TNG Caption This! #423: Game on!

[LeadHead]

Hello everyone! New contest!

First up to the plate, we have the "Development Card" Award, going to:

DATA: Why is Kolrami so upset?
WORF: I beat him at Settlers.

Next, we have the "Were we supposed to tell you first?" Award, going to:

That awkward moment when your coworkers already know you've been fired before you do.

Next, we have the "Proper Compliments" Award, going to:

Conn officer: "Nice aft."

Next, we have the "LeadHead loves to play it, but can't stand to watch it" Award, going to:

Picard: Come on come on come on...
Riker: Nope, you sliced it.
Yar: Nope, watching golf sucks in space too.

Next, we have the "Popularity" Award, going to:

Crusher: Hurry, Geordi! I need to know who my son's secret admirer is.
Laforge: You're not going to like this. The "Wesley Crushers" ... they're a hate group.

Next, we have the "Galaxy Class Runway" Award, going to:

Picard: Are we boring you, Worf?

Worf: Fashion shows are not honorable!

Picard: Be that as we may, let's bring out our next model, Commander Riker. Commander Riker is modelling our Command Line of uniforms. Note the one piece design, ensuring your officers are always displaying good posture. Thank you, Commander Riker.

Our Photoshop Award, goes to:

RIKER: And you're sure this worked in the historical documents?

DATA: Unknown, Commander. The documents are at something called a "commercial break".

Commander's Personal Log: After examining both models in depth from every possible angle, I think we've conclusively proven that the six foot Enterprise is better looking that the four foot one.

Picard: Doctor, have you found a cure yet?
Crusher: I'm so sorry captain, I've spent all day playing angry birds. I think I have a problem.

Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to our winners!

Based on playing a bunch of great games recently like Artemis, (if you have 6-7 geek friends and a tablet/laptop for each I highly recommend this game) Kill Doctor Lucky, (similar to clue, except you're not trying to solve the crime, you're trying to commit the crime) Star Flux (Flux, but with plenty of Sci-Fi references) Battlestar Galactica: The Board game (Who's the Cylon? Is it you?) and Dungeons and Dragons. (Anybody got a D20?)

I thought it was time for a game themed contest. So get out your character sheets, collect the spite tokens, advance the jump track, play a keeper card, tell off an enemy ship and roll initiative!

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnddddddd PLAY... uh... caption!

 

[LeadHead]

Picard: You're playing poker and didn't invite me?

Riker: Data, don't tell-

Data: The rest of the group thought it would be unsporting since we could see your cards reflected on your head.

Worf: Welcome to the Enterprise Cup. The video soccer match is now in its 37th hour, we will play until someone scores a goal.

Picard: Welcome Jono, I'm hoping you will be a better opponent. O'Brien just kept quitting on me every time I beat him.

Data: (over comm) Pawn to Queens bishop 3. Kings level.

Wesley: Checkmate.

Data: (over comm) I apologize for being unable to be there in person for our game. I would have enjoyed watching you lose in person.

Data: (thinking) 5 Kings. Riker brought his cheater deck again.

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD: Is this what I pay you for?

 

[JirinPanthosa]

DATA: Captain! Please join us! Commander Riker bets aggressively no matter what his hand is, you should have no problem besting him!

WORF: What game is this?
RIKER: It's a Smarm-Off. Kolrami has no idea who he's dealing with.

JONAH: You can only hit the ball into the targets? This seems like it'd be both completely inaccessible to newcomers and have little variety between points.
PICARD: It's a very high cultured sport.

WESLEY: Nope. I still can't figure out how this is an improvement over regular chess. Why does the future have to mess with everything for style points?

DATA: Can we play a better version of poker? Five card draw is for kids and video poker machines, as every hand comes down to stats and wild guessing.
RIKER: Are you calling or not?

 

[shivkala]

Thanks for the win, Leadhead. A guy in my D&D group has "Kill Dr. Lucky," but I haven't played it yet. Next time we do board games, I'll suggest we give it a try.

Picard: Is it strip poker?

Data: No, sir, I assure you we follow a strict moral code.

Picard: In that case, I have a thing...

Riker: Commander's Log-Little does everyone know, I've found an eleventh adapter and have attached it to Little Willie to give me an edge.

Picard: It's called racquetball. Apparently it's how business was conducted a few centuries ago.

Asteroid: Check and mate. Man, you suck!

Riker: You're bluffing, I can tell.

Data: In the words of the classic musician and poet laurette, Lady Gaga, "Cannot read my, cannot read my, no you cannot read my poker face."
http://www.trekbbs.com//www.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/

 

[Smellincoffee]

Picard: Hey! Nobody deals cards in my territory without sending my percentage. Deliver the dough now, or six of your friends'll be carryin' you by the handles.
Riker: Take it easy, Dix, you'll get your cut.
(Captain leaves)
I think he spends too much time in that holodeck.

Picard: This is like Pong, but different.
Child: "Pong"?

Wesley Crusher: the only boy whose invisible friends happened to be chessmasters.

Data: Er, go fish?

 

[Finn]

Braga: Will this work?

Brannon: I don't think Wheaton was with us when we did The Pegasus.

Braga: I don't think they'd notice. After all, it's a valentine for the fans.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Picard: "Now that you're 18, it's time to teach you how to play with my balls."

Wesley: "Captain, it appears we've entered an asteroid field."

Picard (over the comm): "Are you all right?"

Wesley: "Yes, captain, it appears the sheilds are holding them off."

Picard (over the comm): "SHILEDS DOWN!!!"

