Who needs Chuck Norris when you've got Kathryn Janeway?

[Oddish]

Yes, yes, we all know. Chuck Norris built the hospital he was born in, drove his mom home the day after, and started the world spinning with a roundhouse kick. Blah blah blah. But if you want really epic accomplishments, consider the lady at Voyager's helm.

* Kathryn Janeway has died 17 times. Death is just afraid to come and collect her. Last time he tried, she told him to "go back to hell, coward". [Coda]
* Kathryn Janeway has ordered the Q continuum around. Twice. [Death Wish, Q and the Gray]
* The near-omnipotent Q became infatuated with her.... and Kathryn Janeway blew him off like me was a rowdy drunk at a cantina. [The Q and the Gray]
* Kathryn Janeway does not fear fear itself. Fear itself fears her. [The Thaw]
* Kathryn Janeway had children. They were able to fend for themselves at the age of 3 days. Because Kathryn Janeway doesn't do diapers. [Threshold]
* Kathryn Janeway was her own ancestor. [11:59]
* Voyager has dual-activated autodestruct, like any Federation starship. It doesn't matter. If Kathryn Janeway tells the ship to blow up, it blows up (she just says "authorization Janeway pi one 110" because it sounds cool) [Deadlock]
* If Kathryn Janeway is interested in you, she will give serious thought to deleting your wife. [Fair Haven]
* Kathryn Janeway decimated the Borg in two timelines (that we know of). [Endgame]
* Species 8472 abandoned their plans to purge the galaxy and made peace when Kathryn Janeway showed up. [In the Flesh]
* Kathryn Janeway can rock even a fiendish archvillain's socks. [Bride of Chaotica]
* For Kathryn Janeway, resistance is not futile. [Assorted Borg episodes]
* Kathryn Janeway beat Covid19. With a knife. [Macrocosm]
* Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg... but Kathryn Janeway can unbake a cake. [Tuvix]
* Speaking of cake, Kathryn Janeway can have her cake, eat it, and still end up with a full cake. [Endgame]
* Kathryn Janeway took a smashed, pulverized, broken wreck of a starship and accomplished in 30 seconds what Annorax and his state of the art time-bending dreadnought couldn't manage in 200 years.[Year of Hell II]
* Kathryn Janeway is never wrong. The one time she was wrong was when she thought she was wrong, but wasn't really. [Night]
* Thirty-eight torpedoes is whatever Kathryn Janeway says it is.
* Kathryn Janeway doesn't need a roundhouse kick... she has the Janeway Death Glare.
* Chuck Norris might've built the hospital he was born in... but Kathryn Janeway had a monument to her put up in her hometown... 300 years before she was even born.
* Picard's Maquis deep cover operative turned traitor and joined them for real. Sisko's Maquis security chief whomped him around so much, he had to poison a planet to stop him. Kathryn Janeway had a whole ship-load of Maquis eating out of her hand in under a year.
* Kathryn Janeway has cult-leader level allegiance from her crew. A Borg left the collective to join her. A wanted Maquis terrorist leader gives her flowers. Her operations officer is still devoted to her despite her casually destroying his career. And no one helped Tuvix or jumped ship to join the 37's.
* Maybe Chuck counted to infinity a time or two... but Kathryn Janeway traveled a near-infinite distance... and came back.
* Kathryn Janeway made admiral before Picard, Riker, or Sisko did.
* And Vice Adm. Kathryn Janeway is now back. Be afraid. Be VERY afraid.

 

[Tenacity]

Chuck Norris eats prunes for breakfast and shits out Kathryn Janeway after lunch.

 

[Oddish]

Why would the Mighty Chuck Norris eat prunes? He could eat a steady diet of rocks, bricks, chainsaws, and triple strength Imodium... and he would still be regular.

 

[Bry_Sinclair]

I've never understood the Chuck Norris thing.

 

[Ar-Pharazon]

I've never understood the Chuck Norris thing.

That's it, it's go time

 

[Bry_Sinclair]

That's it, it's go time

I'm pretty sure I could take him

 

[somebuddyX]

Maybe Voyager getting stuck in the DQ was an elaborate plan to get rid of Janeway because she was so dangerous. Starfleet tried to get rid of her with the Kazon, Vidiians, Borg, Species 8472, the Time Cops and finally threw future Janeway at her to try to stop her cutting a path of destruction back to the AQ. Didn't work and the Borg were so fed up with her they suicide runned Voyager back to Earth and into Starfleet's lap. The Admiralty finally kicked her upstairs so she wouldn't be able to cause another catastrophe for at least another twelve years or so...

