TNG Caption This! #397: Geordi of All Trades

[LeadHead]

Hello and welcome to this weeks caption contest! Huzzah!

First up to the plate, we have the "No-win Scenario" Award, going to:

Data: Sir, Admiral Necheyev is ordering all senior officers to Risa for a seminar on sexual harassment loopholes in Fleet regulations.
Worf: We're receiving a distress call from Malcor III, Commander. They've severely overbooked their alien sex addicts convention and are turning away flipper ladies in droves.
Riker: Damn, it's the Kobayashi Maru all over again.

Next, we have the "Painful Mistakes" Award, going to:

Riker immediately regretted his choice to high-five the force field.

Next, we have the "Give LeadHead an excuse to remind everyone that Goldfinger and most Bond movies disappear from Netflix streaming on Feb. 1st" Award, going to:

Jake: Do you expect me to talk?
Riker: No Mister Potts, I expect you to die!

Next, we have the "Federation Mission Statement" Award, going to:

Riker: We are the Federation. Your biological and technological distinctivness will be added to our own. Our culture will adapt to encompass yours. Resistance is mean. And futile.

Next, we have the "Covering his tracks" Award, going to:

RIKER: DIE! Haha...now, to fix the wave device to make holes in the Enterprise hull!

Commander's Personal Log: I'm not saying I'm the greatest ladies man in the Federation, but I managed to bring a gas alien to orgasm with my hand.

RIKER: "And here's one last, little 'F.U.' right before I go - just because ..."

Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to our winners!

This time in our journey through the main characters of TNG, I've decided to go by Main Title order, rather than rank or my favorites. This means we have reached Geordi La Forge!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Geordi: Yeah! I'm in command!

Medical Officer: You do know that everyone else aboard is sick, right?

Picard: Mister La Forge, we'll be needing the warp drive completely rebuilt from the ground up, a new phaser system designed to combat a new alien species and the replicators to make a more, refined Earl Grey tea...

La Forge: Sure, Captain. Just give me two weeks-

Picard: ...By the end of the day.

La Forge: Oh, COME ON!

La Forge: There's a fissure developing in the hull, so you put your hand on it and lets all just stand here instead of running as fast as we can.

Worf: I am not a Merry Man, play that instrument again and you won't be a man of ANY kind.

Picard: (over comm) Bridge to La Forge, did my fathers urn arrive safely?

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Picard: "But if we brighten the lights so that you can read your battle readiness report, Mr. LaForge, we won't be able to see the stars through the windows. We're explorers, not soldiers!"

 

[Ithekro]

LaForge: "You know what the difference between you and me is? I make this look good."

 

[tharpdevenport]

Riker: "And this?"

Geordi: "That's also the wall."

I never really noticed the changes in the Birdge before from early season to later seasons. They painted the area behind the chairs and added lights to Picard's chair.

And the piece behind Picard's chair holding up the tatical cresant, has also been modified.

And they changed the carpet colors on the whole Bridge. I knew that happened, but I never really looked at two pictures side-by-side before.

 

[FormerLurker]

Geordi: A little softshoe before anyone else arrives.

Random Crewman: I wish Doctor Crusher would teach that man how to dance.

 

[Nerys Myk]

 

[Rat Boy]

On the next episode of Reading Rainbow, LeVar Burton invites kids to experience a book that Captain Kirk has not even read: the rule book.

Riker: "Ow, hot!"

Geordi: "I warned you! Do you always put your hands on things that might hurt you...?"

Riker: "Of course not!"

*Two years later...*

Riker: "Okay, maybe Geordi's been right all along..."

Geordi: "That last shot took out the warp drive, the phasers, the shields, the impulse engines, the tractor beam..."

Picard: "Maybe it would be easier if you told us what's still working."

Geordi: "...the thing on the bridge that told me everything else's broken."

Geordi: "Hey Worf, could you help me with my Tiny Tim impression?"

Worf: "Sure."

*kicks Geordi in the testicles*

Geordi: "Uh, no sir. It's supposed to do that. It's...all very sciencey."

 

[Smellincoffee]

Thanks for the win!

Geordi: Yeah, see that spot, right there? COVERED in bodily fluid.

Iiiiiiiinn West Philadelphia born and raised...

LaForge: How exactly is the intern mashing buttons and I'm doing the heavy lifting?
Riker, OS: His mother's sleeping with the captain.

Worf: Commander, you cannot play that thing.
LaForge: (pluck, pluck) Oh, I'm learning.
Worf: Commander LaForge, you can not play that thing. If you do, it may be broken. Over your head.

