TNG Caption This! #404: Deanna Troi, Counselor of the Galaxy

[LeadHead]

Hello everyone, lets start a new contest!

First up to the plate, we have the "Technicalities" Award, going to:

BEVERLY: Will, why did you post on Facebook that you and I had a three way?
RIKER: You, me, Odan. That counts.

Next, we have the "NEVER piss off your dance teacher" Award, going to:

Orange Crush: So help me Shakaree if you upstage my Flashdance splash I will disgorge the flames of Feklar's dishonored hell on that wedding!

Next, we have the "Important questions" Award, going to:

Crusher (thinking): Where the hell do these windows behind me open up to?

Next, we have the "You will upgrade your IOS software. Resistance is futile." Award, going to:

Crusher: I've determined the source of the infection.
Geordi: What was it, doc?
Crusher: Apple watch.

Next, we have the "Creative editing" Award, going to:

GATES:It's Sub Rosa. I'm going to add the best parts to my audition reel.

FRAKES: Good luck with that.

Crusher: Doctor's Log: Even with stimulants, I just can't seem to stay awake during the Captain's long, boring speeches.

Troi: Counselor's Log: I'm detecting great boredom coming from Dr. Crusher, no, wait, I think it's my boredom.

Picard: Captain's Log: Okay, just a few more minutes should do it. I hope the prank Riker's got planned for the Doctor and Deanna is worth this. I know I have a reputation for boring speeches, but even I have my limits.

Beverly: I think this is the assimilation emitter... Oops... I'm thinking I probably shouldn't have activated that

Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to our winners!

Continuing forth in our Character contests, it's now time to spend some time with Counselor Deanna Troi!

Enjoy!

 

[Nerys Myk]

TROI: How come she get's to drive?

CRUSHER: You're right Captain, it's a wig.

 

[LeadHead]

Troi: Will, put the phaser down. I just wanted to see what the helm console looks like up close.

Troi: So then, after invading the privacy of everyone on the Romulan ship by using my empathic powers, I determined that they are quite friendly and pose no threat.

Yar: Was that before or after they fired on us?

Troi: (thinking) Great time to smile and sit in a chair doing nothing for 8 hours.

Data: My apologies Counselor, but now we are even for you shooting me with an arrow.

Crusher: Yes, she has a brain and it works fine. Stop being so rude to her!

 

[tharpdevenport]

Worf: "Commander, sensors are detecting two large spherical-shaped objects approaching."

Riker: "Where, I don't see ... Hey! That's my girlfriend!"

 

[Bry_Sinclair]

Troi: My god, Will, you're right! My boobs do look like miniature planets in this outfit!

Troi: [Rambling on with some psycho-babble] I'm sensing great mistrust from--
Picard: [Thinking] State the bloody obvious why don't you, Counsellor! Why do I even need her onboard? What if I sent her on a shuttle mission, shuttles crash all the time. Hmmm...
Data: [Processing] Backing up collection, "Naked Natasha" to your Cloud, standby.
Crusher: [Thinking] How do I tell Jean-Luc that he's Wesley's father?
Yar: [Thinking] Maybe I should start flashing some cleavage.
Riker: [Thinking] I stopped banging her so I wouldn't have to listen to this crap--it really killed the mood her bringing up my dead mom as the source of my 'womanising' at the point of climax.

Computer: All now gentlemen, welcome to the stage all the way from Betazed, here for your pleasure, the sizzling psychologist, Destiny Troi! [CUE: Stripper Music]

With Troi's endorsement, sales of the orgasmotron increased by 500%

 

[2takesfrakes]

Deanna stopped using her cleavage as a purse, after this unfortunate incident with a crystal bauble from Elas ...

 

[shivkala]

Thanks for the win, Leadhead:

Ro: Ensign's Personal Log--Is it wrong that I'd consider going back to the Cardassian refugee camp if it means never having to hear Troi's feeble attempts to explain the obvious?

Little did the rest of the crew know, but Picard and Troi teemed up to bet on the meeting. There were several bets among them, such as: who could cause the most officers to fall asleep (Picard's long speeches or Troi's inane psychobabble), which officer would stay awake the longest, which officer would fall asleep the quickest, and which officer could fake paying attention the best.

Riker: Crap, she's here. Okay, I hereby call the first meeting of the "Troi's Ex's Club" adjourned.

As bad as Nemesis was, we should all be grateful that its sequel, billed as a cross between "Space Seed" and What Not to Wear, was stuck in Development Hell. Here we see a rare still from the filming of the movie, in which Carson Kelly uses a more violent means of vetoing Troi's wardrobe than he was known for on the TLC show.

Crusher: I'm afraid we're too late, Sir. The bun we forced the Counselor to wear for most of our first year has done permanent damage.

 

[Rat Boy]

Troi: "I don't believe what I'm sensing from the planet..."

Ro: "What is it?"

Troi: "Completely sane and normal people that aren't trying to kill us!"

Troi: "Captain, this is an intervention. We need a permanent chief engineer. It's getting to the point where Will accidentally called Argyle MacDoogle."

Riker: "Hey!"

Riker: "Quick, look busy!"

To be fair, if the beam wasn't going to take her out, the hideous clothes would.

