Riker: Jake, I'm here to talk you out of joining Starfleet.
Jake: Why?
Riker: Because at the rate I'm going, you'll make Captain before I do.
TNG Caption This! #396: Who's Number One?
- Thread starter LeadHead
- Start date
Riker: Jake, I'm here to talk you out of joining Starfleet.
Jake: Why?
Riker: Because at the rate I'm going, you'll make Captain before I do.
RIKER (singing):
"You better beam, you better do what you can
Don't want to see no Borg, don't be a Klingon man
You want to be Starfleet, better warp out while you can
So beam out, but you want to be bad
Just beam out ... beam out ... beam out ... beam out"
DATA: "Commander, it appears the aliens are not reacting to your cute-puppy-head-tilt strategy, might I suggest attempting the cute-kitten-playing-with-a-ball-of yarn tactic"
JAFFA! Kneel before your god Willian Riker!
Riker: "Mr. Worf! Stop staring down the counselor's shirt!"
Worf: "...how could he...?"
Troi: "He has excellent peripheral vision...where my boobs are concerned."
Worf: "Counselor, I think it would be unwise to continue starring at the commander's ass like that. I understand human eyes can go blind from such activities."
TFTW Leadhead! 
Data: Sir, Admiral Necheyev is ordering all senior officers to Risa for a seminar on sexual harassment loopholes in Fleet regulations.
Worf: We're receiving a distress call from Malcor III, Commander. They've severely overbooked their alien sex addicts convention and are turning away flipper ladies in droves.
Riker: Damn, it's the Kobayashi Maru all over again.
Data: Sir, Admiral Necheyev is ordering all senior officers to Risa for a seminar on sexual harassment loopholes in Fleet regulations.
Worf: We're receiving a distress call from Malcor III, Commander. They've severely overbooked their alien sex addicts convention and are turning away flipper ladies in droves.
Riker: Damn, it's the Kobayashi Maru all over again.
Cmdr. Riker: "Talk to the hand!...HEY!"
Last edited by a moderator:
Riker: It's been my experience that ripe old ETs like you always have some young hottie personal chef or science officer to liase with on starships...no? You sure? Yeesh, almost makes me want to let Data handle it. ...No thanks Data, I said 'Almost'.
Dang, someone got in with the "I don't want to go" gag before me, curses!
Worf: Pssst... I think at this point you're supposed to do your job of stating the really obvious.
Troi: It's a hard life.
Commander's Personal Log: I'm not saying I'm the greatest ladies man in the Federation, but I managed to bring a gas alien to orgasm with my hand.
Riker: Oh look, it's that episode we do every year where someone in the writer's room has remembered there are kids aboard other than Wesley.
Riker: Just between you and me I'm still fully in control of my body. I just wanted to win my bet with Worf that I could bed Beverly before Jean-Luc Slaphead.
He's behind me isn't he?
Riker: The things I do to distract people from the fact I sexually harassed a married woman.
Worf: Pssst... I think at this point you're supposed to do your job of stating the really obvious.
Troi: It's a hard life.
Commander's Personal Log: I'm not saying I'm the greatest ladies man in the Federation, but I managed to bring a gas alien to orgasm with my hand.
Riker: Oh look, it's that episode we do every year where someone in the writer's room has remembered there are kids aboard other than Wesley.
Riker: Just between you and me I'm still fully in control of my body. I just wanted to win my bet with Worf that I could bed Beverly before Jean-Luc Slaphead.
He's behind me isn't he?
Riker: The things I do to distract people from the fact I sexually harassed a married woman.
New Crewman: "Wow, those are pretty impressive windows!"
Riker: "Yes. We've got them all over the ship. Even in individual crew quarters. They're designed to give a really terrific panoramic view."
New Crewman: "Umm...does that view ever change?"
Riker: "Er, no, not really."
New Crewman: "So...it's always just...black, empty space...with a few stars?"
Riker: "Yeah, pretty much."
New Crewman: "Seems kind of bleak."
Riker: "We prefer not to think of it that way."
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