 

[Tenacity]

Why would the Mighty Chuck Norris eat prunes?

Worf: "Prunes, a warrior's fruit."

 

[Ar-Pharazon]

I'm pretty sure I could take him

Don't forget he has an extra fist in his beard.....

 

[Oddish]

Remember that TNG was saved by Riker growing a beard. He heard of Chuck Norris, and decided to tap into his mojo by emulating his appearance.

So, indirectly, Kathryn Janeway was spawned by Chuck Norris Beard Power.

 

[The Wormhole]

Thread needs more Captain Robau.

 

[somebuddyX]

Robau? I know people love him but what did he really do: walk on the bridge and tell his bridge idiots to pull down the sun visor down so their eyeballs didn't spontaneously combust; get skewered like a kabob.

 

[Oddish]

Exactly. By contrast, Kathryn Janeway's been incinerated, vaporized, frozen, strangled, poisoned, assimilated, and who knows what else... and she's still standing.

 

[Kilana2]

 

[Ar-Pharazon]

Exactly. By contrast, Kathryn Janeway's been incinerated, vaporized, frozen, strangled, poisoned, assimilated, and who knows what else... and she's still standing.

Had salamander sex with Tom Paris. That has got to be the worst.

 

[Oddish]

Had salamander sex with Tom Paris. That has got to be the worst.

No argument here.

 

[STEPhon IT]

Yes, yes, we all know. Chuck Norris built the hospital he was born in, drove his mom home the day after, and started the world spinning with a roundhouse kick. Blah blah blah. But if you want really epic accomplishments, consider the lady at Voyager's helm.

* Kathryn Janeway has died 17 times. Death is just afraid to come and collect her. Last time he tried, she told him to "go back to hell, coward". [Coda]
* Kathryn Janeway has reformed the Q continuum. Twice. [Death Wish, Q and the Gray]
* The near-omnipotent Q became infatuated with her. But he wasn't worthy. [The Q and the Gray]
* Kathryn Janeway does not fear fear itself. Fear itself fears her. [The Thaw]
* Kathryn Janeway had children. They were able to fend for themselves at the age of 3 days. Because Kathryn Janeway doesn't do diapers. [Threshold]
* Kathryn Janeway was her own ancestor. [11:59]
* Voyager has dual-activated autodestruct, like any Federation starship. It doesn't matter. If Kathryn Janeway tells the ship to blow up, it blows up. [Deadlock]
* Kathryn Janeway decimated the Borg in two timelines (that we know of). [Endgame]
* Species 8472 abandoned their plans to purge the galaxy and made peace when Kathryn Janeway showed up. [In the Flesh]
* Kathryn Janeway rocked the fiendish archvillain Chaotica's socks. [Bride of Chaotica]
* Kathryn Janeway beat Covid19. With a knife. [Macrocosm]
* Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg... but Kathryn Janeway can unbake a cake. [Tuvix]
* Kathryn Janeway took a smashed, pulverized, broken wreck of a starship and accomplished in 30 seconds what Annorax and his state of the art time-bending dreadnought couldn't manage in 200 years.[Year of Hell II]
* Kathryn Janeway doesn't need a roundhouse kick... she has the Janeway Death Glare.
* Chuck Norris might've built the hospital he was born in... but Kathryn Janeway had a monument to her put up in her hometown... 300 years before she was even born.
* Picard's Maquis deep cover operative turned traitor and joined them for real. Sisko's Maquis security chief whomped him around so much, he had to poison a planet to stop him. Kathryn Janeway had a whole ship-load of Maquis eating out of her hand in under a year.
* Kathryn Janeway has cult-leader level allegiance from her crew. A Borg left the collective to join her. A wanted Maquis terrorist leader gives her flowers. Her operations officer is still devoted to her despite her casually destroying his career. And no one helped Tuvix or jumped ship to join the 37's.
* Kathryn Janeway made admiral before Picard, Riker, or Sisko did.
* And Kathryn Janeway is coming back. Be afraid. Be VERY afraid.

She's the greatest Captain who ever lived on television. There should be songs written about her and her tales should be told an every VOY anniversary in the "Onion News Network".

 

[Oddish]

Two more degrees of similarity between Chuck Norris and Kathryn Janeway...
1. They both had Robert Beltran as a partner at various times, Chuck in "Lone Wolf McQuade".
2. Their respective TV series actually came to an end at the same time (they were both quoted in an article in the Chicago Tribune).

