Of course, it's not uncommon for military types to bring their families along with them wherever they are posted.

So I don't really see the families as a reason to dispute that they are a military.
Yeah but I view star ships as "ships" and we dont bring families on deployments
Fair point.

It is a matter of public record that the producers struggled with this concept, given they regularly placed the
Enterprise into dangerous situations where the civilian population of the ship would only have been an added burden, but yet they had to give them lip service, because families on board were a part of the series format.
The real answer comes from the early concepts, where the idea was that TNG would begin out on the fatherest reaches of the mapped cosmos, and then explicitly head outwards from there into an exploration of the complete unknown (there's still some semblance of this in "Encounter At Farpoint", the pilot episode). That's why they had the 'generation ship' concept in the first place, because Roddenberry's idea was that this new
Enterprise wouldn't be travelling around established space lanes, and would in fact likely be out of contact with familiar territories for anything up to twenty years, so it was unreasonable to expect the crew to leave their families behind for that long. Unfortunately, this idea got dropped pretty quickly, but the families stayed.
(IMHO, they should've taken the opportunity of the battle at Wolf 359 to officially jettison families from all subsequent stories. It would've been a pretty organic development for Starfleet to tacitly acknowledge that nothing is the same anymore.)