Funerals....a load of bollocks???
- Thread starter ED-209
- Start date
The problem is that the person who pre-paid their own funeral is no longer there to protest. Also, they don't give a damn about repeat business.
With consolidation, the original funeral home is probably under a different owner.
Usually the pre-paid plans are just an insurance policy. What really isn't known is the actually value of the policy when it is utilized. I'm sure most of these policies are worth more than the cost of arrangements.
Usually the pre-paid plans are just an insurance policy. What really isn't known is the actually value of the policy when it is utilized. I'm sure most of these policies are worth more than the cost of arrangements.
Having recently lost a friend, I've been thinking on this more. Whether there's a traditional funeral, or a wake, or whatever, it's important for there to be *something*. We're communal creatures and need a way to grieve and celebrate together, or I think we don't really manage to do so.
With COVID last year, a friend who lost her dad never got to say goodbye and grieve in community, and neither did her mom. My mother-in-law had a mass said on the anniversary of my sister-in-law's death last Friday. She finally got a little closure. My SIL's husband was also there. He was apparently quite a mess, but I hope this allowed him to truly grieve and start moving forward.
For my friend Adam, we're working on having some kind of memorial. There may be an in-person and an online, or both together, we've barely started planning, but people seem to need it.
We're also trying to help his disabled mom with things she needs to survive. So much needs to be done that I never even thought of! I hope this will help me when one of my parents passes.
So yes, planning is Good.
With COVID last year, a friend who lost her dad never got to say goodbye and grieve in community, and neither did her mom. My mother-in-law had a mass said on the anniversary of my sister-in-law's death last Friday. She finally got a little closure. My SIL's husband was also there. He was apparently quite a mess, but I hope this allowed him to truly grieve and start moving forward.
For my friend Adam, we're working on having some kind of memorial. There may be an in-person and an online, or both together, we've barely started planning, but people seem to need it.
We're also trying to help his disabled mom with things she needs to survive. So much needs to be done that I never even thought of! I hope this will help me when one of my parents passes.
So yes, planning is Good.
Remember also that a big part of why we have funerals is for the sake of those who survive us. While we should be the ones who choose how our remains are treated (within reason), if our family and friends want the closure of a wake or funeral, an opportunity to say goodbye... that's not a bad thing.
While we should be able to block certain things, such as a casket or mausoleum when we just wanted to be cremated, we can't necessarily dictate everything that happens. But there's no harm in educating those who come after us that funeral homes are businesses, and the point of a business is to make a profit.
While we should be able to block certain things, such as a casket or mausoleum when we just wanted to be cremated, we can't necessarily dictate everything that happens. But there's no harm in educating those who come after us that funeral homes are businesses, and the point of a business is to make a profit.
On a somewhat related note, one of the best friends of my best friend passed away unexpectedly on Thursday. My friend is obviously devastated, as she'd known the deceased for over 30 years. I'd met her a handful of times myself, but I can't say we were close or anything; for me it's mostly just the mild shock that it even happened.
Beyond the tragedy of the event itself, something that's causing consternation, and for me at least interfering with closure, is that we have no idea what happened. Not COVID, not unnatural causes, not a car accident or such. I'm 46 and she was younger than I am, and they did an autopsy, and all my friend and I know right now is that she seems to have just...stopped.
Maybe it's morbid of me, but I'd really just like to know what happened.
Otherwise, all I can do is be there for my friend (unfortunately frustrated by her living 3+ hours away from me).
Beyond the tragedy of the event itself, something that's causing consternation, and for me at least interfering with closure, is that we have no idea what happened. Not COVID, not unnatural causes, not a car accident or such. I'm 46 and she was younger than I am, and they did an autopsy, and all my friend and I know right now is that she seems to have just...stopped.
Maybe it's morbid of me, but I'd really just like to know what happened.
Otherwise, all I can do is be there for my friend (unfortunately frustrated by her living 3+ hours away from me).
I'm so sorry for both of you. *hugs*
Don't underestimate "being there for her". That's more important than you can know. It's why we have friends.
One of my brothers died at sixty which unfortunately wasn't entirely unexpected. He smoked a lot, drank (not to the point of being an alcoholic but too regularly for his own good), ate junk food, was overweight, and never exercised, and never heeded his doctor's advice on the matter. I told him countless times to change his ways but somehow he thought he was invincible. He died of a brain aneurism caused by too much blood pressure which had weakened his blood vessels to the point where a rupture was becoming more and more likely. My only consolation is that he never felt a thing. He just lost consciousness and a few moments later passed away.
@Oddish and @oldtrekkie Those are the reasons why I'm working on my relationships and on my physical & mental health now.
I'm so sorry for both of you. *hugs*
Don't underestimate "being there for her". That's more important than you can know. It's why we have friends.
Thank you for your kind words. I'm not really worried about myself...I just didn't know her well enough, and hadn't interacted with her in years...but I'm pretty worried about my friend. For myself, I'm just mystified by the whole thing and very much wondering what happened.
Happy to help :-)Interesting, thanks! I find stuff like that to be a bit… fascinating.
Cheers,
-CM-
There was a guy in my town, 40's, EMS, hardworking, recently married with a baby.
Just didn't wake up one morning.
That's very sad but that's also how life works. When like me you're past sixty, no matter how well you feel, you never know when you go to sleep if you're gonna wake up the next morning. The thing is to never think about it or life would be intolerable. I always think about the things I am going to do the next day as if it was certain. I take my survival as a given and if I am wrong, I'll probably never know it.
Beautifully put. But I have read & seen enough science fiction that I have no desire for immortality. As much as it hurts to lose people, and to know we ourselves will die, it builds compassion and maybe reminds us to live and love while we can.
It's an oldie but makes me laugh every time.