Data, continuing: Given these current and projected developments, Starfleet's existing Artac Expanse posture remains appropriate to address the near term -
Picard, whispering to Riker: Where are the women?
Riker, whispering: Oh, they gave up two hours ago.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Picard (on the Enterprise): "Report, Mr. LaForge."

Geordi: "Captain, class M planet."

Picard: "What's it like?"

Geordi: "My oh my what a wonderful day."

Picard: "What do you see?"

Geordi: "Plenty of sunshine heading my way."

Picard: "Anything else?"

Geordi: "Zip.....-a-dee-doo-dah, sir."

Picard: "What?"

Data (on the Enterprise): "Geordi, sensors are detecting a blue bird is heading your way."

Geordi: "Really?"

Data: "It is the truth. It is actual."

Geordi: "I see it now."

Picard: "Are you all right?"

Geordi: "Everything is satisfactual. Wonderful feeling, wonderful day, captain."

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Worf: "Bah! The heck with you, Doctor! Maybe Geordi can manage a decent conversation without giggling!"

 

[2takesfrakes]

... Thanks for the win! >: )

LaFORGE: "...so, in conclusion, Captain: that's why I'd like you to consider me as your new Chief Engineer."

PICARD: "An excellent presentation, Mister LaForge - well done! And I'll give it every due consideration, considering your lack of qualifications. In the meantime, the novelty of a blind helmsan hasn't worn thin on me, at least!"

 

[2takesfrakes]

♫♪ "Love is a song that never ends
Life may be swift and fleeting
Hope may die, yet love's beautiful music
Comes each day, like the dawn ..." ♫♪

 

[shivkala]

Thanks for the win, Leadhead, I'd give you a high five, but I don't want to hit this forcefield...

Geordi: "Don't get the flu shot, Geordi." "It's only so they can control your mind, Geordi." Bullshit, everyone else got sick and no one is cont...Everything is awesome, everything is cool when you're a part of the team...

Geordi: IT WOULD BE A LOT EASIER IF I COULD JUST COME DOWN THERE INSTEAD OF SHOUTING ACROSS THE ROOM!

Picard: Yes, it would. However, if you're going to keep eating garlic fish tacos for lunch, you're going to have to yell from across the room!

Geordi: Personal Log: After painstaking preparation, I was able to get Riker with my "Superglue on the wall" prank. Serve him right for supergluing my VISOR to my face.

Worf: That's the last time I will suffer through Geordi's rendition of "Baby, Baby" by Justin Bieber!

Geordi: Captain, we've found and neutralized the T-1000.
http://www.trekbbs.com//www.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/

 

[Ithekro]

LaForge: Right there, Commander.

Riker: This seems like a normal enough wall.

LaForge: Minor reenforced light projection.

Riker: So there is a man-made hole through this wall?

LaForge: Yes sir. Plus an awesome picture of Marilyn Monroe. Your fingers are over her face now.

Riker: Really? What about if I move my hand here?

 

[Nebusj]

LaForge: ``And ... if I joined you, Ms Gale, do you think this wizard could give me working eyes?''

Riker: ``But if we had a full staff meeting, there wouldn't be enough chairs for us all to put our feet up.''

LaForge: ``Yup, they sneezed on that spot too. You are definitely sliding your fingers through some encrusted Klingon boogers, Commander.''

LaForge: ``I was skeptical at first, Worf, but you're right, these DS9 uniforms are way more comfortable.''

Crusher: ``Hey, what's our Speedway loyalty card pin number? And does the ship take 87, 89, or 93-octane antimatter?''
LaForge: ``Same as the garage door, 1-7-0-1. And just fill it with regular, we don't have money to be made of anymore.''

 

[Triskelion]

TFTW Leadhead!

Wesley: He wants the impossible.
Geordi: That's the short definition of jumbo military-strength Rogaine-Viagara cocktail capsule customer.

 

[Leviathan]

LeVar's attempt to get a crossover episode with 'Reading Rainbow' by strumming the theme song was about to end badly.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Worf: "I'm looking for the guy who threw his red silk underwear in with my wash!"
LaForge (thinking): "Uh-oh."

 

[JirinPanthosa]

GEORDI: They're gone. They're all gone. Now I can finally...DANCE!

PICARD: First off, Lieutenant, can we raise the lights a bit? Not everybody can see in infrared.

GEORDI: *snort* Haha!
RIKER: What is it?
GEORDI: Somebody wrote a dirty joke in invisible ink.

WORF: First Shakespeare, now mandolin music! I am SICK of you humans appropriating Klingon culture!

GEORDI: Transporter accident?
DATA (os): No Commander. I have entered my abstract phase.