TNG Caption This! #433: Medical Mysteries

CRUSHER: Pass this test and you're a qualified Starfleet medical officer.

BLUESHIRT: Is it hard?

CRUSHER: Nah it's nothing. To pass the Bridge Officer's Test, I had to win three games of Battleship.

 

Crusher: The device I'm injecting will allow Geordi to see through your eyes temporarily

Picard: I'm assuming it will wear off well before our breakfast tomorrow



Riker: Picard to sick bay. I think you'll want to be here for this



Pulaski: His rendition of Moon River is really quite spectacular



Crusher: Who gave him a phaser?

Worf: You said he'd never regain sexual function. I assumed suicide was the only option


Crusher: If we don't get an immediate isolinear chip donor, we're going to lose this bio bed!

 

Assistant Nurse: "This empty biobed is a metaphor, doctor. It represents the number of people wou'll get it on with during the show's run."

 

O'BRIEN: What happened?

RIKER: Brain freeze. Deanna tried to eat an entire carton Rocky Road in under a minute.

 

Crusher: "If this old bed could talk, it could surely tell some stories! It's seen a lot of medical drama over the years."
Nurse: "It looks it! Are any of those stains still infectious?"




Troi: "Oh, Beverly! I had the most horrible nightmare! I was trying to get some rest in sickbay, but there were three perverts gawking at me and imagining all kinds of disgusting sexual scenarios!"

 

Crusher: ...and that will also take care of your monthly contraceptive. *wink*


Troi: HE HAS A BEARD NOW. I MUST GO TO HIM.
Crusher: It's not that good a beard, Deanna.
Riker: I beg your pardon?
O'Brien: The commander's is a right good beard!
Data: I must concur. Counselor, you have no choice.


Pulaski: ...ooh. Multiple lifesigns. Tell the kitchen we've got CAVIAR TONIGHT!


Crusher: He didn't escape, Alyssa, he...phased out of our plane of existance. In another plane of existance, he's...right there. Begging for help.
Alyssa: He totally escaped.
Crusher: Maybe spontaneous combustion.
...that's a thing now, isn't it? It's the 24th century.

 

Antidean: "Disappointed?"
Pulaski: "Well...I gotta say...you don't look at all like your eHarmony photo."

 

Picard: You gave me an injection, it's only fair I get to give you one next.
Crusher: Do who now?
Geordi: Wait a minute, this isn't engineering...!




Male Nurse: Yep, carpet matches the drapes....




Nurse: Shouldn't we always start at the top and work our way down?
Crusher: Do what now?

 

O'Brien: "Ay, they do. OH, you meant counselor Troi!"

 

Worf (O/S): What a handsome race!

 

Picard: This is good shit.

Crusher: I can't believe we never did this before.

La Forge: I can see rainbows.



Troi: What happened?

Crusher: You had a threesome with Riker and O'Brien. Everyone has herpes. Try not to panic.



Pulaski: According to my readings, you should be served with red wine.



Worf: He's been here for hours. It doesn't look good. Can you help him doctor?

Crusher: Oh shit, I left the iron on.



Crusher: I'm afraid he's dead.

Nurse: What species was he?

Crusher: I don't know but I'm gonna name them... "The flat cushiony type people."

 

Ambassador: This thread is gonna be the chain of Second hand news as long as we follow or will we Go our own way . Don't stop with the little lies!

(This is the last post consisting solely of Fleetwood mac song titles unless I'm Hypnotised!)

 

Crusher: Hold still, Jean-Luc, this hyper-viagra is very potent.
Picard: I'm already feeling it's affects.
Crusher: I can see that, spandex doesn't allow you to hide anything.
Picard: I don't think I'll be able to get back to your quarters, Beverly, I might have to take you right here on this biob--La Forge? How long have you been there?
La Forge: Long enough to feel very, very ill, sir.


Crusher: It's alright, Deanna, just stay calm.
Troi: Beverly, we have to do it, right now! It can't wait!
Crusher: Just hold on two minutes, Alyssa will be back with out leotards and we can practice our sexy yoga again.
Riker: [Thinking] Yes! Front row seat!


All of Pulaski's skill couldn't determine why the aquatic alien had both a nose and gills on his face.


Crusher: So other than the face boo-boo, what's wrong with him?


Crusher: Nurse Not-Ogawa, where is the patient?
Nurse: ...

 

"Well, no wonder you're so healthy: the tricorder indicates you're 98% fish oil."


OR


"You're highly inebriated. Someone here was going to post it, so: you drink like a fish."

 

Ambassador: I'm a Drummer from the 60's it is more than drinking!

 

Crusher: "Here we are. Last stop on your new-crewmember orientation tour. This is our exam bed. While we're here, why don't you take off your uniform and hop up onto it and I'll give you a quick once over?"
New Nurse: "Alyssa warned me about you."

 

Pulaski: Ambassador, I'll have you know I take my medical career very seriously. I'm not doing this just for the halibut.

 

``Still,'' he reflected, ``it is nice having some quiet time away from my groupers.''