Small world? Or something... deeper?

 

[Lynx]

Yes, yes, we all know. Chuck Norris built the hospital he was born in, drove his mom home the day after, and started the world spinning with a roundhouse kick. Blah blah blah. But if you want really epic accomplishments, consider the lady at Voyager's helm.

* Kathryn Janeway has died 17 times. Death is just afraid to come and collect her. Last time he tried, she told him to "go back to hell, coward". [Coda]
* Kathryn Janeway has reformed the Q continuum. Twice. [Death Wish, Q and the Gray]
* The near-omnipotent Q became infatuated with her. But he wasn't worthy. [The Q and the Gray]
* Kathryn Janeway does not fear fear itself. Fear itself fears her. [The Thaw]
* Kathryn Janeway had children. They were able to fend for themselves at the age of 3 days. Because Kathryn Janeway doesn't do diapers. [Threshold]
* Kathryn Janeway was her own ancestor. [11:59]
* Voyager has dual-activated autodestruct, like any Federation starship. It doesn't matter. If Kathryn Janeway tells the ship to blow up, it blows up (she just says "authorization Janeway pi one 110" because it sounds cool) [Deadlock]
* Kathryn Janeway decimated the Borg in two timelines (that we know of). [Endgame]
* Species 8472 abandoned their plans to purge the galaxy and made peace when Kathryn Janeway showed up. [In the Flesh]
* Kathryn Janeway rocked the fiendish archvillain Chaotica's socks. [Bride of Chaotica]
* Kathryn Janeway beat Covid19. With a knife. [Macrocosm]
* Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg... but Kathryn Janeway can unbake a cake. [Tuvix]
* Kathryn Janeway took a smashed, pulverized, broken wreck of a starship and accomplished in 30 seconds what Annorax and his state of the art time-bending dreadnought couldn't manage in 200 years.[Year of Hell II]
* Kathryn Janeway doesn't need a roundhouse kick... she has the Janeway Death Glare.
* Chuck Norris might've built the hospital he was born in... but Kathryn Janeway had a monument to her put up in her hometown... 300 years before she was even born.
* Picard's Maquis deep cover operative turned traitor and joined them for real. Sisko's Maquis security chief whomped him around so much, he had to poison a planet to stop him. Kathryn Janeway had a whole ship-load of Maquis eating out of her hand in under a year.
* Kathryn Janeway has cult-leader level allegiance from her crew. A Borg left the collective to join her. A wanted Maquis terrorist leader gives her flowers. Her operations officer is still devoted to her despite her casually destroying his career. And no one helped Tuvix or jumped ship to join the 37's.
* Kathryn Janeway made admiral before Picard, Riker, or Sisko did.
* And Kathryn Janeway is coming back. Be afraid. Be VERY afraid.

Comments are a little nasty to Our Favorite Captain.
But I can't help laughing at them!
Some good points here and there.

If i could go back in time and take charge over the series, then I would have Texas Ranger Cordell Walker (Chuck Norris) being abducted by aliens in the 20th century, being transported to the Delta Quadrant and join the Voyager crew in season 3. Imagine what a journey it would have been with both Janeway and Walker (Norris) on the ship!

 

[Lynx]

She's the greatest Captain who ever lived on television. There should be songs written about her and her tales should be told an every VOY anniversary in the "Onion News Network".

There are songs written about her!

At least I have written one!

Well, it's a shameless theft from a song made by one of my favorite bands but I'm sincerely hope that original composers Steve and Ronnie up there in Heaven and all fans of the band will forgive me for that. After all, it is about Our Captain!

"There was a woman who lived on a spaceship
nobody knew her or knew about her fate
but mothers would say to their children, Beware of Captain Kate.

Kate would sing with her crew in the morning
laugh with the engines in the cold end of night
but people who watched their TV:s, said she's not quite right.

Kate had it made, she was living the life among the stars
but her ship was her home among those stars and the crew were her friends
she was free

So here was a wise one who loved all the haters
she loved them so much that their hate turned to fear
and shaking in front of their TV:s the loved ones would hear

Dai de dai de dee dai dai dai dai dai dai da, dai de dai de dee dai dai dai dai dai daa

Dai de dai de dee dai dai dai dai dai dai dai dai daa"

"Captain Kate"

Original song: "Mad John" by The Small Faces

Written by: Steve Marriott and Ronnie Lane

Original lyrics slightly altered by: Lynx