TNG Caption This! #403: Crusher, M.D.

[LeadHead]

Happy Sunday everyone!

First up to the plate, we have the "Always be yourself, unless you can be Batman. Then always be Batman" Award, going to:

Spock: You've scratched out every word "Logic" and wrote "Batman."
Punk: Surak taught strict adherence to the principles of Batman.
Spock: That statement is egregious.
Punk: Batman dictates you right this injustice.

Next, we have the "Probably will never see him again" Award, going to:

Pardek: Nero, this is Ambassador Spock.

Next, we have the "WNYX" Award, going to:

Picard: "Data, why are you running an Excel spreadsheet?"

Data: "Captain K'Vada wanted me to check the books of a news radio station he recently purchased in New York."

Next, we have the "So THAT's why she captured them?!" Award, going to:

Sela: It's ready just say, "I'm sorry but Sela cannot come to the communicator right now. Please leave a message and I'll call you back. Live Long and Prosper."

Next, we have the "Thinking ahead" Award, going to:

Data: ... and by angling all the reflective surfaces thusly, we can avoid the reflection of the production assistant as we all exit the room.

Spock: Quite logical.

Two Photoshop Awards this week!

PICARD: When did the Romulans change their disruptor design?

And...

KIRK: "Alright, Spock, let's go - I've got what we came for."

Captain's Log: I wonder if Beverly would like it if I kept my forehead ribbed

Stewart: Goodbye Mr. Baird.

Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to our winners!

And now, lets return to our character contests and resume with Doctor Beverly Crusher!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Crusher: Will, I'm confining you to sickbay for being a danger to yourself and others.

Riker: Why?

Crusher: You just said that you'd let Deanna drive.

Crusher: STOP DATA! Don't stomp on your dance partner!

Crusher: I'm sorry, Jean-Luc. You don't qualify for Centauri hair rejuvenation treatments.

Crusher: Okay, he's stabilized. I'll come out now.

Worf: Yeah.... about that...

Crusher: Wesley's gone for the weekend! Party at the CMO's quarters at 2100!

Enjoy![/QUOTE]

 

[Finn]

Thanks for the Log win

Geordi: Why couldn't it have been one of those blond bombshell drones?

 

[shivkala]

Riker: No, um, of course you're welcome here, I mean, it's not like we keep you and Geordi off the bridge because none of us can stand to be around you for long...I've said too much.

Crusher: For the last time, "Leap Frog" is not a dance!

Crusher: Doctor's Log: Even with stimulants, I just can't seem to stay awake during the Captain's long, boring speeches.

Troi: Counselor's Log: I'm detecting great boredom coming from Dr. Crusher, no, wait, I think it's my boredom.

Picard: Captain's Log: Okay, just a few more minutes should do it. I hope the prank Riker's got planned for the Doctor and Deanna is worth this. I know I have a reputation for boring speeches, but even I have my limits.

Hugh: In order to maintain the Collective's well-being, it is mandatory for us to regenerate every 8 hours.

Crusher (*to herself*): Normally, I would find talk about being assimilated appalling, but when I'm on hour 10 of a 20 hour shift, their way of life does seem to be appealing...

Riker: Not "Dick in a Box" again, Doctor!

 

[Nerys Myk]

CRUSHER: Dance my puppet! Dance!!! Bwahahahaha!

LAFORGE: You know, maybe we should have guard in there with her. What with the Borg being cyborgs bent on death and destruction and all.

CRUSHER: I did all I could, but the Captain is dead.

RIKER: I thought he was on vacation with Vash?

CRUSHER: Well, dead to me anyways.

 

[JirinPanthosa]

BEVERLY: Will, why did you post on Facebook that you and I had a three way?
RIKER: You, me, Odan. That counts.

BEVERLY: Well I think a 19th century English novel style episode fits in perfectly with a science fiction series!

TROI: I'm sensing...extreme sexual tension. Must be coming from the next room.

BEVERLY: I've come up with a plan. First we give the drone back his individuality. Then we tell the drone that we have a way to use him to destroy the entire Borg collective, then we tell him we're not doing it because we're so principled.
GEORDI: Brilliant! That way the Borg will gain this knowledge and no longer think we are worth assimilating!

BEVERLY: Hey Will, it's from Deanna. She wants to return your Valentine's Day gift! *snicker*

 

[Triskelion]

Woo Hoo, TFTW LeadHead! And great words about a great man who lives on in his inspirations of human achievement.