 

[Triskelion]

Picard: What's all this then? A poker game or an Orion slave auction with a poker game front for the lookie-loos?
Data: It is a poker game, sir. Hence, my jaunty poker visor and Commander Riker's apple juice in a complimentary Ten Forward plastic water cup as a glass of whiskey.
Picard: Right, well...carry on then. <Leaves>

Lieutenant Howdy Doody: Oh jeez, two caption contests in a row... Don't notice me Don't notice me Don't notice me -
Riker: Lieutenant Howdy Doody! Don't just stand there, swab me beard!
Lieutenant Howdy Doody: Crap!

Jona: I don't get it, the script called for a "Neon vista in a darkly vast digital landscape where futuristic techno-supermen combat with awe-inspiring laser-weapons for virtual supremacy of the Interstellar Computer Eon."
Picard: Look, a fuzzy ball!

Guinan: Hey boy genius! That's the alien saltshaker display! Ya moron!
Wesley: Oh not this again! <skips out whimpering>

Riker: Data, have you got a flush or a full house?
Data: It will cost you one beard to find out.
Riker: I fold.
Data: I now feel emotion, and that emotion is sad.


http://www.trekbbs.com//www.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/

 

[Nerys Myk]

TROI(os): Has anyone seen my vintage hair curling set?

LT DOODY: Uh-oh...

 

[tharpdevenport]

Worf: "Commander, it appears you have not made any moves."

Data: "Sir, it appears you set it not connected to the game."

Worf: "Then what is it connected to?"

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Data: "While we are on the subject of poker, Commander, Doctor Pulaski keeps inviting me to play strip poker with her. Is that something I should report to someone?"

 

[Rat Boy]

Picard: "All right, which one of you ran off with my bowl of toffee nuts?"

Riker: "I don't get it; what's the point of this game?"

Worf: "To not look ridiculous as you flail your fingers around."

Jono: "I don't get it; what's the point of this game?"

Picard: "To not have a nervous breakdown in the middle of the match."

Wesley: "...it would help if I knew the rules."

Data: "But Commander, I am android. I cannot ignore how many cards there are."

 

[CorporalCaptain]

Wheaton: Hey, these pieces are in an illegal position.

Beaumont (from behind the camera): Cut! Wil, only the geekiest nerd who pauses his VCR and studies the frame with a magnifying glass could possibly notice that. (sigh) From the top!

 

[TolkienOtaku]

Thanks for the win!

Picard: "What are you all doing? It's past bedtime!"

Riker: "Wait, how does this game work again?"

Jono: "This game is stupid."
Picard: "You're stupid!"

Wesley: "So, we meet again, invisible chess player."

Data's thoughts: Must. Not. Sneeze.

 

[Mojochi]

Geordi: And you said he wouldn't come. I guess he called your bluff, Commander.

Worf: The 1st of many I'll wager

Worf: It's been 3 days. Will one of you score a point already?

Picard: The rules? Whoever is holding the ball gets to beat the other senseless with a racket, of course

Wesley's hesitation would surely lose him some of his pieces upon shield impact, in this game of asteroid chess

Riker: A visor Data? Really? I have literally seen you look directly into a white dwarf star's photosphere

 

[Avro Arrow]

 

[JesterFace]

PICARD: So, you didn't feel like inviting me? Well, let's see who goes to next very dangerous away mission.

 

[hux]

Picard: Hey bitches, who's ready for daddy Picard's chunky cock? Oh sorry, I thought this was the Anderson orgy.

Data: You want the door behind you sir.

Riker: Remember last week when we travelled back in time 300 years and played Wii tennis and only needed one control. So why, in the 24th century, have I got all this crap on my fingers?

Picard: The rules are simple. Once I drop the ball, we begin spanking each other and never tell anyone about it.

Picard: Picard to all hands. Worf blocked up all the toilets so I've had to empty them all into space. Try and ignore it. Avoid looking out of windows. That is all.

Data: Since it's just the two of us left commander, I wanted to ask you if it's normal for a vagina to make a fart noise during sex.

Riker: I fold.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Worf: Automated manicures are without honor!

 

[Triskelion]

Picard: Quick question, what was that thing again? About selling phasers to pre-warp civilizations with scantily-clad women?
Data: You mean, the Prime Directive sir? That specifically declares not to sell phasers to pre-warp civilizations, scantily-clad women or not?
Picard: Oh - merde. Well, carry on. I'll be up in the baseball hat thingy watching the big screensaver.

Riker: Kolrami, have you got a flush or a full house?
Kolrami: What the heck are you talking about, I'm reversing the Stratego polarity of your polaron Connect4! NoOb!
Lt Doody: <sob>I miss my prize milking cow...BATILDA!!! I DIDN'T KNOW THEY WERE SET ON REVERSE!!!
Worf: Ah, Stratagema - the game you lose just by strapping in.

Picard: Now, you'll try to hit the ball on the ricochet. Oh and this is important - try not to smash your own testicles with your electro-racket - unless you won't ever be needing them again.

Wesley: Sigh. 3D chess is more fun playing against someone.
The Traveler: KNIGHT TO QUEEN'S BISHOP, KNIGHT LEVEL TWO. CHECKMATE IN SEVENTEEN MOVES.
Wesley: <to ceiling> You dick!

Data: There is a seventy-three point two one five percent likelihood you are starting a straight flush, Worf a full house King's high, and there is a ninety-seven point three probability Counselor Troi will fold, based on her tell - an optical vascular dilation indicating emotional resignation. I calculate you will not draw the ten of spades you need to complete your straight flush. Therefore, I bet everything.
Riker: Last Tuesday on the bridge I gave the order to go around that tachyon eddy and you said "Do not call me Eddy." But here you can do math.