Crusher: "Deanna, seriously, have you considered an off switch for your abilities? Seems like the time the captain and I see you off the bridge is when you're getting possessed and crap like that."

 

[Triskelion]

T4TW, LH!

Troi: The frak did you just say??
Riker: It's a thing. You call a planet "she". Like a ship.
Troi: And the part about "She" drawing your torpedo toward it in the gravity of its full double moons??
Ro: My sensor readings of the planetary satellites and our torpedo's trajectory are consistent with that statement. It's actual gravity!
Troi: Well...I suppose that's all right then.
Ro: Big ol' ass gravity.
Troi: Oh no she di'idn't!

Picard: Shush everyone! Dee Anna's talking.
Yar: Um, sir, I don't think her name is Dee Anna.
Crusher: Wait, isn't it DeAnn NaTrois? Cause she's Irish?
Riker: I always thought it was just Diane until she changed it in middle school, along with dotting the "i" with a little heart. You know - like middle school divas do.
Data: My databanks show a possibility of six thousand, seven hundred forty-seven possible phonemic and morphological syntactic variants -
Picard: The point, Mystery Date!
Data: I believe you are trying to say "Mister Data," sir. The point is I always thought her name was "Andy N. Troi" and you were all just constantly experiencing metathesis - the most common of all pronunc -.
Riker: When I first met her I thought it was Dina Trio, cause I remember saying "That would be an awesome name for a jazz combo!" But we were a quartet, so...
Yar: And "Flipper Baby Interface" is such a better name, it just screams "jazz".
Troi: It's Deanna, actually.
Yar: Dienna?
Troi: Deanna.
Crusher: Deyonna?
Troi: Deanna.
Riker: D. Anne?
Troi: Deanna.
Data: DNA?
Troi: Deanna.
Picard: Deenano Kajobubu?
Troi: DEANNA! DEANNA !@#$% TROI, HEIR TO THE -
Picard: Well there you have it. Straight from the whore's mouth.
Data: Sir, I believe the phrase is -
Deanna: Just - let it go, Data. Just let it go.
Data: Um yeah, it's pronounced Dayton, actually.... Wow, that is so empowering!
Troi: Sigh.
Yar: Uh oh, Dina's pissed.

Troi: Hi boys, like my new catsuit?
Worf: Ohh?
Riker: You're at helm, Lieutenant Downblouse.
Worf: Aww.

Data: You won't be telling anyone about Spot's hat collection!
Troi: You don't even have a cat!
Data: Um...Yet!

Troi: Who counsels the counselor, Doctor? WHO COUNSELS THE COUNSELOR?
Crusher: Here's your shampoo thief, Captain. Although I don't see why -
Picard: It's the principle, Doctor!

 

[Nerys Myk]

TROI: I'm sensing feigned interest and boredom.

 

[Ithekro]

Trio: Gentlemen, how are my nines today?

Riker: Excuse me?

Worf: Within tolerances, Councilor.

Bajoran and Betazoid
Coming this Fall to HBO

Troi: Captain your fish appears to be sentient and is threatening Commander Riker over his position as First Officer.

Troi uses her magical girl powers so rarely that people forgot she is Sailor Betazed.

Crusher: She is pregnant. Somehow I'm the father?

Picard: That makes no sense, Doctor.

Crusher: But the DNA pattern is clearly mine.

Troi (sheepishly): I was on a chocolate high and Wesley is 18.

Crusher: !!!

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

"Sense THIS, 'Counselor'!"

 

[Nerys Myk]

RIKER: Good lord, she's bursting with lensflare!

 

[JirinPanthosa]

TROI: Who taught Ro the sad puppy face?

TROI: I can't wear longer pants, Captain. It gets really hot on the bridge.
PICARD: We've had to put men in skirts just to make us not seem sexist. Longer pants counselor. That's an order.

RIKER: I swear Mr Worf. All three sisters, at the same time!
TROI: I'm sensing...great deception.
RIKER: Quiet you!

TROI: Captain! These shipwide paintball assassin games go way too far!

TROI: I had another dream, Captain. It was far more clear this time. They said 'Why would you think that means hydrogen, you idiot? Why wouldn't we have hydrogen and how could we do anything with it not in an oxygen atmosphere?'

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Worf (offscreen): LEEROY JENKINS!

 

[Nerys Myk]

RIKER: I said stay out of my closet!

 

[Triskelion]

Troi: Why wasn't I informed about Wesley getting a sex change?
Picard: That's Ensign Ro.
Troi: Oh, my bad.
Picard: Honest mistake.
Wesley: I'm at Ops, you hitching posts!

 

[Rat Boy]

Picard: "Data's lying through his android ass and you're complaining about something in the mirror? Why do people always bother me with these seemingly-unrelated-until-the last-ten-minutes-of-the-show problems?"

 

[Nerys Myk]

WORF: You can smell the chocolate from here.

RIKER: How is she allowed on the bridge?

 

[Rat Boy]

Troi: "They're making her an admiral?"

Picard: "It was either that or captain of Deep Space Nine."

Wait, who puts the shoes on the shelf? Especially when the wearer of said shoes is too short to reach said shelf?