Orange Crush: I've got some good news and bad news. The bad news is that one of you has a case of Yridian dirty-sacked nipple tunnel.
...The good news is that it's not contagious. To holodeck characters.

Orange Crush: So help me Shakaree if you upstage my Flashdance splash I will disgorge the flames of Feklar's dishonored hell on that wedding!

Troi: - and with that latest wrap up of the Captain's holodeck fantasies this year, that's the full report on the annual mental states of the senior staff. Now on to the deck officers. First, Lieutenant Barclay and a sockpuppet named Gomtuu -
Picard: Have you even been listening, Doctor?!
Orange Crush: I'm sorry, this morning I was wondering what would happen if you put an interspatial flexure next to a subspace vortex. Ask a stupid question....
Picard: Fascinating. Oh, did I mention holo-Guinan and the Fencing Wardrobe malfunction....

Geordi: Piano wire. I can see its signal interference patterns in the upper EM band. It's a total trick
Worf: WHY DO YOU KEEP COMING TO THE SHIP'S MAGIC SHOWS???!!!

Riker: Why does that box label say "Caution: Intelligent Space Arthropod Bent on Galactic Domination, Handle With Extreme Care"?
Orange Crush: Because if I labeled it "Maxipads" people would start asking questions.

 

[tharpdevenport]

"DATA! I don't care if it's a simulation -- you don't go to the bathroom there!"

Beverly: "Oh, commander -- I got something for you!"

Riker: "Really?"

Beverly: "It's a dick-in-the-box!"

Riker: "What's that?"

Beverly: "Boy have I got a surprise for you!"

 

[2takesfrakes]

Thanks for the win! >: )

"Pull your pants up, Data! When I asked if you were fully functional, I was only asking as your doctor!"

 

[Mojochi]

Beverly: Yeah yeah, important message from Starfleet. Tell him he can't duck our croissant breakfast forever

Beverly: I AM NOT TWERKING WITH YOU AND THAT'S FINAL!

Crusher: (Thinking) Think & feel nothing. Think & feel nothing... Think & feel nothing...

Picard: (Thinking) Think & feel nothing. Think & feel nothing... Think & feel nothing...

Beverly: I think this is the assimilation emitter... Oops... I'm thinking I probably shouldn't have activated that

Beverly: Ha! Got your beard! *Snicker* (Door whoosh)

 

[T'Girl]

Beverly:
"I don't care if your dance partner is a character out of one of Riker's holo-sex fantasies ... stop that !!!

 

[Ithekro]

Riker: Q! So this is how you managed to get the Captain to agree to your terms.

Q: There are some things even a Q is not proud of, Riker.

 

[fonzob1]

"No, Data! I will not give you a prostate exam!"

 

[Nerys Myk]

DATA: This is a most unusual holo-program, Doctor....

MISTRESS CRUSHER: Did I say you could speak, slave?????!!!!

 

[tharpdevenport]

Frakes: "Wait, hold up -- I think the writers found something useful for the doctor to say..."

SECONDS OF AWKWARD SILENCE

Frakes: "No, I guess not."

 

[Triskelion]

Orange Crush: Multi-infarct dementia...with acute cellular breakdown...accelerating cellular ennui...hyper-gastroenteritis...Hesperan thumping cough...zzzzzzzzz......

Pickles: Dynastic ceramic artefacts...using polychrome surface...ornamentation denoting predominant...era of nine hundred and forty seven known archaeological excavations...ladies and gentlemen of the archaeology council...zzzzzzzzz.....

Deets: Note to self: no more organizing staring contests between two cake-grinding teagarglers.

 

[Nerys Myk]

CRUSHER: My charts are mixed up. Anyway, one of you is pregnant.

 

[Kobayshi Maru]

Beverly: I am sorry, Captain Picard won't be joining us tonight for our little party, he has a head polishing appointment.

Beverly: For the last time, Data, I don't want a piggyback ride!

Picard: Beverly, I can't keep it a secret any longer, Deanna and I are in love, sorry.

Beverly: Worf, I am gonna need you to give him, mouth to mouth.

Worf: Kill me! Kill me now, somebody!

Beverly: I don't know how, but I just split my pants!

Riker: I can tell!

 

[Leviathan]

Crusher (thinking): Where the hell do these windows behind me open up to?

 

[Leviathan]

Worf: Will he live doctor?
Crusher: No. His medical insurance has dropped to zero.