knew their place!
Five points down.
Why does the Enterprise need a Ship's Counselor? These are supposed to be trained professionals! Why would they have emotional issues? Why would they want to sit around and talk about their feelings?
Six points down!
I can't believe they had McCoy visit the Enterprise! It's nostalgia-bait! This show can't stand on its own! While we're at it, why do we have to have a Klingon on the show! And did you see the Vulcan in the background in Engineering in "Encounter at Farpoint"?
Seven points down!
After the pilot, they started ripping off episodes from the real
Star Trek! In "The Naked Now", the Enterprise gets infected with the Psi-2000 Virus again! "The Naked Time" rip-off! In "Code of Honor", Tasha Yar fights to the death in an arena and they think she died, until she's brought back! "Amok Time" rip-off! The T'Kon Empire in "The Last Outpost" is a rip-off of the Metrons. "Arena" rip-off! And how about "The Big Goodbye" when they play dress-up and fight mobsters, just like "A Piece of the Action"? Another rip-off!
Eight points down!
In "The Battle", how can Riker form a bond with the Ferengi First Officer?! Don't you remember that Picard said in "Encounter at Farpoint" that the Ferengi eat their associates?! THEY'RE CANNIBALS!!! And all the Enterprise does is let them take Daimon Bok in disgrace!
Nine points down!
Last, but not least: Gene Roddenberry has completely forgotten what he wrote in the original series and the new writers have never even seen it! In "Where No One Has Gone Before", the Enterprise travels beyond the galaxy and they don't even approach any type of galactic barrier like in the original series' "Where No MAN Has Gone Before" and "By Another Name"! Data being an Android and someone who they just accept as wanting to become more Human is an insult to everything done before! Have they not seen "What Are Little Girls Made Of?" or "I, Mudd" or "The Ultimate Computer"?! They have no respect for the original show! HOW DARE THEY REPLACE THE ORIGINAL CHARACTERS!!!!!!!!
Kirk and Spock forever!!!!!
10 points down!!!!!!!!!!!!
On a scale of 1 to 10, I give
Star Trek: The Next Generation a 0. A ZERO!!!! If it ain't broke, don't fix it! This new show makes even the worst parts of the old show look like gold! It'll never last! Never! Boycott this series at every turn until it's gone!
It's the Trekkie thing to do.
See Also:
Modern Trekkies if The Animated Series Was New
Modern Trekkies If The Wrath of Khan Was New
Modern Trekkies if The Search for Spock Was New
